The Silent Cry
‘Mine stopped a while back too,’ I said, and she smiled.
Presently Liam grew bored with being in the bouncing cradle and having Paula amuse him and he began to grizzle. Laura picked him up and soothed him. ‘There, there,’ she said, gently rocking him. He immediately stopped crying.
‘Would you like to see my room now?’ she offered. ‘I usually put Liam in his cot for a sleep about now. But we need to return the cups to the kitchen first. House rules.’
I clipped the lid on Paula’s trainer cup and put it in my bag and then, with Paula toddling beside me, I carried out the tray with the mugs as Laura carried Liam.
‘Just leave it in there,’ Laura said, nodding to a door marked KITCHEN. ‘I’ll wash them up later.’
I went in. There was no one else in the kitchen and I left the tray by the sink, with some other mugs waiting to be washed.
Laura’s room was up one flight of stairs and, like the lounge, it was bright and well furnished. A single bed and a cot in white wood stood against one wall, with a matching white wooden chest of drawers and chair against the other. Laura’s and Liam’s clothes and personal belongings were dotted around the room, so it looked quite cosy. ‘Have a seat while I change him,’ Laura said, moving a baby shawl from the armchair.
I sat in the chair and Paula stood beside Laura watching, intrigued, as she laid Liam on a changing mat on the bed and saw to his nappy. ‘He’s going to have a little sleep now,’ Laura told Paula when he was clean and dressed again. Laura carefully laid him in his cot and drew up the side. Paula peered through the wooden slats and Liam chuckled and waved his arms towards her. He didn’t look like he was going to sleep to me. Laura perched on the bed and there was silence. ‘It’s a nice room,’ I said. ‘Do you sleep well?’
‘Much better now, thank you,’ she said. ‘I still get anxious sometimes, especially that something might happen to him in the night – you know, a cot death. But some of the other mothers worry about that too.’
‘I used to when they were little,’ I admitted. ‘Sometimes a baby’s breathing is so shallow you can’t see it. I used to give Adrian and Paula a little poke to make sure they were still breathing.’
Laura smiled. ‘One woman here used to force herself to stay awake all night, she was so worried something would happen to her daughter – not only a cot death, but also other stuff, like she could hurt herself or be taken away. She’s getting better now.’
Laura fell silent again and I had the feeling she was tiring, physically and mentally, more so than Liam, who was still chuckling and waving his arms at Paula. We’d been here for nearly an hour and an half and I thought we should probably leave soon. ‘We’ll go shortly,’ I said. ‘I expect you could do with a rest before your family visit tonight.’
‘Yes, I sometimes have a lie down while he has a sleep,’ she admitted. ‘I do get tired. It’s a side effect of the tablets. They’re going to start to reduce the dose soon, so it should improve.’
‘That’s good,’ I said. ‘You look very well.’
‘Thanks. I hope to be discharged soon.’
I told Paula we were going and to say goodbye to Liam. She blew him a kiss through the bars of the cot. Laura asked if we could see ourselves out, as she couldn’t leave Liam in his cot unattended. We kissed goodbye and she stood at the door to her room and watched us go, and then called, ‘Bye!’ and gave a little wave as we turned into the stairwell.
‘Bye. Take care, and see you soon,’ I returned.
‘Bye,’ Paula called, and I heard Laura’s door shut behind us.
Downstairs I signed out of the visitor’s book. It was 3.05. School would be ending soon and Adrian would be getting excited about going to his friend’s home to play and have tea. Gina would be on her way to school to collect Kim, and once home their social worker was coming to speak to Kim. Laura hadn’t mentioned her visit, so I assumed they hadn’t wanted to worry her with it. The social worker’s visit was procedure, but it was important that the family cooperated and Gina kept her cool.
