Our Souls at Night

  The girl came and said, Is it the two of you?

  It is, Louis said. We’d like one of those tables out in the middle.

  They followed her to a table and Louis pulled out the chair for Addie and then sat next to her, not across from her but close beside her. The girl took their order and Louis held Addie’s hand out on the table and looked around the room. The food came and they began to eat.

  Doesn’t seem too revolutionary so far, Louis said.

  No. People are polite enough in public. Nobody wants to make a public fuss. And I think we’re overreacting anyway. People have more on their minds than worrying about us.

  Before they were finished eating, three women stopped by the table individually and said hello and then went on out.

  The last woman said, I’ve been hearing about you two.

  What have you heard? Addie said.

  Oh, how you’re seeing each other. I wish I could do that.

  Why can’t you?

  I don’t know anybody. I’d be too afraid anyway.

  You might surprise yourself.

  Oh, no. I couldn’t do it. Not at my age.

  They ate slowly and then ordered dessert, in no rush at all. Afterward they rose and went out onto Main Street again and now walked back up the opposite side and past the stores there and the people looking out from inside beyond the open doors, open for any breeze there might be, and went over three blocks to Cedar.

  Addie said, Do you want to come in?

  No. But I’ll be here tonight.

  16

  Addie Moore had a grandson named Jamie who was just turning six. In the early summer the trouble between his parents got worse. There were bad arguments in the kitchen and bedroom, accusations and recriminations, her tears and his shouts. They finally separated on a trial basis and she went off to California to stay with a friend, leaving Jamie with his father. He called Addie and told her what happened, that his wife had quit her job as a hairdresser and had gone out to the West Coast.

  What’s wrong? Addie said. What’s this about?

  We can’t get along. She won’t meet halfway on anything.

  When did she leave?

  Two days ago. I don’t know what to do.

  What about Jamie?

  That’s why I called. Could he come out and stay with you for a while?

  When is Beverly coming back?

  I don’t know if she is coming back.

  She’s not just going to leave her son, is she?

  Mom, I don’t know, I can’t say what she’ll do. And there’s something else I haven’t told you yet. I’ve only got till the end of the month. I’ve got to close the store.

  Why? What happened there?

  It’s the economy, Mom, it’s not me. Nobody wants to buy new furniture now. I need your help.

  When do you want to bring him to me?

  This weekend. I’ll manage till then.

  All right. But you know how hard this is for little children.

  What else am I going to do?

  —

  That night when Louis came to her house she told him about the new arrangement.

  I guess that’s the end of us, he said.

  Oh, I won’t think that, Addie said. Just wait for him to be here a day or two, will you, then come over to meet him during the day and then come again at night. We can at least see how it goes. I’ll need your help with him anyway. If you’re willing.

  It’s been a long time since I’ve been around little kids, Louis said.

  Me too, she said.

  What’s wrong with his parents? What’s their particular trouble?

  He’s too controlling, too protective, and she’s had enough of it. She’s angry and wants to do things on her own. It’s not a new story. Gene doesn’t put it like that, of course.

  Some of his problems have to do with what happened to his sister, I take it.

  I’m sure they do. I can’t tell about Beverly. I’ve never gotten close to her. I don’t think she wants that with me. There’s something else too. He’s losing his store. He’s had this idea of selling unpainted furniture, people buy it cheaply and paint it themselves. I don’t think it was ever a very good idea. He might have to declare bankruptcy. He told me that this morning. I’ll have to support him till he finds something new. I’ve helped him before. I’ve agreed to help him again.

  What is it he wants to do?

  He’s always been in sales of some kind.

  That doesn’t seem to fit him, as I remember him.

  No. He’s not the salesman type. I think he’s afraid now. He won’t say so.

  But this could be a chance for him to break out. Break the pattern. Like his mother has. Like you’ve done.

  He won’t, though. He’s got his life all screwed down tight. Now he needs help and I’m sure he hates it. He’s got a bad temper and it comes out at times like this. He never learned how to meet the public and he resents having to ask me for anything.

  —

  On Saturday morning Gene brought the boy to Addie’s house and stayed for lunch and brought in his suitcase and toys and hugged him and Jamie cried when his father went back out to the car. Addie wrapped her arms around him when he tried to pull away and held him and let him cry and after the car left she persuaded him to come back into the house. She got him interested in helping mix up the batter for cupcakes and fill the paper cups and put them in the oven. Afterward they frosted them and the boy ate one and had a glass of milk.

  I have a neighbor I want to take a couple of these to. Will you pick out two and we’ll go by his house?

  Where does he live?

  In the next block.

  Which ones should I pick?

  Whichever you want.

  He chose two of the least frosted and Addie put them in a plastic carton and they went down the block and knocked on Louis’s door. When he came Addie said, This is my grandson, Jamie Moore. We brought you something.

  Do you want to come in?

