Coquette

which Sally and Gaga could never use. Itwas characteristic of her that she made this definite reservation; butwith Gaga's consent she finally made Miss Summers happy by such alavish present that Sally might have done many strange things withoutever losing the loyalty of her adjutant.

  She slept by herself in a room connected with Gaga's room by an opendoor. She was thus able to tend him during his frequent fits of sicknessand weakness, which often took the form of long hypochondriacal attacks;and was at the same time given opportunity for active thought andplanning. Sally was very happy in these days, for nothing gives greaterhappiness than incessant occupation that is flattering to the vanity.She walked with a new air, looked about her with confidence and a senseof ownership. Above all, she had reached that almost super-humanstate--she knew herself to be indispensable.

  xiii

  When Gaga seemed to be well enough, they went out for a time each day,and Sally tried to interest him in plans for a change of home. He wasstill so feeble that he was rather listless and querulous; but when shetold him the sort of flat she wanted nearer town, and the sort offurniture, Gaga caught fire, and became enthusiastic. His eyes glowed.Much more gently than ever before, and to that extent more tolerably, hekissed her. He proclaimed Sally's genius. Everything she suggestedappeared to him more excellent than the last thing: if she had been asilly girl she might have been made reckless. But having interested himshe became rather afraid of his eager support. The flat was to be _her_flat. She did not want Gaga blundering in with enthusiastic mistakes.And another thing was that the doctor warned her about the dangers ofexcitement.

  "Your husband's not a strong man, Mrs. Merrick," he said. "He's noteven a sound man. You don't want him to get too excited. It's bad forhim. Go slow."

  "I'll try," agreed Sally. But it was with a shrug. "You see how he is. Imustn't be out of his sight; and yet _something's_ got to be done."

  "You're a very plucky girl," remarked the doctor feebly; and he wentaway.

  Sally's shrug had been sincere. She would have preferred to doeverything alone; but to do so would have been to make Gaga fully as illas any over-excitement could do. They accordingly went about together,looking for a flat. They discovered one at last in Mayfair; anddecorations were begun there. It was not a large flat, and the roomswere not all large; but it was cosy, and the furnishing of it was goingto give Sally a satisfaction hard to exceed. The two of them exulted inthe flat. They walked through and through it. They saw the wallpapersand the paint, and admired everything in the most delicious mannerpossible.

  And then the doctor's warning was justified. Gaga collapsed. He faintedin the flat, overcome by the smell of paint and the excitement ofproprietorship. With the help of one of the painters Sally took him homein a cab and put him to bed. The doctor arrived, nodded, and was not inthe least surprised or alarmed. Sally was merely to be Gaga's nurse oncemore. It did not matter to the doctor, who had no interest in Gagaexcept as a patient.

  "It's rough on you, though," he said to Sally. He was a bald man offifty, with a cold eye and a cold, fish-like hand. He was interested innothing outside his profession and his meals. To him Sally was a pluckylittle thing; but Sally could not find that he thought anything moreabout her. She shrugged again. "So sorry," said the doctor. "Good-bye."

  When he had gone, Sally frowned. Bother! All her plans were interrupted.Her energies were subdued. Thoughtfully, she began to consider how farshe might act alone. She wondered whether she might persuade Gaga to lether go out in the mornings or the afternoons. He _must_ do so, and yetshe knew he would not like it. Although the decision always lay withher, he had the sick and nervous man's fussy wish to seem to make achoice. He wanted to be there, to be heard, to announce Sally's decisionin a loud voice as his own.

  "What a man he is!" thought Sally. "Big kid. Got to have a say ineverything. And he _can't_!" The last words were spoken aloud, sovehemently did she feel them. "He can't, because he doesn't know.O-o-oh!"

  She beat one hand upon the other, in a sudden passion. For a moment shehad an unexpected return of hysteria. And as she took two or threefierce paces Sally without warning felt dizzy. She clung to a chair; andthe dizziness immediately passed. It frightened her, none the less,because she had been feeling unwell for some days, and she had a horrorof illness.

