Reckless Secrets

  I screamed again, a banshee wail, and wedged myself between them as Schwartz wound up again, bracing myself for the blow that was coming.

  Two dads who were standing nearby grabbed Schwartz and restrained him before he could deliver his next punch. Several servers appeared at Logan's side, ready to hold him back. Logan dropped his punching arm and waved them off as he wrapped his free arm around me. "I'm done."

  They backed off, hovering anxiously nearby like they didn't quite believe him.

  Amber crossed the room, stopping at Logan's side. She put her hand on his shoulder and surveyed the damage. A tiny smile played at the corners of her mouth as she grabbed several pieces of ice from a bucket on the table, wrapped them in a napkin, and held them gently against his eye. "That eye could get nasty." A look of admiration shone in hers.

  President Lawrence, his face an angry red, finally broke through from the back of the crowd to see what the commotion was. Frowning slightly, and obviously trying to maintain his presidential composure, he turned his gaze to Amber in question just as Harlan appeared at the front of the crowd, too.

  "It's nothing." She gave a delicate shrug of her shoulders and laughed. "Too much pregame exuberance. A little horseplay that got out of hand. A boy took a tumble." The way she used the word "boy" was a final insult to Schwartz. She spotted Harlan at the edge of the crowd. "I'm sure Harlan will make this good."

  Even though she was saving Logan's butt, her purring voice sent a shiver down my spine.

  "Absolutely," Harlan said. He was staring at Logan and me, still held tightly by the arm Logan had wrapped around my waist. His expression was hard to read, but I knew it meant trouble for me. He didn't like the way Logan held me so possessively. He would put a stop to it if he could.

  I felt like I barely knew Logan. I freaked. I had to get out of that room so I could breathe. The way Harlan stared at me. The faces of the crowd. The cool, sexy confidence of Amber. The violence.

  I slid out of Logan's grip, turned, and ran out of the room without stopping to get my coat. I ran through the main body of the field house, threading my way through the crowd. Past the boisterous beer garden filled with laughing people. Past the balloons in school colors. Past the streamers. And the band playing the fight song. Past the booth selling game-day sweatshirts. Out into the bracing cold of the November afternoon where my breath made puffs of white in the air.

  I paused with tears in my eyes on the path up the hill toward the main body of campus away from the stadium, trying to catch my breath. In real danger of hyperventilating. I was still shaking.

  "El! El!" Logan chased after me.

  I heard him pounding after me, gaining on me. I should have started running again. But I couldn't make myself.

  He caught me and wrapped his arms around me from behind, curling around me like he wanted to protect me from the world. "You're freezing." He pressed his head to mine and kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry. The things that douchebag was saying…I couldn't just stand by."

  A sob stuck in my throat. He sounded so contrite. He deserved to know why I was acting like I was.

  "I couldn't let him get away with it, El."

  "It's—"

  "Logan!" Harlan strode up the hill toward us, carrying our coats. "There you are." He shoved a jacket and an instant ice pack at Logan and gave me a hard stare as he held my coat out to me.

  I took my coat from Harlan reluctantly and caught my first glimpse of Logan's eye. Schwartz had decked him a good one. His eye was swelling. But it wasn't as bad as the shiner he'd had when I first met him.

  Logan helped me into my coat before shrugging into his own and putting the ice on his eye.

  "I've taken care of things," Harlan said to his son. "That asshole will be feeling the beating you gave him for a while. That's what I always say—if you're going to strike, strike hard." He sounded proud of Logan, rather than upset.

  Once his coat was on, Logan wrapped his arms around me again.

  "Good thing Amber stepped in when she did." Harlan turned his gaze on me again, studying me in his son's embrace.

  I knew from the look on his face I'd lost some respect in his eyes. Not that I cared, except for Logan's sake. If he admired striking hard, I was certain running displeased him. But I wasn't going to explain myself to him.

  His gaze flitted briefly to Logan's arms around me again and his eyes narrowed. "Spend Thanksgiving with us," he said out of the blue, like he was just continuing a conversation that had been momentarily disrupted. It was less an invitation and more of a command. "Logan's mom will want to meet you."

