A Song for Us

  But still, if he wasn’t worried about E, we could all hang out, and that is all I wanted. I missed Damaged. Life on the road without those guys—and Cass, especially—had been a lot more stressful. Our band just didn’t mesh the way theirs did, especially with all the drama between Derek and me lately.

  We slipped inside the Wet Room, just a few blocks from our hotel. I was so glad we had an entire two weeks to relax and hang with our friends before getting back on the road. I loved the stage, but we all needed some time to relax.

  The thumping music pulsed through my body and drowned out any lingering thoughts of E. Derek slipped his hand in mine, pulling me behind him, as we navigated our way through the crowded bar. I wasn’t much of a hand-holder, but I was happy not to get lost in the throngs of people stuffed into the room. The bar had to be at capacity and it was nearly impossible to move.

  We found a booth along the right wall, and Donna and I slid in as the guys went to order us a round. We stared out at the crowd of dancing bodies as the lights flashed red and blue over them. The lack of conversation would have been awkward if not for the loud music.

  “It’s nice to get out of the hotel for a little bit,” Donna yelled to be heard.

  I nodded and smiled as the image of her and E locked away in a hotel flashed in my mind. They had separate rooms and I wanted to ask her why that was, but it wasn’t my place. I didn’t know Donna well.

  “So, you and E . . .” My voice trailed off.

  She stared out at the crowd. “He’s a good guy.”

  “Jesus, this place is fucking crazy,” Terry yelled as he reached the booth. Donna slid over closer to me in the half-oval bench seat so he could sit. E showed up with two drinks in hand as he looked down at me.

  “Oh, sorry!” I slid out of the booth so he could slide in beside Donna. I stood at the edge of the table awkwardly for a moment before I sat back down, keeping space between E and me. E handed a drink to Donna and leaned closer to her ear to say something, and I wondered what they were talking about.

  “Where’s Derek?” I yelled.

  E turned to look at me before scanning the crowd and shrugging. “I think he went to the bathroom.” He slid his mixed drink in front of me. “Here. You can have mine while you wait.”

  “Thank you.” I smiled over at him and my eyes fell to the hand that was resting on his leg. Donna’s hand. I picked up the drink and took a sip as I pondered their relationship. They didn’t seem like a good fit for each other, but E seemed happier than I remembered.

  Chris came back and, without saying a word, slid in next to me, bumping my hip and shoving me closer to E until my side was pressed against his.

  “Sorry!”

  He turned his head toward me and our noses nearly touched. “What?” he mouthed, and leaned closer so my head was next to his ear.

  The smell of his polo sport washed over me. “I said I was sorry.”

  He pulled back to look at me, his brow furrowed, before placing his lips next to my ear. “You don’t ever need to apologize for touching me.” As he pulled back, he winked and turned to resume his conversation with Terry on the other side of the table. Such a notorious flirt. I shook my head—I swear he only did things like that to mess with Derek.

  I grabbed my drink and sucked down half of it. My throat burned. It was practically straight liquor with just a splash of soda.

  “I should go look for Derek,” I said to Chris, who was nursing a beer on the other side of me. He glanced down at me and back to his beer as he set it on the table.

  “I’m sure he is just stuck in line at the bathroom.” His gaze flicked to Terry and there was some silent exchange.

  I rolled my eyes. I hated when they communicated in code like that. “Whatever, just let me out, Chris.” E looked to Chris and nodded. Chris sighed and slid out of the booth so I could get out, just as Derek showed up at the table.

  “Hey, this place is crazy, man.” Derek’s eyes were already glossed over, and he slipped in front of Chris and tapped my thigh for me to slide back into the booth. I did, pushing my leg flush against E’s as Chris squeezed in on the end.

  “Where were you?” I asked as Derek ran his hand over his mouth.

  “I was getting a fucking drink. This is a bar.”

  “Where is mine?”

