Infinitely

  “I don’t think the other one ever saw you,” Mom says to Payton. “You should go home before more come. Just remember, you didn’t see anything.”

  “I’m—” Payton shakes her head. “I’m sorry this is happening to you.”

  Mom stops and looks at her then. “This isn’t your fault.” She puts her arm around Payton’s shoulder, patting her arm. “Go on home now and talk to your grandpa.”

  I follow Mom out of the house and into the barn where Dad’s loading bags into the trunk of the old gray Impala. It’s Dad’s pride and joy. I feel numb as I watch his quick, jerky movements.

  “Where are they? Where’s their car?” I ask and I don’t even recognize my own voice.

  Dad hesitates, his shoulders sagging. He turns back to his task as he says, “They’re in the trunk of their car. And the car’s on Flynn’s property. I felt it only fitting.”

  “The trunk? Both of them?”

  Dad nods slowly. I couldn’t imagine being locked in a trunk with a dead man. It’s too morbid, but then again, maybe Morris deserves worse.

  “Where are Jax and Benji?”

  “Getting packed up,” he says. And then, “Don’t be scared of him.”

  After everything that’s happened, his words startle me. “Who?”

  Dad comes around to pick up the old gray tent we used for camping over the years. Mostly in the backyard, but occasionally on a real camping trip. I didn’t know we even still had it. It’s been years since I last saw it. He knocks a spider off with a flick of his wrist.

  “Benji cares about you. He’ll do whatever it takes to protect you. He already is.” He slides the tent into the trunk, shoving it into place. “Sometimes, because he cares so much, he loses himself. It happens when emotions ride high—especially with everything he’s been through. But he’ll do whatever needs to be done to protect you.” He gestures out toward the driveway. “With all of this happening…I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to keep you here and safe. You have to go. I need to know you won’t be afraid while you’re with him.”

  I squint at my dad, confused. “I’m not scared of Benji.” This is true. I am not currently afraid of him, but when he beat Morris, when his eyes clouded over with that wild insanity, I was terrified. He wasn’t the sweet, gentle boy I knew. He was a stranger. Out of control and manic. If Dad hadn’t pulled him away, I think Benji would have killed that man with his bare hands.

  “What will happen now?” I whisper.

  “You and Flynn will go with Benji and Jaxon. I gave them some money. Hopefully enough to get you far away from here.”

  I grab his arm. “I thought you and Mom were coming too. You have to. They’ll kill you.”

  Dad brushes the backs of his fingers gently along my cheek where Morris hit me. I can feel the burn of the swollen skin. “There’s no time to argue. Your mom and I talked to Benji about this. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it’s the best one right now. There are dangerous people after him, and those same people are after you now. They know where you live. What you look like. You can’t stay, and Mom and I can’t go. We’ll be all right. It’s you I’m worried about. We’ll stay here to spread a story. Our daughter ran off and we don’t know why. As long as we deny any knowledge about what occurred today, we’ll be fine.” He takes a deep breath. “In a month or so, when things settle down, we’ll find you. Until then, you stay with Benji and keep running. We love him like a son. We trust him. And I know he’ll do whatever has to be done. You need to go and you need to go now.”

  “A month,” I repeat. It seems like so long. Too long. “How will you find me?”

  “I’ve worked it out with Benji.”

  My eyes fill with unshed tears. They have it all worked out. It’s been decided and I have no say. How can I leave my parents behind? “I don’t want to leave you, Daddy.”

  He grips my shoulder, dragging me in for a hug. His large, callused hand caresses my hair soothingly. “I know. I don’t want you to either. But it’s the only way I can come up with to get you out of here. I can do this if I know it means you’ll be safe.”

  Jaxon knocks on the open barn door and clears his throat. His nose is swollen and bruises have already formed beneath both eyes, but the bleeding appears to have stopped. “We’re ready,” he says gruffly.

  Dad kisses the top of my head and looks at me for a moment. “I love you,” he croaks.

  The thundering of hooves pauses my reply. Dad steps in front of me, pushing me back against the car. Jax stills, instantly on defense.

