Beneath the Veil

  It wasn't any use, and I knew it. Daelyn was gone to some place I couldn't reach. I let her go, to sink back to her seat, and I walked away.

  The sitting room had gone cold, but I had no desire to light a fire. I sat in one of the soft chairs, aware that my tears had ceased to fall but without any relief of my suffering.

  The outer chamber door opened and Galya came in laughing, her cheeks pink and her eyes bright. She smelled like fresh, cold air. Lir was with her, commenting on something that had happened during the drills. His smile hurt me to see, and hurt more when it faded at the sight of me.

  "How is she?" Galya took off her cloak and scarf and hung them up. She gave a quick glance to Lir and then to me, but she was good at pretending she didn't notice the tension in the room.

  "The same. How do you expect her to be?"

  "I'll take my leave then," Lir said to Galya, ignoring me. He bent to kiss her cheek. I refused to allow jealousy to rise in me.

  "Tomorrow?" She asked. "I'm getting better with throwing the daggers, aren't I?"

  I'd been the one to teach her that. What his kiss hadn't done, his teaching now did. I got to my feet, hating them both. He blocked my way, and I pushed past him. My arm brushed his stomach as I passed. It was the first time we'd touched in so long.

  Behind me, I heard Galya's gasp of shock, and her cry, "Daelyn!"

  I ran back inside the room. The window beside which Dae had been spending all her time was open, a chill breeze making the fire flicker. Her chair was empty.

  "Did she climb out?" Lir ran to the window.

  Galya let out another cry and gripped the pane. "Oh, no!"

  I ran to the window and my foot caught on something that made me stumble. I bent down to release its grip on me. Daelyn's gown in a tangled pile on the floor. I shook it off and pushed next to Galya at the window.

  Outside there was a small balcony, more decorative than functional, large enough to hold one person, standing. Daelyn had climbed out onto it, then higher, onto the balustrade. She wore a white shift of thin linen, her arms outstretched at her sides. The wind molded the material to her body, and I noticed the changes in her form.

  "By Sinder's Arrow," Lir murmured from beside me. He'd noticed too.

  "Come back inside!" Galya cried. "Oh, Daelyn, please!"

  Daelyn didn't make any notice that she'd heard. Another gust of cold wind blew the curls back from her face and further outlined the swell of breasts that before had been nearly flat, the curve of a belly that had been lean with muscle.

  "She was wrong," I said. "The powder didn't make her infertile."

  Lir shot me a glance I couldn't even be grateful for at the moment. Galya only looked puzzled. Perhaps to her the changes in Daelyn's form were too subtle to notice, but I had attended her too long not to see the difference.

  I'd bled twice already since being in Elitan. "When was her last flow?"

  Galya shook her head. "I don't know."

  "She hasn't had one since she's been here, has she." It wasn't a question. I looked at Lir, who looked back. I'm sure my face was as stunned as his.

  "You can't mean –" Galya broke off with a strangled sob. "Oh, by Kedalya's Womb. She's pregnant?"

  Daelyn teetered on the edge of the railing but caught herself. Galya screamed. Lir leaped halfway out the window, but stopped himself. I saw why. The balcony, for all its fancy carving, was in great disrepair. At the far edge, it had separated from the palace wall. It was holding Daelyn's slight weight, but might not hold Lir's.

  "Dae, love. Come inside." He spoke soothingly, but the wind took his words away.

  Daelyn's head didn't even turn. She remained motionless, a statue. She didn't even shiver, and I couldn't understand how, since the air was still so bitter.

  "Let me," Galya said quietly. She pushed me and Lir aside and straddled the windowsill, with one foot outside on the balcony. "Daelyn, my love. Come inside. We'll talk about this together. Surely what you're feeling can't be so bad that we won't be able to help you."

  Dae's head tilted so slightly I wasn't sure she'd moved at all. Galya reached out a hand, her voice steady though tears shone in her eyes.

  "Daelyn, my love. Please come in. It's cold out there, and I'm afraid you'll be sick."

  Now Dae's head definitely turned. The familiar profile, sharper now with a thinness the rest of her body had countered, made me want to weep. Galya smiled and reached farther.

  "I'm glad to see you're up and around by yourself, sweetheart, but this really isn't the best place to be. It's cold out here, and dangerous. Please come in. Let me draw a bath for you. Let me take care of you."

  The love in Galya's voice was so poignant it made me look at Lir. He was looking back. We stared at each other while Galya spoke to Dae, urging her to come inside. My body trembled with a longing to touch his face, though I dared not.

  I loved this man, more than I'd ever loved anyone. If it had been him on the railing I would gladly have leaped out after him, if it meant my own death and his survival. The pain and beauty of my love made my body shake, because I had ruined it.

  "For your child," Galya said. "Think of that, Daelyn. Your own babe."

  "My son."

  I think all of us gasped at the sound of Dae's voice, silent for so long. It hadn't changed, hadn't grown softer or rougher, hadn't lost its constant edge of wit. She turned to face Galya. The wind whipped at the hem of her shift, and she stepped off the railing and onto the balcony.

