Melody

  As if on cue, Adam sauntered down the corridor and paused when he reached us. All three of the witches from Macbeth fluttered their eyelashes and beamed their most seductive smiles, but his eyes were on me.

  "Good morning, girls. Exchanging feminine secrets or can I listen in?" he asked with that beguiling smile. Even early in the morning, he looked perfect enough to have just walked out of an aftershave advertisement in a men's magazine.

  "We were just telling Melody about what a great beach party she missed," Janet said.

  "That's right. It was a great party," he agreed, his eyes still fixed on me.

  "Debbie McKay certainly had a good time," Betty said. "Didn't she, Adam?"

  "You'll have to ask her," he replied with a nonchalance that made the three giggle.

  "I'm sure we'll find out," Lorraine said. "Debbie's the kind who kisses and tells. See you later, Melody," she sang.

  "Yeah, see you later," Betty echoed. The three walked off, leaving me with Adam.

  "Now you know why I want you to keep the things between us secret," he said looking after them. "The gossipmongers around here work overtime. I'll walk you to homeroom," he offered when I closed my locker. "Everything else all right? You didn't get into trouble after our ride yesterday, did you?"

  "No," I said.

  "Good."

  I noticed everyone's interest as we continued down the corridor. Even Mrs. Cranshaw, the librarian, peered at us over her thick lenses.

  "I really had a good time with you," Adam said softly. "Did you like it, too?"

  "Yes, I did."

  "Good. Until eight o'clock," he whispered at the homeroom door. "Don't disappoint me." He squeezed my hand and walked away.

  My heart pounded. Was I really going to meet him? Did I have the courage? His lips had the lure of forbidden fruit, but oh, how luscious, ripe, and delicious was the promise they had left on my own when he held me in his arms and kissed me. I sighed.

  When I turned to go into the classroom, I saw each and every girl was looking my way. All looked curious, many looked envious.

  "That didn't take long," Theresa Patterson said coming up behind me as I walked to my desk.

  "Pardon?"

  "For Adam Jackson to find a new fish," she muttered, walking by.

  The girls in this school, I thought, gave the word catty a new meaning. Adam wasn't wrong about that. Cary had told me much the same thing.

  I didn't see my cousin until lunch time in the cafeteria. When I did, he looked very excited and happy. He had taken his English test and for the first time, he felt confident of the results afterward.

  "Every time I considered an answer, I could hear your voice, your advice. It didn't seem as hard as I thought it would be."

  "Good," I said. I looked past him toward the cafeteria's entrance, hoping to spot Adam. I expected he would want to sit with me, but when he came in, he was with some boys and they all went to a table on the right. He gazed my way and smiled. He looked as if he were holding court. Cary saw the direction of my interest and my expression of disappointment.

  "Thanks for your help," he said dryly and started away.

  "Cary," I called. He turned. "Mind if I sit with you? I'd rather skip my new girl friends for the moment."

  I could see they had a place open for me at their table, but it would have been like delivering myself to the Spanish Inquisition, torture chamber and all.

  Cary shrugged and looked in Adam's direction. "Suit yourself," he said. "It won't be the most exciting table, though." I followed anyway and he introduced me to two of his friends, Billy Beedsly and John Taylor. Their families were also in the lobster and fish business. They asked me a lot of questions about coal mines, but they were frustrated by my limited knowledge of the industry.

  "My father was stuck down in the shafts, locked away from sunlight and air, and I hated thinking about it. He didn't like talking about it much either."

  "Why did he do it then?" Billy asked. Cary and I exchanged knowing looks.

  "It was the best work for the money at the time," I offered and then Cary managed to change the subject. At the end of the day, Cary eagerly waited for me, a wide, satisfied grin on his face.

  "I wasn't sure you were going straight home," he said, obviously pleased that I was alone.

  "I am. You look as if you have a secret."

  "Oh, I do," he said starting away quickly. I had to walk fast to catch up.

  "Well, what is it?"

  "Nothing much."

  "Cary Logan." I seized him by the elbow and spun him around. "Tell me this moment."

