Be My December

  “Why are you sitting over here like a social outcast?”

  The sound of Ashlyn’s voice caused me to crack a smile. My arms shot out and she yelped as I pulled her onto my lap, and she immediately wrapped her arms around my neck and fell into my chest. To an outsider we would look like a couple simply snuggling on the couch together but this was just us. The closeness that we shared was what kept us together, it kept the strength of our friendship alive, a friendship that had been built on heartbreak that we both suffered and heartbreak that we helped each other get through.

  “I am trying to stay away from Eden,” I admitted sheepishly.

  “It’s not working though?”

  “I just told her that I preferred brunettes and that if she dyed her hair blond, I’d make a fucking exception for her.” I groaned at the stupidity of my statement.

  Ashlyn’s laughter spun around us grabbing everyone’s attention. My eyes instantly fled to the kitchen where Josh and Eden both stood watching us. Josh knew all about my friendship with Ashlyn and simply shook his head dismissively at the scene and turned back to his conversation with a guy I recognized from college while Eden continued watching Ashlyn and I closely.

  “I never thought I’d be in this position again,” I admitted still locked on Eden’s eyes. She broke contact and turned back toward Josh and his friend and I turned back to Ashlyn. “It’s killing me Ash. The words are sitting on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t risk saying everything I want to because I know what would happen.”

  Ashlyn’s face fell at my words, and she was hit by a storm of her own emotions as she glanced over at Eden. “I fucking hate secrets.”

  “Me too Ash, me too,” I replied with all sincerity.

  Ashlyn climbed off my lap, kissed my forehead and disappeared back into the kitchen. I kept to myself, talking to those who came to me but wanting to sit on my own while the party continued around me. Later that night, I stood in the bathroom looking at my reflection in the mirror. I had just escaped the craziness of the party for a couple of minutes of peace and now as I stared back at myself I tried to think of a scenario that would allow me to disappear to my apartment.

  The door burst open breaking my peace. I shot a furious look into the mirror directed squarely at the intruder who dared to shatter my solitude, but the moment my eyes met Ashlyn’s panicked washed face in the mirror, my fury floated away, only to be replaced with unease. I knew immediately that something wasn’t right, and it unleashed panic within me. She rushed into the room completely oblivious to what she could actually be walking in to and grabbed my arm, tugging me toward the door in desperation. “Chris just turned up completely uninvited, and he’s found Eden.”

  Hearing his name fall from Ashlyn’s lips pissed me off. Why the fuck was he here? Actually I knew why he was here, and it had everything to do with Eden and everything to do with fucking with my head. I didn’t get hesitate for a second. I stormed out of the bathroom with Ashlyn in tow and rushed through Josh’s apartment in search of Eden.

  Chris had her body pinned up against the bar by his and his hands were cupping her face, forcing her to look at him. Eden’s eyes met mine over his shoulder as I sprinted across the room toward her and safety flashed within them. The moment I reached him my protective instincts took over. I tore at the back of his shirt, ripping his body away from hers. My hand encased his throat as I pushed him violently up against the wall, with such force that one of Josh’s pieces of art rattled against the grey wall and fell to the ground below.

  “How many fucking times do I have to warn you? Stay the fuck away from her and keep your hands to yourself. When will you understand that she is mine?” I hissed with stern warning, pushing harder against his throat until his face started flaming red and his attempts at breath were cut off.

  The smirk that crossed his face wasn’t missed. His eyes glided between me and Eden with such intrigue and intent to shock and destroy. I witnessed the exact moment realization hit him. If wickedness had a face it was now taunting me and loving every single fucking part of it. “Does she know?” Chris choked out with a spiteful tongue.

  My body froze, but the pressure of my hand on his throat didn’t diminish. He and I were both aware that he was holding all the power in the palm of his hands, but I refused to give him the opportunity to speak any further.

  “Shut your fucking mouth,” Josh warned beside me. “Who the fuck invited you here? You are not welcome here or anywhere near me, Ky, Eden, or Ashlyn, do you fucking hear me? Get the fuck out of here before you regret stepping foot into my house.”

  “Ky,” Eden’s soft, pleading voice hit my ears full force. I had completely forgotten anyone else was in the room. I tore my eyes from Chris’s reddening face and found Eden’s apprehensive gaze looking back at me.

  I released my grip on his throat, and he gasped for a much needed breath. My arm found Eden’s waist, and I pulled her close to my body, and she came willingly. “Come with me,” I breathed into her ear.

  I pulled her away from Chris who was still spitting insults and with my arm still firmly placed around her waist I headed toward the opposite side of Josh’s apartment. I knew I had grabbed every single person’s attention with my outburst but right now I didn’t give a fuck. My attention was completely on the girl who now stood in front of me, her back up against the grey painted walls. Her eyes widened as I stepped into her space and wrapped my arms around her waist resting my hands on her lower back.

  “We are acting remember. This is simply chapter two of me being a knight in shining armor.”

  “Okay Ky.” She inhaled sharply and her hands gripped the front of my shirt.

