Carpenter's Gothic
— I'll have to make it, there's not…
— Thinks I'm calling him about a movie, big movie they want to make call it The Wayne Fickert Story get the kid's mother in there as the, hello? got the pencil? Good, now here's the big picture, we… not the movie I just told you not the movie look, talking about keying our overall media strategy to your daddy's next big appearance. Got him on the front page we want to keep him on the front page, that's the whole… I said his next big appearance, crusade out there just kicked things off we've got California wrapped up, taped, broadcast, headlights purple ribbons the whole package, what he… what…? No well that's just what I'm saying Bobbie Joe now just listen here. What your daddy wants now, he wants a platform that's going to give his image real dignity, He wants… well I know he has but we want to show them a real serious issue he can sink his teeth into, that's… the what…? No wait, that's… Look that's not what I… No now look here Bobbie Joe, I know they's eight hundred million Catholics out there he considers a field ripe for harvest but let's not jump the God, jump the gun here. I'm talking about education, school education. Now here's this big southwest regional educators' conference where they've got him up there giving the keynote address? You've got prominent educators coming in from all over Texas, Kansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma Arkansas the whole backbone of American education? Now what we… no wait a minute, don't want to get into that no, break a few school bus windows that's not what I'm talking about, look. He's just announced he's founding the Wayne Fickert Bible College now that's the… call it the what? When did he promise you that, he… No but that's way back when you were just a little old boy, he goes and changes it now to the Bobbie Joe Ude Bible College you'll have these media people in there twisting things around now what he's talking about up there, he's talking about these high education standards. That's what he's got Wayne Fickert Bible College dedicated to. Now he takes that real good idea of yours where the men students will all wear jackets and ties? Starts right off there talking about these high academic standards and the… what? That's a, c, a, d e m i c you got that? What…? Well go find a piece of paper then I'll hold on, Liz? Can you stop all this messing here and go get me a shirt?
— Do you want the…
— Just a shirt any God damn shirt, stand here freezing to death while he looks for a piece of paper, gets a pencil it doesn't occur to him he'll need something to hello? All set now…? Not every word no, just giving you a list of talking points for your daddy to go over for this speech here. First he's talking about this desperate need for academic excellence? how it's being threatened throughout the land by these same forces threatening the Constitution? that's the… what? That's capital c, o, n look Bobbie Joe, is your sister there…? She just wet her what? No, no I mean Betty Joe, your big sister Bet… locked up in the what? but who… Caught holding hands with a boy now that don't sound so… Oh. Oh, well now she's bound to meet a real nice white boy one of these days don't you fret, now you got a dictionary there anywhere…? Well I know it's a real big word but you'll just have to do the best you can till your daddy sends out for a die… Well he can't just not allow a dictionary in the house because it's got swear words in it, now let's get… all right, just do the best you can, hear? How the US Constitution protects religious freedom, that's the right to enforce prayers in the schools you got that? Next thing he talks about academic freedom. Now that's where they feel real strong, teaching these science courses where these same forces trying to destroy the Constitution are trying to stop them teaching science like they're trying to stop free speech, pushing his television show off the air, twisting the ratings lying with statistics the whole… of the what…? No well now I'd just go a little easy on that Satan the father of lies for right now Bobbie Joe. This audience of real good Americans they already know that, he wants to talk to them more about how these liberal media people are trying to squeeze him so he can't get up there and preach against sin, can't support his Africa missions, trying to keep his Bible College from sending out these fine well educated Christian men and women for… to where…? I know that Bobbie Joe but we're not talking about Jaypan now, a great harvest field that's been long neglected I know he's got a real heavy anointing to get in there and save them but this audience isn't coming to hear about Jaypan, hundred million of them all bunched up in those little islands they've got enough Buddhism and Shintoism to keep them busy besides, they don't vote he can harvest them later, let's just take one continent at a time here. Now Christianity's an American religion, that's what he's talking about isn't it? the only bulwark there is against the spread of the evil empire? That's what he's… well now wait, I'd go easy on the… Well now look, I think this audience is pretty well harvested already or they wouldn't be sitting there, they come out of the hall and he has you outside there selling the Little Wayne lapel pin, the t shirts with the smartly designed Little Wayne logo and your record albums Pearly Gates singing Elton Ude's Christmas Favorites you're going to get the liberal media twisting the whole God, whole thing into a carni… Who, Pearly Gates? What kind of a parade… Well your daddy he can just bring that in talking about the constitutional right to bear arms but I'd just go real easy on this Bobbie Joe. See I know your daddy's got Pearly Gates all fired up about how angry Satan is over all the souls you all have rescued but this audience now, they're all educators. Now that means you've got a nice white audience out there they might just not take to it, he better just stay with the singing hold on a minute… cupping the phone against his groin, — this the only shirt you could find?