  "Mr. Madeo stapped me in the hall as I was on my way out of the building to tell me he corrected the English tests already. I got a ninety-eight! He wanted to congratulate me and ask me how I had done it. I told him I had a great tutor and he said, 'Don't stop working with her.--

  "Oh Cary. Ninety-eight!"

  "It's the best test grade I ever got!" he exclaimed. "See. You can do it if you want to."

  He shrugged. "Thanks to you. Anyway, I decided you were right. I have to learn how to talk properly and be educated if I'm going to be a businessman," He was grinning from ear to ear.

  "Congratulations. I'm so happy for you."

  "Let's celebrate," he said. "Let's do something special tonight after dinner.Ill take you to town for custard."

  My heart sank into my stomach. He saw the expression plain as day on my face.

  "What?" he asked.

  "I already made a promise to someone," I said.

  He nodded. "Okay," he said and walked ahead.

  "Maybe tomorrow night," I offered, running to catch up.

  "Sure," he said. "But let's wait and see. You might have made another promise by then." He shut up like a turtle, his shoulders rising, his neck sinking. It made me feel sick inside. I realized how much it must have taken for him to reveal his feelings to me. Since Laura's death, he was all clammed up.

  I felt pinched by contradictory emotions. They were like scissors cutting me in half. One part of me was full of excitement--counting the minutes to my rendezvous with Adam--while another part of me longed to share Cary's elation and be part of his return to trust, to hope, to a world where there were sunshine and stars and not the gloom of his tragic memories. Just for tonight, I thought, I wished I could duplicate myself and be in two places at once.

  But I couldn't, and there just wasn't anything to do about it but feel sorry.

  Cary walked ahead of me all the way to May's school. When he saw her run to me, he just kept walking. "See that she gets home all right," he called behind himself.

  "We're coming. Wait up!" I cried.

  But he didn't slow down and May was full of questions and stories. I had to watch him round the bend and disappear, his shoulders still scrunched up, making him look like an old man. It brought tears to my eyes, but I held them back and put on my best smile for May, who chatted away with her hands all the way home.

  Cary remained down at the dock with Uncle Jacob until just before dinner. As usual, I helped Aunt Sara prepare the meal, but right before Uncle Jacob and Cary returned, the phone rang. Aunt Sara answered it and called out to me excitedly.

  "It's your mother, dear!"

  My heart stopped and then started again, pitterpattering so quickly, I thought I wouldn't have the voice with which to speak. I walked slowly into the living room and took the receiver from Aunt Sara, wondering if the wires could hold the heat of the words I wanted to scream over them.

  "Hello," I began.

  "Hi, honey. I just have a couple of minutes, but--"

  "Don't you dare rush off again, Mommy. Don't you dare."

  "Oh Melody, we're in Los Angeles and I'm--"

  "How could you lie to me so much?" My throat started to tighten almost immediately. I thought I would choke before I got out my words. "How could you have kept your real adoptive parents a secret? Why didn't you ever tell me you and Daddy grew up together?"

  After a short pause, she replied, "Y
our father didn't want to tell you all that, Melody. He wanted to protect you from all that was unpleasant."

  "Don't put it all on him, Mommy. He's dead. He can't answer."

  "Well, it wasn't just me! He wanted it that way, too," she proclaimed.

  "Why?" I cried. "Why not tell me the truth about how you really met and fell in love? Why not tell me why the family was angry?" I demanded. The tears were burning under my lids.

  "Chester thought you were too young to understand."

  "But I'm not too young now! Why did you leave me here without telling me the truth, the whole truth about you and Daddy? How could you do that?"

  She was quiet a moment and then she admitted, "I didn't think you would stay if I told you all that, Melody, and I didn't have much choice at the time. If you are as old as you claim you are, you'll

  understand."

  "Mommy, these people hate you and they hate Daddy for what you two did. How can I stay here?"

  "Uncle Jacob will never throw you out, Melody," she said. "And he has no right to be so high and mighty, believe me. Don't let him talk down to you. Don't be a troublemaker, but don't take his, . . garbage,"

  "I can't stay here, Mommy, and I want to know more. I want to know everything."

