Watch Me Fall

“After you left there, did you come straight here?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” He didn’t like the thought of her driving aimlessly around. He didn’t like the thought of her at Dermamania either, or even at the home she didn’t want to go to.

  He only liked the thought of her here.

  She gave a sad little chuckle and pulled away from him, staring at herself in the broad mirror over his double sink with deep lines of exhaustion set around her mouth. “Really? I’m sure you love for blood-soaked girls to show up at your doorstep before six a.m. I’m sorry to drag you into this.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna let you get cleaned up, okay? Towels are in that cabinet over there. I’ll find you something to put on.”

  “Thanks,” she said glumly, holding his gaze in the mirror as he backed toward the door.

  “Holler if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  He closed the door, hating to leave her alone. But even though he’d seen her naked, staying with her now felt like an intrusion he wasn’t willing to make.

  First things first…the situation demanded an entire pot of coffee. He set one to brewing before doing anything else, then threw on a T-shirt. For Starla, he came up with a pair of Shelly’s sweatpants that were shoved in the back of the closet and the smallest of his shirts he could find—which would still be too big for her. He doubted Starla was much concerned with how she looked right now. He also figured food was the absolute last thing on her mind, but he started on bacon and eggs anyway. No doubt whatever he whipped up wouldn’t be nearly as good as something she made, but he wanted to put forth the effort for her.

  All the while, he thought of a dozen questions that needed to be addressed: all the things he could hardly think of while she was standing in front of him looking so lost. The shock that had numbed his senses was beginning to wear off, and a slow rage crept in to replace it.

  What a sick bastard, to strike out at her this way. If they didn’t catch him soon, where would he strike next? At someone else she cared about? At her?

  Son of a bitch. Jared stopped to gaze outside. For all he knew, a shadowy figure might stand beyond the tree line of his property right now, staring at him through the kitchen window, setting him in crosshairs.

  “Oh, no, you don’t, motherfucker,” he said under his breath, turning off the stove and moving the scrambled eggs to a cool burner. Reentering his bedroom, he heard the shower still running beyond the closed bathroom door. Starla would probably be in there a long time. Good. Only a few steps away from his side of the bed stood his black heavy-duty fireproof gun safe, well protected from his inquisitive daughters by an electronic combination keypad set near the top. He made quick work of it, cranked the five-spoke handle, and swung the door open.

  Rifles, shotguns, pistols… He had anything she might need, if she were so inclined to arm herself. It would probably be a good idea if he started carrying too, at least until this creep was caught. Max might have followed her here; he could know right now exactly where she was.

  Dammit. What about Ashley and Mia? He didn’t want to bring them into harm’s way by exposing them to a lunatic. But Starla could’ve gone anywhere this morning—to her parents, her friends—and she’d come to him. The level of trust there wasn’t lost on him and, frankly, it took his breath away. He couldn’t let her down, couldn’t turn her away.

  The shower turned off. Which inevitably but no less shamefully led to him thinking of her naked, slick, and dripping, right beyond that door. Right there within his reach.

  “Get it together, Stanton,” he grumbled to himself, clearing that image from in front of him and replacing it with the dark maw of his safe.

  When she emerged a moment later wearing the clothes he’d tossed her earlier, her eyes were still puffy and red and she’d wrapped her hair up in a towel. Cute as hell, but he shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. Their gazes met, and he cocked an eyebrow at her. “Ever fired a gun?”

  ***

  “I have,” Starla said cautiously in answer to his question. “Can’t really say how well, but yeah, I’ve fired one with my dad a few times. It’s been several years, though.”

  He motioned her around to stand beside him. “I don’t let just anyone in here. But I have a pretty good collection.”

  “Jesus Christ. I’ll say you do.” She stared around the inside of his safe, feeling her mouth run dry at so much firepower. Was that a fucking assault rifle? “Remind me to never come here in the middle of the night like this again. You might mistake me for a burglar.”

