Witchful Thinking (Jolie Wilkins #3)

  Mercedes faced me but she didn’t seem angry. “I am not in a position to criticize. You must rule your kingdom as you see fit.”

  I was surprised, expecting her to read me the riot act. Mercedes dropped into a curtsy and left the room. I didn’t have any time to weigh her reaction because Sinjin was suddenly before me.

  “You did well,” he said.

  I shook my head and offered him an incredulous expression that said I didn’t believe him by a long shot.

  A large smile widened his beautiful mouth. “Perhaps your next tutorial will be in public speaking.”

  It wasn’t like I thought I’d done a good job addressing my people, but I was happy I’d done it and even happier it was over. It had been an hour or so since my speech and after telling the house staff to take the night off, I was alone, relaxing in my bedroom, watching How Clean Is Your House? on TV. I’d changed my tailored suit for gray sweats and a pink UCLA sweatshirt.

  Just as Kim Woodburn was advising me on how to clean a stovetop with vinegar, there was a knock on my door.

  “Come in,” I called out, not even glancing over to find out who was at the door. Instead my attention was consumed by how well vinegar could cut thirty-year-old grease.

  “Jolie.”

  It was Rand.

  I craned my neck in his direction so quickly, I felt an explosion of pain straight up the back of my neck. I quickly magicked it away but there wasn’t anything I could do about my frantic heartbeat. Well, maybe there was, but I wasn’t sure slowing my heart rate by way of magic was really in my best interests.

  “Hi,” I said dumbly.

  “May I come in?” he asked, and I realized he hadn’t come in yet. I nodded and he entered, closing the door behind him. Then he turned to face me.

  He was wearing dark brown pants and a dark green sweater. His hair looked as if it had been freshly cut, but there was a bit of shadow beginning to cover his cheeks and chin. He was beautiful.

  “I … I came to congratulate you,” he said and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly—like he was as uncomfortable as I was.

  “Oh, thanks,” I responded, not knowing what else to say. “You mean for my stellar speech?” I added with a self-conscious laugh, hoping to alleviate the tension in the room.

  Rand nodded and offered me a quick smile. “You did very well.”

  “Thank you,” I said in a small voice.

  He eyed the armchair beside my bed and glanced up at me. “Do you mind if I sit?”

  “No, go ahead,” I said, surprised that he wanted to stay.

  He sat down and the heady scent of his aftershave danced through the air, teasing and tempting. I managed to keep my cool, though. Or at least I think I did.

  “I think it took a great amount of courage and integrity to do what you did today.” He paused for a second or two. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy to announce your plans as Queen and I’m proud of you for doing it. I also think your ideas are very honorable and just.”

  I swallowed hard. “I’ve told you all along that this didn’t have to be a monarchy in the old-fashioned sense, that we could shape it … together.”

  Rand nodded and his lips were tight, as if he was deep in thought. “Yes, I realize that now more than I did before.”

  I couldn’t help the surprise that tinged my voice when I responded, “Wow, was my speech that good?”

  Rand laughed and shook his head. “Perhaps not in your delivery but in your meaning.”

  “I admit I was surprised to see you in the audience.”

  “Why?”

  I shrugged. “I thought you wanted to be a renegade?”

  “I was curious as to what you had to say …”

  I suddenly felt like I wanted to cut to the chase, wanted to find out why he was here, what he was doing in my room. “Rand, why did you come?”

  Rand expelled a pent-up breath of air. “When I was listening to your speech, I was struck by the fact that my being a renegade will not benefit anyone. I can do much more good working with you than against you.”

  “I never imagined you were against me?”

  He nodded. “Perhaps that was too strong a word. I seem to be putting my foot in my mouth.” He paused for a few seconds, as if searching for the best way to communicate his thoughts. “What I came to ask you, Jolie, is whether or not you would consider the role of a chief advisor, someone who could work hand in hand with you … someone who could help you.”

  “And let me guess, you want to submit your application for the job?”

  He chuckled. “I would like to offer my services, yes.”

