Behind Your Back

  “This is about me, and Sylas and the rest of his team. You’re using all of us and it’s not right. It’s not right. If we choose to work for you, then that’s one thing. But blackmailing people to do your bidding? You’re no better than the people you’re going after.” I’m being harsh, but he’s not going to listen if I cushion the blow.

  Dad shakes his head slowly, as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

  “I can’t believe you, Saige. My own daughter.”

  It’s hard not to cry. I’m already on the edge. No matter what happens, when we leave this room, our relationship will never be the same.

  “I am your daughter and I love you, but you’re hurting someone I care about. And you’re hurting me,” I say slowly. Sylas is completely still beside me. I think he’s going to say something to back me up, but he’s letting me talk.

  “That’s not what I’m doing, Saige.”

  “Yes, it is. You told me you would never take Lizzy away from Sylas and then you turn around and use her to keep him working for you? Who does that? Why would you do that, Dad?” I’m grateful that he at least flinches.

  “That’s not what I said.” I don’t believe him.

  “Yes, it is,” Sylas finally says. “You told me that if I didn’t work for you, you’d make sure I never saw my sister again.” It’s chilling to hear the actual threat spoken aloud. Now Dad is getting angry.

  “I’m not discussing this with you right now.” He puts up his hands as if to halt the conversation.

  “No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to walk away.” I don’t realize I’m on my feet until I’m looking down at him.

  “Saige!” he yells, also getting to his feet. Now he’s the one looking down.

  “Let’s take a minute,” a voice says and I turn my head. I’d forgotten for a moment Sylas was even here. Now he’s the one holding up his hands for us to cool things down. I know my father would never lay a hand on me, but we’re both getting heated and if we’re not careful, one of our tempers is going to explode.

  Dad runs his hands through his hair.

  “I can’t fucking believe this,” he says. I’m shocked because I’ve never heard my father swear like that before. “I can’t fucking believe that my own daughter, who I raised and sacrificed for her whole life is turning on me. This is your fault!” He roars the last part and jabs his finger in Sylas’ direction. Dad’s face is red and there’s a vein popping out on his forehead.

  “You’ve corrupted her mind and filled her head with lies!”

  “I haven’t done anything but tell her the truth since the day you kidnapped me and brought me here,” Sylas says, his voice calm. “She’s come to this realization on her own. I had nothing to do with it.”

  I wave my hands to get them to pay attention.

  “Hello? I can fucking think for myself. I’m not some stupid girl who let her boyfriend lead her astray. I’ve been feeling this way for a long time but I was scared of you. I’m not scared of you anymore, Dad. You’re not God. You’re human. You don’t get to control my life anymore.” I did so much for him out of love, but also out of obligation. He was the only parent who loved me and accepted me and that was my payback. If I didn’t do what he wanted, maybe he might stop loving me.

  The realizations are hitting me rapidly and my brain is whirring with so many thoughts I’m afraid they’re going to start spilling out my ears.

  “I love you, Dad. I will always love you, but I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want this life. I don’t want to live like this,” I say and there are the tears. One at first, then two, then three and they start falling like gentle rain onto the carpet.

  That causes a change in him. His anger fizzles and then the room is silent. Sylas reaches for me, but I hold him off. It’s time for me to stand up on my own two feet. For him, and for me.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Dad. I can’t.” My voice is choked and I wish I was stronger than tears. I wish I had been stronger when I turned eighteen and started choosing what I wanted to study in college. I was so scattered at first because I didn’t want Dad to think I was abandoning him. Because who does he have if he doesn’t have me? The only woman he ever loved is dead.

  There’s Lizzy, but she can’t be my replacement.

  “Ladybug,” he says, coming around the desk and reaching out to me. I let myself walk into his hug. He rocks me back and forth and tries to soothe me. I do my best to get control of the tears so I can finish this.

  “I never wanted you to resent me. I thought you wanted this. I really thought you wanted this,” he says I my ear. “You should have said something before.”