— You said just to bring you any…
— White one right out there on the chair, never mind I'll get it myself hello? Look, now one more thing. You tell your daddy make sure he's got a flag up there on the platform when he… No now listen here, his picture on the front page all over the country they's going to be yankees seeing it too, it better just be the regular American flag, and you tell him when he's done his speech he just doesn't need to give any press conference, all they'll… Look I know they's all friends there Bobbie Joe but you get somebody infiltrating from the liberal media they'll twist things around to beat all get out, like they did when your daddy said he was a Zionist? that that's the Holy Land where you'll have Jesus' Second Coming but he won't show up till all the Jews there are born again? where they had him saying that the only thing that keeps the Jews Jews is being hated by everybody else? Who do you think runs this liberal media, now look. When he's done his speech he just wants to get down there and circulate with these prominent educators, you hear? Get their names and addresses everybody registered for this conference and get your Bible students down there working on your mailing lists that's the… Well then get some of them off the night shift at the bottling plant, somebody gets his Pee Dee water a week late's not going to kill him now one more thing. Your daddy tell you there's somebody supposed to meet me later there at National Airport? Little gift shop right there at the… no problem I'll have on a red tie, little gift shop right there at the head of the ramp you make sure he's there, hear? Got to hurry now, I… you bet. We'll… You bet Bobbie Joe, you… you bet. Liz? What time is it.
— I told you, I don't…
— Turn on the God damn radio won't even tell you what time it is, do it myself… and he had the phone again, — look. One more thing, waiting to hear from somebody named Slotko he's a partner in a big time Washington law firm most prestigious in the country, triple A gilt edge you don't get near him without the right credentials I've got him working on your old man's VCR stock option, make sure if he calls that you, wait… pressing the phone close, dropping it, — got to hurry.
— What time is it? She'd already reached up for the clock.
— Late I've got to get dressed and look, can you mop this up here? this pile here got to take it with me…
The radio warned her that five million Americans had diabetes and didn't know it and that she might be one of them and she got over to turn it off, to tear another length of paper towel, to loo
k in the refrigerator for yogurt she'd brought in the day before and could not find it, and she'd just made tea when he was down again buttoning a white shirt, jamming it into his trousers. — Any coffee?
— No, I'd just made a cup of tea but…
— Better than nothing, he reached past her for it — look where did I put the, you find my cigarettes?
— I haven't seen them Paul.
— Try to keep track of anything here can't even, what was I talking about.
— Well you wanted me to make…
— Not talking about making coffee Liz, something important before I went upstairs something important.
— You wanted me to make sure to wait for a call from some Washington lawyer named…
— Slotko, see? if you'd just listen? Write it down so you won't forget it… he found the blunt pencil, — not just some Washington lawyer Liz he's the best you can get, top contacts inside the Administration I gave him a few pointers on the estate picking up your old man's stock option before they get VCR in court, twenty percent below market the price keeps slipping where all these God damn leaks are coming from, maybe just plain disinformation from the other side trying to knock the bottom out from under this confrontation building up over there part of their big peace offensive putting the blinders on these woolly minded Victor Sweets calling for disarmament? speech I showed you last week he's right in there doing their work for them?
— Well he, I think all he said was we should keep an open mind about…
— Keep an open mind your brains will fall out look, where is it… and he found the page he'd rescued dry, — Belgian syndicate up here maybe it's them driving the price down to buy in cheap. They've got Grimes in their pocket, here's Grimes he's got Teakell in his pocket why he's going on this fact finding trip, why they had him up on the Senate floor with that front page speech about these strategic mineral reserves over there, protecting vital US interests… smoothing the page flat, smudging the pencil strokes nearer that beleaguered coastline, — why Teakell stepped in and got me a dismissal on these hearings. Scared I'd get up there and testify it was common company practice, pay them off to do business over there or you don't do business at all… and a scrawled loop, infinity open ended? or a fish — Grimes and the whole God damn VCR board calling the shots from the start. Elections coming up this Administration needs a big win any God damn place they can get one, build up grass roots support's why Teakell's people need Ude's mailing list, his missions out there harvesting souls for the Lord… a sudden cluster of ciphers, — Teakell right back here harvesting votes… and a horde of v's appeared launching an arrow, another arrow — Grimes to Teakell, Teakell to Ude, Ude to the point everything goes both ways… more arrows, — everything to everything else… and a hail of arrows darkened the page like the skies that day over Crécy. — Liz?
— Oh? She turned from making pale tea with the leaves still wet in the strainer, staring out to the disconsolate garland high in the limbs of the mulberry tree, down the fence where the wild grape's few blemished leaves still clung to the tangle of curl and tendril and the rest of them gone to earth in scraps so withered brown they'd no more claim left to identity than torn scraps of a grocery bag, on down where the Virginia creeper lingering flushed a deeper red and bittersweet paled yellow toward the sparse heights of the wild cherry caught in the glance of morning sun in hesitating shades of yellows, even pinks as though, as though suddenly arrested in its inconspicuous departure, as though — Paul?