  Just for a minute.

  They sat on the porch and looked out at the street, the houses all quiet across the way, the trees, the occasional car that went by. Louis asked Jamie about school but he didn’t want to talk and after a little while Addie took him back home. She made supper and he played with his mobile phone and then she took him upstairs and said, This was your dad’s bedroom when he was a boy. She helped him put his clothes away and he went in the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He came back and lay down and she read to him for a while and shut off the light. She kissed him and said, I’ll be right across the hall if you need something.

  Will you leave the light on?

  I’ll switch on this bedside lamp.

  And leave the door open, Grandma.

  You’ll be just fine, honey. I’m here.

  She went to her room and got changed for bed and looked in at him. He was still awake, staring at the doorway.

  Are you okay?

  He was playing with the phone again.

  I think you should put that away and go to sleep now.

  In a minute.

  No. I want you to do it now. She came over to the bed and took the phone and set it on the dresser. Go to sleep now, honey. Shut your eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed and caressed his forehead and cheek, and sat there a long time.

  In the night she woke when he came into her bedroom. He was crying and she took him into bed with her and held him and eventually he went to sleep again. In the morning he was still with her in the big bed.

  She kissed him. I’m going into the bathroom. I’ll be back in a minute. When she came out he was standing in the hallway in front of the door. Honey, don’t be afraid. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not about to leave you. I’m right here.

  17

  The second night was much like the first. They ate supper and she found a deck of cards and taught him a game at the kitchen table and then they went upstairs, where the boy got ready for bed and she sat down in a chair next to him and took his phone
away and read to him for an hour and kissed him, leaving the light on and the door open, and went to her room and read. She got up once to check in on him and he was asleep with his phone still on the dresser. In the night he came as before into her dark room crying and she took him into her bed and in the morning he was still asleep when she woke. They had breakfast downstairs and went outside. She showed him around the yard pointing out the flowerbeds and naming the trees and bushes and took him out to the garage where her car was parked and showed him the tool bench Carl had used to repair things and the tools hanging above it on a pegboard. The boy wasn’t much interested.

  Then Louis came to see them. I wonder if you want to come over to my house with your grandmother, he said. I want to show you something.

  In the backyard there was a nest of just-born mice he had found that morning back in the corner of the tool-shed. The babies were all pink and still blind, squirming and moiling around and making little whimpers. The boy was a little afraid of them.

  They won’t hurt you, Louis said. They can’t hurt anything. They’re just babies. They’re still nursing. She hasn’t weaned them yet. Do you know what that means?

  No.

  It means when she stops giving them her milk and they have to learn to eat other things.

  What will they eat then?

  Seeds and bits of food she finds. We can watch them every day and see how they change. Now we better put the lid back so they don’t get cold or scared. This is all the excitement they need for one day.

  They moved out of the shed and Addie said, Do you need any help in your garden today?

  I could always use a good hand here.

  Maybe Jamie could help you.

  Well, let’s ask him. You willing to help me a little?

  Doing what?

  Pulling some weeds and watering.

  Is it all right with you, Grandma?

  Yes. You stay with Louis and he’ll bring you home when you’re through and we’ll all have some lunch together.

  The boy had never pulled weeds before. Louis had to point out what he wanted in the rows and what he didn’t want. They did a little of that but the boy didn’t care for it so after a while Louis got the hose and turned the nozzle on low and showed him how to water along the base of the plants—the carrots and beets and radishes—without exposing the roots. He liked that better. Then they shut the water off and went over to Addie’s house. They washed up in the bathroom off the dining room. She had the food on the table and they sat down to sandwiches and chips and glasses of lemonade.

  Can I play with my phone now?

  Yes, then I want us to lie down for a little while.

  The boy went up to his room and got his phone and lay on the bed.

  Louis said, I still better not come over yet tonight.

  Probably not. Maybe tomorrow. This morning went pretty well, don’t you think?

  Seemed all right to me. But I don’t know what’s going on in that little boy’s mind. It can’t be easy being away from home.

  We’ll see what happens tomorrow.

  —

  At night after he’d lain awake for a while he climbed out of bed and got his phone and called his mother in California. She didn’t answer. He left a message. Mom, where are you? When are you coming back? I’m at Grandma’s. I want to come where you are. Call me, Mom.

  He hung up and called his father. Gene answered after the boy had begun to leave a message.

  Jamie, is that you?

  Dad, when are you coming to get me?

  Why? What’s wrong?

  I want to be with you.

  You need to stay with Grandma for a while. I have to be gone every day. You remember we talked about that.

  I want to come home.

  You can’t right now. Later, when school starts.

  That’s too long.

  It’ll get better. Aren’t you having any fun? What did you do today?

  Nothing.

  Didn’t you do anything?

  We saw some baby mice.

  Where was that?

  At Louis’s house.

  Louis Waters. You went over there?

