Silence

  ***

  The plane landed too soon, and I followed my family down the stairs and into the airport. All I wanted to do was get back on and fly back to Italy. Cole seemed to sense my mood and stepped closer to me, offering his support. It helped.

  I hoped that we’d get to spend some time alone before we told everyone. Everything would change then. We wouldn’t be allowed to be alone in our rooms, and Dad would be checking up on us all the time. I worried about how everyone would react. I knew some people wouldn’t understand why he’d want to be with me. I didn’t either. Would people act differently towards him? Would anyone go as far as trying to convince him he can do better?

  I rubbed the ache in my chest. Cole loved me, and I had to trust that I was enough in his eyes. It didn’t matter that I didn’t feel enough, that wasn’t my decision to make.

  “It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered smoothly into my ear. I nodded in agreement, although I wasn’t convinced.

  Once everyone had their bags we walked to the long stay car park where we’d left the cars. “Are you coming with me, Oakley?” Mia asked as she unlocked her car.

  I nodded and handed my suitcase to Dad’s outstretched hand. All I had left was the car journey. Home was fast approaching, and I needed every last second before I got there.

  Me and Cole got in the back, and Mia threw her keys to Jasper.

  “You drive,” she called.

  My eyes widened in alarm. I wanted to switch cars. Jasper drove like a stereotypical boy racer, and I really didn’t know how he hadn’t caused an accident or got a speeding ticket yet.

  “Buckle up, kids,” Jasper chirped, smiling with exaggerated, crazy round eyes.

  Although I knew he was only trying to scare us, I double checked my belt. Then checked again. Whoever gave him his licence should be fired. Gripping the door handle as Jasper revved the engine, I said a silent prayer and closed my eyes.

  By the time we got home, it was getting dark. The sky was a dark moody blue, the shade it usually turned before a storm. It made me miss Italy even more. While everyone fussed around getting the suitcases out of the cars, I wrapped my jacket around myself as I felt all the anxieties and fears inside of me resurface.

  Back to normal. I could’ve cried.

  “Right, we’d better get inside,” Dad ordered, with what felt like a pointed look at me. “We all could do with an early night.”

  That meant I couldn’t hang out with Cole anymore tonight.

  “Yes,” Mum agreed.

  Cole pulled me into his arms. No one even batted an eyelid because the hug looked like a friendly one we’d shared a million times before. Only Cole and I knew what it meant now. “I’ll see you in the morning. I love you,” he whispered in my ear. My heart soared.

  I love you, too.

  We smiled at each other as we started walking in opposite directions to our houses. Mum unlocked the front door and ushered us inside. “You tired, love?” she asked.

  I nodded, and she kissed my cheek.

  “Okay, off to bed then.”

  I wasn’t going to argue. Spending the evening with Mum and Dad wasn’t something I was going to do, and Jasper would just play his computer until he collapsed.

  Dad didn’t go to kiss me, too, so I gave him and Jasper a quick wave, and legged it upstairs. I changed into my pyjamas and climbed straight into bed. Stretching out my arms and legs like a starfish, I suddenly wished Cole was with me. My bed was big and cold, and I didn’t like it.

  As soon as I pulled the cover up to my chin and wrapped it around me like a cocoon, my phone beeped. Cole.

  ‘I miss you! Doesn’t feel right you’re not with me. Be ready at eight tomorrow. I love you so much. X’

  I couldn’t wait until eight o’clock, whatever it was for. I clicked reply and contemplated sending I love you.

  How bad could it be to send one text message?

  Clutching my chest, I dropped the phone on the bed with a soft thud and pressed my face into the pillow. It hurt so bad my body shook with silent sobs.

  You can’t. Not ever.

  I knew how bad it would be.

  22

  Oakley