Ballad (Rockstar #5)

  “Those screams are warranted,” Meggie announces. “I’m just saying.”

  “Stop distracting me from educating young, Coley, here,” Xander scolds.

  “By all means,” Meggie replies.

  “Now, eating foods that are bitter, well, let’s not do that or Ben might not go down on you as much as you’d like.”

  “Dude,” Ben growls.

  “What, it’s true. Things like smoking and alcohol can affect how it tastes. They say to avoid broccoli and asparagus like the plague,” Xan informs us with a shudder.

  “Gah,” I say.

  “Right?” Xan agrees. He pushes on my arm lightly. “See, Coley gets it. What’s wrong with the rest of you fu—suckers?”

  “Nice save,” I tell him.

  “Thanks. This no F word is for the birds.”

  “So what else?” I ask.

  Kennedy groans. “Little sister, you’re encouraging him?”

  “Sure am. It’s interesting. You have anything better planned?” I ask.

  He looks thoughtful for a second or two. “No. Point taken.” He goes back to strumming his guitar.

  “Well, it’s a good thing that Ben doesn’t smoke anymore, right?” Xan asks.

  “Eww,” I say, turning to Ben. “You smoked?”

  Ben sighs. “I did.”

  “How much?”

  “What?”

  “Did you smoke a lot?” I ask.

  “What do you consider a lot?”

  “I don’t know. A pack or more a day?”

  He looks at Xander with the death glare again and Xander shows Ben his pearly whites. “Yes. I smoked more than a pack a day.”

  “Gross,” I tell him wrinkling my nose.

  “Right? And smoking causes cancer. That’s insulting to Coley,” Xander throws in there.

  I snicker. He’s such a troublemaker today.

  Ben sighs.

  “Well?” Xander prods.

  “Well what?” Ben asks.

  “Aren’t you going to apologize to Coley?”

  “For what?” Ben questions.

  “For smoking your cancer sticks. Nails in your coffin, man,” Xander taunts.

  Ben sits up straighter. “Are you fucking with me right now?”

  “Nope.”

  “Swear jar,” I whisper to Ben. He pulls out a couple bills and tosses them on the table. Guess he’s paying in advance.

  “I should have to apologize to Nicole for smoking cigarettes before I even met her?” Ben asks incredulously.

  Xander nods. “Yep. You definitely should. Don’t you agree, Kennedy?”

  “Yep,” Kennedy agrees.

  “See?” Xan says. “What do you think, Ethan?”

  “Hell yeah he should. He should apologize to me too for exposing me to all that second-hand smoke,” Ethan adds.

  “Yeah,” Xan agrees. “He should apologize to all of us for that shit. What the fu—frick man?”

  “Nice save again,” I praise and Ben gives me a look. I shrug.

  “You guys can’t be serious,” Ben mutters.

  “We are.”

  “Hell yeah we are.”

  “Damn straight.”

  Random voices shout out and Ben growls. “Fine! Fine, all right? I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry for what?” Xander prods.

  “Oh boy,” Lucy says and I snicker.

  Ben grinds his teeth. I know this because I can hear it.

  “I’m sorry for exposing you to second-hand smoke.”

  Xander nods. “Nice.”

  “You’re just full of it today, aren’t you?” I ask Xander.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. But maybe we should talk about the fact that red meat makes semen saltier than average.”

  “Shut the front door,” Meggie says.

  Xan looks at Megs. “It’s true. I’m sure I taste like a damn salt factory… or the ocean because God knows I can come a lot—”

  “No. That’s going too far,” Trace states.

  “Yeah, I guess that was too much, huh?”

  “Ya think?” Kennedy mocks.

  “Hey!” Xan says to me. “Some funky shit is listed under the ‘makes cum taste good’ column and wheatgrass is one of them, so you should be good to go. Add in the fruit you put in there, you’re golden.” He pauses to look around me at Ben. “Ben, my man, you’re a lucky man.”

  “For real, what the hell is wrong with you today?” Ben asks.

  “Today?” Jace asks.

  “True enough,” Ben replies. “He’s just… more today.”

