An Essence of the Dusk, 5th Edition

  And she held it up before him, while he continued to gaze at her insilence. And as he did not speak, she looked at him curiously, andmuttered under her breath, as though speaking to herself, and notintending him to hear: Can he have suddenly recollected his formerbirth, and is this the reason why he is staring at me, as if wishing tocompare me with a picture in his head? And as he still kept silence,presently she said aloud: Dear, thou art sick: and much in need ofmedicines, such as I alone can give thee. Why wilt thou not confide inme? For I am a cunning leech, and know the virtue of every herb andevery vegetable drug better than Dhanwantari[16] himself. And I havemade myself mistress of every species of the art of healing, and inparticular, I have fed myself on perfumes, and on the essences offlowers, and all the scented odours of aromatic shrubs, till I havemyself become as it were a very attar, incarnate in a woman's form. Dostthou doubt it, and think me to be boasting? then try me, and I willprove to thee my power by experiment, in any way thou wilt I will sootheand shampoo[17] thee with a hand softer than a snowflake's fall andcooler than the icy moon: or, if thou wilt, I will croon to thee oldairs, and put thee to sleep like a tired child, resting thy head on thisbosom which once was thy delight, with melodies that shall speak to theeof drowzy bees and moaning winds: or I will steal thy waking senses fromthee and lure them into slumber as it were against thy will by snaringthem with fragrances more luscious than that _parijata_ blossom, whichWishnu once trailed through the intoxicated world, to drive it intomadness at the moment, and leave it filled with inconsolable regret whenit was gone. See, take this, and smell it, and thou wilt be better evennow.

  [16] The physician of the gods, the Hindoo Aesculapius.

  [17] The _Samwahanam_ is one of those old Hindoo medical resources which we have only recently been wise enough to copy.

  And she held out towards him, in the lotus of her hand, a tiny flower,in colour like an atom of the concentrated essence of the sky. And asAja looked at it, there came from it a stream of a sharp and bitingscent, that rushed into his soul, coming laden as it were withreminiscence and suggestions of the past; so that he said to himself:Ha! of what does this remind me, and where is it that I smelled itsalmost intolerable sweet before? And suddenly, the little hut rushedinto his mind, and he exclaimed: It is the very smell of the creeper onits roof. And instantly, a feeling of amazement that almost overcamehim, mingled with terror, crept like a shudder over his limbs, and hishair stood on end. And he looked at Natabhrukuti, who was watching himintently, and said, hoarsely: Who art thou, thou strange beauty, andwhat dost thou want of me? And what is the meaning of these inexplicablemysteries, before which I feel as if my reason were deserting me, and Iwere about to faint again?

  VIII.

  Then she laughed, and said: Fair boy, I am only that bitter-sweet[18], awoman: and I want no more than what every woman wants, the man sheloves, and that is thou. Aye! dost thou ask me, who and what I am?Listen then, and I will tell thee. I am a bee, which not like otherbees, roams roving to flower after flower, but confines itselfexclusively to one. I am a breeze, which not like other breezes blowsfickle and inconstant now hither and now thither, but is fixed and eversteady, coming straight from Malaya laden with the sandal of affectionto lay it at thy feet. I am only the echo of a voice which is thyself,the shadow of a substance and the reflection of a sun. I am like theother half of the god that carries the moon upon his head, the twin, theduplicate and counterpart of a deity who is thou, I am Rati, rejoicingto find again the body of her husband, and thou art Love himselfreturned to life whom I have found. I am an essence of the ocean, butunlike it, I hold within my heart not many pearls, but only one, whichis thyself. I am a wick, consuming in thy flame, and like the music of alute, I am a thing wholly compounded of melodies and tones, whose moodand being are dependent on the player, who is thou. Art thou sad? then Iam also: art thou joyous? so am I: my soul is tossed about, and hangs onthy smiling or thy sighing, as a criminal depends on the sentence of thejudge. And like a crystal, I am colourless[19] without thee, but readyon the instant to assume every tinge of the colour of thyself. Cast thyeyes upon me, and thou shalt see as in a glass thy every mood paintedon the surface of my face. Ah! dost thou ask me what I am? Alas! I am atarget for the poisoned arrows which Love shoots at me in the form ofthy beauty greater than his own. And I am like a bare and withered,leafless and frost-bitten tree, which has suddenly shot up into blossomat the coming of spring in thy form. But as for thee, why, O why dostthou regard me that live for only thee as if I were a deadly snake, andthou a startled deer? In vain, in vain, dost thou endeavour to repel me,for I will not be repelled. I will melt thy cold ice in thy despite, bythe fire of my affection, and drown thee in its flood, and sweep theeaway from the rocks of thy resistance till thou art lost for ever in itsdark and pearly depths.