  I leaned toward her until my forehead rested against hers. My arms tightened so she fell against my chest, my arms cocooning her tightly. Our breath bounced of each other’s lips and even though our lips weren’t touching it was the most intense moment I had shared with someone and I knew all eyes were on us.

  “I never imagined our first kiss would be because we had to pretend,” I whispered hoarsely. “There is not going to be anything perfect, spectacular, or spontaneous about this, and I fucking hate that.”

  She opened her blue eyes and looked directly at me without an ounce of fear swimming before me. It made me breathe a sigh of relief but it also unleashed a torrent of confusion.

  “This is the second time I’ve pulled you away like a caveman stating that you are mine so I need to make it realistic Eden. You have about ten seconds to say no before I kiss you.”

  “I…..Yes.”

  “Come with me,” I said for the second time in the space of five minutes. My hands fell from her waist and grabbed her hand. She didn’t falter. We fell into silence as I clutched her hand obsessively and headed toward the large sliding door that led to Josh’s balcony. It was freezing cold, but I didn’t want our first kiss to be up against a wall in my brother’s apartment while strangers watched on with gawking eyes. I knew we were now only being watched by three people; Josh, Ashlyn, and Chris. I slid open the door and nodded out onto the tiled floor which housed a BBQ, two lounging chairs, and a glass table.

  “It’s freezing,” she hissed, her teeth chattering and her arms going protectively around her waist to try and gain some much needed warmth as I followed her out and shut the glass door behind us.

  I pulled her toward me, and she yelped at my suddenness of my movements. The freezing air was awash with evidence of our harsh intake of breath as we both fought our own internal battles. Her body smashed into mine as she lost balance and her arms went around my waist on instinct and locked tight. Fuck. I could feel her heart beating rapidly against my chest, and it unleashed the beast inside me. I was doing that to her and whether it was in fear or excitement I didn’t really care. My hands cupped her face, my thumb traced the length of her bottom lip as her eyes beamed at me, not willing or able to look away.

  “When’s the last time you kissed a man?” I whispered, knowing that I was officially crossing every sing
le boundary I had been desperate to put up.

  “Two years ago.” Her breath caressed my thumb as she spoke.

  I pushed against her body so she stepped backwards until the wall beside the glass door stopped her. The feeling of her curves, her breasts, and her heartbeat against me as we moved was something I couldn’t explain, but I knew my heart, my head, and my dick were thoroughly enjoying it. “I’m excited to taste you Eden Rivers.”

  In the moonlight that was shadowing the balcony, her eyes dropped to my lips and that was all the encouragement I needed. My mouth fell to hers and my heart stammered in my chest. If only she truly knew what this meant. I felt the sharp intake of air she took under the sensation of us colliding as one and my breath became hers and her fears became mine.

  The moment Eden let herself completely go, she fell into the kiss and her body went limp. My needy hands wrapped tightly around her waist, taking her full weight. The urge to touch her skin overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t resist. My fingertips glided under her shirt and rested on her lower back just above the waistband of her jeans.

  My eager tongue traced her plump bottom lip, sweeping back and forth, tasting her strawberry-flavored lip gloss. She softly moaned against my mouth as a growl erupted from mine. Could she really be enjoying this as much as me? The thought only deepened my need. My tongue danced into her mouth, colliding with hers so eagerly. With complete blatant want, she matched everything I offered. She tasted of berries and gin, better than I could ever have imagined, and the warmth swirling within her body flooded through mine.

  Her zealous hands bunched the side of my shirt, pulling me closer as she unraveled in the intensity of the moment. This wasn’t the girl who had fled my office when I first attempted to kiss her, and this certainly wasn’t the girl who exuded nervousness just by being in my presence. Eden Rivers was morphing into a vixen before my eyes. Now, as she kissed me, Eden showed me that she knew what she wanted and wasn't holding back. It felt like this was so natural, so unique, and so wanted and it confused the fuck out of me.

  “Um, you two, Chris has left.”

  Eden gasped against my lips at the sound of Josh’s amused voice. I had been so lost in Eden Rivers that I hadn't even heard the door open. Her body jerked away slightly but her grasp didn’t lessen on my shirt.

  “Shit,” I groaned into the air, and I barely heard the door close as Josh left us in a torrent of heavy, ragged breathing. My eyes found hers still swimming with desperate intensity at what we had just unleashed on each other. I smirked as I leaned in, my heated breath hitting the sensitive skin just below her ear. “You certainly don’t kiss like a woman who hasn’t kissed a man in two years.”

  Eden’s body drew back to mine like a magnetic force beckoned between us. Her body tensed under my words and her breathing halted. The vixen had left and insecure Eden had returned, yet she was still completely destroying me.

  “We seem to be good at pretending,” she whispered into the night air.

  “I wasn’t pretending Eden.” My hands cupped her face, and I was desperate to show her the truth in my words. “I could never pretend with you.”

  “But you said…”

  “Did anything about that kiss indicate I was pretending?”

  Her eyes tore away from mine and dropped to the floor. There was no way I was pretending, and I knew for a fact that she wasn’t pretending. The way her body molded against mine, the way the heat from her body hit mine. How could I possibly never want that again? I was an idiot for thinking once would be enough.