  "Here, here!" she exclaimed. "None of that. _I_ mustn't get ill. Oh,lor! If I was to get ill _wouldn't_ there be a shimozzle! Gaga'd go offhis head. And everything else--pouf!"

  It amused her to realise this. It made her forget the unexplained sickdizziness which had given rise to her reflections, because the thingwhich Sally above everything else had always desired was to be asimportant as she now found herself. At the age of eighteen she wasdominating a world which she had long since determined to conquer.

  xiv

  During the week following, Sally had no time for any thing butattendance upon Gaga. She was herself feeling sick and wretched; andGaga was very ill indeed. He was sometimes extremely feeble, so that alethargy fell upon him and he lay so quiet that Sally believed him to beasleep. But at her first movement he would unclose his eyes and groanher name, groping with his finger to detain her. So she sat in his bigsquare bedroom with the drab walls and the plain furniture, watching thedaylight fade and pondering to herself. It was a gloom period, and ithad a perceptible effect upon her vitality. At other times Gaga wouldrally, would even sit up and talk in his old stammer, his grey facewhitened and sharpened by illness. Always he demanded her kisses,although at times she had such horror of being made love to by one soill that she was pricked by a perfect frenzy of nerves. He would sit bythe fire, passing his thin hand across her shoulders, stooping andcaressing her and catching her neck with his fingers in order to bringher cheek the more submissively to his own. His lips were everencroaching, and his fevered clasp was so incessant and so vibrant withoverstrung excitement as to create a sense of repulsion. It was atyranny, to which Sally listlessly yielded because she had not thespirit to resist. She also knew that resistance would make him illagain; and however much she chafed at his kisses she chafed still moreat the constant attention demanded by Gaga's state of health, which kepther ever there and delayed intolerably the execution of those planswhich would have interposed a relief from these intimacies. Then againhe would be seized with fits of vomiting which shook his frame and madehim so ill that he had to be helped back to bed and comforted as if hewere a child. It was a weary time, much shorter than it appeared to bein her slow watching of the clock; and she could not have endured it atall if her resolution had been less tough. Sometimes, too, Sally knewthat she was rather fond of Gaga. Her feeling for him was a mixture ofemotion; but she never actively disliked him, even when she was bored byhis constant show of possessiveness. The truth was that she had grown tobe afraid. She was like a Frankenstein, and her monstrous plan hadbecome too great to be carried through alone. She was frightened thatGaga would die; and she did not want him to die. He was necessary toher, because at present he was the key to her scheme of immediate life.

  Each evening Miss Summers came; and the tale she brought of orders givenand executed was satisfactory. But even Miss Summers knew that thingswere not going well. All that practical direction which Madam hadbrought to the business was lost. Everything that had given distinctionin the choice of material and style was in danger. There were newpurchases to be made, and new designs furnished. All that vast part inthe business which occurred before a customer entered into negotiationshad been managed entirely by Madam, and it was suspended in her absence.Some of this work was routine, and could be conducted without her; butas the days passed it became evident that important matters were beingdelayed, that they were accumulating, that unless something could bedone quickly to check the slide the business would become mechanical andits individuality be destroyed. Thus Sally learnt that her ambition hadled her to grasp at power which she could not wield. If she had beenable to go to work she could have learnt very easily. She had such quicktaste, and such confidence, that, with Miss Summe
rs at her side, inspite of many mistakes, she could have dealt with much that was nowslipping. But she was unable to leave Gaga. When she tried to explainthe needs of the moment to him Gaga turned weakly away, incapable ofgrasping more than the fact that she was his wife and that he neededher. At a speech concerning the business he shrugged his shoulders, andbecame stupidly ineffective.

  One night, when she was in bed, Sally thought of all this, and was firstdespondent and then dispirited. The mood intensified. Once it hadgripped her she knew no peace. She was in helpless torment. Before sheknew quite what she was doing she had drawn the bedclothes over her headand was bitterly sobbing. Little disjointed phrases were jerked from herlips in this painful abandonment to fear and the sense of lonelypowerlessness. She was at last