  I should have been pleased, but I didn't trust his motives. I looked up at Logan for confirmation he wanted me with him for Thanksgiving. Truthfully, the prospect scared me.

  Logan hesitated. His arms felt stiff around me.

  I opened my mouth to refuse just as Logan spoke up.

  "Say yes. Please, El." It wasn't his usual tone of voice, the one that made me weak in the knees. He was trying to mask it, but I got the feeling he really didn't want me to go home with him for the holidays.

  Maybe my emotions were just too raw from all that had happened. After all, we weren't even really officially dating, so why should I expect him to want me with him during a family holiday? But I was hurt all the same.

  "Thank you, but no. I really can't—"

  "Come on, El," Logan said, snapping out of whatever had made him waver in the first place. "You have to come. You can't say no." He turned on the charm and was back to himself.

  Even as upset as I was, there was no way I could say no now.

  "Okay," I said, looking up into his eyes. Then I turned to Harlan. "Thank you. I accept."

  He nodded, but rather than looking embarrassed the way lots of men do when they're caught in a sentimental gesture, he looked smug. And that scared me.

  Harlan smiled broadly. "Let's get to the game. We don't want to miss the kickoff."

  Logan let me go and grabbed my hand, leaving so much unsaid and hanging in the air between us. We made our way to our seats on the fifty-yard line, avoiding the major issues, either lapsing into silence or making small talk. I was quieter than usual, still trying to get control of myself. Trying not to be angry and upset with Logan for defending me. How could he know he'd hit a trigger?

  When I got to my seat, my two good friends Taylor and Nicole Snapchatted me a picture of them with their dads on the student side. They looked so happy I envied them. The student side looked way more fun than the alum side.

  Having fun? Nic texted.

  I snapped a picture of Logan with the instant ice on his eye during the national anthem. Tell you the story later.

  "Hey," he said, trying to stop me from sending it.

  I pulled my phone out of his reach. "It's a great conversation piece."

  We lapsed into uncomfortable silence. Halfway through the first quarter, Logan grabbed my hand. "Let's go. I need something to drink."

  I didn't resist. I followed him to the top of the stands and out into the food-court area, where he tossed his used instant ice away. He found a spot away from the bulk of the crowds.

  "You're still pissed. It's killing me, El. I hate it when you're upset with me." He tipped my chin up. "What's wrong?"

  "Nothing. I'm being a bitch." I hesitated. "Most girls would love being white-knighted like that."

  "But?"

  I took a deep breath. "It's true—Austin, my ex, slept with my mom. My stepdad and I walked in on them." I stared at the ground, letting my hair fall over my face so Logan couldn't see my expression. "Oh, shit, Logan. You won't love me when you hear the truth. Your parents really won't want me anywhere near you—

  my mom's a slut. She set out to seduce Austin. She has always wanted what I have. She wanted Austin, so she took him to show she could."

  I told Logan everything, all the gory details. Why hold anything back now? He listened quietly. I couldn't look at him, but I heard his breathing speed up like he was getting angry. Wh
en I got to the part about taking the blow Doug had meant for Austin, Logan pulled my hand away from my face and kissed it. I hadn't even realized I was touching my scar.

  His gentle gesture sent me over the edge. I broke into sobs.

  Logan pulled me into his arms. "It's okay, El. Fuck, I'm such a douche. I had no idea."

  I laid my head against his shoulder. "It's okay. How could you?"

  "You saved that fucker's life?"

  "Yes." I clutched his sweatshirt.

  He swore some more and paused like something had suddenly dawned on him. "No wonder you're so cautious around guys and didn't want a relationship." He paused. "Is this the secret you've been keeping from me since we met? Is this why you thought we couldn't have a relationship?"

  In that moment I became a really bad person—I told another lie, even knowing it could come back to bite me big time. "Yes."

  "Fuck, El." As he held me, his voice was fiercely protective. "I understand why you didn't want to tell me. But I'm glad I know. Damn, I wish I could beat the shit out your ex and that jerk inside the field house for doing this to you."

