What They Left Behind
The next morning the nurse said that someone was waiting to talk to him. When she told Ben it was his sous-chef, Ben told the nurse to let her come in.
When Lauren pulled back the curtain, he noticed she was dressed in a knee length polka dot skirt, puffy gray jacket and black silk shirt. It looked like something Charlene would have worn, except for the multicolor necklace and the silver squiggly pin she had on the lapel of her jacket. Ben noticed something about her had changed, but he didn’t know exactly what. She looked more vulnerable than she did the last time he saw her. She looked smaller. Her eyes seemed more fearful.
“Going on a job interview?” he asked.
She chuckled.
“I wouldn’t leave you,” she replied. “I guess I wanted to dress up, that’s all.”
“How’s the restaurant?” Ben asked.
Lauren clutched her hands together and looked away.
“You’re going to be mad.”
“I am? Why?”
“Well, the restaurant’s been closed since you’ve been in the hospital. Annie told me to put out a sign that said ‘Closed until further notice’.”
“What?”
Lauren’s eyes watered. “I’m sorry, Ben. I know you’re losing a lot of money because of this, but we all thought it was the best thing.”
He felt like hitting the roof, but he knew it wasn’t the smartest thing to do. Besides, he felt sorry for Lauren.
“Well…” he said. “Hopefully, we’ll be able to get all our customers to return once we reopen.”
Lauren nodded.
“How have you been doing?”
“All right, I guess,” she said glumly.
“And your mother?”
“She’s getting along. She seems to be better. I’ve been trying to talk her into seeing a therapist, but she’s resisting.”
“Keep trying,” Ben said. “And how is Remi?”
“He’s good. He’s written me a bunch of times, but I’ve haven’t written him back lately.”
“Why not?”
“I think I have feelings for someone else.”
“Like who?”
“It’s someone at the restaurant. I really like him a lot, but…he’s taken. And I don’t want to hurt his family, you know, but it kills me because I can’t help the way I feel.”
“That’s not a good situation. You have to get over him.”
“I know, but…I just can’t. I love you so much…oh shit!”
Ben didn’t like the direction this conversation was going. “This guy is me?”
Lauren covered her mouth and backed away.
“Don’t run away. I want to know. You’re talking about me, right?”
She nodded.
He sighed. “That’s not good at all.”
She looked down at the floor in shame. He heard her muffle a sob.
“I’m sorry. I should have kept it to myself. When I met you, I really liked you, but when you first hugged me, I knew I loved you. I know you’re a lot older than me and you’re my boss, but I dream every night that someday we’ll be together. It’s the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. When I found you there in your office…it’s so hard to talk about…I thought I was going to die too. I know this might freak you out, but it’s true. If you had died, I would have killed myself.”
“No, don’t say that!”
“Yes, I would have. I don’t want to be in this world if you’re not in it.”
Ben sighed. “I wasn’t ever going to tell you this, but now I don’t really have a choice.”
“You’re going to fire me?”
He chuckled nervously. “No, I would never fire you, but I think after you hear this, you’re probably going to quit.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
She moved closer. Ben reached out and held her hand.
“You know…I really love you too, but it’s not like you think. You see, well…you’re my daughter.”
Lauren looked at him in complete disbelief.
“I already have a father. I never see him, but…I know his name is on my birth certificate.”
“I’m one hundred percent sure that Johnny Briggs is not your father.”
“You knew him?”
He nodded. “We all went to high school together.”
She looked at him, her eyebrows raised. It was as if she were seeing him for the first time. “My mother and you…did it?”
Ben smiled. “She was my first girlfriend. I was really, really in love with her. She was way out of my league, but she went out with me anyway. I was convinced we were going to be together forever. And yeah, we ‘did it’ a few times.”
“Then what happened…why did you leave?”
“Remember that story I told you when you said you were afraid to tell Remi that you liked him? I was talking about your mother. When her parents found out she was pregnant, they took her out of school. They forbid me to go near her. I wanted to marry her, but they said no way, I wasn’t good enough for her. I didn’t see her for a long time after that.”
“But you knew about me?”
“I didn’t know at first, but then your mother came to see me at my first restaurant. You must have been about four months old. She wanted to come and visit me once in a while, but…I sort of brushed her off. I probably shouldn’t have done that, but I knew she was married to Johnny and it really hurt to think about that.”
“So…you brushed me off too?”
He sighed. “I’m sorry. I thought it would be best if you thought Johnny was your father.”
“Then, you wouldn’t have to bother with me.” Her voice had a hostile edge to it. “And you were never going to tell, even though I was working for you and you knew how much my life sucked?”
“No, I wasn’t. I just thought it would be best if you didn’t know. I only told you now because you said you were in love with me, and obviously, since I’m your father, that’s a pretty big problem. I never wanted you to know.”
She stared down at him, her eyes filled with tears.
“I’m sorry, Lauren. I didn’t want it to be this way. Please try to understand.”
Without saying a word, she turned around and stormed out of the ICU. Ben wanted to call her back and beg her to stay, but his voice was so hoarse he couldn’t yell. The whole conversation left him drained and beyond exhaustion. He hoped that maybe later on she would forgive him. He really loved working with her and would love to have her as part of his family, but he didn’t think that would happen. He was afraid he lost her again, this time forever.
Chapter 85: October 17