  He’s right. I should have.

  “I was scared. I didn’t want to disappoint you,” I say into his shirt. I turn my head and I see Sylas watching us with a strange look on his face. I’d almost call it envy. He definitely had shit luck in the father department.

  “You could never disappoint me, Saige. Never.” He pulls back and looks down at me. There are tears in his eyes as well. His hands brush my wet cheeks and he places a kiss on my forehead.

  “I love you so much, Saige. You’re the best thing I’ve ever done.”

  Things have taken a turn and I don’t want to let this moment make me forget about my original intentions.

  “You have to let them go,” I say. “If they want to work for you, that’s fine, but you have to let them go.” He searches my eyes.

  “I’d do anything for you,” he says, but that’s not an answer. He takes a deep breath.

  “I’m going to have to think about it.” That’s not the answer I want. He shouldn’t have to think about it. This should be an easy decision.

  “That’s not good enough. I want you to say yes, now. You’re not going to lose me, I promise. We just won’t work together like we used to.” I know I’ll never be completely out. I might pick up a job here and there just to keep my skills sharp. I do enjoy the work, I just don’t want to make it my life.

  “I can’t do that, Saige. There are other things to consider. I can’t give you the answer you want.” He steps back from me and I can almost hear my heart breaking. He’s saying no to me.

  “Then we need to go. I need to go,” I back up and go for the door handle, my hand slipping on the knob. Someone else is there to help me unlock it so I can escape into the hallway.

  Twenty-One

  Dad, to his credit, lets me go. Sylas is close on my heels.

  “What is all the commotion?” my mother says, coming out of her stupor long enough to notice something’s going on.

  “Nothing,” I say, yanking open the front door. Mom yells after me, but I don’t pay attention as I walk swiftly to my car.

  Sylas is right behind me and he gets in the passenger seat without a word.

  I turn the car on, hit the gas, and we’re out of there.

  My phone rings instantly, and I know it’s Dad.

  “Can you turn that off for me?” I ask Sylas, motioning to my purse where I threw it in the middle console when I got into the car.

  “Of course,” he says, pulling the phone out and turning it off. I drive in silence for a few minutes.

  “I’ve never talked to him like that. Ever. We barely ever fight. My mom is usually the one I’m at odds with, if you couldn’t tell. He and I see eye to eye on almost everything. Until now, I guess.” But I didn’t know about everything he was doing. If I had, we might have had this fight earlier.

  “You didn’t have to do that for me. I don’t want to come between you two.” I roll the windows down. I’m boiling up.

  “It was going to happen anyway, Sylas. Even if I had never met you, I was going to have to get out somehow. I just needed the push to do it. Guess that push is you.” He came into my life and shook things up, in a big way. He’s given me the courage to stand up to my Dad and take control of my life for the first time. And I like to think I’ve been good for him too. We’ve been good for each other.

  “I’m so glad yo
u’re here with me,” I say, reaching out and taking his hand. “I don’t know if I could have done that alone.” I raise his hand to my mouth and kiss the back of it.

  “I’m here for you, Saige. You’ve done so much for me recently. I can never repay you, but I’m going to do my best.” I look over and give him a smile.

  “You’re doing a damn good job.”

  We get back to my apartment, but I don’t want to be there.

  “Let’s go somewhere,” I say. “I don’t want to just sit in the apartment and study.” That’s definitely what I should be doing, but I can shave a few hours off to go and do something with Sylas.

  “How would you like to officially meet everyone?” Is he serious?

  “Really?”

  He nods.

  “Sure. You’re a huge part of my life and so are they. It’s about time they met you in this capacity.” I raise an eyebrow.

  “And what capacity is that?”

  He mirrors my eyebrow raise.

  “What capacity would you like it to be?” I smack him on the shoulder. It’s amazing that he can make me laugh at a time like this. Proof of his irresistible charms. Or at least his ability to cheer me up even when I’m in the darkest of places.

