Wild Heather

  CHAPTER XIII

  When Lady Helen went to the opera or the theatre, or to special balls orsuppers, she invariably was late for breakfast the next morning, and onthese occasions my father generally had his breakfast with her in herbedroom. Lady Helen would not put in an appearance until lunch time, andI therefore would have the morning all to myself. After that eventfulday and after that almost sleepless night, I was quite certain that Ishould not find anyone waiting for me in the breakfast-room. To myastonishment, however, both Lady Helen and my father were there. Theylooked at me when I came in, my father with anxiety and affection, LadyHelen with a world of meaning in her knowing, worldly old face.

  On the night before I had torn the roses with feverish haste from mydress, stuck them into a great bowl of water, and desired Morris to takethem away; I said that the perfume gave me a headache, and that I didnot wish to see them again. She obeyed me in some astonishment, raisingher brows a trifle.

  When I entered the breakfast-room this sun-shiny spring morning, Iinterrupted a very animated _tete-a-tete_ between my father and hiswife. I sat down quietly. Neither spoke to me beyond saying the mostconventional "Good morning," and I ate in feverish haste what breakfastI required. Immediately afterwards I rushed to my room, pinned somefresh violets into my pretty morning dress, put on a shady hat, anddesired Morris to accompany me to Hyde Park. Morris was quite agreeable.As we walked along I saw that she was murmuring something under herbreath.

  "What are you saying, Morris?" I asked, speaking with slight impatience,for my heart was beating so very fast I could scarcely control myself."I dislike people muttering in the streets," I continued.

  "I am sorry, miss," said Morris. "In future I'll keep my thoughts tomyself; they are all about you. Oh, dear! I wish I had one of thoseMarguerite daisies; maybe I'd know the future if I could pull off thepetals."

  "What do you mean?" I asked.

  "He loves me, he don't; he'll have me, he won't; he would if he could,but he can't, so he won't," said Morris, bringing out the gibberish ina rapid tone.

  I laughed. "Oh, Morris," I said, "how your thoughts do run on love andlovers! Now let's think of something else."

  "There's nothing else for a young maiden to think of in the springtime," said Morris, in oracular tones.

  "There is in my case," I replied. "We will buy some fresh violetsto-day, for one thing."

  "Shall we get them, miss, when we are going into the Park, or when weare coming out?"

  "I want to sit just where I sat yesterday," I answered; "and while I amthere you can buy them, as you did yesterday."

  "Oh, yes, miss; I quite understand," replied Morris. Then she added: "Itmust be nice, very nice, to be married, and to be very rich. But it mustbe lovely to be married when you care for the man with all your heart,and he is poor, very poor. I'm not meaning anything special, miss, butit's the spring time, and, as the poet says, it makes my fancy 'lightlyturn to thoughts of love.'"

  I made no reply. I had planned my visit to the Park so that it shouldtake place almost precisely at eleven o'clock, and when I got to theneighbourhood of the seats where Morris and I had rested yesterday, Iperceived that one of them was occupied by a tall young man in a morningsuit of dark grey tweed. The moment he saw me he started to his feet,and I turned quickly to Morris.

  "Go, Morris," I said, "and buy violets--three shillingsworth, please,and get as many white violets as ever you can."

  "And shall I meet you inside the gates, miss?" asked the discreetMorris.

  "Yes," I answered; "go at once."

  She turned on her heel, tripping away through the long vista of treeswithout once looking back. Captain Carbury came eagerly forward. He heldout his strong hand, and took one of mine; he held my hand very tightly.I sat down--I felt my breath coming fast. I had thought of this hourever since I had last parted with him, and now that it had come I foundthat I had not in my imagination, even for one moment, believed that itwas half as good as it proved to be.

  "Won't you look at me, Heather?" he said, and he bent down and tried topeep at my eyes from under my shady hat. I raised them just for aminute.

  "Is it right to meet you like this?" I said.

  "You need never meet me like this again," he said. "You have only to say'Yes' to my request, and you and I together will go straight back toHanbury Square, and I myself will ring the bell at Number 13, and wewill ask for an interview with your father, and afterwards I shall befree to come to the house during the brief time we are engaged. For, oh,darling! we must be married very, very soon."

  "But I never promised to marry you," I answered.

  "Oh, Heather!" was his reply. He bent forward and looked into my eyes.