  I nodded, thinking it sounded like a good idea. “Then you accept me as your monarch?”

  He was quiet for a second or two and then nodded. “Yes, I do.”

  “And how would you envision this role?”

  He shrugged. “As I mentioned before, I was in the employ of Queen Victoria so I’m very well versed in the minutiae of governance. I could offer my service and guidance should you ever require them. I know the politics of the various creatures of the Underworld; I’ve done negotiating, leading, and organizing of factions in the past. I could help you navigate through situations that you might not be familiar with, give you insight into certain situations so you can make the most informed decisions.” He took a deep breath. “I would never overstep my boundaries and I would absolutely recognize your rightful place as Queen of the Underworld.”

  The idea actually sounded incredibly good—I knew nothing about ruling and Rand did. And not only that, but I also admired him greatly. The only thing that worried me was the fact that we’d be working so closely again—and we hadn’t exactly resolved the issues between us. And as to the whole bonding argument we’d had? Hmm, that was a matter I didn’t feel like discussing—not when I was still flying high from my first public speaking event. And besides, I didn’t always want to be the one bringing up our relationship. If Rand wanted to make things work, the figurative ball was in his court. I was tired of playing relationship tennis.

  “I realize things aren’t exactly comfortable between us at the moment,” he started. I had to wonder if he’d been reading my mind.

  “I wasn’t going to bring that up.”

  He dropped his gaze to his long legs and stretched them out before him, leaning into the chair with a heavy sigh. “I care about you, Jolie.”

  “I care about you too, Rand.”

  He leaned over with his elbows on his knees and appeared to gaze at something outside my window. There wasn’t anything out there but the pitch darkness of night. He faced me and smiled sadly. “Now that you are Queen, things are going to be different.”

  “What does that even mean?” I demanded, my voice irritated.

  “It means there will be pressures on you and every decision you make, personal and otherwise, will be in the spotlight. Your life is no longer your own, Jolie.”

  “How does that affect you and me?”

  He swallowed. “I’m a private person.”

  I shook my head as annoyance snaked through me. “Maybe it’s best to just focus on the fact that we both want what’s best for the Underworld.”

  “Said like a true monarch,” Rand said sadly.

  Then he stood up to leave as if his whole purpose in coming to my room was to offer some garbled, bizarre observation and then just disappear into the black night. Never mind; tonight I wasn’t in the mood to fight. No, I was sticking with my new plan, which was to rule my kingdom my own way. My focus from here on out was only going to be on the Underworld. I wasn’t going to bother myself with Rand and his hang-ups.

  “Have a good night,” I said dismissively and turned toward the TV again, only to see the credits of How Clean Is Your House? Damn men and their bad timing.

  Rand didn’t say anything more but obediently showed himself out. The sound of the door closing made me sad, but at the same time I actually felt proud of myself. Strong and feminine. Hmm, maybe Queen Elizabeth had it right when she decl
ared herself the Virgin Queen. Maybe I’d follow in her footsteps. I mean, it’s not like it would be tough because I was already a Queen and basically an uncommitted virgin now …

  I was asleep and dreaming but aware of the fact that I was dreaming. Even being aware of the dream state, I didn’t seem able to control the images flowing through my mind. Memories … memories of a time when I had battled a dragon—well, really the fairy Dougal. Dougal was first-hand man, or fae, to Odran, and the only reason Odran had ever agreed to become our ally against Bella was the fact that I’d bested Dougal in magic-to-magic combat.

  As the dream dragon glared down at me with his glowing red eyes, fear pounded through me. It didn’t seem to make any difference that I knew how this feat ended—with me the victor—nope, fear was fear and didn’t seem to care about the details. But any fear I felt was nothing compared with the fear in Rand’s eyes.

  And Rand suddenly took the spotlight of my dreamscape as memories intercepted my unconscious mind and swirled together until I was reliving a time long gone.

  “What’s going on?” Rand demanded.

  I started toward him. “It was the only way, Rand.”

