First Comes Love

  Her gaze jerked in the man’s direction, seeing something familiar in his green eyes, something—it’s him. Her empty belly swished and she swallowed hard.

  “Jeremy?” She wheezed, shaking her head. “I barely recognized you—I mean—I didn’t.”

  This wasn’t the Jeremy she knew in high school. This was Jeremy the adult. Unlike the thin, baby-faced boy who’d kissed her in the back of his father’s Bronco, this man was broad and solid. Creases engraved by life experiences surrounded his eyes. His posture was confident, like that of a military man. His hair was shorn and his eyes were still as green as fresh cut grass, more vibrant than ever against his tanned skin.

  He smiled. “You look great. May I sit down?”

  “Please,” Kat said, unable to absorb that this was the same boy she’d met in high school. “The waitress just came by, but I’m sure—”

  He slid into the chair, derailing her thoughts. She had this man’s child, yet he seemed a total stranger—was a stranger.

  “I’m fine for now. Did you want something?”

  Shaking her head, she whispered, “No, thank you.” Lowering her gaze, so not to stare, she studied the table as they sat quietly for a few minutes.

  “I guess this is a little awkward,” Jeremy commented, breaking the silence. “I’m sorry to show up like this. When I was in Japan I thought about you and Mia all the time. I wanted to look you up when I came home for my dad’s funeral, but I only had a couple days leave. Then I went to Iraq and I regretted not contacting you. I should’ve kept in touch.”

  How would Mia have responded to that? And what if he’d been in injured at war? It didn’t matter anyway. There was no changing the past. “You didn’t want that,” she reminded him.

  “I was a child.”

  His age was never going to be a valid excuse for her. “Yes,” she agreed with a touch of accusation. “So was I.”

  “I’ve regretted not knowing my daughter more than anything else in my life, Kat.”

  The way he called her my daughter hit so many nerves it seemed to chafe her skin.

  “It was wrong of me to abandon you two, but I had no way to support you. My dad was an alcoholic on disability. I wouldn’t have been able to land a decent job without joining the military. I needed that. I needed to become a man. I tried to look you up online once I started making some money. I wanted to send you support, but I didn’t know how to reach you, and I didn’t know if you were still in contact with your folks.”

  He took a deep breath. “I know that doesn’t fix my being absent, but I wanted you to know that I thought of you often.”

  It took several minutes to organize her thoughts. She couldn’t see past his blurred sense of entitlement. Yes, he’d gone and made a career for himself, likely earned a decent degree too. That put him ahead of her in some way and she couldn’t shake the sense that everything she existed for was suddenly being threatened.

  “She is my daughter,” she fiercely whispered. “I raised her when I had nothing. I didn’t have the option of running away to establish myself. She needed a parent the day she was born and I was that parent. I held her and loved her and fed her when her own father couldn’t even bring himself to touch her.”

  Her throat constricted as her vision blurred. Blinking away her tears, having wasted enough on him years past, she grit her teeth and continued. “I was a child raising a child. I became a mother before I even learned how to be a woman. While you were off learning how to be a man, I was on my own using food stamps and government vouchers struggling to finish my GED. While you were thinking about Mia, I was watching her, teaching her to walk, how to say Momma, because that was all she would ever know. You chose to walk away and I’m sorry if it isn’t right, but I reserve the right to choose whether you walk back into our lives or not. She is mine.”

  Words spilled from her mouth unearthing resentments she’d buried long ago. The thought of losing Mia—even by small degrees—was unbearable. Without Mia, what purpose would she have in this life?

  “Kat, I’m so sorry. I know it must have been impossibly hard to raise her on your own. I can never thank you enough for keeping her safe. I’m not asking for custody—”

  Her gaze snapped to his at the mention of custody. “She’s not an object and I’m not a safety deposit box,” she hissed. “I kept her safe, because I love her and she needed me. I loved her when no one else did and that’s why I protected her. Not for you, but for her, for me. And as far as custody, she will never live outside of my home until she’s married and having children. Never.”

