Guy Mannering, Or, the Astrologer — Volume 01

  CHAPTER XXIV

  Liddell till now, except in Doric lays, Tuned to her murmurs by her love-sick swains, Unknown in song, though not a purer stream Rolls towards the western main

  Art of Preserving Health.

  The present store-farmers of the south of Scotland are a much morerefined race than their fathers, and the manners I am now to describehave either altogether disappeared or are greatly modified. Withoutlosing the rural simplicity of manners, they now cultivate arts unknownto the former generation, not only in the progressive improvement oftheir possessions but in all the comforts of life. Their houses aremore commodious, their habits of life regulated so as better to keeppace with those of the civilised world, and the best of luxuries, theluxury of knowledge, has gained much ground among their hills duringthe last thirty years. Deep drinking, formerly their greatest failing,is now fast losing ground; and, while the frankness of their extensivehospitality continues the same, it is, generally speaking, refined inits character and restrained in its excesses.

  'Deil's in the wife,' said Dandie Dinmont, shaking off his spouse'sembrace, but gently and with a look of great affection; 'deil's in ye,Ailie; d'ye no see the stranger gentleman?'

  Ailie turned to make her apology--'Troth, I was sae weel pleased to seethe gudeman, that--but, gude gracious! what's the matter wi' ye baith?'for they were now in her little parlour, and the candle showed thestreaks of blood which Dinmont's wounded head had plentifully impartedto the clothes of his companion as well as to his own. 'Ye've beenfighting again, Dandie, wi' some o' the Bewcastle horse-coupers! Wow,man, a married man, wi' a bonny family like yours, should ken betterwhat a father's life's worth in the warld'; the tears stood in the goodwoman's eyes as she spoke.

  'Whisht! whisht! gudewife,' said her husband, with a smack that hadmuch more affection than ceremony in it; 'never mind, never mind;there's a gentleman that will tell you that, just when I had ga'en upto Lourie Lowther's, and had bidden the drinking of twa cheerers, andgotten just in again upon the moss, and was whigging cannily awa hame,twa landloupers jumpit out of a peat-hag on me or I was thinking, andgot me down, and knevelled me sair aneuch, or I could gar my whip walkabout their lugs; and troth, gudewife, if this honest gentleman hadnacome up, I would have gotten mair licks than I like, and lost mairsiller than I could weel spare; so ye maun be thankful to him for it,under God.' With that he drew from his side-pocket a large greasyleather pocket-book, and bade the gudewife lock it up in her kist.

  'God bless the gentleman, and e'en God bless him wi' a' my heart; butwhat can we do for him, but to gie him the meat and quarters we wadnarefuse to the poorest body on earth--unless (her eye directed to thepocketbook, but with a feeling of natural propriety which made theinference the most delicate possible), unless there was ony otherway--' Brown saw, and estimated at its due rate, the mixture ofsimplicity and grateful generosity which took the downright way ofexpressing itself, yet qualified with so much delicacy; he was awarehis own appearance, plain at best, and now torn and spattered withblood, made him an object of pity at least, and perhaps of charity. Hehastened to say his name was Brown, a captain in the----regiment ofcavalry, travelling for pleasure, and on foot, both from motives ofindependence and economy; and he begged his kind landlady would look ather husband's wounds, the state of which he had refused to permit himto examine. Mrs. Dinmont was used to her husband's broken heads morethan to the presence of a captain of dragoons. She therefore glanced ata table-cloth not quite clean, and conned over her proposed supper aminute or two, before, patting her husband on the shoulder, she badehim sit down for 'a hard-headed loon, that was aye bringing himsell andother folk into collie-shangies.'

  When Dandie Dinmont, after executing two or three caprioles, andcutting the Highland fling, by way of ridicule of his wife's anxiety,at last deigned to sit down and commit his round, black, shaggy bulletof a head to her inspection, Brown thought he had seen the regimentalsurgeon look grave upon a more trifling case. The gudewife, however,showed some knowledge of chirurgery; she cut away with her scissors thegory locks whose stiffened and coagulated clusters interfered with heroperations, and clapped on the wound some lint besmeared with avulnerary salve, esteemed sovereign by the whole dale (which affordedupon fair nights considerable experience of such cases); she then fixedher plaster with a bandage, and, spite of her patient's resistance,pulled over all a night-cap, to keep everything in its right place.Some contusions on the brow and shoulders she fomented with brandy,which the patient did not permit till the medicine had paid a heavytoll to his mouth. Mrs. Dinmont then simply, but kindly, offered herassistance to Brown.