  Xander straightens and gives a cocky grin. “Dude, I’m always ‘more’.”

  “For the love of all that’s holy,” Ethan mutters.

  “And, Trace, you’re a lucky son of a bitch, too. Cinnamon is another of the ‘good’ things and Megs loves those cinnamon candies,” he says, making air quotes.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” Trace replies. “I’ve become a big fan of cinnamon.”

  “So what else is good and bad?” I ask. Ben sighs next to me and I grin.

  “Bad is fast food. Grease and fat are no bueno. Drinking a lot of water is a plus. Apparently it washes out the toxins. Who the hell knew jizz was toxic?” he asks, genuinely perplexed and I laugh out loud. Oh, God, that’s hilarious. He’s taking this so serious that I can’t help myself. I keep laughing. I know they’re all looking at me, but watching him… I break off into giggles.

  “I think I liked it better when she couldn’t stand him,” Kennedy says.

  Xan flips him off. “I knew she’d come around. It was just a matter of time. No one can resist the Xan Man.”

  “Oh my,” I begin, laughing so hard I snort. Xander grins huge at that. “Did you just call yourself ‘Xan Man’?” I ask between fits of giggles. Meggie and Lucy are giggling with me and even Jesse’s grinning.

  “Damn right. I’m ‘Xan my man’, right Luce?” he asks.

  “Yep. And I’m ‘Luce my goose’,” she answers.

  “And I need to finish those nicknames,” Sera announces as she steps onto the bus.

  Ben groans. “I can’t take anymore today.”

  “What’s wrong, Benny?” Sera teases.

  He just clamps his lips shut tight and says nothing.

  “Ben can’t handle the truths and falses about sweet and bitter cum,” Xan states plainly and I snicker again.

  “Dear God,” Cage mutters. “Why? Why do I walk in every time?”

  “Your bat sense goes off?” Sera questions.

  “That’s Spider-Man,” Jace corrects.

  “Oh, whatever. So you read my Cosmo?” she asks, her eyebrows raised.

  “I did. There are some really great articles in there. I can see why you and Cage have such a great sex life,” he tells her.

  Sera wiggles her eyebrows. “Great is an understatement.”

  One side of Cage’s mouth twitches. Was that a smile? I wonder what he’d look like if he had a full smile. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. Even when he laughs, he doesn’t have a full smile.

  “What?” Sera asks, noticing me staring at Cage.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “It’s not nothing. That look was something.”

  I sigh. “I was just wondering what Cage would look like if he smiled one of those Xander smiles.”

  Sera grins. “He looks beautiful. His eyes sparkle when he laughs like that.”

  I nod. It’s one of those things he saves for just her, I guess, and that’s awesome. That’s what couples should do. Save those special intimacies for one another. I wonder what intimacies Ben and I will have… if we’ll have any.

  “I can hear you thinking, Nicole,” Ben murmurs.

  I shrug.

  “Time will give us things like that.” He reaches out and runs a finger down my cheek. “I wish I could take you on a real date.”

  I don’t even try to fight the smile. “Where would we go?”

  “Out to a nice restaurant. Somewhere tha
t isn’t too noisy or crowded. I’d request a table in the back so we’d have more privacy while we talk about whatever we want.”

  “Holy Hannah.”

  Ben smiles.

  “Who’s Hannah?” Xander asks.

  I snicker. “There’s no Hannah. It’s just a saying.”

  He frowns. “I’ve heard of holy smokes, holy crap, holy shit, holy moly, holy guacamole, but never holy Hannah.”

  “You’re hanging out in the wrong crowd then.”

  “Huh,” is all he says but I can see the wheels turning and I bite back a laugh. “This guy, this Xander is the Xander I’ve been wanting to see. Not the super silly, smile-never-reaching-his-eyes Xander. I don’t like him. He’s not real,” I blurt out and then put a hand over my mouth, mortified I said that out loud.

  Xan looks at me with a soft smile. “You know too much for someone your age.”

  “Live the life I’ve lived and you find you need to, to be able to survive,” I admit.

  “What was your life like?” Xan asks.

  “Xander,” Lucy scolds.

  “What?” he asks.