  "You will. I promise. You're obviously old enough now to know our side of the story. Who told you anyway, Jacob, Sara, or Olivia?"

  "I saw your pictures. Grandma Olivia put all the pictures of you and Daddy in cartons," I told her. "They don't mention Daddy's name, they don't talk about his accident. It's horrible."

  "Olivia's doing, I'm sure. The whole time I lived there, I could never call her anything but Olivia, you know. I could never call her mother," she said with bitterness.

  "But why did they take you into their home? Why did they adopt you?"

  "It's a very involved story, honey. That's another reason why I couldn't get into it before I left Provincetown. Just hold out a little longer. Put up with their snobbery a little longer," she pleaded.

  "Mommy, you never called Mama Arlene to get my things sent up here."

  "I'll do it right after I hang up," she promised.

  "And Alice called and told me Papa George was in the hospital, very sick."

  "It was expected, honey."

  "Mommy, I can't stay here. Please come back for me or send for me. I'll meet you anywhere and put up with anything, travel, running about from city to city. I'll never complain about anything. I promise. I swear."

  "Melody, I'm in Los Angeles! I'm in

  Hollywood! I have appointments, auditions. Can you imagine? Something wonderful is going to happen and soon, just as I told you. Give me a little longer. Finish school there, at least. Then, during the summer months--"

  "Mommy." Tears streamed down my face. "Why did they hate you for marrying Daddy? Why didn't they accept it? You weren't blood relatives."

  "We disobeyed Queen Olivia," she quipped. "Just stay out of her way. She'll die soon and put everyone out of their misery. Ooo, " she said, "I just hate talking about them. They made us suffer. Get everything you can out of them. They owe you. That family owes us more than it can ever repay. Do your own thing and ignore them. Uncle Jacob won't throw you out."

  "Mommy--"

  "I have to go, honey. I have an appointment.Ill call Arlene. I promise."

  "But where are you? How can I reach you?"

  "We haven't settled into one place yet. I'll let you know," she said. "When we're together again, we'll have a long talk, a grown-up talk, and I'll tell you everything, every last crummy detail. Be good, honey."

  "Mommy!"

  The click sounded like thunder.

  I shouted louder. 'Mommy!" I squeezed the neck of the receiver with all my might and screamed into it again.

  Aunt Sara came running.

  The front door opened and Uncle Jacob stopped in the corridor with Cary right behind him.

  I was crying hysterically now, bawling without control. "What's going on here? What's the meaning of this outburst?" Uncle Jacob demanded.

  "She was talking to Haille," Aunt Sara explained. "Well I won't have this sort of emotional display. Stop it!" he commanded.

  I cradled the receiver slowly and then wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand, glaring at him. The fury in my eyes took him aback and he blinked.

  "Go clean yourself up," he ordered, "or you won't have any dinner."

  "I don't want any dinner. I don't want anything from you," I said through clenched teeth.

  Uncle Jacob reddened. Cary's mouth fell open and Aunt Sara gasped.

  "I don't want anything from this. . this horrible family." I ran from the living room.

  "See!" Uncle Jacob cried after me as I started up the stairs. "And you thought she was like Laura. That's Hailles daughter."

  I stopped abruptly and turned, glaring down at him.

  "What's wrong with being Haille's daughter? Why do you always say that? What did she ever do to you?" I demanded.

  He looked at Aunt Sara and then at me. "She didn't do anything to me. What she did, she did to herself and to Chester."

  "What? What?" I screamed.

  "Go up to your room until you calm down," he said, visibly shaken. I didn't move. What was it Mommy kept saying: he would never throw me out? How did she know? What made her so sure? Every time I uncovered one secret, there were ten more bundled beneath it, I thought. "Go on," he ordered.

  "I'll go where I like when I like," I said defiantly. My boldness surprised us both and left him stuttering for the right words. I trembled, but tried to look calm so I could continue to face him.

  "Ah, suit yourself," he finally said. "I'll have none of it. You wanted her here, you put up with her," he told Aunt Sara. Then he waved his hand as if chasing flies and marched through the house. Cary stared up at me, a stunned look on his face.

