Watch Me Fall

  The door beside her opened, and Brian stepped out, squinting against the brightness. Starla tensed immediately, suddenly self-conscious about yet another failure. He’d quit smoking just before hooking up with Candace. Just quit. Cold turkey, her smoking buddy had kicked the habit. She didn’t even dare try.

  Of course, he knew she still struggled with it, but he didn’t usually see her do it.

  “I’m sorry, Star,” he said, leaning his shoulder against the wall next to her. No hint of a smile or any insincerity whatsoever on his gorgeous, flawless face.

  The edge of her lips quirked up despite herself, and finally she gave in to a sad chuckle. Her hand shook as she took another drag; hopefully, he didn’t notice. “You know I can’t stay mad at you.”

  “You’re one of the few who can say that. More like the two who can say that.” He laughed.

  “So how are Candace’s parents?” It was a pertinent question. While the Andrews family accepted he wasn’t going anywhere, they stayed mad at him for continuing to exist, and had given him hell from the inception of his and Candace’s relationship. It had pissed Starla off no end. Anyone who couldn’t see how wonderful he was…

  A grin broke over his face. “Got ’em eating out of my hand.”

  “What? Really?”

  “Oh yeah. Lyric is their only grandchild. They want access to him, they have to go through us. Just an unspoken truth they seemed to accept right away. And Sylvia is crazy about him. She was coming over for a few hours today, which is why I thought I’d bail and see what was going on with you.”

  “Now you see.”

  “It scared the shit out of me when Janelle called me last night,” he said gravely. “I want you to know that. I swear if that motherfucker had done anything to you—”

  “Please,” she said, waving the idea away. “He’s not gonna do anything. Although it would be nice if I could get my purse back. I’ve already called the bank, but it’s a pain in the ass.”

  “Do you want me to do something about it?”

  “No,” she said quickly. “Don’t get involved.”

  “Don’t see him anymore. No matter what.”

  “Don’t go out with that guy again. For any reason.” Jared’s comparable words floated back to revisit her. He’d looked at her with a similar earnestness in similar blue eyes too. Somehow it made her feel like a little girl again. “Okay, Dad,” she said, smiling to show she was kidding.

  “Are we good?”

  She gave him a light punch in the chest. “You know we are.”

  “Cool.” He turned to go back in. She let her gaze travel over the skeletal white dragon emblazoned on the back of his black hoodie. But before he opened the door, he glanced back at her. “You sure? Anything else bothering you?”

  Oh God, so much. “No,” she said.

  “Sometimes I’m afraid you guys are going to burn out. We’ve already lost Connor and now Ian, and they’re hard to replace. This expansion is driving me crazy. I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost you too, Star. You know I’m still here for you if you need me. If you’re having problems, come to me, all right?”

  Somehow, it had felt better when he was chuckling at her silly outburst. His being nice to her, not knowing how ugly she was inside, wanting him so much when he belonged to a loving wife, mother of his child… His kindness was far, far more painful than his derision. She only deserved the latter.

  “I’m good,” she said, casting her gaze to the ground beneath her studded black boots.

  “Now I know you’re lying,” he told her, “but we’ll leave it for now.”

  Oh, honey, she thought as he went back inside, leaving her by herself in her cloud of cigarette smoke and brutal longing, that’s a truth you’d better hope to never learn.

  ***

  Jared parked his truck and sat staring at the building in front of him, leaving the engine idling. He wasn’t sure if he was staying. It was dark, and business in the tattoo shop looked to be in full swing. He could walk in and talk to Starla, but Ghost was in there—his black GTO sat parked a few spaces down. Jared would much rather catch her as she was leaving for the night, when maybe there would be less chance of coming face-to-face with Macy’s new love.

  Not so new anymore. What had it been, nearly two years now? How long was that going to last, anyway? Did he plan to marry her or—

  Jared slapped the thought aside. He’d heard from Macy’s parents a while back that she had given up her apartment and moved in with Ghost. Looked like both of them were in for the long haul. End of.