  He laughed as he shook his head. “I may have drank it.” He smiled as he looked over at me, the smell of vodka on his breath. “What’s yours is mine, right? Or some such shit like that.”

  “Fuck you.” I rolled my eyes as I laughed.

  “Oh?” He cocked his head to the side and lowered his voice. “Right now?”

  I felt Eric’s body stiffen beside me as his shoulder pressed harder against mine. “There’s ladies here, man,” he said loud enough for Derek to hear.

  “I must have missed them.” Derek laughed again but there was no humor, and I knew he was trying to start a fight.

  E didn’t take the bait. He shrugged as he grabbed Donna’s drink and drank it down. He leaned over so his lips brushed against the shell of my ear. “I won’t fight with him. You can relax.”

  E always had the reputation of flying off the handle, but he wasn’t a bad guy and was actually a lot kinder than most in our business. Still, the endless fights after our gigs had earned him a reputation that wasn’t easy to shake. He was always the first one to shove a photog, freak out at an overzealous groupie, or even flip out at one of us if he thought the set didn’t go well. He just had a short fuse, and he seemed to be almost always on edge, especially lately.

  I glanced over at him and his gaze didn’t waver. I knew he would keep his temper in check for the sake of our friendship.

  “Who needs another round?” Chris asked, and we all held up a hand. “I’m going to need some extra hands. Help me out, buddy?” He stood and looked down at Derek. Derek nodded and slid out of the booth. I breathed a sigh of relief that he would have a few minutes to cool off.

  “So . . .” Terry ran his hand through his dark hair with a smirk on his face. “He’s kind of a dick still.”

  E laughed.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “He’s just stressed. We all are.”

  “I’ll drink to that,” E said, and Donna laughed, laying her head on his shoulder.

  “Maybe I should go back to the room. I’m not really feeling up to this.”

  “You’re a rock star. Partying is in your blood,” Terry yelled.

  “I’m just the boobs of this operation,” I joked, and rolled my eyes. E’s deep laugh shook his whole body against my side and he turned, flashing me a smile, revealing a deep dimple in his cheek. I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

  “Why don’t we dance?” Donna grinned up at E, her bottom lip between her teeth.

  My heart sank a little when he nodded in agreement. I didn’t want to be left in the booth alone. Terry slid out of the seat, and Donna and E followed him. As they began to walk off, E turned back to me and held out his hand.

  “You coming?”

  I looked around for any sight of Derek and Chris, but they were nowhere to be found.

  “What have you got to lose?” E asked.

  “My street cred,” I joked as I slid out of my seat and put my hand in his before I could second-guess my decision.

  I thought he would drop my hand as I rose to my feet, but instead he curled his fingers around mine and pulled me in the direction that Donna and Terry had gone. His thumb ran softly over my knuckles as we navigated through the dancers.

  Donna was dancing in front of Terry, who was already receiving attention from other women. I began to sway my hips to the beat of the booming base.

  “I couldn’t find you!” Derek called from behind me, and E’s head snapped in that direction as his fingers slipped from mine. Derek lifted a cup over my shoulder for me to take.

  “Thanks,” I yelled back as he put his free hand on my hip and pressed his body against me from behind. His hips began to move with mine as I quickly downed my
shot.

  Chris handed out the shots to the others, and they yelled cheers as they all tipped their heads back and drank. E only glanced over at Derek and me for a second before he pulled Donna against him and began to dance. She smiled as she looped her arms around his neck, her right leg between his legs as they moved against each other. E’s hands moved down her back as he whispered something in her ear, and she shook her head as her fingers went into his hair and she gazed up into his eyes. The moment suddenly seemed intimate and private, so I quickly looked away, feeling invasive.

  Derek’s hands ran over my hip bones as he held me against him. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole.” His lips found my neck and I let my eyes flutter closed as I melted against his rock-solid chest. I knew he was trying, and that was all I could ask for from him. He had always dreamed of being a star, and having a girlfriend on your hip definitely wasn’t a part of that plan, but we’d fallen quickly and we’d fallen hard. The rest was rock-and-roll history.

