Moments of Julian

  This is about as casual as I get unless I’m planning to sweat.

  Grabbing a black clutch, I head downstairs.

  “Dad isn’t going to like those pants,” Kale says, eyeing them.

  “Dad can deal with it,” I say as I grab my keys from the counter and we both head for the garage. “I’m not going to pretend to be who I am not around them. I like what I wear and it isn’t like I’m dressing like some whore.”

  “You’re dressing like you’re successful,” Kale mocks what I’ve said a thousand times before.

  “Which I am,” I smirk at him as we climb into the BMW. I open the garage door and back out. “How’s school going, by the way?”

  Kale sighs and settles back into his seat, propping one of his knees on the dash. I have the instant urge to knock it off, but decide to let it slide. Just this once.

  “Fine. I’m passing all my classes, but it’s boring as sh—”

  “Language,” I cut him off with a harsh glare.

  He actually rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but there’s a smile on his lips. “School is boring. And it’s not like I have anything in particular I want to go into. You know school was never my strong suit.”

  “Well,” I say as I merge onto the freeway. “I do know that school isn’t for everyone, but what else do you think you’d do?”

  “My agent has been calling me a lot about more bookings. And I keep having to tell him no because I can’t miss classes,” he says and I can hear the conflict in his voice. “I think I’ve really got a shot at this to make it work, Sage. I could make some good money if I do this full-time.”

  The straight-laced, do things in the right order, safe way type of person I am wants to argue that he just needs to stick with school. Look where it’s gotten me. But I know my brother. And I know how unhappy he’s been lately.

  “The semester ends in two weeks,” I say, my voice approaching with caution. “And then it’s summer break. Maybe this is your chance to give it a shot and see how things go.”

  Kale looks over at me and I glance away from the road to meet his eyes for a second. I see something there I haven’t seen in a while. Hope.

  Kale moved in with me just after graduation. He said it was so that he could live closer to the school he planned on going to, and it was. But there were issues he was trying to get some space from. Fights with our parents, an ex-girlfriend who just didn’t get that they were done. A friend who was deep into drugs and trying to drag Kale down with him.

  Things had been rough for him the last two years. He used distraction to keep his mind off things, but that only goes so far. Kale hadn’t actually been happy in a while.

  I might not agree with his decision, but I support my brothers happiness.

  Mom and Dad’s house is an old brick rambler that is in sad need of updating. They haven’t changed a thing since they remodeled it after buying it when I was in sixth grade. They fixed it up nice then, but considering it has been fifteen years, it’s time to do something about it again. But I’m not going to be rude enough to say anything.

  Even I have my limits.

  Drake’s SUV is parked behind Mom and Dad’s cars so I regretfully have to park my baby on the street. I hug as tight as I can to the curb in hopes that no one will sideswipe me.

  The house smells divine and full of calories the second Kale and I walk in. There’s a high pitched squeal and four year old Paisley goes darting through the living room. Her little two year old brother Lucian chases after her with a plastic sword.

  I toss my clutch onto the couch and dart forward. I snatch Lucian up in my arms and he gives a squeal and tries to squirm out of my arms.

  “Who loves Lucian?” I growl as I tickle him, which only makes him squirm more. And makes me nearly drop him on his head. He laughs hysterically as I recover at the last second and save him from a concussion. “Who loves Lucian?!”

  “Auntie Sage!” he giggles in his barely understandable words. “Auntie Sage!”

  “That’s right, little man!” I say as I release him. He laughs like a maniac as he runs into the kitchen.

  “And who loves Miss Pay?” I ask as I turn to the little girl who is hiding behind Dad’s overstuffed chair.

  She peaks around the corner at me and puts a finger to her lips and softly shushes me. I tiptoe behind the chair and crouch down next to her.

  “Lucian doesn’t know where I am,” she says in delight, scrunching up her nose. “You distrac-ed him!”

  “Yeah I did,” I say, wrapping an arm around her small frame and squeezing her tight to me. “I saved the day, huh?”