  In his shed. They were just babies. They don’t have their eyes open.

  Don’t touch them.

  I didn’t.

  Did you go over there with Grandma?

  Yes. Then we ate lunch.

  That all sounds pretty good.

  But I want to be with you.

  I know. This won’t be for long.

  Mom didn’t answer her phone.

  You called her?

  Yes.

  When?

  Just now.

  It’s late now. She probably was asleep.

  But you answered.

  But I was asleep myself. I woke up when I heard the phone.

  Maybe Mom was out somewhere with somebody. Maybe so. Now you need to shut off your phone and go to sleep. I’ll talk to you soon.

  Tomorrow.

  Yes, tomorrow. Goodnight.

  He hung up and put his phone back on the dresser where Addie had set it. But later in the night he woke afraid and began to cry and went into her room.

  18

  He slept part of that night with Addie again. In the morning they ate breakfast and then he went over by himself to Louis’s house and knocked on the front door.

  Here you are again, Louis said. Where’s your grandmother?

  She told me I could come over to see you. She said to say come to her house for lunch.

  Okay. What do you want to do?

  Can I see the mice?

  Let me put the dishes away and grab my hat. You need a hat too. It’s too bright out here without something on your head. Don’t you have a cap?

  I left it at home.

  Then we better get you one.

  They went out to the shed in the backyard and Louis lifted the lid from the box and the mother ran away, out over the side, and the pink babies crawled over one another and whimpered. The boy bent down closer and looked at them. Can I touch one?

  Not yet, they’re too little. In a week or so.

  They watched the mice for a while. One of them crawled to the edge of the box and lifted its blind face.

  What’s he doing?

  I don’t know. Maybe he’s smelling. He can’t see anything yet. I better put the lid back over them.

  Can I see them tomorrow?

  Yes, but I don’t want you to come in here without me.

  They worked in the garden again, pulling weeds and watering the beets and under the tomatoes. At noon they went to Addie’s house and ate lunch. When the boy went upstairs to play with his phone Addie said, I think you could come over tonight.

  It’s not too soon?

  No, he likes you.

  He doesn’t say much.

  But you can see how he studies you. He wants your approval.

  I just think it’s pretty tough right now for him.

  It is. But you’re helping. I appreciate that.

  I’m enjoying it.

  So will you come tonight?

  We’ll try it.

  —

  So at dark Louis walked over and she met him at the door. He’s upstairs, she said. I told him you would be here.

  How’d he take that?

  He wanted to know how soon. And he wanted to know why you were coming.

  Louis laughed. I’d like to have heard that. What’d you say?

  I said you are a good friend and sometimes we get together at night and lie down and talk.

  Well, that’s not a lie, Louis said.

  In the kitchen Louis drank his bottle of beer, Addie her glass of wine, then they both went upstairs to the boy’s room. He was playing with the phone and Addie put it on the dresser and read to him while Louis sat in the chair. Later they went out leaving the light on and the door open and moved to her room. Louis changed clothes in the bathroom and came to bed. They talked for a while and held hands and fell asleep. In the night the boy’s screaming w
oke them up and they hurried into his room. He was sweaty and crying, his eyes frantic.

  What’s wrong, honey? Did you have a bad dream?

  He kept crying and Louis picked him up and carried him back to the other room and settled him in the middle of the big bed.

  It’s all right, son, Louis said. We’re both here. You can sleep with us for a while. We’ll be on each side of you. He looked at Addie. We’ll be a little group, with you in the middle.

  He got into bed. Addie went out of the room.

  Where’s Grandma going?

  She’s coming back. She just has to use the bathroom.

  Addie returned and lay down on the other side. I want to turn the light off now, she said. But we’re all here.

  Louis took the boy’s hand and held it and the three of them lay together in the dark.

  Good old dark, Louis said. All comfortable and good, nothing to worry anybody, nothing to be afraid of. He began to sing very softly. He had a good tenor voice. He sang “Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dinah” and “Down in the Valley.” The boy relaxed and went to sleep.

  Addie said, I’ve never heard you sing before.

  I used to sing to Holly.

  You’ve never sung for me.

  I didn’t want to scare you away. Or have you send me away.

  That was nice, she said. Sometimes you’re a pretty nice man.

  I suppose we’re going to have to stay like this, divided all night.

  I’ll think good thoughts across to you.

  Don’t make them too racy. It might disturb my rest.

  You never know.

  19

  There was one summer evening when Louis drove Addie and Jamie and Ruth out to Shattuck’s Café on the highway for hamburgers. The old neighbor lady sat in front with Louis, Addie and the boy in back. The young girl took their orders and came back with their drinks and napkins and the hamburgers and they ate in the car. The highway was behind them and there wasn’t much to look at, just the backyard of a small gray house across the lot. When they were finished Louis said, We better get some root beer floats to take with us.