To Hell And Back (The Lily Harper #3)

  TO HELL AND BACK

  Book 3 of the Lily Harper series

  HP MALLORY

  Copyright © 2014 by H.P. Mallory

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. Please do not participate in or encourage the piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  TABLE OF CONTENTS:

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Friend the Lily Harper Characters on Facebook

  About H. P. Mallory

  Also by H. P. Mallory

  ALSO BY HP MALLORY:

  THE JOLIE WILKINS SERIES:

  Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble

  Toil and Trouble

  Be Witched (Novella)

  Witchful Thinking

  The Witch Is Back

  Something Witchy This Way Comes

  THE DULCIE O’NEIL SERIES:

  To Kill A Warlock

  A Tale Of Two Goblins

  Great Hexpectations

  Wuthering Frights

  Malice In Wonderland

  For Whom The Spell Tolls

  Eleven Snipers Sniping (Short Story)

  THE LILY HARPER SERIES:

  Better Off Dead

  The Underground City

  To Hell And Back

  THE PEYTON CLARK SERIES:

  Ghouls Rush In

  Once Haunted, Twice Shy

  THE BRYN AND SINJIN SERIES:

  Sinjin

  The Scent (Coming Soon)

  Acknowledgements:

  To my family: Thank you for all your support!

  To Jenny Harrington: Thank you for entering my “Become a character in my next book” contest. I really hope you enjoy your character! You were LOTS of fun to write!

  To my beta readers: Evie Amaro and Jessica Love, thank you for all your input and your help!

  To my editor, Teri, at www.editingfairy.com: thank you for an excellent job, as always.

  “Let us descend now unto greater woe.”

  – Dante’s Inferno

  ONE

  Tallis needed me.

  That was the only thought in my head.

  “Lils,” Bill, my guardian angel, started as he shook his head and a frown contorted his doughy, round face. “There’s no way in hells I’m gonna let you go after that overgrown Scottish ape on your own.” He bit his lower lip like he was about to cry and studied me with narrowed eyes as he shook his head again. Then he sighed. “Not that I’m signin’ up to go after him neither, ’cause I’m not. As I see it, Tido freakin’ took off an’ left us in the dust back there at the tavern so whatever shiznit he’s gotten himself into now, he freakin’ deserves.” Taking a long breath, he faced the third person in our party, Delilah Crespo, who was staring at both of us with wide eyes, shock still obvious in her vacant gaze. Her surprise was, no doubt, based on the fact that she’d just narrowly escaped the third level of the Underground City in which she’d nearly been killed by Plutus, the wolf demon.

  “Bill,” I began, having already rejected the notion of taking Bill and Delilah with me to help Tallis out of whatever quandary he was currently in. No, it was imperative that I go to Tallis by myself because I sensed that whatever state Tallis was in, he wouldn’t welcome visitors. He probably wouldn’t even be happy to see me. Yep, knowing Tallis and his less-than-friendly personality, three would most definitely be a crowd.

  “No-sir-ee, Billy Bob,” the rotund angel continued, shaking his head slowly from side to side. “We need ta just keep on movin’ an’ get ourselves outta this messed up forest, and get us the hells home. I’ve had enough of this Halloween shit ta last me all …”

  “Bill,” I interrupted again, but he immediately speared me with a cross expression. Then he folded his arms over his man boobs. “I have to go back,” I insisted in a tone of voice that forbade any further arguments.

  “Nope, Lily Harper, you ain’t about ta convince me otherwise, even with your serious voice. I ain’t fallin’ for it, nips.” Taking a deep breath, he glared at me. “What you’re talkin’ ’bout is pure craziness, girl.” He glanced back at Delilah who still couldn’t manage to utter a sound. “Nope, this is most definitely a case of chicks before dicks.”

  “What?” I demanded, frowning at him as frustration began to gnaw inside me.

  “The female version of bros before hos,” Bill responded with a shrug like the answer was obvious. “An’ in this case, Tido’s the dick.” He looked over at Delilah again. “Ain’t that the truth, though?”

  Delilah just looked back at him blankly.

  “Bill, I know it sounds crazy, but …” I started.

  “Do I gotta remind you of what’s gonna happen as soon as you start walkin’ through this screwed up hate-forest alone?” He continued to nod like he already had the answer to his question. “It’s gonna trick you out an’ make you lose your way. Then, when you’re all good an’ confused as shit, it’s gonna send one o’ them man-sized spiders ta finish you off; or you’re gonna get raped by one o’ those freakin’ trees just like in that Evil Dead movie. An’ if you’re thinkin’ Bruce Campbell’s gonna pull some zombie killin’ super-coolness, think again, Lils, ’cause this ain’t no classic movie. This here’s real life.” Then he glanced over at Delilah and nodded sullenly. “The struggle is real, yo.”

  “Bill,” I said, my tone hinting at my growing irritation.

  “For reals,” he said, nodding his head emphatically. “This forest is full of some crazy ass shit that I ain’t gonna be no part of. ’Specially not for freakin’ Conan who don’t give a rat’s ass about good ol’ Billy.”