  “It’s okay, Luce.”

  “Okay,” she replies.

  “What was my life like?”

  Xander nods.

  “It was both amazing and horrible at the same time. My mom was the best. She was my best friend. We did everything together and we made it through some of the worst things…” I trail off.

  “You don’t have to talk about it,” Ben tells me.

  “No, really. It’s okay. We moved around a lot. Let’s just say my dad isn’t a nice man so we tried to stay off of his radar. Sometimes it’d only be a couple months before he found us, other times it’d be years. I was grateful he didn’t find us when mom got sick. She couldn’t have handled that move. It would have been too much for her and I’d have lost her even sooner.”

  No one says anything so I continue.

  “The last place we ended up together was in Colorado. My aunt, my mom’s sister, and her husband took us in.” Thinking back, I remember just how exhausting and harried that trip was. “Our car broke down and we didn’t have a cell phone so we had to walk. Well, we were at a higher elevation so it got cold. It was night and we walked and walked. It felt like forever but my mama kept reassuring me we were almost there and when we got there, we’d be safe. And I wanted that—to be safe.”

  “From your dad?” Ben asks.

  I nod and Ben curses underneath his breath.

  “I don’t think of him as my dad. I think of him as a very cruel sperm donor, one that stalked and harassed my mother so much she would get physically ill. If it were possible, I’d think he was the reason she got the cancer, but I know it’s not. It’d be easier to accept than the fact that cancer took my mama, the best person I’ve ever known.”

  “Wow,” Xander says. “I wish I had a mom like that. My mom’s too wrapped up in who she’s going to perform plastic surgery on next and who the next husband is going to be, to be a good mother.”

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him. He shrugs. Yeah. I know that shrug well. It’s a way to hide what you really mean and feel. I’m the master of that shrug.

  “Tell us more about your mom,” Kennedy coaxes.

  I grin. “Thinking of her makes me smile. We had so much fun together. We made hiding from my dad an adventure rather than looking at it with fear. If we gave in to the fear, then he’d win. I vowed I’d never let him win. No matter what.”

  I pause, taking a drink of the Gatorade Sera hands me. “Thanks.”

  She nods. “Better me giving it to you than Dr. Sexy Voice scolding you.”

  “True enough. Isn’t it funny how he doesn’t raise his voice or even change his tone, but you know he’s yelling at you anyway?” I ask no one in particular.

  “He’s hot,” Meggie says. “He can yell at me anytime he wants.”

  “The hell he can,” Trace tells her.

  Everyone laughs.

  “Continue with your story,” Sera urges.

  “My mom was born into money and her dad had a private account set aside for her before he died. I think he knew my dad was a bastard before he showed any signs of it. Her having the money gave her the means to get out. Her having me, made that much more difficult. My dad said she could go but I had to stay. I was his daughter and she wasn’t taking me anywhere. He knew mom would never do that and he assumed she had no one to go to and no money to get there.”

  “She never mentioned her sister to him?” Ethan asks.

  “No. Their age difference kept them from ever being close. My mom was five years older than her sister.”

  “She toughed it out a long time,” Ethan mutters.

  I nod. “One of the guards—”

  “Guards?” Ben asks.

  “Yeah. My dad was rich, but he came by his money in the vilest of ways.” I look to Cage who gives me a nod. I tilt my head to the side and he nods again. Well then. He knows about me and who my dad is. Of course he does. I mean, he’s the second in command in the Russo Famiglia. Shit. Mafia everywhere, but these people, this family, doesn’t make me want to run for the hills. They make me feel safe.

  “Anyway. One of the guards really liked my mother and they became good friends. I wonder sometimes if we hadn’t had to leave the way we did and if they had the chance, if they’d have tried to be together. He helped us escape one night. He got us a used car. One of those plain ones that no one ever pays attention to. We didn’t take a single thing with us. We just went. As long as I had my mama, I didn’t care where I went. And when she passed, my aunt and uncle moved us around and I didn’t have a problem with moving, not until we moved to Northern California. I really wanted to stay there. We were only there for a short time, but I made the best friends and there was this boy I really liked and he liked me. We went out on dates and just hung out. I could have loved that boy but my dad had found us again so we had to go.”