  Jared’s eyes were endlessly blue and incredibly intense, but a hint of amusement lit in them as well and one corner of his mouth quirked up. “I doubt a burglar would ring the bell.”

  “I guess you’re right.” She turned her attention back to the guns. “I’d probably be more likely to shoot my fool self than anyone else. But thanks for the offer.”

  “No, you just need someone to teach you. And I can.”

  Waving the sight away, she turned and paced. At Brian’s side tonight, she probably would’ve opened fire on anyone who’d accidentally brushed up against her if she’d been armed. She damn sure would’ve opened fire on Max if he’d been standing in front of her. As agitated as she was, this wasn’t a good idea. “I really don’t want to talk about any of this right now.”

  “You never do, Starla, but I think it’s time you should. If this guy hit Brian, you could be next. If he’s been following you and knows we’re seeing each other, I could be next.”

  “Looks like you’re covered,” she shot back.

  “I’d love it if you were covered too.”

  “I want to lay low and let the police do their job. They’ll get him soon, then it’ll all be okay.”

  “All right,” he said after a moment. She worried her bottom lip with her teeth as he slowly closed the safe’s door.

  “It’s impressive,” she said quickly. “Must’ve taken you a long time to collect all that.”

  “It’s a hobby. Passed down by Dad.”

  “I don’t mean to piss you off. It’s not for me right now. Maybe that’ll change. I still don’t think all this has registered.”

  “You didn’t piss me off. But I have a concealed carry permit, and I fully believe in protecting my home and my family and friends. If someone fucks with you here, they’re going to regret it.”

  “Who says I’m gonna be here?”

  “Me.” Her breath caught as he turned to face her, because damn. Those eyes. Now steely and stubborn. Where he’d given a little on the gun issue, she could see he would be immovable on this one. “I didn’t come here for you to—”

  “Then why did you come here? Out of all the people you could’ve gone to tonight, why was I the one?”

  “I’ll leave if that’s what you—”

  “That’s not what I mean at all.”

  “I’m fucking terrified!” she burst out. “Regardless of how I feel about Brian, he’s one of my best friends, and he’s in the hospital fighting for his life. And I—this was the last place I can remember where I felt safe. With you.” Tears trickled from her eyes despite all her efforts to control them. When she’d been trying to decide where to go tonight, all she could remember was the way he’d taken care of her cut the first night she’d made dinner for him and his girls. His concern and his strong, gentle hands. She’d needed that again, oh, how she’d needed it, and she hadn’t thought much beyond that basic longing.

  “I’m glad,” Jared said softly. “I’m glad you came here. There’s nowhere else I would want you to go. Will you stay?”

  “I can’t put you in that position. You have Ashley and Mia to think about.”

  “Let me worry about that. I’ll work it out. You have enough to worry about right now.”

  “It would only be temporary.”

  “Of course. I know.”

  “Just until they catch him.”

  “If you say so.”

 
“As long as that’s understood.”

  “Good,” he said, stepping by her and walking toward the door. “Come on. Breakfast is probably cold by now.”

  She ate mechanically, drank mechanically, barely tasting a single bite. Her thoughts were a thousand miles away…or rather, six miles away, at the hospital where Brian lay. She’d told everyone there to call her the minute something changed, but still she wondered what was happening. In either their grief or their excitement, they might forget about her. Later, she would go visit, try to bury her own pain and be there for Candace, who was in much worse shape than Starla could even imagine. But now her adrenaline rush was depleted and a crash imminent. The shower and food had only made that more apparent. Even the strong black coffee Jared had made couldn’t combat it. She was sinking, and fast.

  His wary gaze had remained on her the entire time she ate. “You look like you’re about to roll out of your chair,” he said now, and drained the last of his coffee.

  She watched the muscles of his throat constrict as he swallowed. “You would be correct.”

  Standing, he reached for her empty dishes. She would’ve helped, but she was too tired. Once he’d deposited everything in the sink, he walked over and took her hand from the tabletop. “Come on. I’ll show you where you can sleep.”