  Sighing, he jerked the gearshift into Reverse. He’d handle this later. But just as he was about to turn his head to ease his truck back out of the parking space, the building’s side door popped open and a blonde stepped out. There was no mistaking that platinum hair; it was definitely Starla. He put the truck back in Park and reached for the door handle, but something stopped him before he could open the door.

  A small flame flared in front of her shadowed face, illuminating soft features in an orange glow. He didn’t especially like the fact that she smoked, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. Shelly had smoked when they met, though she gave it up when she got pregnant with the girls.

  Bending her knee, Starla propped one boot back against the wall behind her and tilted her head back. She remained like that for a minute or so, smoking and staring up at the stars. If he didn’t make a move soon, she was going to go back in, and if he caught her, he was going to have to explain why he’d been sitting for so long, staring at her like a weirdo.

  He couldn’t explain that when he really didn’t know himself. No denying there was something captivating about her, but he did have good reason to see her tonight. Grabbing that good reason from his passenger seat, he popped open his door and stepped down from his truck.

  Immediately, she spied him, flicked her cigarette butt down, and ground it out with the toe of her boot. The movement was a little too quick, a little too frantic. For a second, he entertained the probably ridiculous notion that she was embarrassed by having been caught smoking. In response, he gave her his best “I don’t give a shit” grin, keeping the item clutched in his right hand slightly hidden behind his back.

  “Hey, you,” she said, moving forward to meet him halfway between his truck and the building. Even in the shadows, he could see the consternation written plainly across her anything-but-plain features. “Damn sure wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

  “Why not?” he teased. He knew good and well why he wouldn’t ordinarily be here. The guy inside, for one.

  Starla scoffed and glanced back through the brightly lit windows. Inside, Ghost was laughing wildly about something. Must be nice to laugh like that. Jared couldn’t remember the last time he’d had the pleasure. “How long have you been out here so you wouldn’t have to go inside?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow at him.

  He shrugged. “Not long.” And since this had become far more awkward and painful than he had even imagined it could, he presented her with the item he’d brought her. Her purse, black leather adorned with silver skulls. “Present for you.”

  Starla’s eyes widened, and she sprang forward to snatch it from his hand. “You got it? How did you—” Words seemed to fail her as she jerked it open and riffled through the contents before giving up and gazing at him in mute astonishment.

  “Told you, I knew where he was going, and I saw what he was driving before I picked you up. It was nothing to walk over and get it while no one was looking. No reason for you to be without it, right?”

  He’d expected her gratitude, but he hadn’t expected her to pitch herself into his arms. Just like that. One minute standing a few feet away, the next pressed firmly against his body, her arms tight around his neck, her scent filling his head. Peaches and cream. Hair like colorful silk against his cheek. It wasn’t a friendly thank-you hug. More like something…desperate?

  Ah hell, he was reading too much into it. It had been so long since he’d been with a woman that
his poor sex-starved brain was twisting her gesture into way more than it was, and other sex-starved parts of his anatomy were stirring when they shouldn’t be.

  Gently, he returned her embrace just enough not to leave her hanging. She gripped him a moment longer, then stepped back with a sniffle.

  Jesus, was she crying?

  The shadows hid any evidence of tears from his scrutiny, but they couldn’t hide her vulnerability as she looked down and a long swatch of silvery hair streaked with cotton-candy pink fell over one eye. He wondered at the color of those eyes, but he thought they were dark. If he could ever see her in the full light…

  “This is like the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

  All his thoughts came to a staggering halt. She couldn’t mean that. “Come on,” he began, but she shook her head.

  “Someone I don’t know, at least. Even among people I do know, it’s up there.”

  He hadn’t done this to hear words like that. They sliced through his heart like a hot knife through butter. He’d only wanted to do the right thing by her. Doing the right thing, though, had only gotten him fuck-all for most of his life. To have it actually appreciated was something of an anomaly for him.