  “How did you know when he found you?” Jesse asks.

  “Mom’s friend, the guard. They kept in touch. If he heard anything, he got in contact. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know what would have happened. No. That’s not true. I know what would have happened. My dad would have killed her and who knows what would have happened to me.”

  “Then we’ll be thankful to that man. Do you remember his name?” Cage asks.

  “Peter. I don’t know his last name. Mom never said.”

  Cage nods.

  “Whatever happened to the boy?” Lucy asks.

  It’s my turn to sigh. This part hurts my heart. “I don’t know much, all I know is he’s a running back on the football team and he has scouts looking at him.”

  “So he’s younger than you?” she asks.

  I nod. “We were in the same grade because I missed a year—for obvious reasons. But I haven’t heard a word from him since we left and I didn’t expect to. He was as upset as I was when I had to leave. It was the only time I didn’t want to go with my family. I wanted to stay there with Micah and my friends. It felt nice to have friends. God, he was so mad when I told him we had to leave. He didn’t understand. We had to go right then and I couldn’t tell him why. Not without risking him. Micah was my teenage dream,” I confess.

  “I know it’s not the same, but we’re your family and friends and I certainly hope you feel safe with us here. And he may not be your teenage dream, but I think Ben Kingston is pretty damn dreamy,” Lucy says.

  I nod. “You are family. In the few months I’ve been with you, it’s gotten to where I feel safe—even being as exposed as I am as the Blush Baby.”

  “I don’t get it,” Jace states. “You’re out there, everywhere, as the Blush Baby. How hasn’t he found you yet?”

  “He hasn’t seen me since I was seven and I don’t exactly have my telltale red hair to give me away—I don’t have any hair at all.”

  “Not true. You have peach fuzz and cactus Jack legs,” Kennedy says.

  “How the hell would you kn
ow that?” Ben asks.

  Kennedy just grins. “I’ve felt her bare legs against mine a time or twenty.”

  Ben growls.

  Kennedy chuckles. “You’re so easy, Kingston.”

  “He totally isn’t. Look what he put me through,” I correct.

  “He can’t help he’s a dumbass, Coley,” Xander tells me.

  “It’s a good thing he’s so pretty,” I say and Ben laughs.

  “You are such a spitfire. Are you ever going to be nice to me?” he asks.

  “I guess that depends on how nice you’re going to be to me,” I say with a wink.

  Ben leans in, his lips touching my ear as he whispers, “Don’t you worry, honey. I promise to be real nice to you.”

  Holy Hannah I think as Xander says it aloud. I look up, startled.

  “I could hear you think it,” he says. “Hell, I was thinking it. Look what you went and did.”

  “Sorry, not sorry.”

  “What the fu—frick is that?” Xander asks.

  I laugh. “Maybe we need to find you a ‘Hannah’ since you’re hearing her name in your head.”

  The room goes quiet and Xander’s smile slips, he puts the fake one on instead.

  “No can do, Coley girl. I’ve already got me a Tera,” he announces.

  I want to ask where she is, why he’s not with her, but from the silence in the room I don’t think that’s a good idea.

  I let out a yawn. Damn it. Being sick sucks. I sigh.

  “What happened next?” Jace asks.

  Ben shakes his head. “Nope, story time is over for Miss Harper. She needs to take a nap before the show.”

  “Yes, daddy,” I say and everyone laughs.

  “I’m not into the daddy thing so much,” Ben tells me with a chuckle.

  “What? You don’t want me to call you Big Papa?” I tease and laugh.

  He laughs. “Hell no.”

  “Then I’ll just call you my Benny.”

  Ben looks over to Sera, who immediately puts her hands up, palms out.

  “Whoa there. I didn’t have anything to do with that,” she tells him, crossing her fingers behind her back, and he looks to Lucy who’s laughing.

  “Wasn’t me either, but I wish I’d thought of it,” she admits and he gives her the finger. “Oh, did you see that Jesse? My brother-in-law gave me the finger. It’s official. We’re true brother and sister.”

  “Who?” Ben asks me.