Aileen Aroon, A Memoir

ha!'

  "And behold! there in the mouth of the cave stood an ugly old male polypgrinning and bobbing at them like some dreadful ogre.

  "`How dare you, sir!' said Potassium Pompey, springing from his seat,and striding with a couple of hops towards the new-comer--`how dare youintrude yourself on the privacy of affianced lovers?'

  "`Intrude? Ho! ho! Privacy? He! he! Affianced? Ha! ha!' replied theold polyp. `I'll soon let you know that, young jackanapes.'

  "`Sir,' cried Pompey, `this insolence shall not go unpunished. Unhandme, Peggy.'

  "`Oh! hush, hush, pray hush,' cried poor Peggy, wringing a few of herhands; `it's my father, Pompey, my poor father.'

  "`That fright your father?' replied Pompey; `but there, for your sake,my Peggy, and for the sake of his grey hairs, I will spare him.'

  "`Come along, Miss Malapert; adieu, Mr Jackanapes,' cried the enragedfather; and he dragged his daughter from the cave, but not before shehad time to cast one tearful look of fond farewell on her lover, notbefore she had time to extend ten hands to him behind her back, and hehad fondly pressed them all.

  "Peggy's father was a miserly old polyp, who lived in a superb residencein the most fashionable part of Coral Town. He had servants who went orcame at his beck or call, a splendid chariot of pure gold to ride in,with pure-bred fish-horses, and the only thing he ever had to annoy himwas that when he awoke in the morning he could not think of any newpleasure for the day that had dawned. Every day he had a lovely littlepolyp boy killed for his dinner--for polyps are all cannibals--and ifthat meal didn't please him, then he used to eat one of the flunkeys.But for all his riches, he was not a gentleman. He had made all hismoney as a marine store dealer, and then retired to live at his mansion,with his only daughter Peggy.

  "Now, for the next many days poor Potassium Pompey was a very unhappypolyp indeed. He went about his business very listlessly, neglected toeat, grew awfully thin, and let his beard grow, and people even saidthat he sometimes sold them bad potassium. As for Peggy, she was lockedup in a room all by herself, and never saw any one at all, except herfather, who five times a day came regularly to feed her, and when sherefused to eat he cruelly crammed it down her throat. He was only apolyp, remember.

  "`I'll fatten the gipsy,' he said to himself, `and then marry _her_ tomy old friend Peterie. He can support a wife, for I always see himfishing, and he can't possibly eat all he catches himself.'

  "So it was all arranged that the wedding should come off, and one day,as Pompey was returning disconsolately from his office, he met a greatand noisy crowd, who were huzzaing and waving their arms in the water,and shouting, `Long live the happy, happy pair!' And presently up drovethe old miser's chariot, with six fish-horses, and polyp postillions tomatch; and seated there beside his detested rival, Pompey caught aglimpse of his loved and lost darling Peggy; thereupon Pompey made uphis mind to drown himself right off. So he went and sought out theblackest, deepest pool, and plunged in. But polyps are so used to thewater that they cannot drown, and so the more Pompey tried to drownhimself, the more the water wouldn't drown him; so at last he wiped hiseyes, and--

  "`What a fool I am,' said he, `to attempt death for the sake of one fairlady, when there are hundreds of polyps as beautiful as she in CoralTown. I'll go home and work, and make riches, then I'll marry tenwives, and hold them all in my arms at once.'

  "But Pompey couldn't forget his early love as quickly as he wished to,and often of an evening, when he knew that Mr Polypus was away at someof his gluttonous carousals, Pompey would steal to the window of herhouse and keek in through the chinks of the shutters, and sigh to seehis beloved Peggy sitting all so lonely by herself at the little table,on which the phosphorus lamp was burning. And at the same time--although Pompey did not know it--Peggy would be gazing so sadly into thepotassium fire, and thinking of him; she really could not help it,although she knew it was wrong, and poor pretty Mrs Polypus couldn't beexpected to be very cheery, could she?

  "Well, one night she was sitting all alone like that, wondering what waskeeping her husband so long, and if he would beat her, as usual, when hedid come home. She hadn't had a bit to eat for many, many hours, andwas just beginning to feel hungry and faint, when a tiny wee fish swamin by the chimney, and pop! Mrs Polypus had it down her throat in atwinkling; but as ill-luck would have it, who should return at the verymoment but her wicked husband. He had evidently been eating even morethan usual, and looked both flushed and angry.

