Behind Your Back

  His inhale is shaky at first, and then more steady. I recognize the moment when he finally snaps back into himself. I’m sure he’s probably had panic attacks before. I know he has migraines from stress.

  “There you are,” I say. I realize I’m holding him in an intimate way that I probably shouldn’t be doing, especially where my dad might see. But before I can release him from my grasp, he scrambles away from me, his expression turning to one of stark anger.

  “Sylas, it’s okay,” I say, still reaching for him. It’s too late. He’s already gone.

  “Get away from me,” he spits out at me, stumbling over the chair in his haste to get some distance between us. I’d love to say his words don’t hurt, but then I’d be a liar. Well, more of a liar.

  “It’s not what you think,” I say, as if it matters. It doesn’t matter. Nothing I can ever say will change how he’s looking at me right now. Nothing I can do either. We crossed the bridge and burned it behind us. No going back.

  “You played me. The whole time you fucking played me.” I can’t help the laugh that escapes my mouth. My hurt is bleeding into a little bit of my own anger.

  “Would you like to play the part of the pot or the kettle calling me black, Quinn.” I hate his fake name. Hated using it. So wrong. So not him.

  His mouth twists into a bitter smile.

  “We played each other. So it all turned out fair in the end, didn’t it?” Basically.

  He licks his lips and looks out the door. “Where’s Lizzy?”

  “She’s up in my room.” I’m sure Dad’s with her now. Sylas jabs his finger at me, but won’t come any closer.

  “You had no fucking right to take her. No. Right.” I’m about to say something else, but I don’t get a chance, because he crosses the space between us and seizes my arms, holding me tight enough to hurt.

  “Why?” he says, his voice shaking with emotion. “Why did you do it?” The pain in my arms is minimal, but it doesn’t feel good. And having him this close to me makes me want to do terrible things, like kiss him and fuck him.

  “Let go of me and I’ll tell you. Bastard. All I need to do is bring my knee up between your legs and you’ll never be able to use your dick again.”

  He squeezes me a bit and then lets go.

  “Why did you do it, Saige?” He’s not asking about Lizzy anymore. If I’m not careful, he’s going to see how I feel. I take a step away from him and arrange my face into a smile.

  “I did it because my father asked me to. And because I wanted to. It was fun.” He doesn’t know why it was fun and I’m definitely going to keep that as my little secret.

  He seems surprised, which in turn surprises me. It’s easy to see how much he enjoys everything he does. I could feel the rush he got whenever he lied to my face about something.

  “Oh, come on Sylas. You know you did too. I could see it in your eyes. You love it. That’s why you do it. Why you make a whole persona and live it. Why you have a fake apartment and wear different clothes and all the rest. You love being someone else.” Like recognizes like, which is one of the reasons we get along so well.

  He’s trying to resist admitting it. I step closer to him and put my finger on his chest. He twitches ever so slightly.

  “Admit it,” I say, looking up at him again. “Admit that you love it.”

  “Never,” he growls. “I did it because I had to.” Lie. It’s such a lie.

  I take another step closer until our chests are almost touching.

  I open my mouth to say something else when Lizzy bursts into the room.

  Two

  Sylas steps away from me as if I’m on fire and then his focus is totally on Lizzy. The love that shines out of him for her is palpable. And she returns it tenfold.

  “This house is awesome. It’s so big!” she says to him, skipping over, totally oblivious to the tension she’s just walked into. It’s good she came in when she did, or else things might have started getting blurry with Sylas again. I have no idea where Dad went, but I should probably find him.

  Lizzy holds up her wrist for Sylas to see and she’s got another charm on her bracelet. An M for Marina, her mother’s name.

  “Look what the man gave me!” Sylas’ eyes narrow and then flick to my wrist, where I have a nearly identical bracelet, but with an S on it. I don’t have a charm for my mother.

  Dad hasn’t really explained to Lizzy yet how and why he’s her father. I’m sure that conversation will happen, but not until the dust settles. Who knows if it ever will?