  “I think that’s a discussion for another time. A time when we’re both not in turmoil. But yes, I would love to meet them. I feel like I know them already.” The last part just slips out and Sylas looks at me out of the corner of his eye.

  “Your father used you for surveillance, didn’t he?” It seems like small potatoes at this point.

  “Yes. I took some of the pictures, actually. And sent some of the messages.” I expect him to be upset, but he just laughs softly.

  “I should have known. A lot of them had a snarky tone that is totally you.” He taps my shoulder. “I should have known it was you.”

  “Well, I’m glad you didn’t because we might not have gotten here.”

  “True.” He pulls out his phone and types in a few messages. Moments later there’s a buzzing sound.

  “They’re all at a bar. You cool with meeting them there?” I feel bad that they’re hanging out without him. I haven’t thought about how much time he spends with me that he can’t spend doing other things or seeing other people. It makes me feel selfish.

  “Absolutely. I bet you miss them.” He’s looking own at his phone and typing a response.

  “I do. I miss working with them. I’ve been a little distracted as of late.” He says it with a smile.

  “I’m guessing this distraction has red hair, red lipstick and is named Saige?” He leans over and kisses my cheek.

  “Maybe. But she’s well worth it.”

  The bar I end up parking near is an absolute shithole. It’s probably on my friends’ list of places we haven’t visited yet. We were visiting the more trendy establishments first and then making our way to the seedier ones later. But this place is going to be far, far down on the list.

  Sylas laughs at my expression as I step out of the car. I hit the automatic locks and make sure the lights flash. I definitely don’t trust this area of the city. We probably should have taken a cab.

  “It’ll be fine, I promise,” he says, taking my arm and tugging me away from the safety of my car.

  “I don’t trust you,” I say and that just makes him laugh harder.

  It must not be illegal to smoke in here, because the air is thick with it. Most of the people in here have had some hard living. I only have a moment to look around before there’s a roar from the corner and Sylas tugs me toward a group of twenty-something guys. I know all of their faces and their names. The twins, Row and Hardy, who, though identical can be told apart easily by their demeanor. Track, the one with the face of an angel that would make girls swoon if he was interested in that sort of thing, Baz with pale blonde hair and grey eyes that has a face for trouble and then Cash, the linebacker with dark hair and sapphire eyes. They’re a good-looking lot, even if I’m partial to Sylas. I find it funny that they all found each other. They look like they should be in a Con Artists of the Month calendar.

  Their eyes all snap up when they see me and I feel absolutely naked in front of them. They know just as much about me as I do about them, even though we’ve never met. It’s an odd situation and I’m not sure how to proceed. Sylas takes the lead for me.

  “Everyone, this is Saige. Saige, this is Cash, who you’ve met, Track, Row, Hardy and Baz.” They each give me a nod or a wave and in Baz’s case, a leer. I have to bite my bottom lip so I don’t laugh.

  “Hello everyone,” I say, giving them all a little wave. “I feel like we’ve already met, for some reason.” I’m not sure how the joke is going to go off, but Track laughs.

  “I knew I liked her.” He gets up and offers me his chair as Sylas pulls another one over to the small table.

  “What would you like?” Sylas asks as he takes drink orders.

  “Whatever you’re having,” I say. This isn’t the kind of place that you can get a good dirty martini. This is a bar for beer and hard stuff served in cloudy glasses.

  Sylas gives me a wink and then he’s off to the bar to get drinks and I’m left to fend for myself. I look around and I can’t imagine what they must think of me.

  “So we can pretend that this isn’t weird, or we can embrace it,” I finally say. I’m not good at holding things in. Better to get it all out in the open.

  Track and Cash both laugh and Baz shoots me a smile. The twins are both still skeptical. Fair enough.

  “I kind of hate that we know so much about each other but we’ve never met in person,” I say. “It’s awkward to the say the least.”

  “Only if we let it be,” Cash says, beaming at me. He’s really quite attractive. He’s nothing on Sylas, of course, but objectively speaking.