  “I forgive you,” I sighed as he nipped the base of my neck with his teeth.

  “You’re too good to me.”

  ERIC

  I DON’T KNOW WHAT I was thinking by inviting her out to dance. I knew I would never be able to get close enough to even touch her, but as she’d put her hand in mine, I couldn’t bring myself to let go. I would have been happy standing there all night surrounded by hundreds of strangers if she would stand with me.

  Of course, like death and taxes, Derek was unavoidable.

  As I saw him come up behind her, I had to fight the urge to pull her against me. Instead, I let her fingers slide from mine as he pressed his body into hers.

  A smile spread across her face as she whirled around and her body melted into his on the dance floor. His hand drifted down to her ass, but instead of swatting it away, she let it linger there, clearly just losing herself in the music, in the moment, in him.

  During the tour, Sarah and I had spent hours together, just talking and talking, revealing so many of our secrets . . . but I never had the guts to tell her how I really felt about her. But now I’m glad I held that truth back because Derek is the one who gets to hold her in his arms.

  She made her choice.

  The words vibrated throughout my soul and I wanted to call him out on everything. What she knew about his bad behavior paled in comparison to what I had seen him do. None of it mattered because she clearly loved him enough to put up with it. I tried to tell myself that if this made her happy, I had no right to tell her what I was feeling. It wasn’t fair for her . . . but this wasn’t fair to me either.

  Part of me wanted to leave so I could spend the evening alone with the pain in my chest and a bottle of Jack, but I looked to Donna, her hair falling lose and hanging wildly around her face. Her skin was glistening with sweat from all of the people in such a small space. She looked incredible . . . but more important, she looked like the perfect distraction.

  I reached out and grabbed her wrists, pulling her body against mine. Her hands landed on my chest as we began to move against each other. She smiled up at me, her lips parted as her arms looped around my neck. My hand began to slide down her back as my body reacted to her touch.

  “If you want me to stop . . . ,” I whispered in her ear, and she shook her head as her fingers slid into my hair. The pressure in my chest began to ease as I let go and focused on Donna. When we were on tour, she could be so guarded. I knew she had a rough past, that her “all-business” attitude was just a front, protection, and I’d only just begun to get a sense of the real Donna. But when she had a few drinks in her, she relaxed and showed a side of her few got to see. This was one of the reasons we had become such close friends over the past few months. The fear of commitment that had kept her at arm’s length melted away.

  “You know what I love about you?” She was smiling, fears forgotten.

  “What?” I couldn’t help but grin at her now-playful forwardness. I loved when she let this side of her show.

  “Everything. I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with. Thank you for giving me a chance.” Her smile fell and my breath caught at her admission. My own grin faded as I looked into her eyes, the truth reflecting back at me. She put on a front to keep people away, but I knew she needed someone just like the rest of us. Her eyes fell and I put my fingers under her chin to tilt her head back up so her eyes could meet mine.

  “You can talk to me, Donna.”

  “Just dance with me.”

  We danced through half a dozen songs as the twins continued to grab rounds from the bar. By the seventh shot my vision had blurred enough that I no longer needed to glance over at Sarah, because I couldn’t see her.

  Donna grinding her ass against me definitely helped. She smelled like expensive perfume that you find samples of in those chick magazines. I wondered briefly if she tasted as good as she smelled.

  My hands ran up her sides, pulling and tugging at the delicate fabric of her dress. She turned back around to face me, her breasts pressed against my chest, and I knew she could feel how much I enjoyed it as I held her waist against mine. Her forehead was against mine as our noses touched, and my gaze fell from her eyes to her lips. Suddenly, I heard Sarah laugh, and my eyes darted over to her and Derek. Even with Donna in my arms, my mind flooded with images of Sarah. What would it be like to take Sarah in my arms and run my hands over her, to have her nails drag through my hair, to drag my tongue over her soft lips?

