Ballad (Rockstar #5)

  “That’ll work. We have to make sure Coley doesn’t get too close to this. She’s going to want to so she can help protect Lucy and the babies,” Cage reminds me.

  “I know. She’s the little sister we never had and she’s fierce like us.”

  “That she is, and here she comes now.”

  I turn to see Coley walking out of the bus.

  “She looks a little pale, don’t you think?” I ask Cage.

  “A bit, yes. I’ll have Kane check her over but I think she’s probably not been eating properly.”

  “Hmm. Probably. I bet she skipped breakfast again,” I guess.

  “Stop talking about me, and yes, I skipped breakfast but I have a multigrain bar in my pocket. See?” she tells us, pulling out the bar to show us.

  “It’s not enough,” Cage scolds. “You wait right here.”

  He walks away toward the bus and I raise a brow at Coley.

  “Oooh, you did it now. You pissed off Batman.”

  She grins. “He’s not really mad.”

  “I beg to differ. He’s seriously upset because you should be taking care of yourself better than this. We don’t need you getting sick because you’re not eating, on top of everything else you have going on,” I scold.

  Coley huffs. “Geez.”

  “Don’t you ‘geez’ me, little girl. Do I need to have someone following you around making sure you eat?” I give her a glare—the one that works very well in interrogation.

  “Fine. I promise to eat better, okay?”

  “Lose the ‘tude. It doesn’t look good on you.”

  “What’s your problem?” she asks.

  “I don’t have a problem. I care about you, Nicole, and I want to keep you healthy and safe. That’s all,” I tell her, then pull her in for a hug.

  “Ugh,” she protests but wraps her arms around me as well.

  “Here he comes. Oh, that looks gross,” I say when I see the protein drink he’s carrying.

  “I love those!” she tells me, already licking her lips.

  “What is wrong with you? Who actually likes those?” I shudder.

  “Me. These are chocolaty goodness.” She reaches for the cup Cage hands her then takes a huge gulp. I shudder in disgust. She makes a pleasurable sound.

  “Do you know what he puts in those?” I ask. Cage smirks.

  Coley nods. “It’s all the stuff you need without having to eat all the food to get the nutrients. Imagine being on chemo, so sick your eyeballs hurt, and when you move your nausea overwhelms you.”

  I’m starting to feel like an asshole.

  “Then you get this cold, chocolaty drink that not only tastes better than some of the shit they give you in the hospital, but it’s cold against your hot, dry throat. Chemo is some seriously nasty shit. No lie,” she says, taking another drink then heading inside the building.

  “Well, damn,” I mutter, blinking back tears.

  “Yeah,” is all Cage says as he pulls me into his arms. We stand that way for a few minutes before I notice Ben leaning against the wall, his head hanging down. This is a Ben I’ve never seen before. This Ben is sad and unhappy. This Ben is denying himself the chance to turn that around for himself. I sigh. But, like me, Ben has to figure things out for himself. He and I are too much alike and I feel his pain. I truly do. And while I sympathize with him, I also want to walk up to him and smack him upside the head. He’s wasting time that could be spent making memories. He and I are some stubborn asses.

  “He’ll figure it out,” Cage tells me softly, rubbing my back.

  I’m not surprised he knew what I was sighing about. “Yeah, I know, but will it be too late?”

  “No one has those answers, Fee.”

  I sigh again. “He’s in love with her.”

  “And she’s in love with him. Give him time to figure out that he’s miserable without her and that, lately, the only thing that makes him smile is her.”

  I look up at Cage. “Is that what you did?”

  “No. But you did and, like Coley is doing with Ben, I gave you your space and didn’t push.”

  “And it worked,” I tell him, grinning.

  “Not so much.”

  “What?” I ask, confused.

  “You ran away and left me no choice but to go after you and take what we both knew was mine from the beginning,” Cage tells me with a smirk.

  I nod, remembering. “That night on the beach was so hot.” I’m getting warm just thinking about it.

  “It was.”

  “We’ll have to do that again sometime.”