  Sylas arrives back with the drinks and he’s gone for Bud Light. I’m not much of a beer girl, but I take the sweating bottle from him with a thanks. He sits next to me and rests his arm on the back of my chair. It’s a statement as much as a show of affection. Primitive, but I’m not going to complain.

  Now that Sylas is back, the tension congeals and is so palpable, I want to excuse myself.

  “What’s your angle?” Someone says, and I turn to find Row glaring at me. Hardy isn’t glaring, but he’s definitely watching me intently.

  “Pardon?” I say, taking a sip of liquid courage. I almost wish Sylas had brought me several shots of something to prepare me for this. It’s already been a long ass day and I still have studying to do and a drawing to start.

  “You heard me. What’s your angle?” I shrug.

  “No angle. I’m out of the lifestyle. I’m going mainstream.” I’m sort of joking and sort of serious. No matter what my father says, I’m getting out.

  “And you expect us all to believe that? After you stalked us and conned our friend?” I snort into my beer bottle.

  “Isn’t that a little hypocritical? Hacking my phone? Following my social media accounts? Stalking my friends?” I know what they did.

  Row’s eyes narrow and he has no comeback.

  “That’s what I thought,” I say. I’m wishing Sylas would back me up here, but he’s pretty silent. I turn my head and find him watching me.

  “What’s that look?” I ask.

  “Nothing. You’re just extraordinary,” he says, his mouth right next to my ear so only I can hear. I’m too distracted by his tongue on the edge of my ear to think about what the others around me are doing.

  “I try,” I say and he nips my earlobe before withdrawing.

  “So, Saige, are the two of you official?” Track asks. He seems to be getting a kick out of the whole thing and I can tell Cash is also amused.

  “Are we?” I ask Sylas.

  “That’s a discussion for another time,” he says. “But I’d like to make it official.” Someone—Row—coughs loudly. Real subtle.

  “Look, I don’t expect you all to like me. I don’t expect to infiltrate your bromance.
I don’t expect anything from you. But I want you to know I understand that you’re important to Sylas. If I take him, you all come with him and I’m okay with that. I don’t hold any grudges for what you did. We were all doing our jobs and it wasn’t personal.” I finish my little speech and look around again.

  “So that’s all I have to say. And if you don’t believe me, feel free to strap me up to a lie detector.”

  Row scoffs.

  “You’ve probably trained how to beat one.” I smile.

  “You’re right, I have. That was one fun summer.” Dad and I played with a machine the summer after my junior year of high school until I could beat it without even trying.

  Track and Cash start asking me more about my training with my father and I share some things. Baz also seems interested and starts asking questions as well. Row and Hardy remain reserved, which is fine. I wouldn’t trust me either.

  Sylas just watches me with a slight smile on his face. I’m probably going to get an earful from him when we get back to my apartment.

  I stop myself after two beers, but the rest keep going. I assume they all took cabs here. I tell Sylas if he wants to keep going, he can, since I’m driving.

  “I’m good,” he says, finishing his second beer.

  “You’ve been awful quiet,” I say, ignoring everyone else and focusing on him.

  “Just observing,” he says.

  “Me?” I ask.

  “Yes.” There’s definitely more to it, but he doesn’t want to say it in front of the guys. They’ve stopped staring at me like I was a creature in a zoo and are talking about other times they’ve shared together. That gets Sylas animated again and it’s my turn to sit back and watch him interact with them.

  He’s light with them. Happy. He laughs a lot and there’s plenty of trash talking and shoulder punches and a hell of a lot of swearing which doesn’t bother me in the least. I like that they’re so comfortable with me there to act like they normally would.

  It makes me sad and angry at the same time. Dad doesn’t see these guys like this. To him, they’re pawns. Minions. People he can use to further his goals. I put my father on a pedestal from the time I was young. I believed he was a righteous man, doing good, fighting the good fight. Whatever he did, he did for the good of others. To protect me and to protect other little girls. He was basically Superman without the cape and ridiculous outfit.