  Not with him. He wanted to protect her, but he was distancing himself. She didn’t even care. Starla dragged her weight from her chair, wincing as everything on her body ached. Tension had had its claws in her for so long that she hurt all over. Would she even be able to sleep? “What are you going to do today?”

  “Nothing now.”

  At that, she dug her heels into the living room carpet. “No way can I expect you to drop everything and babysit me. That’s ridiculous.”

  “I’m not dropping everything. I’m taking the day off. It’s no big deal.”

  “But…” Helplessly, she gave up. It would be useless to argue with him. He seemed pretty bullheaded, and the set of his jaw was as obstinate as ever.

  “I don’t want you to be afraid or worry about anything for the next several hours. I just want you to sleep. All right? There’s plenty of stuff around here I’ve been meaning to do, and my dad isn’t going to miss me for a day or even two.”

  “Okay.” Actually, she was relieved. She didn’t want to be a burden on him, but she welcomed knowing he would be around if she needed him.

  Needing him was a concept she didn’t want to examine too closely right now.

  He led her to a closed door at the end of the hall, opening it to reveal a tidy but obviously rarely used guest room. She turned a frown on him. “Why doesn’t one of your girls take this room?”

  “They like sharing a room. Freak out if they’re separated.”

  “Oh. I’d have killed to have my own room when I was a kid.” She stepped inside and glanced around. “This is great. Thanks.” It was twice as big as her bedroom at home, and the bed with its flowery comforter and fluffy pillows looked heavenly. She couldn’t wait to crawl in it.

  “When you wake up,” Jared said, his hand on the doorknob as he edged his way out, “we’ll go to your house so you can pick up whatever you need. Okay?”

  She hadn’t realized just how relieved she was until he said that. Not having to deal with Julie? Not having to deal with Doug? Shit, she might never go back. Might ask him if he’d charge her rent and just let her live here. She would try not to be too much of a menace and, hey, she could be a built-in babysitter. And a cook! Right.

  For the first time since finding Brian in the parking lot, she allowed a tiny smile. But the immediate guilt, the audacity that she could have anything to smile about while Brian was in such pain, only made her eyes well up again. She turned away quickly and drew back the covers so Jared wouldn’t see.

  Stay with me. Don’t leave me. I don’t need anything, except to feel safe again.

  “Well. Sleep tight,” Jared said. She wanted to look at him, see the concern in his blue eyes all for her, but was too afraid of what her own expression might give away.

  Why? Wasn’t she tired of being afraid? Wouldn’t it be a wonderful, miraculous thing to actually show what she was feeling at the precise moment she felt it? To not have to hide it, not be ashamed of it, not think it was wrong and she was the worst human being on the face of the earth for feeling it? A silent moment ticked by, desperation churned inside her, and she turned just in time to see the door click shut.

  It would’ve been a mistake anyway.

  Starla snuggled into bed and pulled the covers up to her ears, keeping her cell phone clutched in her hand and close to her ear in case it rang. She fell asleep almost instantly, but her nightmares were bloody.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Julie jumped as Starla barged in the front door, a hand fluttering to her chest. “Jesus, you scared me!”

  “Sorry.”

  “Where the hell have you been? It’s the cowboy DILF, right? Told you that you would—”

  “I don’t have time to chat, Jules.” Starla barely threw her a glance as she made a beeline for her bedroom door, but she did notice Doug’s snoring lump-like figure on the couch with no modicum of absolute disgust. His booty call must have come to her senses and booted his ass out. If only his sister would do the same. “I’m out for a few days. I don’t know for how long.” For good would be awesome, she added silently. Maybe this stint away from normal life would be a prime time for her to explore other housing options.

  “What?” Julie followed in her footsteps. Starla snatched a duffel bag from the top of her microscopic, overstuffed closet and began throwing things into it. A few pairs of jeans, a few T-shirts, and underwear. She could survive without makeup or elaborate hairstyles for a few days, so she left nonessentials. Out at the curb, she could hear Jared’s truck rumbling through their thin walls as he waited for her. “I don’t get it. What’s going on?” Julie prompted when Starla didn’t answer her.