  Hands held out in a sign of surrender, he shook his head. “I didn’t mean that I wanted to take her from you.” His hand rubbed roughly over his face. “This is coming out all wrong. Let me start over. All I’m asking is to see her. I don’t even know what she looks like. She doesn’t even have to know I’m her father at first if that makes it easier. All I’m asking of you right now is to let me be a part of her world, even if it’s as an outsider looking in. I have money, Kat. I’ve put away money for you guys for years. I know I can’t undo the past, but let me at least make up for it in the ways that I can. I have a check.” He reached into his pocket and slid a slip of paper across the table. “If it isn’t enough, I can get more.”

  She stared down at the folded check, afraid to lay a hand on it.

  “If I agree to let you see her, even if she doesn’t know who you are, everything will be by my rules. Everything. You can’t speak to her without my permission. I will not have her getting hurt if this is some whim and you suddenly change your mind.”

  He nodded. “Your rules.” He nudged the check forward. “Please take this.”

  Unsteadily breathing, her hand hesitantly reached forward as she unfolded the check. Her fingers released it as if it burned her skin. It was made out to Katherine and Mia D’Angelo in the sum of twenty thousand dollars. That was more than she made in a year. Eyes wide, she gaped at him in shock.

  “I know it doesn’t fix things—”

  “It’s…” Her vocal cords locked up, trapping her words. Dropping her eyes to the table, the blue penned scrawl ate up her gaze. Swallowing, she shook her head.

  This would mean being able to finally pay Mrs. Bradshaw a decent amount for watching Mia. It would mean not having to wash dishes in cold water or worrying that she was in the shower for more than five minutes. It meant finally being able to afford an air conditioner, or name brand cereal, or ballet classes for Mia.

  A child was the responsibility of the parents, meaning both the mother and father. This sort of provision was due to her daughter. It wasn’t an extravagant gift. It was everything he should have been paying from the start. There were no words for such unexpected support, support from the one person who should have been offering assistance all along.

  She managed the only words she could. “Thank you.”

  “Please don’t cry,” he said, moving his seat closer to the table. Reaching to comfort her, he hesitated and dropped his hand before making contact.

  Searching her purse, she fumbled around for a tissue. “I’m sorry. I have pictures,” she rasped, digging further into her bag. She slipped a few onto the table.

  Hand trembling, he slowly lifted the photos. “She’s beautiful,” he whispered.

  Their eyes met, both shot with pink and glazed with tears. She let out a watery laugh. He’d never know how much she’d needed that check, because her pride wouldn’t allow all her sacrifices to be told. But the fact that he’d made such an offer alleviated a great deal of her worries, worries she’d carried for almost four years on her own.

  There was a marked improvement in her perception of his character, an undeniable forgiveness wavering inside of her. It was the first fatherly thing she’d ever seen him do. And that made her happy—happy for Mia.

  Once their emotions were under control, Kat let down her guard. She told Jeremy Mia was learning her letters and obsessed with Cinderella. She explained about Gorrum and warned him ne
ver to use pepper when he’s around, because, according to Mia, Gorrum is ‘highly ‘lergic’.

  Jeremy told her about Japan and his time in Iraq. He didn’t go into detail about the war, but explained why he was home. He’d spent time at a clinic in Texas that specialized in rehabilitating war veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder. He’d lost a good friend and shattered his kneecap during his last tour, but walked away with more than some superficial wounds. Realizing he could have died without ever knowing his only child seemed to change his position on a lot of things.

  She wasn’t sure how she wanted to proceed with Jeremy, but she was glad he was alive. How they proceeded would be by her rules. However, her rules only could protect Mia for another fifteen years. Once she was an adult, it would be her choice to find her father and Kat would have no choice but to support her decision.

  By the time she left the hotel she was more than fifty percent sure she was going to let Jeremy see Mia. It was wrong for her to let her own insecurities get in the way of her daughter knowing—and possibly having a relationship with—her father.