  "I never, never did," I said, shaking my head, and trying to avoid hiseyes.

  "You certainly did not yesterday," was his answer then. "I don't knowthat I even wanted you to, but when you came to me to-day I saw 'Yes'written all over your face. You cannot deny it--you are mine, mine only;you would give up every other man in the wide world just for me."

  I tried very hard to reply; I tried to tell him that he was impertinentand vain, but the words would not rise to my lips. On the contrary, Ihad the utmost possible difficulty in keeping myself from bursting intotears, for I knew well that I loved him, if not yesterday, mostcertainly to-day. There was something about him which appealed to mywhole heart, to which my heart went out. Still, I sat silent, decliningto speak--perfectly happy, perfectly contented, afraid to break my blissby the uttering of a single word.

  As I sat so, with my shoulder within an inch or two of his, I began toconsider the violets, just as though he had given them to me. I hadbought those violets yesterday, and they were full of him; I had broughtsome back with me to the Park to-day, but they were already slightlyfaded. Not that our hopes were faded--far from that--only the violets. Iconsidered the violets--his special flowers--just as though he hadplucked them and given them to me; they seemed to be mixed up with him,and I believed that all my life long I should love with a tender sort ofpassion the smell of violets, and hate, beyond all words, the smell ofroses, and in particular of white roses.

  "What are you thinking about, Heather?" he asked.

  "Of you," I answered.

  He glanced around him to right and left.

  "There is no one looking," he said, drawing his chair two or threeinches nearer; "may I--may I hold your hand?"

  "I cannot help it," I replied, and I spoke in a low, uncertain manner.

  He smiled, took my hand, and held it very tightly between both his own.

  "You have a very little hand, Heather," was his remark, and he held ityet tighter.

  "You are squeezing it," I said; "you are quite hurting me."

  "That is the last thing I would do," was his reply. He loosened thepressure of his hand over mine the merest fragment. After a minute ofsilence, he said:

  "Of course, as you allow me to hold your hand, things must be allright."

  "I--I am not sure," I answered.

  "But I mean that you are willing that I should arrange this thing, takeall the trouble off you, you understand. You are willing, quite willing,that we shall be married as soon as ever I can arrange it?"

  "But this time yesterday," I replied, "I hardly thought about you. Icertainly knew that I liked you, and that you were my friend. I littleguessed, however, this time yesterday, that we could ever, by anypossibility, be husband and wife."

  I flushed crimson as I said the words, and looked down.

  "But now, Heather--now--you are willing that we should be married if Ican arrange it?"

  "I hardly thought of you this time yesterday," I said again.

  "But since that time yesterday, Heather?"

  "I have thought of no one else," I said. Then I coloured crimson,wrenched my hand away, and covered my face.

  "Come," he said, rising at once; "that's all right; that's as right asanything in all the world could be. Little Heather, little darling, wewere made for each other. I felt certain of i
t the very first day I sawyou. You came into my life, and by the witchery of your fresh andbeautiful character you turned the great Lady Dorothy out! Not that atany time I really cared for her, compared to you! We met, andimmediately into my picture gallery you went, and into your picturegallery I went. Oh, of course, we were made for each other! Now, shallwe go, or that servant of yours will be returning. We will go straightto Major Grayson and get his consent."

  "But suppose he doesn't give it?" I said; and I trembled very much asthis fear struck me.

  "You must leave all that to me, Heather; I think I can manage. And,darling, we won't have a long engagement. We'll be married almostimmediately."

  "I thought people were usually engaged about two years," I said.

  "But you and I will not conform to the usual standard," was his reply."We'll be engaged, if you please, Heather, for six weeks at the longest.Oh, we've a lot to do with our beautiful lives, and we'll begin byenjoying ourselves--that, at least, is fair. We will just be marriedwhen the summer is at her glorious prime, and we'll go away and away,and be happy for evermore! That is what we'll do, dear little one. Andnow, let's be quick. I want to set this matter in train. I want to hurrythe lagging hours; I want to claim my wife!"

  Captain Carbury rose. He was a tall man, and I was, if anything, rathershort for the modern girl.

  "Why, Heather," he said, looking down at me, his eyes dancing withpleasure and happiness, "I didn't realise until this minute that youwere only a little girl."

  "Am I?" I said.

  "You have a tall effect," he remarked; "but you are little--on the_petite_ side."

