Guy Mannering, Or, the Astrologer — Volume 01

  CHAPTER VI

  Next, the Justice, In fair round belly with good capon lined, With eyes severe and beard of formal cut, Full of wise saws and modern instances-- And so he plays his part

  --As You Like It

  When Mrs. Bertram of Ellangowan was able to hear the news of what hadpassed during her confinement, her apartment rung with all manner ofgossiping respecting the handsome young student from Oxford who hadtold such a fortune by the stars to the young Laird, 'blessings on hisdainty face.' The form, accent, and manners of the stranger wereexpatiated upon. His horse, bridle, saddle, and stirrups did not remainunnoticed. All this made a great impression upon the mind of Mrs.Bertram, for the good lady had no small store of superstition.

  Her first employment, when she became capable of a little work, was tomake a small velvet bag for the scheme of nativity which she hadobtained from her husband. Her fingers itched to break the seal, butcredulity proved stronger than curiosity; and she had the firmness toinclose it, in all its integrity, within two slips of parchment, whichshe sewed round it to prevent its being chafed. The whole was then putinto the velvet bag aforesaid, and hung as a charm round the neck ofthe infant, where his mother resolved it should remain until the periodfor the legitimate satisfaction of her curiosity should arrive.

  The father also resolved to do his part by the child in securing him agood education; and, with the view that it should commence with thefirst dawnings of reason, Dominie Sampson was easily induced torenounce his public profession of parish schoolmaster, make hisconstant residence at the Place, and, in consideration of a sum notquite equal to the wages of a footman even at that time, to undertaketo communicate to the future Laird of Ellangowan all the eruditionwhich he had, and all the graces and accomplishments which--he had notindeed, but which he had never discovered that he wanted. In thisarrangement the Laird found also his private advantage, securing theconstant benefit of a patient auditor, to whom he told his stories whenthey were alone, and at whose expense he could break a sly jest when hehad company.

  About four years after this time a great commotion took place in thecounty where Ellangowan is situated.

  Those who watched the signs of the times had long been of opinion thata change of ministry was about to take place; and at length, after adue proportion of hopes, fears, and delays, rumours from good authorityand bad authority, and no authority at all; after some clubs had drankUp with this statesman and others Down with him; after riding, andrunning, and posting, and addressing, and counter-addressing, andproffers of lives and fortunes, the blow was at length struck, theadministration of the day was dissolved, and parliament, as a naturalconsequence, was dissolved also.

  Sir Thomas Kittlecourt, like other members in the same situation,posted down to his county, and met but an indifferent reception. He wasa partizan of the old administration; and the friends of the new hadalready set about an active canvass in behalf of John Featherhead,Esq., who kept the best hounds and hunters in the shire. Among otherswho joined the standard of revolt was Gilbert Glossin, writer in--,agent for the Laird of Ellangowan. This honest gentleman had eitherbeen refused some favour by the old member, or, what is as probable, hehad got all that he had the most distant pretension to ask, and couldonly look to the other side for fresh advancement. Mr. Glossin had avote upon Ellangowan's property; and he was now determined that hispatron should have one also, there being no doubt which side Mr.Bertram would embrace in the contest. He easily persuaded Ellangowanthat it would be creditable to him to take the field at the head of asstrong a party as possible; and immediately went to work, making votes,as every Scotch lawyer knows how, by splitting and subdividing thesuperiorities upon this ancient and once powerful barony. These were soextensive that, by dint of clipping and paring here, adding and ekingthere, and creating over-lords upon all the estate which Bertram heldof the crown, they advanced at the day of contest at the head of ten asgood men of parchment as ever took the oath of trust and possession.This strong reinforcement turned the dubious day of battle. Theprincipal and his agent divided the honour; the reward fell to thelatter exclusively. Mr. Gilbert Glossin was made clerk of the peace,and Godfrey Bertram had his name inserted in a new commission ofjustices, issued immediately upon the sitting of the parliament.

  This had been the summit of Mr. Bertram's ambition; not that he likedeither the trouble or the responsibility of the office, but he thoughtit was a dignity to which he was well entitled, and that it had beenwithheld from him by malice prepense. But there is an old and trueScotch proverb, 'Fools should not have chapping sticks'; that is,weapons of offence. Mr. Bertram was no sooner possessed of the judicialauthority which he had so much longed for than he began to exercise itwith more severity than mercy, and totally belied all the opinionswhich had hitherto been formed of his inert good-nature. We have readsomewhere of a justice of peace who, on being nominated in thecommission, wrote a letter to a bookseller for the statutes respectinghis official duty in the following orthography--'Please send the axrelating to a gustus pease.' No doubt, when this learned gentleman hadpossessed himself of the axe, he hewed the laws with it to somepurpose. Mr. Bertram was not quite so ignorant of English grammar ashis worshipful predecessor; but Augustus Pease himself could not haveused more indiscriminately the weapon unwarily put into his hand.