  His voice became soft and tender. "We can fix this, El. You can trust me." He tipped my chin up again so I had to look him in his one good eye and his one puffy, getting-black eye.

  He sounded and looked so much like the night I first met him that I couldn't help smiling through my tears. He really was adorable. "Has anyone ever told you that you look hot with a black eye?"

  He grinned. "At least I have a good story to go with this one." He hesitated again. "If you want me to tell it."

  "No one is going to believe a second pool ball jumped off the table and smacked you in the eye," I said. "That story was hard enough to swallow the first time around." I bit my lip. "I think we're going to have to go with you saving me from a bully. Schwartz is a mean drunk. He's so not over himself. He'll never forgive me for rejecting him when he hit on me."

  "Is that why he wanted to hurt you?"

  I nodded. "How bad was it in there? What do all the regents and VIPs think of me now?"

  Logan shrugged. "Who the hell cares?"

  I looked away.

  He realized that I did. "Anyone who saw what happened was on your side, El. He was the one who came off looking bad, not you. No one's going to pull your scholarship over this."

  "What if Schwartz files assault charges?"

  "I'll counter-file." Logan hugged me. "Don't worry. Dad took care of it." He paused again. "But how are we, El? Are we good?"

  I hesitated. "Almost." I was still thinking of Thanksgiving. "I don't have to go home with you for Thanksgiving. Not if you don't want me to. I know your dad put you on the spot earlier, but I can still get out of it gracefully. Or even ungracefully. I'm really good at suddenly coming down with fake illnesses. And very convincing, too."

  "What are you talking about, El?" His voice was soft and sincere. "Why wouldn't I want you to spend the holidays with me?"

  I studied him. "But…you seemed hesitant earlier."

  "Did I?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry. Maybe that was because I'd just been smacked a good one in the head. I was dazed." He wore a teasing smile and his voice was happy, but I still got the feeling he was covering. "I want you to come. Don't make me beg. Would you turn down a guy with a black eye?" He tried to make a sad, pathetic face and winced. "See? No hesitation at all." He paused. "Now are we good?"

  I smiled back at him, trying to push my fears away. Maybe I'd been mistaken. "We're good."

  For now. Until he found out I was keeping another secret from him.

  He smiled back, winced again in the process, and hugged me tighter. "Have I told you how happy I am you're coming home with me for Thanksgiving?"

  "Have you? Tell me again."

  "Thrilled. Ecstatic."

  I grabbed the collar of his coat and leaned up for a kiss. "Show me and then we'll get more ice for that eye."

  When we went back to our seats, Amber was sitting in mine, bending Harlan's ear. It took her a minute to realize I was standing there, waiting to get my seat back. Or maybe she did it on purpose.

  "Sorry!" She looked up at me and laughed. "Networking." She popped up and put a hand on Logan's shoulder. "See you at Thanksgiving." Her gaze turned to me. "Nice to meet you." Like she didn't remember my name.

  Then she made her way past a sea of knees toward the aisle. Thanksgiving? I looked at Logan with the question in my eyes.

  "You're missing a helluva game." Harlan's eyes were triumphant in a way I didn't understand. "We scored. We're up by seven."

  Later, when we won the game, the crowd streamed onto the field. For a second, I worried some exuberant fans would tear down the goalposts and toss them in the nearby river. But they didn't. That was tradition when we beat our cross-state rivals in our annual matchup. Instead, dads and students streamed out to hit the bars and restaurants before attending the big comedy show later at the coliseum.

  Logan and Harlan had tickets for the sold-out show. As we streamed out of the stadium, Logan was apologetic for not including me.

  "No problem. You two need some guy time." I kissed him. "And I have stuff to do." In reality, I needed time to think.

  "Come to dinner with us," Logan said.

  But I had had enough of Harlan and I guessed he felt the same about me, at least judging from the look he gave me. I politely declined. We walked together to the top of the hill as part of the streaming mass leaving the stadium. Down past the library toward my dorm and the edge of Greek Row, where we parted company. I headed to my dorm and Logan and Harlan broke off toward the bars.