  “After this tour, Fee. We’ll get away for a while. Just you and me. No phones. No interruptions. Just me and my beautiful wife making love over and over until we fall asleep from exhaustion.”

  “And then start over again,” I whisper against his lips.

  “And again, and again, and again,” he tells me, then kisses me hungrily, pulling me tight against him, so tight it’s as if he can’t get close enough. I can feel his erection against my belly and my body fills with want and need.

  I look up into his nearly black eyes and tell him, “Soon.”

  He nods, kisses my forehead, then slaps my ass before walking away with a grin on his face.

  Holy smokes I love that man.

  I DIAL GIOVANNI and wait for the call to connect.

  “Tell me,” he says.

  “It’s just as we thought,” I tell him, extremely unhappy at being right this time. Sometimes I’d really like to get it wrong when I figure out people have a fucked up agenda.

  “How do you know?”

  “Nicole overheard her. Misty was on the phone talking about trying to get close to the guys, close enough to fuck them.”

  Gio grunts. “Likely trying to get knocked up and cash in on that.”

  “My thoughts exactly.”

  He grunts again. “Continue.”

  “She mentioned the Manzinis, money, and getting close to Lucy,” I growl. “That pisses me off more than anything. Using Lucy, who’s been nothing but nice to this bitch.”

  “Mmm. She’ll get hers, as you know.”

  Oh, I know. She’ll get hers and a little extra if Sera has any say.

  “Does Serafina know?”

  “She does. She’s the one who brought Nicole to me.”

  “And?”

  “And she wants blood.”

  Gio chuckles. “Of course she does. Anyone who messes with Lucy will be on the wrong end of Serafina’s gun.”

  I sigh. “That’s the truth. I just wish things would die down.”

  “They will. Remember, she was inside before we remedied the situation with Carina, though I wouldn’t doubt for a second if she learned of the Manzinis from that piranha,” Gio tells me.

  “It’s possible.” I think about it for a few seconds. “Shit. It’s likely.”

  “It is. She’ll be dealt with when the time is right.”

  “By my wife.”

  “Yes, by Serafina. Are you all right with her being part of this?”

  I know what he’s asking, if I’m okay with Sera being in as deep as I am. “Honestly? No, but there’s no avoiding it. She’s not one to sit back and not take part in protecting her family. Not anymore.”

  “No, not anymore. I’ve thought of opening things up for Bella as well.”

  Bella is Ernesto’s daughter and just as lethal as Sera. She was raised in la Famiglia just as my Fee was.

  “Now she’ll get to ‘play with the boys’ as she says,” I reply, my agreement written in that statement.

  Gio chuckles again. “So she will, and she’ll knock more than one on their ass, as well.”

  I laugh. “I look forward to seeing that.”

  “As do I.”

  There’s a comfortable silence for a few minutes and I know Gio is thinking of Lucy, Misty, Nicole, and this whole fucked up mess the Manzinis have brought to us.

  He takes a breath. “Here’s what we’re going to do.”

  I grin. I
’m looking forward to this too.

  “Hey, little sister,” Kennedy says as he leans against the wall outside the arena.

  “Hi!” I reply and give him a hug, one he returns stiffly.

  “Whatcha been up to?”

  “I was just helping Burners with their boards. Lucian’s voice was getting drowned out.”

  “You fixed that, did you?” he asks with a grin.

  I nod. “I did, much to Justin’s displeasure. He owes me a payment of my choosing.”

  Kennedy chuckles. “What did you choose?”

  “I haven’t yet. I want to make it worth my while,” I tell him with a wink.

  “That’s my girl.”

  I laugh. After a few seconds of silence, I break it. “I know why you’re here.”

  “Is that so?”

  I nod.

  “And?”

  “I did,” I admit.

  “Why did you do it? It’s not like you.”

  I turn and meet his gaze. “I didn’t have sex with him. We just did… stuff.”

  He nods. “I thought you were hung up on Ben.”

  I huff and throw my arms up in the air. “I am. I was. Argh!”