  Princess bounds up the long drive with Kameron astride. She hops down and runs to us. “I’m coming with you,” she says breathlessly as she slides her backpack off and drops it into the trunk.

  “Is that what your parents said to do?” Dad asks.

  “It’s what I said,” Kameron replies.

  ~*~

  I knock on the guestroom door and wait, listening for a reply.

  Flynn opens the door and we stand in awkward silence. He’s a stranger to me right now. He killed Jacoby. Regardless of his reasons, is he any better than the man he murdered? I want to believe he is. But I’m just not sure of anything anymore. The only thing I do know is I shouldn’t judge him—my parents are still alive.

  “We need to go,” I say.

  “Yeah, all right,” he murmurs. I turn to walk away and he reaches for me, his hand stopping just short of making contact. “Briar…?”

  “You okay, Flynn?” I ask. It’s a stupid question. Of course he’s not. And he never will be again.

  He looks over my head and nods. “Yeah, I’m good,” he says. I shift, following his gaze. Benji’s standing at the top of the steps, his hand on the railing, eyes on Flynn. I look back to Flynn, and he sighs. “Never mind.”

  I watch him until he turns back into the room, and release a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I want to look at my room one last time,” I call over my shoulder to Benji. I head down the hall to the only bedroom I’ve ever known. Inside, I look at my bed, my bookshelf, the desk, the window. I place my hand on the glass, my eyes traveling over the pulley line. I turn around and my eyes are drawn to the sundress Flynn gave me for my birthday, hanging on the back of my door. I pluck the dress from the hanger. I don’t know why I take it. It just seems too important to leave behind. I grab the flower Benji gave me from the vase and glance around one last time before heading downstairs.

  The girl—Megan—stands off to the side uncomfortably. She fidgets, unable to stand still and I don’t know if it’s because she’s scared, nervous, or because she’s detoxing like Benji. Probably all of the above. All I know for sure is that she’s coming with us. Luckily Dad’s car has bench seats and will accommodate the six of us.

  Mom and Dad hug each of us in turn. Everyone but Megan, though Mom offers her a small smile. Flynn seems stunned when they put their arms around him. He embraces them so tightly I’m afraid he’ll break them. Mom places her hand on his cheek and whispers something into his ear. I don’t know what she says, but Flynn’s eyes tear up and he hugs her again before climbing into the backseat. When it’s my turn, I don’t want to let them go, but they practically push me into the car.

  Mom takes my hand and says, “Don’t cry, and don’t look back, Briar.”

  So I don’t. I draw my legs up and bury my face into my knees, eyes squeezed tight, as Jaxon pulls out of the driveway. I’m sandwiched between Kameron and Flynn, and even though this is how it’s been for so long, I find no comfort in their presence now.

  Nobody feels the need to talk and I’m glad. It gives me time to think. Time to ponder. Happiness is so closely tied to sorrow, love to hate, fear to faith. A pull in either direction can blow your whole world up.

  And our worlds have been destroyed.

  ~*~

  Our plan, if it can even be considered one, is to head south, taking turns in the driver’s seat. Everyone except Benji and Megan who shouldn’t be behind the wheel. We’ll go as far as we can until t
hey’re unable to travel. They’re going to be sick soon. Really sick. Where before Benji was trying to wean by using less, now he’s going cold turkey.

  As someone who has never ingested anything worse than the occasional beer at a party, I have no idea what they’re going through or what to expect. I lean my head back and listen to the comforting sound of the wind as I close my eyes.

  I awake to Jax shaking my shoulder. “Hey, we needed gas so I stopped and fueled up. Do you need anything before we leave?”

  I yawn and rub my eyes before shaking my head. “I’m good.”

  “Gum,” Kam grumbles incoherently. Jax smiles, pulling a pack from his pocket, and lays it gently in her lap.

  “What time is it?” Benji asks, his voice a thick, pain-filled rasp.

  Jax looks at his bare wrist. “Time to switch drivers. Who’s up?”

  “I’ll drive for a while,” I say. Flynn shouldn’t be driving and after Kam’s gum request she went directly back to sleep.