  The dorm was buzzing, full of girls and dads returning from the game and getting ready to go back out. On the way in, I ran into my roommate Bre and her dad on their way out.

  "We're going to dinner with Dan and his dad before the comedy show—want to join us?" Bre's cheeks were pink with pleasure. She was flying high, one of those girls whose dads adored her. Plus she was on her way to meet her boyfriend and his dad.

  "You're sweet to invite me," I said. "But I have homework to do."

  "Boring! Always studying makes for a dull girl." Bre laughed. "Chem?"

  I nodded. I hoped chem would be a lot easier now that Dr. Rogers had been arrested. Almost anyone would be a better instructor than she'd been. Students were already lobbying the university to assign our favorite substitute prof to the job fulltime. But I was lying. I needed time to think.

  "Okay, then. Don't wait up for me. I might spend the night with Dad at his hotel."

  I smiled and watched them walk off. I was luckier than a lot of girls in that at least her dad had gotten a hotel room and wasn't staying in our room like many dads were doing. Using the bathrooms was treacherous enough with so many men around.

  After the initial flurry from the game, the dorm quieted down as people headed out. My phone vibrated. I had an email coming in.

  From Mom.

  My heart stopped. What did she want now? Her timing had always been impeccable—impeccably bad.

  Sweetie. Yeah, right. You're avoiding me. I get it. You need your space. So I have good news—I'm going on a cruise over Thanksgiving with a new guy I've been seeing. You can come stay at the house while I'm gone if you like.

  As if. I rolled my eyes. Did she really believe I thought she was considering my feelings like she was pretending to? No way. She was just trying to justify choosing a guy over me for the holidays. Like always. Not even divorced yet and seeing someone else. Not that I had any intention of spending Thanksgiving with her.

  And I wasn't really holding my breath about that empty house, either. Thanksgiving was still almost three weeks away. She could easily break up with whoever this new guy was well before then.

  I replied with a simple "have fun" just to get her off my back and let her know I'd seen her email, wishing there was some way to infuse it with a snarky tone. I didn't want another message from her.

  I tossed the phone on my bed. As I reached for my laptop,
my phone buzzed again. "What now?"

  I grabbed it. A text from Jason. Write this down. Keep it in a secure place then delete this text. The text was followed by a string of numbers and letters that looked like a password of some sort. Crazy.

  I grabbed a pad and jotted the "password" down just as my phone buzzed again. This time an email from Jason with a link and nothing more, like those phishing schemes or emails that launch horrible viruses. But Jason was a computer geek. I had to trust him.

  I looked at my notepad. At my phone. Shrugged and clicked. A secure email service website popped up and prompted me for a password. I entered the password Jason had just texted me.

  From now on this is how we communicate when we're in our father-daughter mode. This email will automatically destruct one hour after being opened. For both of our safety, there will be no record of our communications. Store that password where no one else will find it and don't lose it.

  If anyone ever asks why I texted you, tell them work stuff.

  Sorry Karen interrupted at the office. You're right. We have a lot to talk about. Your lifetime to catch up on. Let's meet soon. Does Tuesday morning work for you? Say ten at The College Grind? I could "bump" into my student worker and buy her a cup of coffee. Pretty innocuous.

  Sorry, too, that I couldn't act like a real dad and go to the game with my oldest daughter. Great game, though, huh?

  Dad

  Suddenly I had a catch in my throat and my eyes started to tear up. Dad. I had a dad and he was acting like James Bond.

  At the bottom of the email was a picture of Jason holding Mia, who was smiling and waving at the camera.

  I had a family. A real family. If only a clandestine one. Seeing the picture and reading Jason's message made me feel marginally better about all the lies we were about to tell and the secrets we were keeping. Maybe I had one decent parent. Maybe there was a chance we could have it all.

  Chapter Four

  I texted Jason back that Tuesday was good for me. I was having a hard time thinking of him as "Dad." Maybe that would come. Or maybe it was better, easier to keep up our cover, if I just kept thinking of him as Jason for now.