  He was considering building a home on his father’s land in Parkside. That would make him a permanent part of their lives. She had a lot to consider.

  On the way home she stopped at the bank and opened a savings account with Jeremy’s check. She never had enough money to need a savings account before. There were no qualms about taking that money. Her ignorance and pride never allowed her to file for the child support she was entitled, but Mia deserved every penny.

  Jeremy mentioned setting up a payment plan for additional support once they established a foundation. It was surreal, and too intimidating to depend on just yet.

  As she unlocked the door that evening the phone was ringing. Tossing her stuff on a kitchen chair, she raced inside to grab it.

  “Hello?” she answered, out of breath.

  “Where were you?”

  Jolted by his impatient tone, she frowned. “Tyson?”

  “Yeah. How come you weren’t at work today?”

  “How did you know I wasn’t at work?”

  “Because I stopped by to bring you flowers on my lunch break. Dr. Stevens said you called out so I swung by the house. Then I went to Mrs. Bradshaw’s and she said she assumed you were at the office.”

  “You brought flowers to my work?” Sad she missed such a surprise, she softened.

  “Yeah. Kat, where were you?” He sounded frustrated and worried.

  She looked down at Mia playing at her feet. “I had to take care of some stuff.” She couldn’t mention Jeremy in front of her and this wasn’t a conversation to be had over the phone with Tyson.

  “What kind of stuff? What’s going on, Kat? I thought you were in a ditch somewhere. I swear to God, tomorrow I’m getting you a cell phone.”

  Ooh, cell phone! Definitely picking up one of them!

  Regretting that she’d inadvertently made him worry, she tried to explain. “Ty, I can’t go into it right now. I had a crazy day. A lot happened. I’m taking Mia out to dinner. Can you come over after eight and we’ll talk?”

  “You’re taking Mia out to dinner?”

  He was probably thinking how absurd that sounded being that she budgeted out her weeks down to the penny. But the truth was, she still hadn’t gone grocery shopping and she felt like celebrating.

  “Yeah, it’s a long story.”

  “Is anyone else going with you?”

  “What? No, just us. Hey, what’s a nice place?”

  “A nice place?” His words were slow, tinged with confusion.

  “Never mind, I’ll go to that place in New Castle that just opened. Can you come over tonight?”

  “Yeah…”

  “Okay, I’ll see you tonight. Love ya.”

  “I love you too,” he said, almost as if he were phrasing a question.

  She understood he was confused and going to be as shocked as she was to hear Jeremy was back, but she’d explain everything tonight. For now, it was time to treat her daughter.

  “Who was that, Momma?”

  She tossed the phone on the counter. “Don’t worry about it.” Clasping her hands together, she grinned. “How about we go eat at a big fancy restaurant?”

  “Yeah?” Her eyes lit at the novelty of such a treat.

  “Yeah! Go wash your hands. Mommy’s going to change then I’ll get you dressed and we’ll go.”

  “Okay!” she trilled as she dashed to the bathroom.

  Tyson stared at the phone. What the hell was going on? Did she win the lottery? The person he’d just talked to was not his kitten.

  He paced his living room. Nothing about the way she was acting was making sense. Kat didn’t go out to eat. She bought government cheese and discount bread for Christ’s sake.

  He went to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water, and dropped into a chair. Trixie came to his side, dripping drool over his arm as she presented him with a half deflated ball. He took the slimy thing and hurled it across the room.

  The dog took off after it. At least he could please one girl in his life.

  Last night when he had gone to Kat’s she was beyond upset. She hadn’t returned any of his calls and he was terrified she might break up with him before giving him a chance to make things right.

  The moment she’d opened the door he’d realized he hadn’t given her enough time. Her eyes were vacant. Her fingers visibly trembled. Seeing her so distant and distraught made the threat of losing her all the more real. He wanted her to talk to him, yell at him if she needed to.