  [18] _Wishamritam_: lit. poison-nectar.

  [19] Also means _without affection_.

  And as Aja stood, listening in confusion to her words, which poured fromher like a torrent, suddenly she clapped her hands, and exclaimed, as hestarted again at her vehemence: Ha! shall I tell thee, thou wilful andreluctant boy, of what thou dost remind me, standing as it were aghast,and obstinately set against me, mute, and yet asking what I am? Know,that long ago there was a King, who had for wives a thousand queens. Andit happened that one day, he went with his wives to ramble in the heartof a forest. So after sporting for a while, he grew tired, in the heatof the day, and lay down and fell asleep. Then all his queens stole awayand left him lying, and went roaming up and down, very strange creaturesin that wild rough wood, looking like living flowers of every hue andkind, that had somehow or other got free from their roots, a body ofdeer-eyed decoys let loose by Love the Hunter, to lure into his toilsevery man that should behold them. So as they rambled here and there,they came suddenly on an old ascetic. And he was standing still, halfburied in the hills of ants, themselves covered over by his long whitehair, immersed in meditation. Then all those fair women went up andstood around him in a cluster of beautiful curiosity, wondering at thesight of him, and asking each other in amazement, what in the world hecould possibly be. So as they crowded round him, that old asceticemerged from his trance, and as thou art doing, stood silent and aghast,thinking, as perhaps thou dost thyself, that Indra must have sent himall the nymphs of heaven in a body, to lure him from the path ofliberation. For, O, thou beautiful suspicious youth, what is there soterrible about me, as to cause thee to shrink from my approach? Know,that many would be glad to be wooed as was that old ascetic, and as thouart now.

  IX.

  And then, Aja strove to awake as it were from a dream. And he shookhimself, as if to shake it off, and he said to himself: I feel that I amfalling as it were a victim to the spell of this passionate and subtlebeauty; and now, unless I stiffen and steel myself against her, I shallundoubtedly be bewitched and beguiled beyond the possibility of escape.And he summoned his resolution, and said, with a semblance of composure:Fair one, thou dost thyself no injustice in comparing thyself alone to athousand queens: for thou art a very incarnation of all the bewilderingfascination of thy sex. And yet, potent as they are, thy charms arewasted, and resemble blunted arrows when directed against me. For as Ihave already told thee, I am pledged to another, and proof against thyspell, as doubtless was thy old ascetic against that bevy of strayingqueens.

  And then Natabhrukuti smiled, and she shook at him her finger, as sheanswered: Rash boy, beware: Be not too sure of the adamantine quality ofthy resistance, nor even of thy wisdom in resisting me at all. Andbeware of provoking the indignation of slighted Love, who may make ofthee a signal example of his vengeance. Take care, lest annoyed with thyobstinacy in rejecting what he offers thee for nothing, he shoulddeprive thee even of that other beauty on whose account alone it is thatI am held by thee so cheap. Poor youth! but that my lips are tied, Icould enlighten thee. Art thou, who art so ready lightly to disdain me,art thou, I say, so sure, so very sure, that thou art thyself the onlylover of this much married
beauty, whom thou sawest, as thou sayest, forthe very first time in thy life to-day? Art thou so sure, so very sure,that she is not deceiving thee, and that thou art not merely the last ofthe many lovers whom she toys with for a moment, and then carelesslycasts away? Art thou so very certain that thou hast never had apredecessor? And Aja started, in spite of himself. For the word recalledto him the manner of the old King. And Natabhrukuti saw it. And shelooked at him as it were with compassion, and said: Alas! unhappy boy:thou seest that in thy youth and inexperience such an idea had notoccurred to thee. Little art thou qualified to cope with a woman'sguile.