  "That is, compared to you," I answered.

  "I am six foot one exactly," was his reply. "Heather, how dark your eyesare! and how delicate your complexion--and how very soft and beautifulis your hair! You resemble in some ways an Eastern princess, except thatyou have all the fire, and intelligence, and imagination of the West.You are my princess, Heather. Now, what are you going to say to me? Youmust flatter me, too, you know, although," he added, his voice becomingvery serious, "there is no flattery in my present remarks. What are yougoing to say to me?" he inquired.

  "You are my prince," I said, looking up at him, and then looking down atonce.

  "Your poor prince must have a name."

  "You are my prince, Captain Carbury."

  "Oh, come! What nonsense! You must say more."

  "If you wish it," I answered. "You are my prince----"

  "Well, go on."

  "Vernon."

  "There! I never knew I had so nice a name; simply because I have neverheard it before from your sweet lips. Now, shall we get back to yourhouse, otherwise her ladyship may be downstairs, and it happens to beMajor Grayson whom I want to see."

  We walked quickly across the Park, and met Morris with her fresh basketof violets. She walked behind, and as we crossed the streets we keptrather close to each other, for although, of course, we did not touch,even once, over and over I repeated to my own heart, "Heather, you areengaged to Vernon Carbury--Heather, some day Vernon Carbury will be yourhusband--Vernon Carbury, Vernon Carbury. And yet, a few days ago, youhardly knew that you cared for him; but you know it now--yes, you knowit now!"

  At last we reached Hanbury Square.

  There is no more fashionable square in the best part of the West ofLondon, there are no finer houses to be found anywhere.

  I ran up the steps of the house, and Captain Carbury did likewise, andit was he who rang the bell.

  A powdered footman opened the door, and Captain Carbury said:

  "Is Major Grayson in?"

  "Major Dalrymple is in, sir."

  "Will you say that Captain Carbury has called to see him? Ask him if hewill be good enough to give me a few moments of his time."

  The man opened the door of one of the sitting-rooms, and Vernon and Iwent in.

  "I dare not ask you to kiss me yet," he said; "but I will after--after Ihave seen your father."

  "Please, Vernon," I said.

  "What is it, my dearest darling?"

  "May I come with you to father?"

  "If you really wish it, of course you may; but I should prefer to bealone with him just now."

  Before either of us had time to utter another word the door was opened,and Lady Helen Dalrymple and my father entered the room side by side.

  Lady Helen gave a freezing bow to Captain Carbury, who was a very slightacquaintance of hers, and a more freezing stare at me; and then shesaid:

  "Will you have the goodness to go upstairs, Heather?"

  But Captain Carbury interfered.

  "If you will permit me, Lady Helen, I should like Miss Heather Graysonto remain where she is."

  He then approached my father, stood stock still for a minute, and thenheld out his hand. My father looked at him stiffly; then he spoke:

  "You know who I was, you know what happened to me, and you know exactlywhat I am now."

  "I know everything," said Captain Carbury.

  "Knowing everything, you wish to shake hands with me?"

  "I hope you will accept my hand," replied Captain Carbury.

  My father stretched his out, and Captain Carbury wrung it.

  "Well, of all the extraordinary things to happen!" began Lady Helen. Shesank into a low chair, arranged herself comfortably and becomingly, andlooked from father to Captain Carbury. Then again she glanced at me, andwhen she caught my eye she looked in the direction of the door; but Iwould not take her hint--at that moment I was past caring about her.

  "I have come, Major Grayson," said Vernon Carbury, "to speak to youunder the name by which you were known, and honoured, and deeplyrespected in her late Majesty's army, and I wish to say at once that itis only as Major Grayson that I can treat with you in this matter. I amanxious that you should give me for all time the hand of your onlychild, Heather Grayson. I wish to make her my wife. I love her beyondwords, and I believe she is not indifferent to me. I do not require anymoney with her; I am neither rich nor poor, but I have enough to supporther, and I believe I can make her happy. I shall certainly endeavour toshelter her from the evils of this wicked world. It is true that I wasfor a short time engaged to another lady, but that engagement is brokenoff, with perfect satisfaction on both sides. I now beg of you to allowme to pay my addresses to your daughter, for I love her with all myheart and soul."

  "You amaze me," said my father.