  My head is groggy as I slide my leg over the seat and slip behind the wheel next to Megan. Her head is resting on Benji’s shoulder and I try not to let it bother me. It’s such an inconsequential piece compared to the bigger picture. Who Benji dates is the last thing that matters at the moment, but I can’t help the flare of jealousy and the sting of envy as she snuggles into his side.

  That used to be my place.

  I shake my head, pushing the thought away. It hasn’t been my place for three years. “Where am I going?” I ask, looking at Jax in the rearview mirror.

  “Take a left out of the parking lot and the highway is up on the right.”

  I follow his directions and once I set the cruise, I flip through radio stations, searching for a song that’s not fuzzy with static. I finally find one and glance over at Benji to make sure it’s not too loud. My eyes meet his and I realize with a start that he was watching me.

  “It’s so weird seeing you drive,” he says quietly.

  I turn back to the road because the way his eyes bore into mine make my stomach twist with yearning. “I’ve been driving for two years.”

  “What happened to your plan to ride Kingston in order to save the environment? What was it? ‘One less person polluting the air’?”

  “I grew up,” I reply.

  He’s silent for several minutes. I think he’s fallen asleep when he speaks again. “How’s your side?”

  I glance at him, but his attention’s focused out the window. “It’s okay.”

  “Does it hurt?”

  “Nothing I can’t handle,” I say.

  He sighs, drawing my gaze back to him. He cocks his head to the side as he regards me, his knee bouncing up and down quickly. “I don’t remember you having such a hard time answering questions before.”

  I arch a brow and try not to smile. “It hurts,” I tell him. “But not that bad.”

  “Compare it to the time you sprained your ankle falling out of the tree house.”

  I laugh softly. “You remember that?”

  His lips lift in a soft, sad smile, his eyes piercing me with their intensity. “I remember everything.”

  His answer causes my smile to slip away. I squeeze the steering wheel until my fingers ache. I remember everything too. “It’s about the same,” I whisper.

  “We should probably wrap them. I’ll pick up an elastic bandage when we stop again. It’ll help.”

  I manage a quiet, “Okay.”

  We don’t talk after that. I think he falls asleep. I drive in a daze, losing myself inside my mind. Inside my memories. And inside my confused thoughts.

  22

  Benji

  I lay my head against the cool window, my heated skin warming it quickly. Memories flash in my mind with every mile marker we pass.

  Our very first kiss was at a movie. And not at all like you’d imagine.

  I was twelve. Briar was ten, and so excited to see one of the Shrek movies. She, Jaxon, and I all climbed into the back of her parents’ truck, and they drove us out to the old drive-in. It was the very beginning of summer, and the nights were still a little cool. Her parents sat in the cab like they were teenagers on a date. Us kids sprawled across the bed of the truck, huddled under a blanket, eating the popcorn and candy apples Pine had made at home before we left. The sweet and salty were an incredible combination. The woodsy smell from the surrounding trees filled my lungs. The fireflies swam through the air, their green illumination the only light in the darkness of the night. And I was high on the absolute perfection of the moment.

  I might have enjoyed the movie if I had actually watched it. But with Briar sitting so close, snuggling into my side, I lost all interest in what predicament the ogre and donkey had gotten themselves into. I focused instead on reaching into the bag of popcorn, timing my hand just right so that I met Briar’s fingers every time. And every time she would pause, glance over at me, and smile.

  And damn if I didn’t love to see her smile at me.

  At twelve, a girl’s smile can make you feel badass.

  At some point during the movie, Shrek had decided to join forces with a cat, and more importantly, my little brother fell asleep.

  The next time Briar’s hand met mine, I circled my buttery fingers around hers, and held on. She looked down, staring at our adjoined hands. And when she finally raised her head and gazed up at me, I leaned in and pressed my closed lips to hers. I didn’t close my eyes, and neither did she. Our mouths were sticky from the candy apples, salty from the popcorn. And it was the singular most perfect three seconds of my life.

  I think she may have blushed—it was hard to tell in the dark. I know my own cheeks heated several degrees. I watched her touch her lips with her free hand, holding it there while she smiled behind it. And then she cleared her throat, squeezed my hand, and turned back to the movie.