  “What was the only way?” He grabbed my shoulders, shaking me as if trying to get the words out faster than I could say them. “What the hell have you done?”

  “She’s agreed ta defend herself against my best fairy,” Odran said.

  Rand glanced up at him, fire spitting from his eyes. “No, your fairy will kill her.”

  Odran nodded glumly. “Aye, Ah’ve told the lass boot she is determined.”

  Rand faced me again. “Jolie, you will die, do you understand?”

  “I just have to defend myself,” I said, repeating what I’d been telling myself over two hundred times already.

  Rand shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. His strongest fairy could kill you without even trying.” He faced Odran again. “Call this off, Odran, Jolie won’t fight your fairy.”

  Odran shook his head. “I cannae call it oof, it tis doone.”

  “Goddammit!” Rand yelled and then immediately fell silent, his eyes pensive. His jaw was so tight, it twitched. “Let me take her place.”

  “Rand, no.” This was my fight. “I have to do this.”

  Odran shook his head again. “I grow tired ah this argument. Either step aside or I’ll ’ave ye restrained.”

  Rand’s eyes were wild. “Jolie, run. Run as fast as you can.”

  No sooner did he say it than two fairies grabbed his arms, pulling him away from me. Rand’s face was an angry mask, outrage etching his lips and eyes. He broad-sided one fairy with a burst of magic but as soon as he did so, another four surrounded him, all of them livid. Tears blossomed in my eyes as I watched him struggle to free himself.

  “Run, Jolie,” he yelled, still flailing against his captors but I couldn’t run, couldn’t escape.

  Jolie, just focus on protecting yourself. Focus on nothing else, do you understand? Rand’s voice broke through my thoughts.

  At the sound of his voice, tears sprang to my eyes. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was getting into.

  That doesn’t matter now, just focus on protecting yourself.

  Okay, I will.

  I don’t know what he plans on doing, but don’t be frightened; don’t let anything take your focus away from your own protection. Whatever he does, you must ignore it.

  I woke up sweating. I tried to shake away the memory of the horrible creature Dougal had turned into, but the images continued to pound through me. When I remembered back to that fateful day, the way the heavens had loosened an onslaught of rain, thunder, and lightning, I was amazed that I’d even come out of it alive.

  But as with most of the difficult situations I’d experienced in my life, the person who had always stood by my side and helped me get through was Rand.

  A few days after Mathilda had unstopped my magical block and a day or so after my speech, I found myself standing just outside the front entrance to Kinloch, beside Rand and Mercedes as Mathilda looked on. It was the time of reckoning—now we would learn whether or not my abilities had been restored.

  The moon shone in the sky and was full and round, acting like an orb of light. Multitudes of stars sparkled around it. I wasn’t sure why, but I found them reassuring. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

  “His hat,” Mercedes said and offered me the clothing from one of the deceased members of our legion.

  I nodded and accepted the black ball cap, clutching it with shaking hands. I didn’t know what would happen if I wasn’t able to reanimate this fallen soldier—what would that mean for my powers—would it point to the fact that they were extinct?

  Calm yourself, Jolie. It was Rand’s voice.

  I didn’t turn to look at him but offered my hand, which he quickly accepted, closing his fingers around mine. Mercedes took my other hand, the one with the ball cap in it, and I shut my eyes, concentrating on the task.

  Just go about it the same way you always have, Rand continued.

  I nodded but didn’t respond. I was still annoyed over our last encounter. Instead I focused on the blackness of my eyelids, praying my magic would take over, praying I’d open my eyes to view the battlefield of Culloden.

  When it appeared nothing was happening, I opened my eyes and found Rand, Mathilda, and Mercedes all staring at me expectantly.

  “Nothing,” I grumbled.

  “Try again,” Mercedes said resolutely.

  I nodded and, taking a deep breath, closed my eyes again, sinking into inky blackness. I focused and then focused some more but couldn’t keep the sudden fear that I’d lost my abilities from the forefront of my mind.

  “What if something happened to me?” I said. “What if something irreversible happened?”