  Kennedy just watches and waits.

  I lean back against the wall and tip my head up. “I saw him.”

  “What?”

  “I saw him, Kennedy. He was fucking some chick.”

  “It’s not the first time,” he tells me. Leave it to Kennedy to tell it like it is, even if it does sting.

  “That’s the truth. Only this time I didn’t run away.”

  He just waits. The man has the patience of a saint.

  “I had had it. Why them and not me? I don’t get it. I see his interest and now I know what I’m seeing is real.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “When I was watching, he saw me.”

  “Oh shit.”

  I nod. “And he lost control. Just that quick,” I say with a snap of my fingers, “I had him pushed to the edge and over.”

  “And then what?”

  I look down at my feet. “And then I walked away. Like I always do. Because no matter how hard I push, he won’t give ‘us’ a chance.”

  He nods.

  “Do you know why?” I ask.

  “No, I don’t. If I did I’d help you kick that boy in the ass and get his head on straight. He’d be one lucky son of a bitch to have you.”

  “You’re damn right he would,” I say with more conviction than I feel.

  “So why are you hooking up with Lucian if it’s Ben you want?”

  “That’s the question of the day, isn’t it? Sera just asked me that, though she chalked it up to his being hot—which he is. Holy Hannah, he’s hot.”

  Kennedy rolls his eyes. “Stop stalling.”

  “Like all of you, I have needs, too. Not just sexually, but emotionally. I like being with Lucian. He makes me feel good about myself and a whole lot less lonely. I think I do the same for him, too.”

  “You do,” Lucian replies as he steps out of the shadows.

  Holy Hannah.

  “How long have you been standing there?” I ask, even though I know the answer.

  “Long enough.”

  Kennedy nods. “Eavesdropping doesn’t always turn out so good in the end.”

  “True, but I already knew everything she said to you,” Lucian admits.

  “You did?” I ask, a little ashamed and feeling like I used him even if I didn’t mean to.

  He nods. “I knew, BB. Don’t worry. I saw the looks that passed between you and Benny boy. I knew the score going in.”

  “Then you know he doesn’t really want me.”

  Lucian laughs. “Oh, baby, he wants you all right. He wants you so much he can’t stand it. He wants you so much the thought of you and me together last night is eating him alive. He just won’t take what he wants.”

  “Why?” I ask in exasperation. “I don’t get it.”

  Lucian shrugs. “I have no idea. Only he knows and I know from experience he is one stubborn fucker so it’s going to take a lot to get him to change his mind.”

  “I feel bad,” I admit.

  “Nah,” Lucian says. “Don’t. Do you regret it?”

  “Only if it hurts you,” I tell him honestly.

  “It might sting a little knowing I can’t keep you, but I’ll enjoy your company for as long as you’ll let me—sexual or not.”

  I lean in and give him a hug and when his arms wrap around me, I let out a sigh. I feel safe with him. It’s easy with him. I could love him one day… but it’d never be the same as what I feel for Ben. That all-consuming, white-hot burn deep down inside. That ache in your chest that swells at the sight of the person you love, the one that fills you so full you feel like you’ll burst. It’d be so much easier if I felt the same thing for Lucian. He’s amazing. Kind, caring, sweet, loving, and from what happened last night I can tell he’s an attentive lover. Holy Hannah he’d rock my world.

  “You’re too good for me anyway,” I tell him honestly.

  “Never.”

  “It’s the other way around,” Kennedy states flatly. “You’re too good for all of us.”

  If they knew where I came from, what my life’s been like, and what I’ve had to do to survive, I think they’d change their minds really fast.

  “Shut up. Both of you. You guys are the best.” I mean every single word.

  “I’m better,” Lucian taunts. “She wants to bang me. You’re like a brother to her.” He shudders visibly.

  “Fuck off,” Kennedy replies. “That’s just how it should be. I always wanted a baby sister.”

  I make a face. “I’m not a baby.”

  “Sure you are. You’re the Blush Baby,” Ethan announces as he walks up.

