Coquette

by her now recurringdifficulties. She was absolutely unable to make a plan for Toby. She wasdisgusted with Gaga and his sickness. She was afraid and rebellious andexasperated. And as she lay there she felt Gaga moving, and heard hisfaint groaning, and shook with a frenzy that was a thousand times morethan irritation at the tangle in which she was placed. Like all youngpeople, she imperiously demanded a fresh start--to cut all this messaway, and begin again as though nothing at all had happened. She triedto repudiate her own actions. It was no good. She could not cancel them.What she had done was done, and the consequences were inexorable. It waswith consequences alone that she had to deal. Stifled screams rosewithin her. She turned frantically from side to side.

  "Sally!" peevishly protested Gaga. "I can't get ... get to sleep if youfidget like that. You're keeping me ... awake. Disturbing me."

  "Am I?" cried Sally, with suppressed anger steeling her voice. "I can'tget to sleep either. It's deadly!"

  "But you're ... fidgetting."

  "Oh.... I thought I was lying quite still!" she exclaimed, with irony. Abitter laugh was checked upon her lips.

  There was a silence, and Sally tried to sleep. It was of no use. With adeep sigh that was almost a passionate exclamation, she once again gaveway to her uncontrollable restlessness.

  "Sally!" came the grizzling voice of Gaga.

  "What?" she shouted, past all self-restraint.

  "You're fidgetting!"

  "Well! Who wouldn't? You groaning--groaning--groaning. Enough to makeanybody fidget. Why, you're making me sick! Why can't you look afteryourself?... What's the use of eating things that make you ill?"

  "I didn't," groaned Gaga. "I only want to get to sleep."

  "O--oh!" It was a savage, inhuman sound of horror and despair. Sally,unendurably exasperated, slipped out of bed, and put on a skirt andcoat. Then she went into the sitting-room, made up the fire, and curledherself up in one of the armchairs. A thin voice followed her.

  "Sally!" It was a direct call to hysteria. "Sally.... Sally...."

  "Oh, shut up!" cried Sally. "I can't stand it. I can't stand it."

  "My dearest...."

  She ignored Gaga; but she could not sleep. Although he called no more,she heard him still occasionally making some plaintive sound, while shecontinued to lie curled in the chair until her limbs were cramped. Longshe pondered upon her fate and her situation; and the morning found herstill irresolute, filled with distaste for Gaga, and fear of Toby, and ageneral loathing of the difficulties which she and they had jointlycreated. She was unhappy in a way that she had never previously known,helplessly indignant, and all the time argumentative and explanatory toherself because she knew that for all that was now threatening her shealone was at heart to blame. But this did not prevent Sally fromdisliking Gaga as she had not hitherto disliked him; for Gaga was theperson whom she had most injured, and the person who now stood in theway of complete liberty. It was as yet only an hysterical exasperationdue to her search for some scapegoat; but his sickness and his peevishcomplaints of her restlessness had added to Sally's feeling aningredient of distaste which she could not overcome.

  viii

  In the morning, when they met, Gaga was sulkily distant; and Sally satopposite to him at their chilly breakfast with a puckered brow and acurled lip. It was not hatred that fired her, but repugnance. If Gagahad made any motion towards an embrace she would wildly have pushed himfrom her. She could not have borne his touch. She was even thankful thathe was so silent. In this estrangement she found momentary relief. Andall the time, hammering in her head, was the one thought--Toby, Toby.What was she to do with Toby? As she left Gaga at breakfast she wasstill on the borders of hysteria. She was suffering so much from thetrials of the night that she was hardly in her senses.

  The workroom, with its routine and the need for hiding her feelings,gave her more relief. She could at least take some pains to sewaccurately, to watch the other girls, and to notice how Miss Summersstarted at the slightest noise. Miss Summers, Sally knew, was worryingabout Madam and Madam's health. By now Gaga would be on his way to hismother's home, equally concerned. Only Sally was indifferent to Madam'shealth. She had no interest in it. Where she would, but for Toby, havefollowed every report with curiosity, she was now more than callous.Madam was the least of her dilemmas. Sally's eyes closed; slowly sherocked to and fro, forgetting even the girls, and ignoring her workaltogether. Toby. Her heart contracted with fear. Toby.