— You follow me? Fit the God damn…
— I want to go down and see Cettie.
— all the pieces together and, see what?
— Cettie. I want to go down to that hospital and see her.
— But you, I told you Liz, just told you they've got her sedated she wouldn't know you were there, lawyers came in to get a deposition from her suing the car company she couldn't even…
— That's not what I'm talking about!
— Plenty of time to see her later when she can…
— Later? She stood there, looking out where she'd been looking. — You'll have to leave me money for Madame So-crate.
He sat back, gazing at the scribbled mess in front of him as though silenced by admiration. — Been thinking about that Liz, washes windows you can't tell the difference she can't even answer the God damn phone, probably illiterate somebody calls her in French she couldn't even write it down if they did, just thinking we can do without her for a while and look. If this writer, this Doris Chin if she calls this afternoon just tell her I'll be gone two or three days, four at the outside tell her…
— I won't be here Paul.
— What do you, be where wait get this will you? He pushed the phone toward her — if it's that Bobbie Joe again tell him I just left, tell him…
— Hello…? Yes well he's, who is it… cupping the phone at her breast. — It's a Sergeant Urich.
— Never heard of, wait it might be the VA give me it, might be about my pension hello…? What…? No, twenty fifth, I was in the twenty fifth infantry what's the… platoon leader look, what's it about who… look, I… No look I, medical, eighty percent look how the hell did they get hold of my record, who… No well look now look I'm, I can't just told you I can't just too God damn busy I'm, got to be out of town be out of, out of the country just too God damn busy no I'm, goodbye no, goodbye… He held the phone tight for a moment, and then hung it up. — Liz?
— Who was it, what…
— You find my cigarettes?
— No, no I told I…
— Look in my jacket in there? would you? just look in my jacket?
She came back emptyhanded. — They're not…
— God damn cup… it shook, and he steadied his hand without spilling it, putting it down again — got a chip in it, right on the rim where you drink look, if you get a call. If you get a, if you get a call from this, from this what's his name you just wrote it down didn't you? Call from Washington, this…
— Mister Slotko.
— Call from Washington this Mister Slotko, just let me finish will you? Look in the mail, big time law firm probably turn it into a ten page letter ten dollars a word all you want's yes or no, picking up this option all you want's a yes or no supposed to call this afternoon, if he…
— I won't be here Paul. I have a doctor's appointment.
— Doctor, God damn it Liz I mean look… he swept the bills into a wet heap, — doctor, doctor doctor add these up you could buy your own God damn doctor, medical insurance looks the other way if you're not in the hospital couldn't you just go to one? Spend a week in one get things all straightened out?
— I wish I could.
— Get one doctor sends you to another doctor, split their fees and send you to…
— This is the airline insurance company's doctor, Paul. This is the examination you've been telling me to…
— All right go, go, he runs into any problems tell him to call me, headaches, dizziness nausea I can fill him in what time is it, thought you just set the clock.
— Will you just leave me the money for Madame Socrate before you forget it?
— All right! He was up digging deep in a pocket, — always getting in one step ahead of me… carefully peeling off a ten, another, fives — just try and learn some patience…
— And a dollar for her carfare?
— Here! God damn nickel and diming you call fifty one dollars small change like your God damn brother, he gives me seventy five dollars for a hundred dollar check should have told her to stop payment on it.
— Shall I suggest that when she calls?
He stopped half through the door. — When who calls.
— Tearful Mom. Or do you plan to see her later yourself.
— See? Same God damn thing don't drag that up again, he came back bunching jacket and tie, rummaging the pockets — think I gave her this phone number? Probably got it from Bobbie Joe before we sent her off to the fat farm shaped her up for Ude's big crusade, up there o
n nationwide television she's bringing in donations faster than they can count them already thinks she's a movie star don't drag that up again… jamming papers together on the table, rescuing one from the floor — God damn near forgot this… brandishing the page of scribbles, — Liz?
— I'm right here.
— I know you're right here! What do you think I, look. Notes I made I thought maybe you'll help us out on this mailing piece, got nothing to do here this afternoon just sit down and run it off? Started it myself but it just doesn't have that woman's touch yet, leave you these notes you can work something up all we want's a simple, honest letter Sally Joe Ude's writing to all these Chris…
— Who's Sally Joe, his wife?
— Hasn't got a wife Liz, she ran off with a feed salesman last year this Sally Joe she's his mother, she…
— Well can't she write it? Is she so old she can't write?
— Didn't say she was old Liz she's hardly in her forties, now…
— But how can she be his…
— Because she was fourteen when she got married, way they do things down there now will you stop interrupting? She's just not too God damn great with the written word, now…
— I shouldn't have asked.
— Right. Now what we want, just take a minute to run through it with you here opens with dear friend in Christ, Jesus, Christian mother she says I'm writing to you personally because I'm real worried about my son Elton, don't you get too literary like saying I'm extremely concerned scare them right up the wall, just this honest sincere Chris…