  It creaked alarmingly and sank an inch. Galya yelped. Lir and I grabbed at the air. Daelyn only smiled and put her foot on the windowsill, gave her hand to Galya, let the former folly pull her inside.

  "I needed some fresh air," Daelyn said as nonchalantly as though she'd been taking a stroll around the garden.

  Galya hugged her fiercely, then pulled back and shook her. "You scared the life out of me, you foolish twit!"

  I expected Dae to be angry at such overfamiliar scolding, but she only leaned in to kiss Galya firmly on the mouth. "I'm sorry if I frightened you, my love."

  Galya pulled Dae toward a chair and fussed over her, covered her with a knitted blanket, knelt at her feet and warmed them with her hands. "What were you thinking, going out there like that? You could have been killed!"

  "I hadn't been thinking for such a very long time," Dae replied calmly. "I thought it was time I started again."

  Her gaze caught mine, and she looked at me, then Lir. "Don't you agree, Aeris?"

  Lir knelt in front of her. "Dae, we've been very worried about you."

  Daelyn waved a hand. "You have other business to worry about. Raising and training an army. 'Tis going to be spring, soon. When the snow melts, we'll be able to cross the mountains. We'll take back Alyria in full force."

  Galya rested her cheek on Daelyn's knee, and the prince stroked her maid's hair. "I've been learning to fight."

  "Good. We'll need every one we can get. Has my sister given you everything you need?"

  Lir shook his head with a bemused grin. "How like you, Dae. You kept us afraid for you for so many weeks and now you're back to ordering us around like nothing ever happened."

  A shadow passed along Daelyn's expression. "I was in a very dark place for awhile, Lir. But I'm out of it, now."

  She looked down at Galya. "Thanks to all of you."

  She looked at me again, then at Lir. "I'd like to be alone with Galya now. I think you two need to go somewhere alone and talk."

  Lir stiffened, his face going sour. "I don't have anything to say."

  Daelyn lifted a brow. "I am still your prince. When my son is born, I'll be your King. It's not a suggestion. It's an order."

  Lir shook his head. "You've been like a ghost for more than two months. You can't wake up and start issuing orders, especially about things you don't know anything about."

  "Can't I?" Daelyn's voice was as steely as I'd ever heard it. "I think I can. I won't have the two of you at odds like this. I love both of you too much to see you const
antly slicing each other to shreds. If you can't be lovers, you'd better figure out how to be friends."

  "I plead your mercy," Lir began, but Dae cut him off.

  "There is something bigger than both of you. There's no shame in putting aside your pride. There is shame in letting it rule you. Go to a room and lock yourselves in it. Don't come out until you've come to an agreement."

  Lir sighed. "You're as impossible as always."

  Daelyn looked pale and tired. "I'm going to take a long, hot bath now. Get out of here, both of you."

  Galya helped her to her feet and took her to the privy chamber. Daelyn hadn't asked for me, and I knew I had to accept my role as her fetchencarry was finished. Without a look at Lir, I left the room.

  I heard his boots on the tile floor behind me, but I kept walking. I didn't know where I was going, only that I was going alone. He said nothing but continued to follow me through the corridors and stairs, until at last he had followed me all the way to my door.

  I paused, then went inside. I didn't lock it behind me. After a moment, I heard the sound of the door open and close, then lock.

  I waited for him to speak. I felt him come close behind me, his breath warm on the back of my neck. His body didn't touch mine but I felt him all along me just the same. Again, I trembled with the force of my love for him.

  This was more than a need for physical pleasure. More than joy, more than anger, more than any emotion I'd ever felt. I was drowning in it, and I waited for him to reach out a hand to save me.

  "Can't you even turn around and look at me?"

  I shook my head, unable to move. He moved closer until his body met mine. His hands touched my arms, then slid down across my body to pull me against him. His mouth found the curve of my shoulder, his lips the bare flesh of my neck. He breathed in deeply, and I with him, together.

  We stayed that way for a while, silent, our hearts beating in time. I turned in Lir's embrace and put my cheek to his chest to feel the beat of his heart. His arms tightened around me.

  "I plead your mercy," he said at last. "I should have known how difficult this would be for you."

  I shook my head. "Daelyn was right. I've been full of pride. You offered me your love and I threw it away."

  "It's still yours," Lir said and tilted my chin up until I looked at him. "You're not my folly. I told you before that if you couldn't have me as your lover I would be honored to have you as my friend, and I still mean that."

  He shook his head with a rueful smile. "I can't say it wouldn't drive me to distraction, seeing you without being able to have you. But I would like to fight beside you, not with you."

  "I don't know enough about being anyone's lover to be sure I'm doing it right," I told him. "I can't be the kind of woman who wears fancy dresses and giggles behind her hand."

  "I wouldn't ask you to be."

  "I saw how you looked at me that day in the parlor social," I said. "I know I looked ridiculous."