  Then said Aja fiercely, in wrath both with himself and her: It is false,and she is true. But Natabhrukuti answered very gently: Be not angry,for I do not question that she loves thee. I do not even doubt it: forif she did not, she would be a fool. But listen, and learn, what thoudost not seem to know, that Love is a Master Knave; aye! by far thegreatest master of deceit in the three great worlds. And woman is hisaptest pupil, and every woman living, were she even as simple asthyself, becomes, as soon as she falls under the influence of Love, avery incarnation of policy and craft and wiles. I tell thee, foolishboy, that she that loves in earnest, were she good as gold, pure assnow, and flawless as a diamond, would plunge, to gain her object, tothe very lowest bottom of the ocean of deceit. And what is her objectbut the esteem of her lover? Dost thou think, she would balance for aninstant, between her lover, and the ruin of the world? between his goodopinion, and a lie? Dost thou think, she would forfeit thy esteem, whento deceive thee would preserve it? I tell thee, in such a dilemma, shewould lie, till the very sun at noon hid his face out of shame.Know[20], that long ago there lived at Waranasi[21] an independentlady, of beauty so extraordinary, that swarms of lovers use to buzzcontinually about her like great black bees about the mango blossom inthe spring. But independent though she was, she was so fastidious, thatnone of her innumerable lovers ever touched her heart even for a moment.And hence she lived like a lamp at midnight surrounded by the corpses ofher victims, who fluttered about her lustre and perished in its flame.And then at last, one day it came about that a tall young Rajpoot almostas beautiful as thou art arrived at Waranasi. And Kashayini[22] (forthat was her name) saw him from a window as he came into the city; andinstantly like an empty pitcher suddenly plunged into the Ganges, shewas filled to the very brim by the inrush of Love's sacred nectar. Andshe said to herself: The very first thing that he will hear of in thecity is myself. And like everybody else, he will come immediately to seeme: and that very moment, I shall abandon the body out of shame. Forthough my beauty might attract him, yet he will be convinced that manylovers have preceded him, and therefore, at the bottom of his heart hewill despise me. And this would be worse than any death. And yet withouthim, my birth will have been in vain. Therefore, I must devise someexpedient. So after a while, she went out in disguise, and bought for alarge sum of money the body of a woman of her own age and size who haddied that very day. And bringing that body home secretly at night, shedressed it in her own clothes, and burned it till its identity wasobliterated. And then she set fire to her house, and left it by a backdoor, and went away, abandoning all her wealth but the jewels that shewore, for the sake of her picture in the air[23]. And at that verymoment, the Rajpoot came along, led by some of the townspeople to visither, as it were set on fire by the very description of her beauty. Andhe looked and saw the flames bursting from her house, as though lit byhimself. And they found the half burned body in the ashes, andimmediately all the lovers of Kashayini followed her through the fire ofgrief to the other world. But the Rajpoot managed, in spite ofdisappointment, to remain alive. And she, in the meantime, having giveneveryone the slip, found a false ascetic, and bribed him with jewels,giving him instructions without letting him know who she was. So thatascetic went and struck up acquaintance with the Rajpoot, pretending tobe a discoverer of treasure[24]. And he performed incantations, andafter awhile he said to him: Go quickly to Ujjayini; and dig in thenorth-east corner of the burning ground outside the city on the verylast day of the dark half of the month of Magha, and thou shalt find atreasure. Take it, for what is the use of treasure to such a one as me?Thereupon the Rajpoot, having nothing else to do, went. And Kashayini,having first made sure that the bait had taken, went herself and gotthere before him. So when that Rajpoot arrived, he dug exactly as he wastold, and found absolutely nothing. And cursing his destiny, he went outof the burning ground in the early morning: and as he went along,suddenly he saw Kashayini, who was waiting for him, sitting weeping bythe wayside, under a great _ashwattha_ tree: beautifully dressed,blazing with jewels, and adorned with saffron and antimony, betel,indigo, and spangles, flowers, minium, and henna, bangles on ancle andcomb in her hair. And she said to that Rajpoot, who was as utterlyastounded by the sight of her as if she had been water in the desert: Oson of a king, succour one who is utterly without resource. And when heasked her, what was the matter, she said: I was the only wife of a veryrich merchant, and as we travelled from the South, suddenly we were setupon by a band of Thags. And after killing every one but me[25], theyall went to sleep, thinking me secure; but in the middle of the night, Iwent a little way, and hid myself in a hollow tree. And in the morning,those villains, after hunting for me in vain, all went away, fearing apursuit, and I came out of the tree trembling, and reached this road,and now I am alone in the world. Then said the Rajpoot to himself: Ha!so, after all, I have found my treasure, and that excellent ascetic wasa true prophet. And he said: O lady, I am of good family. And now, ifthou wilt have me for a husband, I will supply the loss of thy merchant,and all the rest of thy relations. And she feigned reluctance: but aftera while, she dried her tears, and consented. But that Rajpoot almostwent out of his mind, so great was his delight. And one day he told herof Waranasi, and the burning of Kashayini. And she looked at him withlaughing eyes, and said: O my husband, I will make up to thee for theloss of Kashayini: for I am just as beautiful as she.