  And yet the day wore on, and she came to no conclusion. Late in theafternoon there came a telephone message. Gaga was on the line, askingfor Sally. A thrill went round the workroom. Gaga-- Sally! All the girlslooked at one another. With a quickly-beating heart Sally went into thetelephone box and answered. As if directly in her ear, Gaga spoke; buthis voice was so strained that she hardly recognised it. She was stillunforgiven. The voice said: "Sally, my ... my mother's very ill. I muststay here. I shan't come to the hotel to-night. You ... you'll be allright."

  Like lightning Sally answered: "I'll go home to-night."

  The voice said "Wha-at?" and she repeated her reply. Gaga seemed almostpleased. He commended the plan. And Sally hung up the receiver with asudden flush that made her whole body feel warm. It was a profoundrelief to her. And in the midst of relief she found another emotion morevehement still. She found passionate joy, and overwhelming temptation,and then again a sharp icy fear. The emotions were all gone in aninstant. She was once more self-possessed. She returned to the workroomwith an impassive face.

  "He didn't say anything about Madam. He wants me to take round a parcelhe left here last night," she glibly explained. "He's not coming into-day at all. I'm to take it round after I leave work."

  With immediate care, she went into Madam's room and made up a smallparcel containing a cheap novel which Gaga had left there. This shebrought to her place and kept before her. Incredulously, the other girlswatched and sneered. It was the first inkling they had had of anyspecial relationship between Sally and Gaga. To the minds of alloccurred memory of that scene in the country, when Gaga had beenentranced by Sally's song. They remembered the unknown girl's joyousyell, "What price Gaga on the love path! Whey!" And they rememberedMiss Rapson's word about Sally--"deep." The white-faced cocket! RoseAnstey stared angrily at Sally, who returned the glance with a coolnessthe more destructive because it arose from indifference. But Sally knewall that was going on around her. Gaga had been a fool to ask for herpointedly; and yet what else, in the circumstances, could he have done?

  Her excitement rose as the afternoon progressed; and by the evening shewas in a fever. When all the other girls were gathering together theirwork and their out-of-door clothes she joined the general melee withsomething that approached fierceness. It was not that Sally had any needto hurry, for there were two hours ahead of her; but she was on fire tobe gone, to take her little parcel to the hotel, to give the clerk therenews of her intended absence for the night, and to make a carefultoilette before her appointment. The time was too slow for Sally. Shewas biting her lips with impatience more than an hour before the timeagreed upon for the meeting. Her old longing for Toby had come back withextraordinary strength. As the darkness grew she slipped out of thehotel and into the night-sheltered streets. For long she walked rapidlyabout London, examining each clock she passed until the vagaries of themall so heightened her passion that she could have shrieked at theirfresh discrepancies.

  And at last it was nearly eight o'clock, and she walked round and roundthe Marble Arch in the tortured light of the ballooned lamps, and roundthe outer side of the wide road thereabouts. There was as yet no sign ofToby. It wanted two or three minutes to the hour. A rush of traffic madeOxford Street roar as if with fury. It was like the sea, but withoutgradations of sound. Big red motor-omnibuses thundered along, and cabsflew by. There were occasional electric broughams such as she coveted,which tinkled a bell instead of sounding some one of the ugly hornswhich added their noise to the general racket. And Toby did not come. Apanic seized her. Perhaps her letter after all h
ad been forwarded tohim? Perhaps he was not coming? Much as she had dreaded his violence,such a failure now impressed her as even more sinister. She had stoppeddead in the violence of this sudden thought, and was for the momentblinded and deafened, when Toby gently took her arm. Sally's first jumpof horror was followed by such an abandonment to his arms that she wasrendered quite unconscious of the place and the notice of those whopassed. Only she recognised that Toby was there, that he was not angry,that he was the same strong lover she had always known, ready anddetermined, her lover among all men.

  "Not the pictures. Not the pictures," she pleaded, with tears in hervoice. "Come for a walk. Come this