Chapter Sixteen
Home Again
Gina had given me Laura’s home telephone number and I felt I now had a reason to use it. Having spent Friday afternoon and evening wondering/worrying how the social worker’s visit had gone, I decided on Saturday morning that it was acceptable for me to telephone and ask without it seeming intrusive or like I was interfering. I think friends often have to make a judgement on whether to say nothing and wait for news or to step forward. I left it until ten o’clock to telephone – a reasonable time for a family to be up at the weekend. Andy answered.
‘It’s Cathy,’ I said. ‘I hope I haven’t disturbed you but I was wondering how the social worker’s visit went yesterday.’
‘That’s very thoughtful of you,’ he said. ‘It went well. We’d worried unnecessarily. She only talked to Kim for about fifteen minutes. Kim told us later that she’d asked about her mum and how she felt with her living away. Then she looked around the house. That was it, really. She was in and out in under an hour.’
‘Good. I’m pleased.’
‘So were we. And thanks for visiting Laura yesterday. She really appreciated it.’
‘It was great to see her,’ I said. ‘She’s looking well.’
‘Yes. She’s much improved. The healthcare team are meeting next week to decide if she is ready to come home. Fingers crossed. She’ll still have to take tablets and attend therapy, but at least she’ll be home.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ I said. ‘I’ll look forward to seeing her again soon then. I won’t keep you. I’m sure you’ve got lots to do, but do let me know if I can help out at all.’
‘Thanks, Cathy. Have a good weekend.’
‘And you.’
Great news, I thought. It was all very positive. The social worker’s visit had gone well and Laura would hopefully be discharged soon. I was so pleased I’d telephoned. I could stop worrying and enjoy the weekend, and it was a busy weekend. An old friend of mine, now a single parent, came with her children on Saturday afternoon and stayed for tea, and then my parents came for lunch on Sunday. The weather was fine for the whole weekend and appeared settled, which boded well for the approaching school holidays. On Monday when I saw Gina in the playground she said she thought that Laura would be home by the end of term; they were just waiting for confirmation from the healthcare team. I could see how pleased she and Kim were.
That week the school staged an end-of-term production, an annual event where all the children dressed up and played a part. This year the production was a story about a journey into space, and the school hall was packed with the children’s families and friends, who’d come to watch. Andy had taken the morning off work and he, Gina and Geraldine were seated a couple of rows behind us. Paula and my parents were with me. The children had been practising their lines for weeks and despite last-minute nerves their performances were amazing. I’m sure I wasn’t the only parent in the audience to be misty-eyed as they watched their child stand proudly on the stage and deliver their well-rehearsed lines. At the end, all the children came on stage to take their final bow and the audience rose to give them a standing ovation, clapping, cheering and whistling. Then the head teacher said a few words about how well they’d done, thanked us all for coming and wished us a good summer holiday. Before we left the hall I introduced my parents to Kim’s family, and then we went our separate ways. Andy was going to work, Gina and Geraldine to their respective homes, and Mum and Dad were coming back with Paula and me for some lunch before driving home.
The following Wednesday, with two days to go before the end of term, Adrian was beside himself with excitement at the thought of six whole weeks off school. Kim was excitedly looking forward to her mother’s homecoming, although they were still waiting to hear when exactly this would be. I hoped it had definitely been decided that Laura was coming home or Kim would be bitterly disappointed. I knew from fostering how tempting it is to give a child who is continually asking w
hen they can live with their mummy again the good news they crave, but I’d learned to be very cautious. I didn’t ever tell a child I was fostering any news about seeing their family or going home until it was a hundred per cent certain and had been confirmed to me by their social worker, even if all the signs were positive. Perhaps it was because the arrangements for Laura’s return home were vague that I had a sense of foreboding. Unfortunately my fears were confirmed later that morning when I answered the telephone to hear Gina upset and angry.
‘Cathy, that bloody social worker has stopped Laura from coming home! Laura’s just telephoned me. She’s distraught. I’ve phoned Andy and he’s going to Everley now to try to speak to the doctor. Laura was so upset she couldn’t tell me properly what they’d said. Wait until I see that witch of a social worker. She’ll get a piece of my mind. God knows what we’re going to tell Kim. She’ll be devastated.’