  “We removed the block, child,” Mathilda said in a small voice. I felt her soft and small hand on top of mine as she patted it consolingly. “Abandon your fears.”

  It was more a command than anything else. And when I closed my eyes again and actually felt something akin to relief flooding me, I had to wonder if Mathilda hadn’t bewitched me, hadn’t slipped me her version of a fae Quaalude. But I also wasn’t about to argue, not when I could finally relax and actually focus on my magic, focus on the darkness that would hopefully take me back to a time when my victim was still alive.

  Even though the blackness wasn’t fading, I didn’t lose hope. I clenched my eyes shut even tighter and begged my powers to kick in, begged my abilities to take over. And then it was as if lightning ricocheted through my mind, the darkness suddenly intercepted by a bright flash of light, and I was where I’d hoped to be … on the battlefield.

  The hat in my hand began to tremble and I felt myself propelled forward, toward a man who was on the ground, barely moving. As I got closer, I realized he was actually a vamp. It looked as if he’d been attacked by another vamp, a huge and open gash in his throat. His blood had already soaked the majority of the ground beneath him, but he wasn’t dead. I could tell by the hollow but alive look in his eyes.

  I approached him and leaned down onto my thighs, reaching for him. As soon as I touched him, light blazed up around me and I shielded my eyes against the garish infiltration.

  When I opened them again, I found myself standing beside Rand and Mercedes. And beyond them, Mathilda stood beside a vampire. A vampire who faced me and smiled, revealing the fact that he was very much alive … or as alive as the undead can be.

  It was the night after I’d managed to reanimate the vampire, and my panel of representatives was assembled around my dining room table for our first meeting in Kinloch Kirk. My panel comprised Odran and Mathilda, Trent and John, Mercedes, Varick, Sinjin, Klaasje (whom I hadn’t assigned as one of my representatives but apparently the Queen’s defensive force went wherever she did or maybe wherever Sinjin did), and, of course, Rand.

  Rand sat at the far end of my oblong maple table. He leaned back in his chair as he regarded everyone around him
quietly even though there were numerous conversations rolling around the table. I sat at the head and glanced at Rand only to find him staring at me. I smiled a quick and uncomfortable hello before looking up at the grandfather clock in the corner of the room, which announced, in a baritone ding-dong, that my meeting had begun. I actually felt relieved to be able to focus on my meeting instead of the dark pools of Rand’s eyes or the way he’d neglected to shave his stubble and, consequently, looked deliciously roguish. Nope, I was no longer going to focus on anything having to do with Rand. I was sticking with the promise I’d made myself that I’d focus only on my responsibilities to the people.

  After all, I was now the fully committed Virgin Queen.

  My sex life aside, I was excited to chair this first important meeting. It was like I was embarking on a new chapter in my life—the decisions and choices we agreed on today would affect all of our lives moving forward. And it was a good feeling to know how important I was. My opinions mattered not only for my own future but for the futures of hundreds of Underworld creatures. While that thought was a scary one, it was also invigorating.

  “Thanks for coming,” I began as I poured myself a glass of water, passing the jug to Trent, who sat beside me. “I wanted to address a few concerns.” Then I turned to the papers on the table in front of me and passed them to Odran, who happened to be sitting on the other side of me. “Take one and pass them down the row, please,” I said when it looked like he assumed they were all for him. Didn’t fairies have to attend grammar school? I mean, hello, that was so third-grade.

  “Ah, aye,” he said and then seemed to wrestle the sheets between his large fingers.

  “Need some help, big guy?” Klaasje asked with a laugh as she took the papers from Odran and passed them out to everyone else. I didn’t miss Odran’s smile or the sight of him pillaging her body with his eyes. I also didn’t miss her hip shimmy as she passed Sinjin—or his smirk. I felt something climb up into my throat, something that felt like jealousy, but I grappled it back down. I had no reason to be jealous of Sinjin’s relationship with this beautiful girl, er, vampire. Irritated with myself, I glanced down at the piece of paper before me and read off the first item on the list.