  Her eyes flickered back up to his, and the breath whooshed out of him. He’d been thrown from horses, bulls, various farm equipment. None of those jarring impacts with the hard ground had knocked the air from his lungs like the look in this girl’s eyes right then.

  Almost as soon as he’d noticed it, it was gone.

  “Sorry,” she said casually, shoving her hair back from her face. “It’s been a hard night.”

  Jared was aware of the futility of his question before he asked it. “Anything I can do to help?”

  “No. But I’d like to do something for you. To thank you for this.” Starla shouldered the strap of her purse.

  He waved a hand. “That’s not necessary. Was everything still there?”

  “Seemed to be. He probably never even noticed it on the floor. And are you sure? I could maybe make you dinner sometime.”

  Surprise lifted his brows, and he couldn’t help but grin. “You cook?”

  Starla propped her hands on her hips in mock indignation. “I’ll have you know I’m an excellent cook. I’m a regular Rachael fucking Ray. I just rarely have an opportunity to demonstrate my mad culinary skills.”

  “After hearing that, how can I say no? Name a time and place.”

  “It’ll have to be your place, unless you’d like hanging out with my roommate and her deadbeat brother all night. Which you wouldn’t, I assure you, and I damn sure won’t cook for them. My next night off is Sunday.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll have my girls this weekend, though. Can you handle it?”

  “I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to kids, but I can wing it.”

  Jared chuckled, wondering what Ashley’s and Mia’s reactions would be to Starla in all her pierced, tattooed, multicolored hair glory. He honestly had no clue. They were almost eight now, totally unpredictable in their likes and dislikes and almost completely opposite. Amazing to think the two had shared a womb. Whichever one warmed to Starla first, the other would probably recoil. Such would surely be the case with any woman he brought home to meet them.

  It hadn’t been the case with Macy, though, when she’d given the girls horse riding lessons before Ghost came along. Both of them had adored her. He’d taken it as a sign from above that he and Macy were still meant to be. But that bubble had burst right before his very eyes, hadn’t it?

  The side door flew open, and the reason for that bursting bubble stuck his shaved head out. “What are you doing, smoking the whole pack? Get the fu—” The amusement in Ghost’s voice died out as he saw exactly who his coworker was talking to. Jared had to give it to the guy, though. He held Jared’s gaze steadily, then tipped his chin up in a wordless, nonchalant greeting.

  Starla glanced nervously between them, then turned to Jared. “I really should get back inside. Thank you so much for this.” She indicated her recovered purse. “And Sunday night, what, seven-ish?”

  “At the earliest. We have church, but it should be over by then.”

  “Church. Right. Where exactly do you live?”

  She already mostly knew. “One driveway down from your party pad. On the left.”

  “Ah. Got it. I’ll be there bearing groceries. You won’t regret it.” She tossed him a grin over her shoulder as she turned away, a sexy sashay in her walk as she moved toward the door where Ghost had just disappeared back inside.

  Jared wasn’t too sure about her final words, but he was curious enough to find out.

  Chapter Four

  “What in the god-awful fuck was that all about?” Ghost demanded as soon as the door shut behind Starla. She immediately wiped the little smile off her face and replaced it with her usual Ghost-induced scowl. He didn’t give her a chance to reply. “Actually, I don’t even know what question to ask to get an explanation for what my eyes just saw.”

  “Then don’t ask. It’s really not any of your business.”

  “Star, I think my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend is kind of my business.”

  She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Are you threatened? Think Macy will finally come to her senses?”

  “Hey, fuck you. I’m not threatened.”

  “Then drop it.”

  “Last night, it was Max, and now that?”

  “That is who picked my walking ass up on the side of the road and took me home after Max shoved me out of the car. He also rescued my purse for me. So quit pissing on trees to mark your territory and maybe be grateful to the guy. That is, if you give a shit at all about my well-being.”