  He assured her he had no occasion for anything but the accommodation ofa basin and towel.

  'And that's what I should have thought of sooner,' she said; 'and I didthink o't, but I durst na open the door, for there's a' the bairns,poor things, sae keen to see their father.'

  This explained a great drumming and whining at the door of the littleparlour, which had somewhat surprised Brown, though his kind landladyhad only noticed it by fastening the bolt as soon as she heard itbegin. But on her opening the door to seek the basin and towel (for shenever thought of showing the guest to a separate room), a whole tide ofwhite-headed urchins streamed in, some from the stable, where they hadbeen seeing Dumple, and giving him a welcome home with part of theirfour-hours scones; others from the kitchen, where they had beenlistening to old Elspeth's tales and ballads; and the youngest,half-naked, out of bed, all roaring to see daddy, and to inquire whathe had brought home for them from the various fairs he had visited inhis peregrinations. Our knight of the broken head first kissed andhugged them all round, then distributed whistles, penny-trumpets, andgingerbread, and, lastly, when the tumult of their joy and welcome gotbeyond bearing, exclaimed to his guest--'This is a' the gude-wife'sfault, Captain; she will gie the bairns a' their ain way.'

  'Me! Lord help me,' said Ailie, who at that instant entered with thebasin and ewer, 'how can I help it? I have naething else to gie them,poor things!'

  Dinmont then exerted himself, and, between coaxing, threats, andshoving, cleared the room of all the intruders excepting a boy andgirl, the two eldest of the family, who could, as he observed, behavethemselves 'distinctly.' For the same reason, but with less ceremony,all the dogs were kicked out excepting the venerable patriarchs, oldPepper and Mustard, whom frequent castigation and the advance of yearshad inspired with such a share of passive hospitality that, aftermutual explanation and remonstrance in the shape of some growling, theyadmitted Wasp, who had hitherto judged it safe to keep beneath hismaster's chair, to a share of a dried-wedder's skin, which, with thewool uppermost and unshorn, served all the purposes of a Bristolhearth-rug.

  The active bustle of the mistress (so she was called in the kitchen,and the gudewife in the parlour) had already signed the fate of acouple of fowls, which, for want of time to dress them otherwise, soonappeared reeking from the gridiron, or brander, as Mrs. Dinmontdenominated it. A huge piece of cold beef-ham, eggs, butter, cakes, andbarley-meal bannocks in plenty made up the entertainment, which was tobe diluted with home-brewed ale of excellent quality and a case-bottleof brandy. Few soldiers would find fault with such cheer after a day'shard exercise and a skirmish to boot; accordingly Brown did greathonour to the eatables. While the gudewife partly aided, partlyinstructed, a great stout servant girl, with cheeks as red as hertop-knot, to remove the supper matters and supply sugar and hot water(which, in the damsel's anxiety to gaze upon an actual live captain,she was in some danger of forgetting), Brown took an opportunity to askhis host whether he did not repent of having neglected the gipsy's hint.

  'Wha kens?' answered he; 'they're queer deevils; maybe I might justhave 'scaped ae gang to meet the other. And yet I'll no say thatneither; for if that randy wife was coming to Charlie's Hope, sheshould have a pint bottle o' brandy and a pound o' tobacco to wear herthrough the winter. They're queer deevils; as my auld father used tosay, they're warst where they're warst guided. After
a', there's baithgude and ill about the gipsies.'

  This, and some other desultory conversation, served as a 'shoeing-horn'to draw on another cup of ale and another 'cheerer,' as Dinmont termedit in his country phrase, of brandy and water. Brown then resolutelydeclined all further conviviality for that evening, pleading his ownweariness and the effects of the skirmish, being well aware that itwould have availed nothing to have remonstrated with his host on thedanger that excess might have occasioned to his own raw wound andbloody coxcomb. A very small bed-room, but a very clean bed, receivedthe traveller, and the sheets made good the courteous vaunt of thehostess, 'that they would be as pleasant as he could find ony gate, forthey were washed wi' the fairy-well water, and bleached on the bonnywhite gowans, and bittled by Nelly and herself, and what could woman,if she was a queen, do mair for them?'

  They indeed rivalled snow in whiteness, and had, besides, a pleasantfragrance from the manner in which they had been bleached. Little Wasp,after licking his master's hand to ask leave, couched himself on thecoverlet at his feet; and the traveller's senses were soon lost ingrateful oblivion.