  “Auntie Sage always saves the day,” Pay giggles and plants a kiss to my forehead.

  I hug her back before I peak around the corner. “The coast is clear. I’ve got to sneak out there and go say hi to Papa and Nana.”

  “Be careful!” Pay hisses.

  Being a good sneaky aunt, I slip out from behind the chair without notice. I head into the kitchen to find the exact scene I expected.

  Mom and Kaylee are whirl-winding around the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner. Along the bar they’ve got a pot roast, two heaping bowls of steamed carrots and potatoes. There’s an overflowing basket of dinner rolls that smell divine. Next to them is a gigantic jar of Mom’s amazing raspberry jam and a plate of softened butter. There’s a jug of orange juice that has been set out just for Kale, a smaller jug of apple juice, and a pitcher of water. Accompanying everything else is a stack of paper plates, paper cups, and plastic silverware.

  “Hey Sage!” Kaylee says when she sees me. She sets a gravy boat down on the bar before walking around it and wrapping her arms around me.

  “Hi,” I say, giving her an awkward hug back. Kaylee is a hugger. And I am not. She’s also not much over five feet tall and I am five foot five, and wearing four inch heels. “How is everything?”

  “Oh,” she says, making her way to the table and pulling out a chair. She collapses onto it and props her feet up on Drake’s lap, who is sitting next to Dad and Kale. They are looking at something on the computer. She pushes a lock of blond hair off her forehead. “Things are good. Kids are crazy as usual.” As if on cue, Lucian goes tearing through the kitchen again, this time with a sword and a shield. I can only hope Pay is still in her hiding place. “Babies seem to be growing fine. Drake’s doing good,” she adds with a smile and pokes him in the stomach with her foot. He smiles in return and squeezes it.

  They’re ooey, gooey romancey in love, even after all this time.

  “How long until you find out if they are boys or girls?” I pull out one of the bar stools and try to sit on it. It’s hard to balance when wearing heels.

  “Well, I’m only about fourteen week’s right now, and they can’t tell unless you’re at least seventeen, so a few more weeks.” She smiles and rubs a hand over her stomach. It’s growing quickly since she’s carrying two of them. I’m not sure how she’s going to fit two babies in that tiny frame of hers. I fear she may explode.

  Some very small part of me wishes I were domestic. The thought of raising babies and cooking meals and eagerly waiting for the love of your life to return home from a hard day at work does have a certain appeal.

  I’m just not made that way. I love my niece and nephew, but having children of my own? Staying at home all day? I can’t imagine that will ever be enough for me.

  “Well,” I say, pulling myself back into the present. “I, for one, am thrilled you’re having two more kiddo’s. I hope it is one of each. I could use a few more nieces and nephews.”

  “Have you met my children?” Drake says with exhaustion evident in his voice. “You do realize you are going to be the first person I call to babysit my four children.”

  “I wouldn’t mind,” I say with a coy grin. “I get all the fun, cool aunt, rambunctious playing parts, and then hand them back when they get out of control.”

  “Oh, thanks,” Kaylee says, with a shake of her head and a laugh.

  ?
??Enough with the banter,” Mom says, wiping her hands on a towel. “Let’s eat. Lucian! Pay!”

  Instantly, the kids appear in the kitchen. They both well know that when Nana says something, you’d best listen.

  The kids are dished up and then the adults are let to dig in. While the kids camp out at the small table in the middle of the kitchen, daringly out of sight behind the bar, us grown-ups gather around the table.

  “Has anyone heard from Lake lately?” I ask. I push a potato in my mouth, determined not to worry about the calories for just today.

  “We actually Skyped with him yesterday,” Mom says as she wipes her mouth with a napkin. “He’s getting a month long leave in five weeks. He flies into SeaTac two days before Independence Day.”

  “Kale, maybe you and Sage could pick him up from the airport?” Dad says. “I’ve got a doctor’s appointment that I had to schedule two months ago and I really didn’t want to have to reschedule. Your mother’s got to drive me.”