  "Oh dear. Oh dear, dear," Aunt Sara mumbled.

  "I'm sorry, Aunt Sara," I said. I took a deep breath. "I have to rest for a little while."

  She looked up at me sadly and shook her head. "It was all going so well, wasn't it, Cary?"

  "Let her be," he said and followed after Uncle Jacob.

  I turned and continued up the stairs to my room. Behind the closed door, I let my tears of sorrow, tears of fear, and tears of loneliness flow freely.

  I was on my stomach on the bed so I didn't hear May knock and then come in to see me. I felt her little hand on my shoulder and turned sharply. She looked as if she was about to cry because I was crying.

  "What's wrong?" she signed.

  I smiled through my tears. "I'm all right," I told her. "I'll be all right."

  Then I sat up and hugged her, clung to her as tightly as I would cling to a life raft in a sea storming with turmoil.

  13

  Angry at Them All

  .

  Mainly because I didn't want May to be upset

  any more than she was, I went down to dinner. I had no appetite. The heavy atmosphere of the night before was nothing compared to the cemetery stillness that pervaded the dining room tonight. It was so quiet I could hear Uncle Jacob crunching his food between his back teeth, and Aunt Sara's little whimpers between her bites and swallows. The tapping of silverware, clanking of dishes, and pouring of water created the most noise. Everyone spoke in

  monosyllables or short sentences whenever he or she spoke.

  "Bread, Jacob?"

  He grunted yes.

  "Would you like more chicken, Cary?" "No, Ma."

  Cary watched my every move. I ate like a bird,

  pecking at my food, keeping my eyes down. I didn't know whom I was more angry at: Mommy, Uncle Jacob, my grandparents. Maybe I was equally angry at all of them. I was even angry at myself for agreeing to remain here. How could I have believed Mommy's promises? One lie spun another when it came to the Logans, and Mommy had caught their lying disease.

  Aunt Sara tried to cheer me up by talking about the Blessing of the Fleet, a June festival that took place yearly in Prov
incetown. She said there would be lots of boats, people in costumes, great food and games. Whenever she asked Uncle Jacob about something, he would simply grunt a yes or a no, his eyes mostly on me. I sensed that I had scratched a scab on his memory when I had screamed my questions at him in the hallway. He didn't look irritated as much as stunned.

  Aunt Sara made a final attempt to inject some joviality into our dinner by mentioning Cary's English test result. Uncle Jacob expressed surprise and approval, but when Cary explained that it was all because of my tutoring, Uncle Jacob grew dark again.

  "Laura used to help Cary like that, too. Remember, Jacob?" Aunt Sara said smiling. "I remember," he said. "I have something to do

  at the dock." He pushed himself away from the table

  and stood. "Don't make me any coffee."

  "I'll have some hot water steaming for tea for

  you when you return, Jacob," Aunt Sara promised. He

  glanced at me once more, then left the room. "If you have homework, you don't have to help

  me with the dishes tonight, Melody," Aunt Sara said.

  She was trying her best to make things right again. I

  felt sorry for her, but even sorrier for myself. Cary's eyes were fixed on me. They were

  strangely haunted. Was he still angry at me or did he

  feel sorry for me? From the day I arrived, I had felt

  Cary carried deep secrets in his heart, secrets that

  resembled chunks of lead weighing him down,

  making him grow older faster. It was why he seemed

  so bitter all the time and why the girls at school saw

  him as Grandpa.

  "I do have something to do tonight, Aunt Sara,"

  I said. "I'm going to study for a test with a friend." Cary looked down, his head lowering as if in

  prayer. "Oh? Well . . yes, Laura did that once in a

  while.

  Who was it she studied with, Cary? Sandra

  Turnick?"

  "Yeah," he said quickly, but he didn't look up. "She has a sister in your class, doesn't she,

  Melody? Is that who you're studying with tonight?" "No," I said. Cary lifted his eyes and gazed at

  me. "It's someone else. Janet Parker," I said. Cary