  “Well, yeah,” I admit.

  “What’s going on here? A lovefest? Keep me out of it and stay away from Lucy or she’ll hug you tight, start crying, and not let go for hours,” Ethan tells us with a sour look.

  “Hormones?” Lucian asks.

  “And then some,” Kennedy agrees.

  “She’s carrying triplets. Triplet baby Jesse Kingstons in that tiny little body. If she wants to hug and cry on me for hours, I’m going to let her!” I tell them.

  “When you put it that way…” Ethan says.

  “You’ve got to admire her. The way she goes with the flow and rarely complains,” Kennedy states.

  “Only around Xander… and he deserves it,” I correct.

  “Damn right he does. Giving my woman shit about being beautifully round with my babies,” Jesse says as he walks up.

  “See? That. Right there. I want that one day,” I say with a sigh.

  “You can’t have him. Besides, you already have me,” Lucian says with a smirk.

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Good thing. Lucy’d strangle you with her bare hands then reach for her peaches,” Jace says, appearing from around the corner.

  Lucian looks at me, opens his mouth and I give him a look. “Not one word.” He grins sexily and I laugh. “You’re so bad.”

  “Now, baby, you know that’s not true. Just last night you were saying how good I was,” Lucian states and I blush a bright shade of red. I know because I can feel the heat rising.

  “What are you doing?” I whisper to him. He just winks.

  Jesse points at Lucian and pokes his chest. “You better not fucking hurt her or your ass is mine. I owe you a beating so I’d whip your ass twice as hard.”

  “No worries there, man. She’s in good hands.”

  Justin walks up with a smirk. “Really good hands if her moans last night were any indication.”

  They all start snickering and I just bury my face into Lucian’s chest. What the hell is going on here?

  “Is this what people do?” I ask. “Discuss their sex lives with each other, teasing and open like this?”

  “I don’t know about other people, but it’s what I do,” Justin states.
/>
  “I do that too,” Ethan agrees. Soon they’re all in agreement.

  “Maybe it’s just a rock star thing?” I ask.

  “I was an accountant until about a year ago and I can tell you I talked the same way with my guy friends,” Jace tells me.

  “An accountant?” I scrunch up my nose and he nods. “How very boring of you.”

  “Don’t I know it.”

  “So, it’s a guy thing?” I question.

  “Nope,” Xander answers as he walks up. “You should hear Meggie, Sera, and Lucy go on when they’ve had a good bang.”

  “Okay. So, I need to adjust. Get used to this. I mean, it’s all pretty new, so it’s normal to be a bit uncomfortable at first, right?” I ramble. No one says a thing. “I suppose after I’ve been intimate more often it won’t be such a big deal—well, not like that, but I mean, I won’t be as self-conscious about people knowing and I won’t care what they think.” I pause to ponder this, then look up as they all stare at me with blank expressions.

  “Nicole, you shouldn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks or says. What you do is your business and if people don’t like it, too fucking bad,” Jesse tells me.

  “You think?” I ask, looking around. “This is all new for me. Being close to people so…”

  “It’s okay to tease and joke about things with family,” Xander states with a soft look. I smile softly at him and nod.

  “Thanks,” I tell him and hug him. A little part of me wishes I knew what hurts him so deeply. The rest of me is afraid to find out—so I just hug him tighter.

  “Anytime, little one.”

  “Are we done? Or are we going to talk about periods next?” Ben asks tightly as he walks up.

  “Fuck you, dude. We’re having a moment,” Xander bites back.

  “Yeah, what the fuck?” Justin agrees.

  “Whatever. Are we going to sound check?” Ben asks Jesse.

  “Yeah. You in a hurry?” Jesse asks.

  “Nope, but it’s better than listening to your chick-talk,” Ben says.

  “Fuck off,” I tell him. “If you don’t like it, there’s the door,” I say, pointing to the door to the arena.

  Ben’s fingers flex and fist tight at least five times before Jesse takes pity on him.

  “Let’s go,” Jesse says, clamping a hand on his brother’s shoulder.