  "And allow me to tell you, Captain Carbury," said Lady Helen, risingfrom her seat, and coming forward, "that my stepdaughter Heather is notfor you, for she is now the affianced wife of Lord Hawtrey of Leigh."

  "'Allow me to tell you, Captain Carbury,' said LadyHelen, 'that my stepdaughter is not for you.'"]

  "That is not the case," I answered.

  Vernon Carbury had very bright eyes, and they flashed an angry fire; butwhen he turned and gave me a quick glance, and saw the fire of anger inmy eyes, all indignation passed out of his. His eyes smiled.

  "Child," said my father, coming up to me, "this is not the place foryou. I must request you, Heather, to leave us for the present."

  "Father! oh, father!" I said.

  I spoke exactly as I used to do when I was a little child. I took hishand and drew him imperiously outside the door.

  "Father," I whispered, "Lord Hawtrey did--oh, very, very kindly, too--he_did_ ask me last night to marry him, and oh! he was most good--but,darlingest Daddy, I could not marry him, for I do not love him onebit--I mean, not that way, Daddy. Why, Daddy, he is old enough to be myfather, and I only want one father, and you are he; but I do--yes, I docare for Vernon Carbury. Please, please, father, think of our greatunhappiness if we are parted, and of our wonderful joy if you allow usto be engaged to each other!"

  "I will do my utmost, my poor little one--my utmost," he answered.

  "Gordon, we are waiting for you," said Lady Helen's hard voice, andthen he wrenched my hands away from his neck, and returned to the roomwhere Lady Helen and my lover were to fight a battle for me. Oh, if on
lyfather would be strong and take my part!

  I ran up to my room and flung myself on my bed. Morris knocked at thedoor, but I told her to go away; I did not want her then; I did not wantthe flowers I had bought that morning. Flowers, love, sunshine; the joysof God's earth would all be as ashes in my mouth if my hero werebanished. They were discussing me downstairs; they were tearing my lovefrom me--oh, I could not bear it! My heart began to beat so fast that Icould scarcely endure the thumping sensation which was going through mybody. I longed to sleep, just because in sleep I might forget; I wantedthe minutes to pass quickly.

  Suddenly I sat up; I began listening intently. In my distant bedroom Icould hear no sound of what went on in the downstairs rooms. I flew tothe window and opened it. Oh, he would not go away--he would see me,whatever happened he would see me--it would be impossible for him to goaway without seeing me! Yes, we were made for each other, for was I notin his secret gallery of heroes, and was not he in mine? And could anymere human creature divide us? I thought of Lady Helen, with her hard,cruel face, and of my father. Father loved me, and I told him quitedistinctly what I wanted, and I believe that he understood. Had he notalways loved his own little Heather? Oh, it must be all right!

  Just then I heard, far away, like a distant sort of echo in the house, adoor bang. Once again I rushed to the window--I did not mind who sawme--I opened it wide at the top, and put my head out. Captain Carburywas walking quickly down the street. Would he, by any possibility, lookback? Would that invisible link between us cause him to raise his eyesuntil he saw my face? Would he look back, and look up? He did neither.At the first corner he abruptly turned, and was lost to view.

  "She has done it!" I said to myself. "Oh, how deeply I hate her! But Iwill never marry Lord Hawtrey, and I will marry Vernon--I will--for Ilove him with all my heart and soul!"

  The depth of my feelings, and the wildness of my anger, gave me courage.I rushed downstairs. I had the free run of every part of the house,except Lady Helen's boudoir; that door was shut. I was never expectedto go in without knocking; I knocked now in frantic haste. A voice--acold, surprised voice--said:

  "Who is there?"

  I repeated to myself the words "Who is there?" and the thought occurredto me that I should not be allowed to enter. They would shut me out,just as surely as they had torn me from the arms of the man I loved, sowould they now--my father and Lady Helen--shut me from theirconsultations. I opened the door, therefore, and went boldly in.

  "You can see the person who was outside the door," I said, and then Iwalked straight up to my father, who was lying back in a deep chair, hislegs crossed one over the other, his head resting against the back ofthe chair; his face was perturbed, and very red, his blue eyes bright.

  Lady Helen, on the contrary, was standing. She had a fan in her hand,and with it she was fanning her hot face. Why were they both so hot andindignant? Why did they look for all the world as though each hated theother?