  Lir laughed. "You must be joking."

  "You were staring at me like I'd grown a second head!"

  He brushed his lips against mine. "Aeris, I was staring at you because you looked absolutely gorgeous. I was desperately, madly in awe of you."

  "I made a fool of myself."

  "You did. But Sinder knows, you're not the only one who's ever wanted to dump Mara on her face." He squeezed me tighter. "I don't want you to change. I plead your mercy if it's seemed like I have."

  "I'm not good at this." I sighed and stepped away from him. "I still don't know how to find my place. Or if I'll be able to."

  He took my hand and brought it to his lips. "You don't have to do it alone."

  The enormity of what he offered overwhelmed me. For the first time in my life, I could be myself with another person. I didn't have to hide who I was. Didn't have to pretend. I could just...be.

  "Thank you," I told him and let him take me in his arms again.

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Daelyn returned to life as though she'd never left it. She took Carinda's court like a thunderstorm, her sharp wit and easy laughter making her an instant favorite with men and women alike. Her pregnancy became the talk of Elitan, for she wore it like a badge of honor.

  Nobody spoke of who the father of Daelyn's child must be, but I knew it had to be Rosten. His soldiers might have been good enough to abuse me, but no one but the Book Monster himself would have taken the Prince Regent. It didn't seem to matter to her.

  Unlike me, who kept to the simple trousers and tunics I'd always worn, Daelyn took to women's fashion with as much flair and enthusiasm as she had male fashion in Alyria. Her gowns rivaled even the best-dressed ladies', and she insisted on dressing Galya with equal splendor. Watching them together, I couldn't squash the last tiny flare of envy. I'd loved Daelyn for too long not to see her eyes light up with love for Galya and not wonder why I hadn't been able to earn the same.

  My envy was small, and helped by my relationship with Lir. I was happy for my friends. Daelyn hadn't changed in many ways, but Galya didn't mind serving her prince in the ways I'd never found to come so easily, and 'twas clear their love was fair and balanced.

  Our army grew stronger and its soldiers more skilled as the days grew longer and the sun warmer. Spring was coming, and with it, the need to attack.

  "How do you propose to surprise an entire army?" Carinda stabbed a piece of meat with her knife and lifted it to her mouth. "Crossing the mountains in small groups is one thing. Moving an army, even one as small as ours, is no small feat. We'll be able to gather the supplies and weapons we need, especially now that the trade routes with Divad will be opening again. But what to do once we get to Alyria?"

  "Rosten will be expecting us." Lir sat back in his chair and motioned to Gerard. As the only two men in our small circle, they'd formed a friendship of necessity. "He'll be watching the mountains, I can guarantee it."

  Carinda shot a glance at Daelyn. "I've had word he's planning a coronation to coincide with the spring Sinder's Birth celebration."

  Daelyn's plate was heaped with food. She'd gone a long time without eating much of anything, but seemed to be making up for it now. It showed in her plumping cheeks. "A coronation? He's never been interested in parties or frolic. All business, that man." After another moment, she looked angry. "A coronation! He's had sons, so he thinks he can be king! What a pompous ass!"

  "A power-hungry pompous ass," Lir added.

  "'Tis a wonder he's never tried to conquer Elitan," Gerard said. "We're just across the mountains."

  "Rosten is naught but a bully who only picks fights against those weaker than he," said Daelyn flatly. The fork in her hand wavered on the way to her mouth, but she took a deep breath and finished her bite, then gestured as she chewed to the servant who came forward and filled her plate again. "He'll be watching for us. He won't know for sure what sorts of forces Elitan has. Unless he's sure he can beat us, he won't cross those mountains."

  "Not right away, maybe," said Lir. "But the Book Monster wasn't satisfied with the power he had. He needed more. Do you really think he'll stop as King of Alyria?"

  Carinda also motioned for her wine cup to be refilled. "I take it you don't think so."

  "I think he'll wait for awhile until he's convinced himself something in the sacred texts allows him to invade other countries. Or his own greed makes him do it. Imagined riches are often more appealing than those in front of your face," Lir said.

  "Exactly why we should move against him before he can move on us." Gerard thumped the table hard enough to rattle the dishes. "'Tis time for Elitan and Alyria to join, but let it be on our terms, not his."

  Carinda gave him a fond look. "None of this solves our problem of how to win against an army three times the size of ours."

  I listened with half an ear while I watched the servant move among us. The sight of men in subservient roles still fascinated me. Nobody else seemed to notice him. It all became ridiculously clear.

  "Kedalya," I said.
>
  "Sinder's balls," replied Lir as if in agreement.

  I laughed. "I'm not cursing."

  Galya, who'd been silent this whole time, nodded. "The kedalya."

  "We need to take them by surprise. We need to sneak in as we snuck out, a few at a time. And when we're ready –"

  Galya clapped her hands. "We rise up when they'll least expect it, and we'll take back Alyria!"

  Daelyn sat up in her chair and looked at Galya. "Brilliant."