  “Should I remind you that if it weren’t for Conan, I wouldn’t still be here?” I replied glumly. And that was the truth. Having been so ill-prepared for my first two visits to the Underground City, if not for Tallis, I would have lost my life not once, but twice. “And who knows where you would be!”

  Bill continued to shake his head as if the past were of no consequence to him. “Billy’s had just about enough of demons an’ wolf men an’ Alaire an’ haunted, rapin’ trees. An’ I’ve fo sure had more than enough of He-Man an’ his Frankenfood he tries to pass off as real grub!” He faced Delilah and raised his eyebrows. “Dee, we gotta get ourselves the hells outta here and into In-N-Out so’s we can forget about this bad frickin’ trip over some triple-triples.” He faced me again. “An’ you, honey mounds, are comin’ with us.”

  “No, Bill, I’m not,” I answered with finality.

  Our argument had only been going on for a few minutes, but I was already exhausted. Even though I couldn’t deny that it probably was complete insanity for me to even attempt to make my way back to Tallis alone, I also knew it was the right thing to do. Tallis had stood by me too many times for me not to return the favor. And even though I had no idea where he was now, o
r what sort of trouble he was up against, I only hoped I could help him.

  The first hurdle would be navigating the haunted forest, known as the Dark Wood, in order to find him. That might not sound like much of a feat, but Bill was right, the Dark Wood was almost as dangerous as the Underground City, itself. The forest was alive in its own right and seemed to have a vendetta against travelers; i.e., if you were unlucky enough to find yourself lost in the Dark Wood, you were as good as dead.

  “Tallis needs me,” I continued. “And I can’t tell you why or how, but as far as this forest is concerned, I know my sword will protect me and keep me safe.” My voice began to waver since my statement sounded ridiculous even to my own ears.

  “Your sword is gonna protect you and keep you safe?” Bill repeated, in a tone of obvious disbelief as he stared at me with both eyebrows reaching for the dark sky.

  “Yes,” I insisted.

  “Nips, I hate ta break it to ya, but no magical Care Bear is just gonna show up and break out a can of demon whup ass with a rainbow, some hearts and a super annoying song.”

  I decided to ignore his comment. “When I touched my sword just now, I received the distinct impression that Tallis was in trouble and needed me. It was almost like he was using the sword to communicate with me.” Tallis had forged my sword with his own hands and since he also possessed Druid magic, I figured it wasn’t much of a stretch to believe that he’d endowed the sword with some level of mystical capability, or even magic. “And along with the information that Tallis needs me, I also am pretty sure that I’ll be safe if I go after him.”

  “This sounds like crazy talk, yoze,” Bill said as he shook his head before cupping the back of his neck with his sweaty palm, looking as if he were frustrated beyond belief. He glanced over at Delilah and sighed heavily. “Nips has lost her damn mind!”

  “Oh,” Delilah said as her eyebrows knitted in the middle of her forehead and she looked like she was about to cry.

  “I know it sounds crazy,” I admitted with a nod, hoping my admission would remove all doubt as to whether I still possessed all my marbles. “But I know what the sword showed me and how it made me feel.” Of that, there was no doubt in my mind. “I know that Tallis is in trouble and I have to go to him.”

  Bill sighed again. “Then I guess it’s three for the road.”

  “No,” I almost snapped as I interrupted him. “Bill, I have to do this alone.” I took a deep breath. “I have to … go alone.”

  “Lils, as you know, I’m your guardian angel, but I can’t do much guardin’ if you’re here in this horror forest an’ I’m not!” Bill argued. Truth be told, he wasn’t much of a guardian in the first place. It was strictly his fault that I’d been killed in a car accident several weeks earlier. Apparently, Bill had been paying more attention to seducing some random woman than he had been to ensuring that I was safe. Consequently, I’d died.

  Because Bill was employed by Afterlife Enterprises, the company responsible for sorting out the recently dead and sending them on to the Kingdom (think heaven) or the Underground City (think the opposite of heaven), they were the ones who were ultimately responsible for my untimely passing. Since the manager of Afterlife Enterprises, Jason Streethorn, realized I’d basically had him between a rock and a hard place, he’d offered me the option of living again. The only alternative available to me was spending the next hundred years in Shade, which was a holding area for souls before they could move on to the Kingdom. In Shade, there was nothing to look forward to, although there was also nothing to not look forward to. Shade just was. To me, though, Shade sounded like my own personal hell, so I’d opted to live again. But as with most things involving the afterlife, nothing was ever what it seemed …

  Due to a glitch in the Afterlife’s computer system during Y2K, souls that were meant to go to the Kingdom ended up in the Underground City, and vice versa. The whole thing ended up being one giant cluster f#$%. Hoping to avoid numerous afterlife lawsuits, Jason Streethorn employed a team of “Soul Retrievers.” Their main responsibility was locating misplaced souls and returning them to their proper location. So where did I enter into this happy little equation? When Jason offered me the chance to live again, admitting that my death was indirectly the fault of Afterlife Enterprises, he offered me life with one condition—that I become a Soul Retriever. At first, I thought I’d gotten the better side of the deal, and I readily agreed, only to discover I was assigned to retrieving souls in the Underground City, which was basically hell by another name. Even though I did have a guardian angel along for the ride, in the grand scheme of things, that didn’t amount to much.