  "I want to know," I said, "and I _will_ know, what you have done withVernon Carbury."

  There was no response whatever to my question. It was received withdeep and surprised silence by both my stepmother and my father. Then myfather turned, looked at me, blinked his eyes a trifle, and, putting hishand out, drew me down to sit on the edge of his chair.

  "If, Gordon," said my stepmother, "you mean to make a fool of yourselfover that most troublesome, refractory, and good-for-nothing girl, Iwill leave you with her. If you listen to her sentimental and sillyremarks, I can at least go and rest in my room; but clearly understandwhat my view of this business is."

  "I have not uttered a word, Helen," replied my father.

  "Uttered!" said Lady Helen, a volume of scorn in her voice; "have notyour eyes spoken, has not your hand spoken, has not your action spoken?That girl dares to come into my private room uninvited, and youencourage her."

  "I have come to ask about Captain Carbury," I said. "He is mine, and Iwant to know everything about him. Where is he--what have you done withhim--have you sent him away? Why did he go away without speaking to me?I tell you he is mine. I _will_ see him."

  Lady Helen suddenly changed her manner. She sank into a chair and burstout laughing.

  "Gordon," she said, without taking the least notice of me, "may Iventure to inquire the exact age of this little spitfire?"

  "How old are you, Pussy?" inquired my father.

  "As if that mattered!" I said. "I am a hundred years old, as far asfeelings go."

  "But as far as the law goes," said Lady Helen, "I think, my dear, youwill find that you are eighteen, and therefore a minor, and thereforeunable to marry without the consent of your father and your stepmother.You will find that such is the case, Heather; you had better understandthis at once."

  "Very well," I answered, "if that is really the law, and you won't giveyour consent--you, who are no relation to me at all--and if father won'tgive his consent, although he is a very near relation, then I shall dothis: I shall wait until I am twenty-one; I know Vernon will wait, andthen we will marry."

  Lady Helen laughed again.

  "You poor, silly, fickle child!" she said. "Don't you know perfectlywell that you will fall in and out of love perhaps twenty times betweennow and the day that sees you of age? And don't you know, also, thatCaptain Carbury will do precisely the same? Has he not himselfconfessed as much? He was engaged to a girl who was fifty times a bettermatch for him than you a few weeks ago; he is tired of her now; he andshe have willingly broken off the engagement. For my part, Icongratulate Lady Dorothy. I would not have anything to do with thatfickle sort of man, not if he were to buy me a kingdom. And, mark mywords, Heather, as surely as Vernon Carbury imagines that he cares foryou at this moment, so surely will he forget you and turn his butterflythoughts to someone else, when he meets a fairer face than yours. It isperfectly safe to give you leave to wait until you are twenty-one, forlong before then, whatever you may choose to do--although I expect nostrength about you, nor constancy, nor any of those so-calledvirtues--young Carbury himself will be married."

  "No, no, you are not to say it!" I answered. "Father, may I speak to youby yourself? Father, darling, may I?"

  "Your father is going out with me," said Lady Helen. "He is tired, andnot very well, and I mean that we shall both motor into the country; wemay be away even for to-night--there's no saying. We did not intend totell you our position with regard to that exceedingly foolish and rashyoung man, until our return; but as you burst uninvited into my room, Imay as well have it out, and then you will know how to act. CaptainCarbury proposed for you, telling us the usual sort of nonsense thatyoung men will speak on these occasions, and our answer to him was quiteemphatic. We denied him admission to the house; we refused to entertainfor a single moment the idea of your marrying him. We told him plainlythat we had other views for you, and that nothing that he could saywould get us to change them."

  "Did you tell him what those views were?" I asked.

  "Yes," said Lady Helen, "we did. We told him that Lord Hawtrey of Leigh,one of the best matches in London at present, had honoured you with aproposal of marriage, and that you would be his wife before the year wasout."

  I looked at Lady Helen while she was speaking; then I put my arms roundmy father's neck, and hid my face on his shoulder. He began to pat mewith his big hand softly on my arm. He said, in a very low tone, "Hush,now, sweetheart; hush, now. Things will come right in the end."

  But I could not listen. Lady Helen went on talking; I did not listen toher either. I was distressed beyond measure; I was distracted at whathad happened. Lady Helen got up; she spoke very quietly:

  "I will leave you two," she said. "Gordon, I shall expect you to beready for our drive in half an hour's time; meanwhile, you may pet yourdaughter as much as you please--perhaps you can tell her one or twothings which will change her opinion of me. Meanwhile, I shall go to myroom and rest."