  “Like I said. I’m staying somewhere else for a few days.”

  “But you’re coming back, right?”

  “I guess.”

  “You guess? The hell does that mean?”

  “It means I might search out other options while I’m away.” Might as well tell Julie now while this was barely a blip on Starla’s emotional radar. Right now she gave less than half a shit what Julie thought.

  “You can’t fucking do that.”

  She stuffed a few more shirts in. They didn’t want to go, so she stuffed harder. “Oh, I fucking can.”

  “You’re half the rent on this place. I can’t do it by myself.”

  On that note, Starla stood straight and turned to face her roommate for the first time. “Tell that fucking slug permanently attached to our couch to start fronting you half the rent. He’s been here for months, time for him to start earning his keep.” Julie’s eyes narrowed. Starla turned back to her task. “Besides that, I might be kind of jobless at the moment. For who knows how long.”

  It was the first time she’d really thought about her job. They could keep Dermamania running while Brian was down, of course—they’d been doing it without him for weeks. It just didn’t seem right, and she wasn’t sure anyone would want to. He would want that, though, wouldn’t he? When he woke up to learn they’d all been slacking while he lay in the hospital recovering, he’d kick their asses when he was able.

  When. When. When. Not if.

  “What happened to your job?”

  She didn’t feel like telling the story. Zipping her bulging bag closed with no small amount of effort, she swept her gaze around the room to see if there was anything else she needed. Phone charger, laptop… She damn sure didn’t want to have to come back here. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll let you know something soon, okay? You’ll still get my half of the rent for now, but consider this your notice.” With that, she grabbed the clothes she planned to change into and headed for their cramped, shared bathroom. She couldn’t go to the hospital wearing Jared’s stuff. Whil
e she was in there struggling into jeans and T-shirt, she heard the mattress squeak as Julie sat on the edge of her bed. Starla barely glanced at her as she came back out of the bathroom.

  “This is really fucked-up, Star.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “You owe me more than this.”

  “Sue me.” Starla heaved the bag strap up over her shoulder, turned and walked out of her room. Annoyingly, Julie followed her through the house as she made for the front door.

  “You know I’m never going to get Doug to get a job! You know that.”

  Starla stopped at the front door, her bag bumping against her hip. It felt like there were boulders in it. “Then throw the fucker out on his ass and find someone who will, Jules! I have brothers too. Damn if I’d let them lay up in here. And you know what? None of them would need to. Because they’re productive fucking citizens. He’s not my problem anymore. He’s yours.”

  As if on cue, Doug’s head jerked up from the couch pillows almost mid-snore. “Tryin’ to fucking sleep over here.” He punched the pillow back into shape and flopped over again.

  Starla regarded his listless form coolly for a minute and looked back at Julie. “Good luck with that,” she told her, then banged her way through the front door as loudly as possible.

  And breathed. The air was crisp and warm and clean this afternoon, hinting at the approaching summer. Which seemed especially hateful after the horror of the night before. Knowing she didn’t have to come back here for a while, she felt as if a ten-pound weight had left her chest, leaving only, oh, fifty pounds or so. She couldn’t let herself get used to the lighter feeling, but still. It was nice to have it, even temporarily.

  Jared’s waiting truck was another cause of relief. He was on his cell phone as she tossed her bag in and climbed inside, a frown furrowing his handsome brow. “Yeah, I’ll come by and see them, take them to the park or something. I’ll be at their ball game. Don’t worry about it.”

  Oh. He must be talking to his ex-wife, letting her know he wouldn’t be seeing the girls for a few days. As instantly as Starla had felt relief, guilt crashed down on her to replace it. The last thing she wanted was to deprive a father of his beloved daughters, but until Max was caught, he thought it might be safer for them to stay with their mom.