  The words that swirled in my head, begging to come out, had the potential to destroy everything. It would be the beginning of a test that I hoped we both failed, a test where I wanted her to prove me wrong. I didn’t think I could have handled her answer, but the question had been sitting on the tip of my tongue from the moment Tori made the stark admission and now after the mind-blowing kiss we shared I couldn’t stop myself any longer.

  I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and my lips fell back to hers for an intimate kiss, a single brush of my lips against hers.

  “You can’t say no.” I dropped the bombshell, and her eyes widened in such a way that she answered my question without a spoken word. “That’s a really fucking dangerous habit to have Eden. I didn’t believe it when Tori told me but now I am seeing it every time I am around you. Did you just agree to kiss me because you didn’t think you had another option?”

  “It’s not like I can help it. I didn’t ask to be like this Ky,” she spat in anger, her eyes darting away from me and her grip on my shirt loosening. “And I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “Did you want to kiss me?” I pushed on, breaking the distance she had put between us.

  “You said we were pretending, that you wanted Chris to get away from me.”

  “Did you want to kiss me?” I repeated again.

  Her eyes darted away from mine and her face went like stone. I could literally see her walls shooting up. “Yes,” she finally said.

  “And suddenly I don’t believe you.”

  “What do you want me to say? I’m not like other girls Ky. I don’t go around making out with random guys, I don’t let a guy hold me like you just did. I don’t let myself get into positions like this, and it’s scaring the fuck out of me that I actually did want to kiss you. So yes, I wanted to kiss you, and now that it’s done you are making me regret it.”

  Her honesty was refreshing. I was finally seeing Eden Rivers and not just her false persona.

  “I just have one question for you Eden.”

  What the fuck was I doing! Stop Ky, shut your mouth. Eden looked at me expectantly, her eyes still flashing with signs of anger. I was losing control at a fast fucking rate and spiraling into a world I wouldn’t able to claw myself out of. Was this my penance being delivered on a platter? A platter that I would have to give back after a month? I wanted to test her, to put to rest Tori’s fucked-up statement for good.

  I wanted her to say no.

  I needed her to say no.

  “Give me December, be mine for one month. Believe me when I say you won’t regret a second of it. Your yes and your no will be mine and for the right reasons for once.”

  Her eyes slammed shut under my question. “I will make you realize that saying no is your given right and that saying yes can still be a beautiful thing.”

  I was expecting her to shout after me. I was expecting her to say no and tell me I was an asshole. But she just remained silent. Finally her eyes opened and she looked at me with the most amazingly clear eyes I’d ever seen. I felt my breath hitch as I took her in.

  My hand cupped her cheek and my thumb swept over her soft skin as our gaze danced together. “Think about what I’ve asked Eden.”

  I dropped my hand and quickly moved towards the door. I didn’t want her answer then, to be honest I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle her saying either yes or no.

  The smell of greasy, comfort food welcomed me the moment I stepped foot into the diner that I had visited with Ky, the very same place where his aunt worked and where I just realized my cousin’s best friend worked. What were the odds? Tommy looked up at me in recognition the moment I stepped through the door and soon enough his arms had engulfed me in a tight hug. I hadn’t seen him since he was fourteen and beginning to notice girls, but now he was tall, handsome, and pimple free. He and my cousin Andy had been so protective of me when they were growing up, even though I was six years older. I never had siblings so they were like my little brothers. They regularly visited me when I was in hospital after the rape, even though I didn’t want anyone seeing me like that. Their stubborn asses didn’t listen to me. They brought my favorite chocolate milk and trashy magazines, kept me company when I couldn’t sleep, and didn’t leave the room when the police updated me on what was happening with the case. While my parents were crumbling at the news that their baby girl had been tainted for life, my honorary little brothers were stepping up and for that reason I would be for
ever grateful to those two.

  “Eden!” Tommy’s low voice questioned incredulously.

  “Hey Tommy,” I sighed in happiness.

  “I cannot believe you are back! Andy didn’t even tell me, the asshole,”

  “I don’t think he even knows, he is too busy travelling around Europe to worry about his favorite cousin being back in town.”

  I pulled out one of the stools at the counter and spent fifteen minutes catching up with Tommy. He spoke excitedly about college, his single life, his continued love for surfing, and then—for good measure—he dropped the sly ‘I’m still waiting for you to accept my marriage proposal.’ My shoulders shook with laughter. The conversation suddenly took a serious turn and all laughter ceased as he leaned over the counter and began firing questions about what I was doing back here and what I’ve been up to. But I knew he was skating around asking me how I was.

  “I’m okay Tommy,” I admitted quietly, answering his unasked question. He nodded and grabbed hold of my hand giving it a friendly squeeze. Worried, unsure eyes darted over my face in an attempt to believe what I was saying and all I could do was give him an encouraging smile—it was all I could muster. When he was satisfied with my response, Tommy turned away and served a waiting customer.

  It was beyond amazing to see a familiar face in a city I despised. I tapped on the counter and hummed along to the music flooding the air from the surround sound speakers and my mind automatically crossed to the night before.