  Why? Because Bill wasn’t exactly what anyone would imagine when it came to angels. Instead of a beautiful, glowing entity with white wings, Bill looked more like the love child of Jack Black and Zach Galifianakis. Anyway, after my whole untimely death episode, Bill was put on probation. Because Jason Streethorn wasn’t sure what to do with him, he decided to send Bill to me. Even though Bill wasn’t much of an asset, since he couldn’t protect me in the Underground City or the Dark Wood, he had quickly become my best friend. So on that front, I was grateful for him.

  “Bill, you know you can’t protect me here; so you being my guardian angel is really a moot point,” I said with a glance at Delilah who was becoming paler by the minute. I faced Bill again. “You need to get her out of here and back to the earthly plane, before she goes into real shock.” From the looks of it, Delilah was maybe no more than a couple steps away from a complete breakdown. Not that I could blame her. This was Delilah’s first mission into the Underground and she was as unprepared as I was my first time around. “Take her to our apartment and teach her everything you know,” I continued. “Then, both of you just wait for me. As soon as I make sure Tallis is okay, I’ll head home.”

  “How long is that gonna be, Lils?” Bill demanded, his lips turning down into a worried frown.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.” It was an uncomfortable feeling. I didn’t know what was wrong with Tallis, or how long he needed me to tend to him. “Give me a week,” I finished, hoping a week would be enough time. For all I knew, Tallis could already be dead, in which case, I’d be home a lot sooner …

  No, don’t even think that! I said to myself. Tallis isn’t dead, you know that. He can’t die.

  It was true. Tallis was immortal due to the spirit of the warrior, Donnchadh, who resided inside him. But Tallis’s immortality was both a blessing and a curse. It promised his ongoing health and vitality, but it couldn’t offer him absolution, which was what Tallis ultimately yearned for. “I will try to contact you if I’m able to,” I finished, wondering how that would even be possible as soon as I said it.

  “Here,” Bill said as he fished out his cell phone from his shorts pocket and handed it to me. “You’ll need this more than I will.” I nodded and accepted the phone, which was currently held together by duct tape. I unzipped my fanny pack and pushed the phone in, re-zipping it as I faced my friend.

  “Everything is going to be okay,” I said in a soft voice as I smiled at Bill and then at Delilah. I could only hope I was speaking the truth.

  “Don’t you go dyin’ on me,” Bill replied in a cracking voice as he opened his arms wide and I fell into them. I forced myself to hold my tears back, while banishing the idea that there was a very good chance I might never see my friend again.

  Be strong, Lily, I told myself.

  “I’ll be fine,” I mumbled while pasting on a big smile. “The only thing we have left to fear is fear itself,” I finished, quoting FDR.

  “I knew your inner nerd was in there somewhere,” Bill said with a sad smile, his eyes shining.

  I nodded as I pulled away from him, and thought I should probably hug Delilah, but feared I might succumb to the wave of emotion that was already cresting inside me. I waved to her instead. Then I picked up my sword, and turning on my heel, headed back into the haunted wood.

  ***

  For as bad as the Undergro
und City was, the Dark Wood was no walk in the park. It was a haunted forest with a mind of its own, which was usually bent on making you lose your way so you could fall prey to one of the many hideous creatures that lived inside its perimeters. But, luckily for me, I’d already experienced the Dark Wood a few times so I knew what to expect. I also had my sword to help lead the way.

  I’d been walking for maybe an hour, holding my sword out in front of me like it was some sort of homing device. Ridiculous as I might have looked, it did seem as if the sword knew its way around the forest. Every now and then, it would incline itself in either an easterly or westerly direction, and so I followed whatever direction it indicated.

  The wind picked up and blew its icy breath through the leafless branches of the dead forest that surrounded me. “Dark Wood” was an appropriate name for the forest because it was far removed from anything light and airy. The Dark Wood bordered the Underground City, so it existed in perpetual darkness, which made traveling through it difficult because I never knew what time of day or night it was. I also never had any idea of how long I’d been walking because there was no sun moving in an arc through the sky, signaling the onset of the afternoon or dusk. There was only the darkness of night. The most off-putting part about the Dark Wood, however, was the nothingness. No birds were singing, there was no foliage or greenery to speak of, nothing but dreariness and seemingly never-ending dead tree branches that obscured the sky like myriad sharp spears.

  I felt something buzzing from my midsection, and my breath caught in my throat. Seconds later, I realized it was just Bill’s phone vibrating with what I imagined was an incoming text message. I paused and glanced around myself to make sure I wasn’t about to be waylaid by some hideous creature. Not finding anything suspicious in the immediate vicinity, I unzipped my fanny pack and pulled out Bill’s phone. I flipped open the top and noticed it was, indeed, a text. It read:

  I have not heard from Ms. Harper. Am I to believe that she is thus declining my dinner invitation? By nature, I am not a patient man. Please advise.