  "`_Now_, Mrs Polypus,' he began, `I saw that. How dared you, when youknew I was coming home to supper, and there wasn't a morsel in thelarder?'

  "`Oh! please, Peterie,' said poor little Mrs Polypus, beginning to cry,`I really didn't mean to; but I was _so_ hungry, and--'

  "`Hungry?' roared the husband; `how dared you to be hungry?--how daredyou be anything at all, in fact? But there, I shall not irritate myselfby talking to you. Bring it back again.'

  "`Oh! if you please, Peterie--' cried Mrs Polypus.

  "`Bring it back again, I say,' cried Mr Polypus, making all his armsswing round and round like a wheel, till you could hardly have seen oneof them, and finally crossing them on his chest; and, leaning on theback of the chair, he looked sternly down on his spouse, andsaid--`Disgorge at once!'

  "`I won't, then, and, what is more, I shan't; there!' said the weewoman, for even a woman as well as a worm will turn when very muchtrodden upon.

  "`Good gracious me!' cried Mr Polypus, fairly aghast with astonishment;`does--she--actually--dare--to--defy me?' but `Ho! ho!' he added,likewise `He! he!' and `we'll see;' and he strode to the window andbolted it, and strode to the door and bolted that; then he took thephosphorus lamp and extinguished it.

  "`It'll be so dark, Peterie,' said his wife, beginning to be frightened.

  "`There is light enough for what I have to do,' said Peterie, sternly.Then he opened a great yawning mouth, and he seized her first by onearm, and then by another, until he had the whole within his grasp, andshe all the time kicking with her one leg, and screaming--

  "`Oh! please don't, Peterie. Oh! Peterie, don't.'

  "But he heeded not her cries, which every moment became weaker and morefar-away like, until they ceased entirely, and the unhappy Mrs Polypuswas nowhere to be seen. _Her husband had swallowed her alive_!

  "As soon as he had done so he sat down by the fire, looking ratherswollen, and feeling big and not altogether comfortable; but how couldhe expect to be, after swallowing his wife? He leaned his head on threearms and gazed pensively into the fire.

  "`After all,' he said to himself, `I may have been just a little toohasty, for she wasn't at all a bad little woman, taking her all-in-all.Heigho! I fear I'll never see her like again.'

  "Hark! a loud knocking at the door. He starts and listens, and trembleslike the guilty thing he is. The knocking was repeated in onecontinuous stream of rat-tats.

  "`Hullo! Peterie,' cried a voice; `open the door.'

  "`Who is there?' asked Peterie at last.

  "`Why, man, it is I--Potassium Pompey. Whatever is up with you to-daythat you are barred and bolted like this? Afraid of thieves? Eh?'

  "`No,' said Peterie, undoing the fastenings and letting Pompey come in;`it isn't that exactly. The fact is, I wasn't feeling very well, andjust thought I would lie down for a little while.'

  "`You don't look very ill, anyhow,' said Pompey; `and you are actuallygetting stouter, I think!'

  "`Well,' replied Peterie, `you see, I've been out fishing, and had agood dinner, and perhaps I've eaten rather more, I believe, than is goodfor me.'

  "`Shouldn't wonder,' said Pompey, sarcastically; for the truth is, hehad been keeking through the chinks of the shutters, and had seen thewhole tragedy.

  "`A decided case of dropsy, I should think,' added Pompey.

  "Peterie groaned.

  "`Take a seat,' he said to Pompey. `I believe you are my friend, and Iwant to have a little talk with you; I--I want to make a clean breast ofit.'

  "`Well, I
'm all attention,' replied Pompey--`all ears, as the donkeysaid.'

  "`Fact is, then,' continued Peterie, `I've been a rather unhappy man oflate, and my wife and I never understood one another, and never agreed.She was in love with some scoundrel, you know, before we were married--leastways, so they tell me--and I--I'm really afraid I've swallowed her,Pompey.'

  "`Hum!' said Pompey; `and does she agree any better with you now?'

  "`No,' replied Peterie, `that's just the thing; she's living all thewrong way, somehow, and I