  “Is it anything serious?” I ask, setting my fork down as my brows draw together.

  Dad shakes his head. “Just one of those embarrassing appointments you have to make when you start getting old.”

  “Well, thank heavens you’re just getting old,” I tease. “And it’s not something we have to be concerned over.”

  “Little brat,” Dad says, smiling as he scowls at me.

  “Brat is a bad word, Mom said!” Pay suddenly yells from behind the bar.

  Everyone bursts into laughter and Dad shouts an apology.

  “So,” Mom says, redirecting the amusement. “Sage, can you and Kale pick Lake up? I know you’ve got work.”

  “What time?” I ask as I pick my fork up again.

  “I think he said he’ll get in around three.”

  I nod as I swallow the mouthful of delicious pot roast. “That should be fine. I’ll only have to get about an hour and a half off work. I’ll let the powers that be know.”

  I’m proud of my brother, even if I’m constantly afraid for his life.

  “Speaking of your work,” Dad says. “Didn’t you all just have some sort of ball, or something?”

  “It was a banquet,” I say for what feels like the twentieth time. “And it was just fine. Packed, but fine.”

  “Seemed a little more than fine,” Kale says around a mouthful of food. He says it without looking at me. “You should have seen her bloody expensive dress all ripped and in a pile on the floor Saturday morning.”

  My mouth opens and closes but words seem to forget how to form on my lips just then.

  “Oo,” Kaylee coos. “Did you meet someone interesting Friday night?”

  “I…I…” The words just aren’t coming.

  “Must have been a bang and dash,” Kale continues the humiliation. “There was no one to be found when I got in. Just a passed out Sage.”

  “Kale Christophe McCain!” Mom screeches. “You will not use that kind of language in my house!”

  “Kale in twoubow!” Lucian pipes up and we all hear him snicker.

  Smiles and laughter spread around the table but it isn’t distraction enough. All eyes turn back to me.

  I can tell my face is horribly red, but there’s no getting out of this.

  “Fine,” I say. “I did meet someone at the banquet, but nothing really came of it and since I forgot to ask his name, I know I won’t be seeing him again.”

  “Oh, the shame continues!” Drake laughs. “Not even asking the name of a hook up is low!”

  “Just stop it, okay!” I cry, smiling even though I feel humiliated. “Nothing really happened!”

  I pretend for everyone, even for my family sometimes. I put on a strong face and nothing can penetrate through my thick skin.

  But sometimes being accused of something you feel very strongly about hurts.

  Because the truth is, I haven’t had sex with anyone since my senior year of high school. And I don’t plan on changing that anytime soon.

  No one in my family knows I’ve made an abstinence commitment.

  So times like these are hard and honestly, emotionally draining.

  But I’m Sage McCain, and I’m strong and nothing gets to me. At least on the outside.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “This is going to be a huge deal if we can close this.”

  I sit in Mr. Maxwell’s office, holding the file out to him. Everything about his posture and the tenseness in his eyes says he’s still a bit peeved about the rumors that started being spread on Friday, and it’s now Wednesday. The man can hold a grudge when he wants to.

  Finally, he takes the file and looks it over.

  Gretch managed to smuggle a lead away from the sales team and into my inbox this morning for the largest bank in Toronto. It’s a huge chain that stretches through most of Canada. With over sixty locations they’re a huge commodity. And apparently they are looking to cut ties with their current financial security company because of breaches.

  “Hmm,” he huffs. He scratches his beard and turns the page. “Have you spoken to them yet?”

  “I will give them a call as soon as you give me approval,” I say, sitting up slightly straighter. “I just wanted to check with you first since we’re just starting to branch out into other countries.”

  “I think this could be a good start,” he says, closing the file and handing it back to me. “I want you to give their CEO a call and see if you can get an appointment to meet with them face to face. If you can close this deal, I think you’ll be looking at another bonus.”