  I couldn’t concentrate on the screen for more than a few seconds at a time because whenever Briar moved even slightly, my heart picked up, racing in anticipation that she might kiss me again. On her own this time.

  She didn’t, but she fell asleep with her head on my shoulder, her hand locked in mine. And that was good enough. That was more than good. It was the best ending to the night.

  I feel my lips turn up in an unexpected smile. My arm curls around the warm body pressed against mine. And then I realize it’s not Briar. It’s Megan. That life is gone. No matter what I do, all it will ever be is a memory. The present comes rushing back with a dizzying force and I feel sick to my stomach.

  23

  Briar

  My eyes are growing heavy when Benji bolts upright in the passenger seat, startling me. Megan jerks awake with a groan, blinking rapidly as she wipes the drool from her cheek. Benji makes a strangled sound in his throat as he fights to roll the window down.

  “Pull over,” he demands. “I’m going to puke.”

  I make my way onto the shoulder as quickly as possible. He throws the door open, stumbling out before the car is even stopped. I slam hard on the brakes as he falls onto his knees, vomiting into the grass. His back convulses with sickness and I cringe, knowing he’s in pain.

  Megan pinches her eyes shut and hugs her stomach. Another groan leaves her dry lips and I reach over the seat, blindly smacking Jax’s leg. “Wake up. Benji’s sick, and I think Megan’s about to lose it too.”

  “I’m awake,” he replies, his voice low and raspy from sleep. “Your driving sucks.”

  I roll my eyes and shift the gear into park. “My driving is fine when your brother isn’t throwing himself from a moving vehicle.”

  Jax pushes the door open, his brow quirked. “Or it’s so bad my brother launched himself out.”

  “Just go check on him.” I glance at Megan, her bleached-blonde hair is damp and clinging to her face and neck. I know nothing about addiction or detoxing, but I can tell she’s not doing well either.

  Kameron sits up, her hand resting on the seat between us. “Flynn’s hot,” she says, the panic in her voice automat
ically causing my heart rate to kick up in return. I flip around in my seat, my eyes darting between Benji retching, Megan’s paling face, to Flynn’s sweat-soaked shirt. And I’m completely overwhelmed.

  I touch a shaky hand to Flynn’s reddened cheek. He’s not just hot. He’s burning up. His skin is like a furnace. I brush the wet hair from his face. “Flynn?” His eyes—rimmed in red—flutter open and I can see the difficulty he’s having focusing on me.

  “We need to go to the hospital,” Kam says firmly. “We are so not capable of dealing with this.”

  My thoughts exactly. It was one thing for Benji to play Operation and remove the bullet since he’s had experience, but this is a whole different matter. Flynn needs antibiotics and that’s not something Benji can supply.

  “Change of plans,” Jaxon announces as he helps Benji back into the passenger seat. “We’re going to hit up this guy we know. He owes Benji a favor and we’re cashing in.”

  “Is your friend a doctor?” I ask hopefully.

  Jax chuckles before closing the door. My eyes follow his movements, watching as he walks briskly, rounding the car to my side. He pulls the door open and gestures me out. “I’ll drive.”

  I slide out and dive into the backseat next to Flynn. He lowers his head to my shoulder and I wrap my arm around him. He’s shaking, which scares the shit out of me. “Your friend,” I repeat, “is he a doctor?”

  “No. And he’s not my friend.” That’s it. No further information or explanation.

  “Flynn’s running a fever,” I say desperately. “We need to get him to a hospital. He needs a doctor and medicine. Now.”

  “He probably has an infection,” Kameron adds, her eyes meeting Jaxon’s in the rearview mirror and holding them. I can feel the desperation rolling off of her in waves. With everything that’s happened already, we can’t lose someone else.

  “I know,” he states matter-of-factly as if he’s completely detached from the situation. “This guy, Kent, he’ll have what Flynn needs. It’s what he does. He’s a dealer. Pharmaceuticals. He brought Benji into this world—he owes us. We’ll get the meds Flynn needs when we get there. It’s not far.” He rubs his face and looks around, searching for a road sign. “I think. Where the hell are we?”