  In that moment I knew I was going to do something I would later regret. I needed to push Sarah further out of my mind, and Donna suddenly felt like the only way to do that. She needed me as an escape just as much as I needed her.

  Donna’s tongue ran out over her lips, and every rational thought I had disappeared as my mouth crushed against hers. She moaned quietly against my kiss as I sucked her lower lip between mine, grazing it with my teeth. My hands slipped onto her ass as I ran my tongue over the seam of her lips. She let them fall open, inviting me in.

  She tasted even better than I had imagined. Her lips tasted like strawberries from her gloss and the ghost of the last shot she had drunk. Her hands slid down the sides of my neck and her nails bit into my shoulders as we struggled to get even closer to each other.

  The bass of the music faded in and out, and I could only hear my own heartbeat thudding in my ears as her tongue pushed back against mine. In the distance I heard someone yell, but I blocked it out as my hand ran over Donna’s ribs, my thumb grazing the bottom of her breast.

  I know I’ll regret this later on. I know that anything involving Donna is complicated given her role in the band. I know I am not thinking clearly, but in this moment, all I want is for someone else to want me. No, I want someone else to crave me. I’m tired of sitting on the sideline while the asshole gets the girl. I want the girl.

  “E,” Donna moaned into my mouth, and melted my remaining willpower.

  Suddenly, someone crashed into us and I stumbled, clinging to Donna to keep her on her feet. I glanced around at the crowd with hazy vision, struggling to focus on the swarm of bodies around us. A man with full sleeves of dark ink was yelling at another guy for groping his girlfriend, who was nowhere in sight, and the crowd grew hot and cracked with palpable tension. You could taste it in the air. Alcohol and lowered inhibitions craved something more—chaos was about to break out.

  Before I could make my way out of the crowd, arms were flying and people were being shoved against one another. I wrapped my arm instinctively around Donna and tried to work my way through the fight. I had to shove and kick people out of the way, but I got her back to our table. Chris was on his feet and ready to push his way into the brawl.

  I took a minute to steady my breathing before I looked around and panic set in.

  “Where’s Sarah?” I yelled, and no one responded. “Where’s Sarah?” I yelled louder, and Donna jumped at the tone of my voice. I peeled her from my side and sat her down in the booth as I placed my face directly in front of hers. She lo
oks to be in shock and I wanted to make sure she took in everything I said.

  “Don’t move from this spot. I will come back for you. Don’t move.”

  “Don’t go back out there.” I heard the fear in her voice. I don’t know if she was scared to be alone or for my safety.

  “Don’t move, Donna. I’ll come back. I promise.” She nodded and I stood up, glancing over at Chris. A worried look was all over his face as the fight grew out of control, but I couldn’t leave Sarah in the middle of this. I knew Derek wasn’t putting her safety above his. He never put her first.

  The screams were deafening as we worked our way back into the fight. Women were fighting and getting knocked to the ground as men exchanged blows. Chris shoved people out of our way and I grabbed some asshole by the back collar of his shirt and pulled him to the ground. I stepped over him as I moved forward in the crowd.

  My heart stopped as I saw Sarah. Her hair was wild and black streaks stained her face from crying in her makeup. She looked absolutely terrified and lost as chaos erupted around us, with Derek nowhere in sight. I reach my hand out to her and she hesitated to take it as her eyes widened and she screamed my name. I didn’t have time to react as an elbow connected with my temple. The shooting pain was excruciating, bringing on one of my migraines that makes it impossible for me to think. I fell to a knee and stumbled as I pushed back to my feet. I held out my hand again to Sarah as several bodies pushed in between us. Her fingertips brushed against mine, sending a jolt of electricity through me. I had never before seen her so frightened.

  “Grab my hand.” I yelled over the noise.

  She pulled back, pushing herself against the bar. “I’m scared!”

  “Trust me, Sarah. Take my hand.” Her fingers slid in mine and I pulled her between the other people and against my chest. She curled into me, so fragile and scared.