What could I say? You should have waited until after the meeting and a definite date had been confirmed for Laura’s homecoming before telling Kim? But that wasn’t going to help; the damage had been done.
‘Gina, I am sorry,’ I said. ‘I suppose the social worker felt Laura wasn’t ready to be discharged yet.’
‘That’s what Laura seemed to be saying, but the nurse thought she was ready to go home.’ I couldn’t comment. I had no idea what had taken place in the team meeting, but I did know that the social worker wouldn’t have delayed Laura’s discharge without a good reason.
‘Gina, wait and see what Andy says when he’s seen the doctor. It may be easier to explain to Kim when you have the reason for the delay. Have they given Laura a date when she will be going home?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t think so. Laura was too upset to tell me.’
‘I’d wait to see what Andy has to say. I know it’s very disappointing, but Laura will be home at some point. It’s just been delayed.’
‘Because of that social worker!’ Gina fumed. ‘I’ll have to tell Geraldine. I think I’ll walk round to her place now rather than phone. I could do with some fresh air and we’ve been getting on better lately. Having to deal with all of this has brought us together.’
So that was one positive to come out of it, I thought.
That afternoon as I waited for Adrian to come out of school Andy arrived in the playground to collect Kim. Dressed in smart-casual clothes rather than his office suit, I guessed he’d gone home after seeing the doctor instead of returning to work. He saw me and came straight over.
‘Gina told you what happened?’ he asked.
‘Yes. Did you manage to speak to the doctor?’
‘No. But I did see the nurse in charge. She was at the team meeting too. Laura and I spoke to her. She’s very reassuring and understanding. It seems that the main reason Laura’s discharge has been delayed is because of issues with the transfer of her care. Although her social worker will be the same when she leaves Everley, the community mental health team will take over and be responsible for her once home. Because it’s the start of the school summer holidays a lot of people are on leave and the community care team is running with a skeleton staff, so realistically there wouldn’t be anyone available to support Laura and give her help if she needs it.’
‘I see,’ I said.
‘I asked if the delay had anything to do with us not seeking help sooner, but the nurse said it hadn’t and that Laura wasn’t the only one to have their discharge delayed. Laura had blamed the social worker because she’d been the one to raise it at the meeting. They’re going to review the situation in two weeks, so hopefully she’ll be coming home then.’
‘Well, that’s good news then,’ I said positively. ‘Laura hasn’t had a setback.’
‘No, that’s right. But the bad news is that after Gina telephoned you this morning she phoned the social worker and had a right go at her.’
‘Oh dear,’ I said.
‘To be honest, I’m not overly keen on that social worker. She’s not like the staff at Everley. But it’s no good Gina sounding off at her; she’s only doing her job. Gina has a very short fuse when it comes to social workers. I think it’s because of the way she was treated when she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital after having Laura. Gina doesn’t talk much about it, but I know she had a bad time and holds her former social worker responsible. She once said she felt like she’d been locked up and the key thrown away. But times have changed, and Gina agrees that the care Laura is receiving is second to none. I’ve told Gina to phone the social worker now and apologize. It won’t do us any good to make an enemy of her. If she’s not in her office she can leave a message on her answerphone.’
I nodded. Andy seemed very positive and in control, and also optimistic after being reassured by the nurse in charge. The children came out. Kim rushed into her father’s arms and smothered him in kisses, while Adrian greeted me with a typical boy’s reserve: a ‘Hi, Mum,’ accompanied by a cheeky smile.
We began towards the exit. I thought that Andy might want to go ahead and talk to Kim in private, so I held back, but he waited for us to catch up and we began walking home together.
‘I’ve seen Mummy and her doctor today,’ he said easily to Kim. ‘They’ve decided it would be best for Mummy to wait a few more weeks before she comes home.’
Kim frowned. ‘Why? That’s not fair. You said she’d be home soon, so did Mum.’