  In good earnest, he considered the commission with which he had beenentrusted as a personal mark of favour from his sovereign; forgettingthat he had formerly thought his being deprived of a privilege, orhonour, common to those of his rank was the result of mere party cabal.He commanded his trusty aid-de-camp, Dominie Sampson, to read aloud thecommission; and at the first words, 'The King has been pleased toappoint'--'Pleased!' he exclaimed in a transport of gratitude; 'honestgentleman! I'm sure he cannot be better pleased than I am.'

  Accordingly, unwilling to confine his gratitude to mere feelings orverbal expressions, he gave full current to the new-born zeal ofoffice, and endeavoured to express his sense of the honour conferredupon him by an unmitigated activity in the discharge of his duty. Newbrooms, it is said, sweep clean; and I myself can bear witness that, onthe arrival of a new housemaid, the ancient, hereditary, and domesticspiders who have spun their webs over the lower division of mybookshelves (consisting chiefly of law and divinity) during thepeaceful reign of her predecessor, fly at full speed before theprobationary inroads of the new mercenary. Even so the Laird ofEllangowan ruthlessly commenced his magisterial reform, at the expenseof various established and superannuated pickers and stealers who hadbeen his neighbours for half a century. He wrought his miracles like asecond Duke Humphrey; and by the influence of the beadle's rod causedthe lame to walk, the blind to see, and the palsied to labour. Hedetected poachers, black-fishers, orchard-breakers, andpigeon-shooters; had the applause of the bench for his reward, and thepublic credit of an active magistrate.

  All this good had its rateable proportion of evil. Even an admittednuisance of ancient standing should not be abated without some caution.The zeal of our worthy friend now involved in great distress sundrypersonages whose idle and mendicant habits his own lachesse hadcontributed to foster, until these habits had become irreclaimable, orwhose real incapacity for exertion rendered them fit objects, in theirown phrase, for the charity of all well-disposed Christians. The'long-remembered beggar,' who for twenty years had made his regularrounds within the neighbourhood, received rather as an humble friendthan as an object of charity, was sent to the neighbouring workhouse.The decrepit dame, who travelled round the parish upon a hand-barrow,circulating from house to house like a bad shilling, which every one isin haste to pass to his neighbour,--she, who used to call for herbearers as loud, or louder, than a traveller demands post-horses,--evenshe shared the same disastrous fate. The 'daft Jock,' who, half knave,half idiot, had been the sport of each succeeding race of villagechildren for a good part of a century, was remitted to the countybridewell, where, secluded from free air and sunshine, the onlyadvantages he was capable of enjoyin
g, he pined and died in the courseof six months. The old sailor, who had so long rejoiced the smokyrafters of every kitchen in the country by singing 'Captain Ward' and'Bold Admiral Benbow,' was banished from the county for no betterreason than that he was supposed to speak with a strong Irish accent.Even the annual rounds of the pedlar were abolished by the Justice, inhis hasty zeal for the administration of rural police.

  These things did not pass without notice and censure. We are not madeof wood or stone, and the things which connect themselves with ourhearts and habits cannot, like bark or lichen, be rent away without ourmissing them. The farmer's dame lacked her usual share of intelligence,perhaps also the self-applause which she had felt while distributingthe awmous (alms), in shape of a gowpen (handful) of oatmeal, to themendicant who brought the news. The cottage felt inconvenience frominterruption of the petty trade carried on by the itinerant dealers.The children lacked their supply of sugarplums and toys; the youngwomen wanted pins, ribbons, combs, and ballads; and the old could nolonger barter their eggs for salt, snuff, and tobacco. All thesecircumstances brought the busy Laird of Ellangowan into discredit,which was the more general on account of his former popularity. Evenhis lineage was brought up in judgment against him. They thought'naething of what the like of Greenside, or Burnville, or Viewforthmight do, that were strangers in the country; but Ellangowan! that hadbeen a name amang them since the Mirk Monanday, and lang before--HIM tobe grinding the puir at that rate! They ca'd his grandfather the WickedLaird; but, though he was whiles fractious aneuch, when he got intoroving company and had ta'en the drap drink, he would have scorned togang on at this gate. Na, na, the muckle chumlay in the Auld Placereeked like a killogie in his time, and there were as mony puir folkriving at the banes in the court, and about the door, as there weregentles in the ha'. And the leddy, on ilka Christmas night as it cameround, gae twelve siller pennies to ilka puir body about, in honour ofthe twelve apostles like. They were fond to ca' it papistrie; but Ithink our great folk might take a lesson frae the papists whiles. Theygie another sort o' help to puir folk than just dinging down a saxpencein the brod on the Sabbath, and kilting, and scourging, and drummingthem a' the sax days o' the week besides.'

  Such was the gossip over the good twopenny in every ale-house withinthree or four miles of Ellangowan, that being about the diameter of theorbit in which our friend Godfrey Bertram, Esq., J. P., must beconsidered as the principal luminary. Still greater scope was given toevil tongues by the removal of a colony of gipsies, with one of whomour reader is somewhat acquainted, and who had for a great many yearsenjoyed their chief settlement upon the estate of Ellangowan.