  “So pretty,” he says, touching the charms. He’s calmer around her. His anger has dissipated, as if someone threw a bucket of ice water over his head. And his eyes light up when he looks at her. It’s beautiful.

  “I think we still have a few more things to discuss,” Dad says, casually walking back into the room.

  “Can you make it quick? There’s somewhere I have to be,” Sylas says. I know exactly what he’s going to do if we let him go now.

  “You mean California?” Dad says. There’s a reason we got him today, because if we waited, he would have been gone and retrieving him would be a little more difficult.

  Sylas’ eyes narrow as Dad continues.

  “Yes, we’re going to have to talk about that as well. You should probably get in contact with your friends and tell them to come back.”

  “Why would I do that?” I notice there’s a distinct lack of swearing when he’s around Lizzy. If she wasn’t here, I’m sure there would be a few more “fucks” sprinkled in with his speech.

  “Because I have an offer that you’re not going to want to refuse,” Dad says and I can’t help but raise my eyebrows. He doesn’t have to be so cheesy, but he just can’t help himself sometimes.

  “He’s obsessed with The Godfather,” I say to Sylas, because he definitely looks confused.

  I watch his face as he wages an inner battle. He’s normally so good at hiding his emotions (for the most part), but he’s almost completely stripped bare right now. He takes a deep breath and lets it out.

  “Okay. I’ll listen to what you have to say, but if I don’t like it, you’re going to let me walk out this door with Lizzy and go about my life,” he says.

  That’s not going to go over well. The plan is to not let him go. Dad wants him. I want him too, but for different reasons. We both want Lizzy.

  Dad shakes his head. “I’m afraid I can’t let you take her. She’s my daughter and I intend to take care of her.”

  This does not go over well with Sylas. His face turns red and I sense another impending explosion.

  “You have no right,” he says. “I’m her legal guardian.”

  True, but that’s not what’s in play here. Dad can do whatever he wants. Sylas may have resources, but he doesn’t have the kind of power my father does. That my family does.

  “I know you are, and I don’t want to fight with you. I really don’t. I just want to be part of her life,” Dad says.

  “You’re not going to stop me.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m hoping to convince you.”

  Lizzy is watching both of them with a knot forming between her eyebrows. She’s confused, I can tell, so approach her and ask her if she wants to go finish the movie.

  “Why is my brother mad?” she whispers, which is a little bit louder than your average whisper.

  I am reminded, again, that this girl is my half-sister. I always thought I was an only child and here she is.

  “It’s okay,” I say. I wasn’t happy with Dad dropping that bomb on her, but I’m not even sure she knows what it means. He hasn’t told her that he’s her father. She just calls him “the man” for now. He seems to be fine with it as long as she’s here.

  Dad used to disappear sometimes when I was a kid. And then when he’d come back, he’d be distant and stare off into space a lot. I always wondered why and now I know it’s because of her. He was looking for the daughter he lost.

  “Let’s go back upstairs,” I say and st
art leading Lizzy away. Sylas and Dad don’t even notice me as we go.

  “Your mother and I met in high school,” Dad says as I walk out of the room and start walking Lizzy up the stairs. No doubt he’s filling Sylas in on the rest of the story. I’d heard it only recently.

  They’d met in school and been sweethearts. Typical young love. They’d wanted to be together, but Dad had bowed to parental pressure and married my mother instead. I don’t have to ask him if that’s his biggest regret. I know it is. He doesn’t love her. He never did.

  But he married her and started work as a forensic accountant and that got him interested in working with fraud, money laundering and other financial crimes. He’d kept in touch with Marina and knew she’d married someone else and that he wasn’t a good man. Dad started his own investigation and found out a lot of the illegal things her husband was up to. He collected evidence over the years and finally had enough to show Marina so she could get out of the marriage.