  She swept out of the room; I heard the rustle of her silk petticoats.When the door closed behind her I raised my
tear-dimmed face:

  "Daddy, Daddy," I said, "she can't dispose of me like that--she can'ttake the man I love away, Daddy, and make me marry against my will a manI don't like! Oh, darling, it isn't possible, is it?"

  "You shan't marry Hawtrey against your will--I promise you that," saidmy father.

  "Then, Daddy, it's all right, because I refused him last night--Irefused him absolutely. He will never ask me again."

  "I think it likely that he will ask you many times, poor child."

  "He mustn't--he shan't! I won't see him."

  "Heather, listen to me. Sit up; don't give way. It cuts me to the heartto deny you anything, and I fully believe that Carbury is all right andas straight as possible. A gallant soldier, child--yes, a gallantsoldier. Mark my words, there are no men in all the world like soldiers,Heather; they are the pick of the earth--so brave, so honourable, sotrue. That's what Carbury is, and if he were rich and in the sameposition as Hawtrey, you should be his wife with all the pleasure in theworld. But, Heather, my poor little girl, I can't fight against suchlong odds. I could once, but, child, I am a broken man, a broken man,and I can't withstand her. She has got me into a sort of trap. Shepretends she's done everything in the world for me; I was madenough--oh! I won't speak of that--I am her husband now, and I supposemost people would think that I'd done well for myself--they'd revel inthe contrast between my life of late and my life now, and say 'Thatbeggar Grayson'--but there! I won't speak of it."

  "Daddy--has--Lady Helen--got ... I don't like to say--has she got a ...I mean, Daddy, are you a little--_tiny_ bit--you, a brave soldier--alittle, tiny bit afraid of her?"

  "Afraid!" said my father. "Poof! not a bit of it. It is she who hascause to be afraid of me. I could--and, as there is a heaven above us, Iwill, too--frighten her into giving me some of my own way; yes, and Iwill, if she doesn't act fair by you, little girl."

  "Father, why don't you tell me things? You are hiding something."

  "Yes," said my father; "I am hiding something, and you must neverknow--never, as long as you live."

  "Daddy, my heart is broken."

  "Poor little maid! But you will get over it. And now I have somethingelse to say. Lady Helen is not at all bad, and you would be extremelyhappy as Hawtrey's wife; he's a bit old, but he's a thorough gentleman,and you'd be very rich, and Helen would deal handsomely by you--she'spromised that. She's very rich, too; I wish she wasn't. There's nothingin the world more hateful than depending upon your wife's money, andthat's my cursed position. But if you promised to marry Hawtrey, she'dmake things a bit square for you; she's settled to do that. It's awfullykind of her; it's downright generous; it's more than most people wouldexpect. She'd do it in her lifetime, too; she'd settle twenty thousandon you--think of that, little Heather--twenty thousand is not to bedespised."

  "Oh, father, if it's money, I don't care a bit about it!"

  "There she is," said my father, rising suddenly; "she is calling me.Wipe away your tears and run upstairs. To-night you must show a cheerfulface--whatever happens in the future, you must be cheerful to-night. Offwith you now, out of my sight. Believe me, I'd cut off my right hand tohelp you. Bye-bye for a bit, little sweetheart."

  My father left me. After a time I heard the "toot" of the motor-car asit puffed out of sight. Then I started to my feet, clasped my hands, andstood considering. There was something about me which could never standinaction. If I were to be saved now from deadly peril, I must act. I wasterribly upset; I was awfully miserable. All of a sudden I came to aresolve. I rang the bell; one of the footmen answered my summons.

  "I want you to bring me the cards of the different people who havecalled here during the last fortnight," I said.

  "Yes, miss," replied the man.

  He returned in a few minutes with a number of visiting cards on asalver. I sorted them out carefully, and presently came to LordHawtrey's. It bore the address of his club, one of the most exclusiveand distinguished clubs in London, also the address of his big countryseat--Leigh Castle--and in addition his town address, 24c, Green Street.

  "Lord Hawtrey is kind; he is the only one who can save me," I said tomyself. I made up my mind then and there to go and visit him.