‘I know, and we were wrong to tell you that. It’s what we were hoping would happen, but it wasn’t definite.’ He then explained about the transfer of care to the community, using age-appropriate words so that Kim could understand, and finished by saying there was going to be another meeting in two weeks’ time.
‘So Mummy will be home in two weeks?’ Kim asked fervently.
‘We hope so, but we’ll tell you when it’s definite – as soon as we know. Now, Nanny Geraldine and Gina are both at home waiting for us. We’re not going to have dinner before we see Mummy tonight because we’re all going out for a meal.’
‘With Liam and Mummy too?’ Kim asked excitedly.
‘Yes.’
‘Yippee!’ she cried. Hanging onto her father’s arm, she skipped for joy.
‘You remember that restaurant we keep passing when we visit Mummy?’ Andy continued. ‘The one with the children’s play area?’ Kim nodded. ‘We’re all going there for dinner. You, me, Mummy, Liam, Nanny Gina and Nanny Geraldine.’
‘Yes! I’m so happy!’ Kim cried, delighted. ‘All my family together again.’
I smiled. ‘Well done, Andy,’ I said quietly. ‘Nicely handled.’
‘Thanks, Cathy.’
School broke up early on Friday and the atmosphere in the playground was electric as the children rushed out, overjoyed at the prospect of six weeks of freedom ahead of them. Adrian, like most of the other children, was clutching carrier bags full of his completed school exercise books and art and craft work, including some models, which he was allowed to bring home. I looped the bags we couldn’t carry over the handles of the stroller. Parents and children were now calling their goodbyes to friends and wishing them a happy holiday. Gina and Kim left the playground ahead of us as I continued to say goodbye to my friends and also arrange some play dates for Adrian. I’d already told Gina that if she and Kim wanted to pop in to see us during the holidays they’d be very welcome, and she’d said they’d be in touch. Not knowing exactly when Laura and Liam were returning home, they hadn’t made plans to go away, but Andy was taking time off work so they could have some days out together. Gina had also told me that once Laura was home she would need to think about returning to her house and to work. Her boss was being understanding, but she was having to take unpaid leave, so it couldn’t go on indefinitely, although she said that in the future she’d be seeing a lot more of Laura and her family at weekends than she had done in the past.
Adrian chatted excitedly on the way home about the fun things they’d done at school for their last day: games organized by the teachers rather than lessons, and a fi
lm shown on a big screen in the assembly hall, followed by party food. Once home, he immediately changed out of his school uniform and with great satisfaction deposited it ceremoniously into the laundry basket, declaring that it wouldn’t be needed again for six weeks! Then he proudly showed Paula and me some of his schoolwork before going into the garden to play. While I made dinner, John, aware that it was the last day of term and Adrian would be excited, telephoned to wish us a happy holiday and confirmed he would be home at the end of August.
‘Why not sooner?’ Adrian bemoaned.
‘Because my work needs me here,’ John replied.
‘Tell your work I need you more,’ Adrian said, which must have touched John’s heart as much as it did mine.
We were late rising on Saturday morning and had a leisurely cooked breakfast, then Shelley telephoned. To begin with all I could hear was her sweet voice running up and down the musical scales, pitch perfect, before she burst into laughter. ‘The choir always starts with a warm-up,’ she said. ‘I do them at home too.’
I laughed. ‘So the choir is going well?’
‘Perfect. I’m so pleased I joined. It’s great fun and everyone is really nice. I was a bit anxious about leaving Darrel to begin with, but he knows my friend well and he was fine after I’d gone.’
‘That’s good.’
‘Cathy, the reason I’m phoning is that in September we’re starting rehearsals for our Christmas concert and I want you all to come. There’ll be two performances, one in the afternoon and one in the evening, so you could bring the kids to the afternoon one. I don’t have the date yet. I’ll let you know as soon as I do. I’m going to ask Carol as well. You will come, won’t you?’
‘Yes. As soon as you have the details, tell me and I’ll put it in the diary.’