  He got uncomfortable with the next part of the story, because the night he went to tell her what her husband was up to was when Lizzy was conceived. He swears to me it was just the one time and he didn’t mean for it to happen and so forth. I honestly don’t blame him.

  After that night, he lost touch with her. She wouldn’t take his calls and he couldn’t get in touch with her. He tried, but he didn’t want to make her husband suspicious and cause her harm, so he watched her from a distance.

  Over the years, he found little ways to take care of Lizzy. Sending money, birthday cards, that sort of thing. He made sure to be discreet about it.

  I asked him how he knew for sure Lizzy was his daughter.

  “Because she told me. I don’t know how she knew, but she knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt,” he told me and even though I still had doubts, when I saw Lizzy for the first time, it was undeniable (at least to me) that she was his daughter.

  The features they share are subtle. I’ve seen pictures of Marina, and Lizzy got most of her looks from her maternal side. She was a beautiful woman and her death left a hole in three hearts that can never be filled.

  I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I know that my life will never be the same.

  Well, it changed the minute Sylas Carter walked into it. I should have known. I should have known.

  Once again, I keep my ears trained downstairs for any sounds of fighting, or of gunshots. I wouldn’t put it past either of them. Both Sylas and my father have the potential to kill. I know my father has before.

  Lizzy focuses on the movie and is quickly lost in it. I envy her for a moment. Her ability to forget the present and get completely wrapped up in a movie. To let your mind float for a while, unencumbered by heavy thoughts, it would be wonderful.

  I’m doing my best to watch the movie when I hear a thud downstairs and I’m up and nearly tripping over my own feet as I run down the stairs as fast as possible. I shouldn’t have left them alone.

  All kinds of worst-case scenarios race through my mind. What I find is Sylas on the floor and Dad leaning over him, taking his pulse.

  “What did you do?!” I scream, throwing myself down beside Sylas.

  “Nothing, he blacked out. I tried to catch him, but missed.” I narrow my eyes and look into his eyes, but he’s telling me the truth. Dad doesn’t lie to me, and even if he tried, I’d know.

  “Why did he black out?” I ask.

  “Not sure. I… I might have told him too much.” You think? I reach down and stroke his forehead. He’s still out.

  “Let’s take him upstairs,” Dad says and the two of us drag Sylas’ prone body upstairs as Lizzy jumps around, offering suggestions. Anything from slapping him to dunking him in the pool to tickling his feet.

  It’s all chaos and Sylas is still down for the count. He finally comes to when we drop him on my bed. Dad has taken Lizzy back downstairs because she’s a little too hyped up and left me alone to deal with Sylas.

  His eyelids flutter and I see the confusion on his face before he realizes where he is.

  “I didn’t peg you as a fainter,” I say as I sit next to him on my bed.

  “I didn’t faint,” he growls, trying to be all alpha. Nice try, buddy.

  I lean over and drag one finger down the middle of his forehead. He flinches away from me and I stop.

  “Well, then, I don’t know what you would call it. Your brain spontaneously shutting down for a moment?” I say, trying to be playful.

  “Sure,” he says, shifting away from me so he’s still on the bed, but as far as he can get without rolling off. Fine. He’s not very happy with me right now, and his brain is obviously spinning.

  “I’m sorry this has been so much information overload. It was probably a bad idea to do it like this,” I say and he turns his head to glare at me.

  “Do what? What are you doing, Saige?” he snaps, his blue eyes sparking. He’s pissed again and I’m glad I can talk to him without anyone else here. It’s finally time for my side of the story, which is a lot more complicated.

  “I’m… I don’t know anymore. I thought I did. I’ve been working with my father for a while. In fact, He’d have me help with surveillance and he trained me to use a gun and how to tell a lie. My mother would lose her shit if she knew,” I say. I’m sure my mother has her suspicions, but she’d rather look the other way and pretend everything is perfect. That’s her MO. If she pretends it’s perfect, then it is.

  “Why did he pick me?” Does he really need to ask?