  [20] In all Oriental stories, statements are proved not by Aristotelian syllogism, but by "instances:" and we are reminded of the opinion of the artful Retz, that "_one never persuades anybody, but anybody can insinuate anything._"

  [21] Benares. The lady in question was one of those Hindoo Aspasias of whom many similar stories are told.

  [22] Which we might translate Aromatic: it includes the ideas of _red colour_ and _pungent perfume_.

  [23] Or, as we say, castle in the air.

  [24] A regular trade in medieval India.

  [25] Everything in this story is exactly in harmony with the manners of medieval India. The Thags often preserved a woman for her beauty, when they murdered every one else.

  X.

  And as Natabhrukuti ended, she leaned forward, and gazed at Aja withsoft seductive eyes, till he blushed, and wavered before her like theflame of a candle in a wind. For her beauty bewildered him, and hercunning story planted, as if against his will, a seed of suspicion inhis mind. And in spite of himself, he said to himself: What if it wereas she says, and my wife, like another Kashayini, were concealing fromme something that she shrank from avowing, lest I should think the worseof her. And he turned pale at the thought, that any other lover should,even a very little, have occupied her heart before him. And he stoodsilent, and confused, striving to expel from his mind the doubt thatNatabhrukuti had raised in it, saying to himself: Can I really be onlythe last of many lovers? And all the while, Natabhrukuti watched him,devouring him as it were with her eyes. And at last, she said again:Sweet boy, thou art too young and too honest to cope with women, whowere framed by the Creator to deceive. But Aja said angrily: Thou artthyself a woman, seeking at this very moment to deceive me: and as forthy age, it is less than my own. And she said: Nay, nay: I am older, forI am wiser than thyself. For when I see my husband, I remember him, butme thou hast utterly forgotten, thy true and only wife. Ah! foolish one,thou hast forgotten. And thou resemblest one, who casts away a costlyjewel, for the sake of a bit of gl
ass, shining only in the sunlight ofthy ignorance, and trodden by the foot of every passing stranger. What!can I do nothing to rouse thy recollection? Look at me well! look hard,and it may be, something of me will touch as it were a chord in thysoul.

  And she came up close to him, so that the warmth and fragrance of herbeauty enveloped him like an atmosphere of intoxication. And she joinedher hands, looking up into his face, as it were compelling his reluctantadmiration by her humble submission to his will. And she said: Hastthou, hast thou indeed forgotten all? And as he gazed at her, two hugedrops of crystal welled into her eyes, and hung poised before they fellon the net of her long dark lashes. And she said: Thou sayest, I amseeking to deceive thee. I love thee, and where is the deception? Is itnot rather thou that art the deceiver in this matter? Is it any faultof mine if another has stepped in to defraud me of thyself? Or am I tobe blamed, if thy beauty still beguiles me as it did long ago? And yet,dost thou accuse me as if I were a criminal? O blue black bee, what isthis behaviour, that thou seekest as it were to pick a quarrel with thepoor red lotus who loves thee but too well? And she smiled through hertears, and exclaimed: Ah I but in spite of thee, I will adore thee,whether thou wilt or no. Ha! and I will compel thee to remember, andforce my way through every barrier and obstacle till I reach therecollection[26] in the bottom of thy heart. O canst thou not rememberthe days of long ago, when my now despised beauty was a joy to thee, andmy hair a very net to snare thy willing soul, and my eyes were more tothee than any diamonds, and these two arms were thy prison and thychain, and this agitated bosom was thy pillow on which I lulled thee toslumber with the music of this very voice. Hast thou really forgottenthe nectar of my kiss? hast thou actually forgotten thy own insatiablethirst? Ah! but if thou hast forgotten, I have not; and the innumerablemultitudes of thy too delicious kisses come back to me, singing in mymemory, and whispering in my soul like the lisping of the sea. Hark!Dost thou not hear them also, those voices of a former birth?