  “I won’t close this deal for the money, sir,” I say as a smile curls on my face. “But thank you anyway.”

  He nods and I see the smallest of smiles curl on his lips.

  He’s playing the hard ass, but I can tell I’m forgiven.

  Even if I didn’t need to be forgiven, seeing as I did nothing wrong.

  Gretch places the call for me and transfers it over. It takes me a total of two minutes to reach their CEO when I say who I am with. We set up an appointment for me to meet with her at their corporate offices in Toronto in two weeks.

  I sense I just have to decide what I want to spend my bonus on, because I have every confidence I will close this deal.

  “So…” Gretch drags the word out. “Looked like you met someone interesting at the banquet. Someone dark and mysterious?”

  I set my sandwich down and give her a look. “Seriously, I thought we were going to just ignore this. We’ve made it three days without bringing it up.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says with a smile. We’re eating lunch in my office today, going over files and reviewing the needs of our clients. “I’ve been thinking about it all week and I just wondered if you were going to see him again.”

  I take a sip of my water, eying her over the water bottle. “No,” I say, setting it down. “I am quite sure I won’t be seeing him again.”

  “Uh, oh,” she says, her face falling. “Did it end badly? Did he end up being a total jerk?”

  “Well, other than him telling me I was a terrible dancer, he was actually pretty perfect,” I say reflectively, surprised by the words that come out my mouth. “He wasn’t turned off by my…me.”

  “He said you can’t dance?” Gretch says critically. “That’s rude. Did you guys ever even dance at the banquet?”

  “For all of two minutes,” I say, shaking my head and picking a pickle out of the sandwich and popping it in my mouth. “He said I stepped on his toes twice.”

  “It’s pissing you off, isn’t it?” Gretch says with a smirk on her face.

  A laugh bubbles between my lips. “Actually, yeah, it’s bugging the heck out of me. No one says stuff like that to me.”

  “That’s because you’re pretty much good at everything,” Gretch says as she bites into a baby carrot.

  “Apparently not everything,” I shake my head as I take another sip of water.

  “Hey, I saw this flyer posted on the community board for ballroom dance lessons,” Gretch perk
s up. I look up to see her eyes excited and bright. “It was like a six week course, twice a week. I think it starts tomorrow actually!”

  I actually laugh and sit back in my oversized office chair. “Dance lessons? I think I’m a little grown up for that.”

  Gretch shakes her head. “Lots of people do that kind of thing. And why not? It’s not like you have much going on in the even—”

  Gretch comes to a screeching halt there.

  “That will be all for now, Gretchen,” I say, packing my sandwich away and turning back to the files. “We can finish this all up tomorrow.”

  She knows better than to hang around and try to apologize. It will only make me more angry. She promptly stands, gathers her things, and leaves my office.

  I take myself very seriously. I’ve worked hard; I’ve proven myself to be a successful adult. I’ve done everything right.

  So when I am insulted for not having much of a social life, I have zero tolerance.

  I don’t often get humiliated, I don’t give people the chance. But it feels like I’ve had more than my fair share in the last week.

  I stay at the office late that night, not really working on anything in particular, but keeping myself busy. Once five hits, the building starts getting quiet really fast. The lights are left on all night, it gives the outside world the impression that a lot of people are working very hard here twenty-four-seven. Which actually, our IT department has people working at all hours. But the building feels peaceful and quiet.

  Around six, I order a salad and have it delivered from one of the restaurants close by and make my feelings go away with an online shopping spree that ends up totaling seven hundred dollars for a pair of shoes, a new handbag, and two blouses.

  I feel slightly better when I’m done.

  But I’m still a pathetic twenty-seven year old woman who has no social life.

  Having built the life I have, it makes it hard to connect with others who are either turning into stay-at-home mommies, working barely above minimum wage jobs, or are still wandering around blindly in the murky mists of their lives. I don’t like wasting my time with awkward socializing when I don’t have much in common with them anymore.