  “Because of Lizzy. It’s ironic, really. That you’d turn out the way you did.” I mean this as a compliment, and I can tell he’s not sure if it is.

  “Because of her. He wanted to get to her through me.”

  “Right.”

  He takes a second to process that.

  “So what’s real, Saige? Is any of this real? Or did you make it all up just to get me?” Now we’re in very complicated territory. I know Dad is going to be a little upset with me for telling Sylas this part, but I’m going to anyway.

  “What do you think is real?” I ask him.

  “At this point, I have no idea. I’m thinking that I’ve never been played like this before and I should have seen it coming.” He probably should have, given what he does with his time.

  “Some of it was real. I mean, my father does own a clothing company and he has done some… not so legal things in his past. But he doesn’t do that anymore. He’s different. The only reason he makes deals with bad people is to flush those people out. To gather evidence on them. I think you can understand that.” He does exactly the same thing. They’re so much alike, in so many ways.

  “And what’s your role?” he asks, his eyes locked on my face. I couldn’t escape him now even if I wanted to.

  “It was my job to get you here. To get you to trust us. Ideally, you would have fallen completely in love with me and then you wouldn’t be able to say no when Dad asked about Lizzy. It’s… it’s not as simple as you want to make it, Sylas. There were a lot of reasons.”

  At first, I was just supposed to get close to him. That was before we took that walk and he fucked me up against the wall of the alley. That was most definitely not supposed to happen. Sex was never in the equation. Until it was. And then I couldn’t stop. I was addicted to him. I told myself I was just doing a very thorough job, but it was so much more than that. And what started as helping my dad and wanting to get to know my sister turned into something else. And now here we are and I have no idea how this story is going to end.

  “Lizzy. That’s all he wants,” he says, licking his lips. I want to kiss him, but it’s definitely not a good idea. Especially not when Dad can walk in at any moment.

  “Well. Lizzy and… you.” Once Dad had seen what Sylas (plus his team of bros) was capable of, he wanted them. All of them.

  “Me?”

  “Yes. You. And the rest of your team. Do you have a name for yourselves? I mean, you’ve definitely got the whole Robin Hood thing going on,” I say
with a smirk. He drops his anger for a moment and rolls his eyes.

  “It’s not that kind of thing.”

  “Sure, okay.”

  We both lapse into silence for a moment.

  “He wants me to work for him. Doing what?”

  Now that’s something Dad will have to answer.

  I get up from the bed. I can’t stand being this close to him right now without being able to touch him.

  “You’re going to have to talk to Dad about that one.”

  He shakes his head and rubs his temples. He’s definitely on information overload.

  “I need to get the fuck out of here. I’m not coming back. I’m not listening to any more lies from you, or your father. I don’t want a job, I just want to be left alone and I swear, if you contact me again…” he doesn’t finish, and I know he’s angry enough to make threats against my life. I don’t think he’d hurt me, but I honestly don’t know for sure. I may have fucked him, but I’ve barely scratched the surface of Sylas Carter.

  I hold up my hand to stop him as he heads for the door.

  “Just wait. Don’t make any decisions now. Listen to what he has to say.” He crosses the space between us and grabs my arms.

  “The game is over, Saige. Stop playing. You’re not going to seduce me. Ever again.” His fingers bite into my arms and I know they’re going to leave bruises. I don’t really care. At least he’s touching me.

  “I’m not asking you to fuck me. You never have to do that again. I know you were just using me, Sylas. We were using each other. It was all part of the game,” I say. I can’t tell him how I really feel. That when I told him I loved him, it wasn’t part of the game. That was never supposed to be part of it.

  “Don’t go. Don’t drive to California,” I say, my voice feeble. I’m not being very convincing at all.

  “You don’t get to tell me what to do,” he says through clenched teeth. “You don’t get to fuck with my life.” It’s too late. I already have. Just as he’s fucked with mine. We couldn’t get clear of each other even if we wanted to.