  “You don’t give a shit about your well-being, Ms. Self-Destruct. But whatever. He’s an insanely jealous asshole, just so you know.”

  Starla shoved past him on her way to the front. “Just because his dick’s been in your girlfriend doesn’t make him an asshole, just so you know.”

  “That’s harsh even for you.”

  “You’re harsh. He did something nice for me, and I’m doing something nice for him. End of.”

  “Throwing him a bone of thanks?”

  “Oh my God. Fuck. Off.” They drew stares from Janelle and Tay as they emerged from the hallway into the front of the shop. Janelle met Starla’s gaze and quickly directed her attention elsewhere. She’d been doing a lot of that today. Starla leveled a glare at her until she looked up again and finally huffed, “What?”

  “You’re creating a very hostile work environment,” Ghost pointed out, seeing the heated stare down between the two girls. “I’m going to complain to my supervisor.”

  “You haven’t seen hostile, baby.”

  “Now you’re sexually harassing me.”

  She couldn’t resist laughing at that. And for the first time today, she felt a little better as the surprising sound left her, like it purged some of the bitterness from her soul. Her purse was back on her shoulder thanks to Jared, and she had absolutely no reason ever to speak to Max again. If she could only get her cell phone replaced soon, everything would be as close to normal as it could get.

  And what about her offer to Jared? It had been a spur-of-the-moment thing, out of her mouth practically before she realized it—a common enough problem for her, but still. She’d told him he wouldn’t regret it, but she felt that maybe for the first time in a long while, she wouldn’t regret one of her split-second decisions either.

  “I was only looking out for you, you know,” Janelle said quietly. “If that’s such a problem, then I won’t bother anymore.”

  “No, just… I’m sorry, okay? It was shitty of me to get mad. Can we go get drinks after work or something? On me, since I have my wallet back.” She attempted a feeble smile.

  “I’m never one to turn down a free drink.” Janelle winked at her.

  “Why her?” Ghost asked. “I’m the one you’ve subjected to verbal abuse and sexual harassment.”

 
“As if you could tear yourself from Macy for one night,” Tay muttered, getting a chuckle from the rest of them and a middle finger from Ghost.

  “He’s not wrong, bitchface,” Starla pointed out, and he swung the gesture in her direction.

  Twenty minutes later, three of them had clients under their needles, and the good-natured banter they were rather renowned for was in full swing. Janelle—the only one free—went to get pizza. Starla kept waiting for her relief over her returned property to crash and burn, but it never did. She had one of her favorite clients in her chair, and that girl’s problems usually made Starla’s look miniscule by comparison. She wasn’t shy about spilling them either. By the time Starla had finished working on Bianca’s shoulder piece, the aroma of hot supreme pizza wafted in from the break room, and she had scarcely eaten all day. She devoured three slices with gusto. The night was looking up. Ghost even got off her case about Jared.

  She refused to entertain the notion that Jared was the reason she felt better.

  His eyes were so, so blue. Damn blue.

  “Maybe you can turn over a new leaf,” Janelle suggested as she and Starla sipped Malibu and pineapple juice at the bar down the street from Dermamania. It had been a slow night after their clients left, and they’d shut down a little earlier than usual. Starla had just finished filling her friend in on the events of the evening and the night before. Until now, she had never exactly admitted to Jan who’d picked her up last night. “I mean, give the good guy a shot for a change. We’ve both had our share of the bad ones.”

  “I’m not really even thinking about that,” Starla said, sweeping her gaze around to the guys drinking by the pool tables. More than one of them were her exes. “I think I need to lay off men altogether. Obviously I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “Who does?”

  “And this one is divorced. With kids. I ask you, what the hell would I do with kids? The thought, like, terrifies me.”

  Janelle laughed, playing with the back fringe of her black-and-blue pixie cut. “I wonder what happened. Why is he divorced?”