  No matter how secure he was in his life, losing Kat would cut him down. It was absolutely imperative that he fixed things between them, which he had all intentions of doing until she disappeared. After hours of searching for her, his mind spiraled into a full-blown panic. But when he finally got ahold of her, his concern switched to anger.

  For as upset as she was the night before, she seemed perfectly fine today. Then she announces she’s going to dinner. Dinner! The woman refused to even order pizza! She was beyond frugal.

  Too much had happened. Events began to blur as he played them back in his mind and obsessed over every detail. Was this about Dawson? Everything was suddenly suspicious—the missed calls, the disappearing act, her cryptic explanations, and now dinner.

  Something was up and he needed to know what. Having not slept more than a few hours in the past three days, his nerves were shot. Maybe it was time he stopped being so damn understanding and start demanding she deal with this like an adult and confront whatever the hell she was avoiding—mainly, him.

  On their way to the restaurant Kat passed a cellular phone store and purchased her first smart phone. At the restaurant, she let Mia order whatever she wanted. She started with dessert and so Kat did the same. After dessert Kat ordered the almond crusted tilapia and Mia had mashed potatoes and ravioli. The waiter thought they were nuts, but all was forgiven when she left him a generous tip.

  On the way home they spontaneously stopped at Wal-Mart. Kat bought Mia some new DVDs, some much needed clothes, and a new doll. She also picked up some staples like milk and toilet paper—the expensive fluffy kind!

  When they pulled up at the cottage, Tyson was sitting on her porch, expression blank, but definitely not happy. He would be, once he understood what was going on.

  As Mia climbed out of the car she crowed, “Tyson! Look at my new doll!”

  Kat reached into the backseat and pulled the other bags.

  He suspiciously eyed her packages. “Go shopping?”

  “Yeah. Sorry we’re late. Let me get Mia to bed then we can talk. I think there’s some red wine left from the other night. Why don’t you get us each a glass?” Dumping her items on the counter, she wrangled Mia toward her bedroom.

  When she returned to the kitchen Tyson was standing at the counter holding the box that contained her new cell phone and frowning. There were two glasses of wine on the counter.

  “Sorry,” she said, picking up her wine and
taking a sip. “Ooh, that’s good. Do you want to sit outside?”

  “You bought a cell phone?” His brow crinkled with disbelief.

  “I know, isn’t it great? Here—” She picked up her purse and pulled out a receipt. “This is my number. Type it in your phone.”

  He didn’t move.

  “Don’t you want my number?”

  “Kat, what the hell’s going on? You take off all day on Sunday and when I come by to talk to you, you can’t even look at me. You call out of work today and won’t tell me where you’ve been. Then you act all secretive and won’t tell me anything. You go out to dinner—to a nice restaurant—buy a cell phone, and go on a shopping spree? And now you’re acting like everything’s normal.”

  “It was hardly a shopping spree,” she mumbled.

  “It is for you!” he snapped. “You won’t even buy cupcakes!”

  “Shh, you’re going to wake up Mia.”

  “Tell me what’s going on,” he demanded, expression hard.

  Realizing she should probably take it down a notch, she carried her wine out front. On the rocking chair sat a wilted bouquet of lilies and her good mood faltered. She was a jerk.

  Lifting the flowers, she eyed him apologetically. “Ty, I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “How about explaining what you’ve been doing since yesterday morning.”

  Sitting down, she took a deep breath and explained everything. She told him that yesterday she didn’t want to think about her parents and the fiasco at the party. She admitted to having mixed emotions about his confrontation with Dawson. She told him how disappointed Mia was when Vivian didn’t show up for their outing.

  As she spoke the tension in his expression seemed to ease. “Do you ever just feel too wiped to deal? That’s how I felt, Ty. I simply didn’t have the energy.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She nodded and took a deep breath. Time to tell all. “When I finally got home Sunday there were several messages on my voicemail. I was so happy to hear yours and had all intentions of calling you back, but there were two others.”