Diamonds Are Truly Forever: An Agent Ex Novel

  “That’s it?” he said, but he was grinning. “You don’t need half that stuff. Why would you need a lighter? You don’t smoke. I’m taking away your Get Smart and Austin Powers DVDs.”

  “Oh, come on. I bet you’d really like the bullet bra.”

  His gaze fell to her cleavage. “I don’t think so. You’re already fully loaded.”

  Yeah, if she’d been wearing a bullet bra, things could really have gotten out of hand yesterday.

  “You’re no fun. What are we going to get?” Staci said.

  He looked at her. “I was thinking listening devices, cameras, self-defense equipment—”

  “A bullet bra counts as self-defense. So does a teargas pen.”

  He continued without missing a beat as if she hadn’t interrupted. “GPS tracking devices.” He gazed around the store. “How big is your budget?”

  “Budget?” She hadn’t thought of that. “I don’t need no stinking budget.”

  He gave her the deadpan look again.

  “Okay. Not big enough. Especially not if I don’t get to get any fun stuff.” She enjoyed teasing him.

  He shook his head. “Seriously.”

  “Seriously? I didn’t realize I’d need so much. I can get Mom to spring for some of it from her pin money.”

  “Sam keeps her on a tight leash?” Drew asked.

  “Yeah, you could say that. He gives her a budget and doles out the household money.” Staci sighed. “I’m almost surprised he doesn’t just give her a prepaid credit card to make sure she doesn’t go over her allotment. Or hand her the weekly stash of cash. He’s a tight-ass tightwad.

  “My mother doesn’t even know how much Sam makes or where their assets are. That’s part of the reason she’s so panicked. She’s been a fool all these years to trust everything to him. He’s a controlling prick. Always has been.”

  Unfortunately, that was only part of the reason. The other, and larger part, was that she loved the man. There really was no accounting for tastes. Staci stole a glance at Drew and her heart constricted. No accounting at all.

  “It’s reassuring to see so much familial love.” Drew grinned. “It warms my heart.” He pointed to a case of hidden camera devices. “Hidden cameras are fun. Very Max Smart.”

  “Ninety-nine. That’s the vibe I’m going for.”

  Drew nodded. “Let’s start here.”

  Staci rolled her eyes. “I’ve never liked Sam.”

  “That makes two of us.” Drew picked up a buttonhole camera and read the specs on the box with an intent expression.

  Staci watched him. It gave her an excuse to stare at him. Why did he have to be so easy on the eyes, her eyes in particular? In truth, she was a little like Ninety-nine going gooey-eyed over Max. Though Drew was much better looking than Max.

  To distract herself from thoughts of Drew, she picked up a camera tie. “Now, this is Max Smart!”

  Drew looked at her and rolled his eyes. “And tacky.”

  “I think it’s nice.”

  He shook his head. “Only if you’re planning on going for a retro Annie Hall look.”

  “Not for me, for you.” She held it up to him.

  He batted it away. “I don’t need a tie cam, Ninety-nine. Now, if they had an inflate-a-coat, I could go for that.”

  She put the tie back. “I should put you in the cone of silence.” She picked up a baseball cap camera embroidered with the Mariners M.

  He shook his head. “Not your style.”

  “Be great for you at a Mariners game.”

  “Only if I want to catch you on camera eating too many garlic fries.” He held up the buttonhole cam. “Now, this will fit nicely in a blouse or a suit jacket.” His eyes dropped to her cleavage. “I think you could carry it off. It’s almost as good as a bullet bra.”

  She wanted to smack him, mostly because the way he looked at her breasts gave them ideas of a romantic romp. And there was no way she was doing that again. No way. She crossed her arms.

  He laughed. “The specs on it are good. High resolution.” He looked around the store. “I think we need a shopping basket.”

  “Shopping for spy gear is fun, isn’t it?” She put a tease in her voice. “I told you so.”

  He ignored her and found a red plastic shopping basket. He dropped the buttonhole cam in. Then he turned and looked her directly in the eye.

  Staci held up a teddy bear camera. “I like this.”

  Maybe it was the little girl in her, but she loved stuffed animals. Drew knew this. He gave her one on their first Valentine’s Day together. One year he sent her a Teddygram—the James Bond Bear. She had to hand it to him—he used to have a sense of humor. Today, however, he was not her ardent lover and absolutely no fun.

  He shook his head. “That’s a nanny camera. Besides, a camera in a teddy bear is a dead giveaway these days. The wise nanny doesn’t trust a bear.”

  “Sam’s not a nanny. It would be great on my desk.”

  He gave her the stare again.

  “What? Lots of girls keep stuffed animals on their desks.”

  “Yeah, but you’re going to look awfully silly and conspicuous carrying that around the office. The camera has to go where you go. I don’t think Sam will want that thing on his desk.”

  Drew had her there.

  “Staci,” he said. “I may be joking, but this is serious stuff. Attitude is a defense contractor. If they catch you with this gear at work, they could charge you with espionage. Or treason. Treason’s a capital offense.”

  For some reason, she found that funny and started laughing.

  He gave her a stern, serious look. “Spying on people is on the shady side of legal.”

  She couldn’t help herself. Now she really laughed. What a thing for him to say!

  “Stace.”

  “I’m fine.” She held her side and took a deep breath. “I’ll be careful. Really. Our government hasn’t executed anyone in forever.”

  She paused and grinned at him. “Besides, if I get in any trouble, I’ll get Em to cover for me. He’s always had a soft spot for me.”

  They moved down the row to the espionage-loaded office supplies, which consisted mostly of pens—camera pens, recording pens, bug-detecting pens.

  “What! No teargas pen?” Looking at the display case full of pens, Staci shook her head. “I’m never going to trust a pen again. Look at all these! I mean, after seeing this selection, what self-respecting spy would ever trust a pen to just be a simple pen?” She looked at Drew, who was testing one out.

  He didn’t answer her question. Of course, he couldn’t. He was undercover as himself.

  “This one’s nice. Thirty hours of video!” He whistled. “Loads directly onto your PC or laptop. Multifeatured. It detects cell phones, too.”

  She couldn’t believe him. “Drew!”

  “What?”

  “Does it write?”

  He shrugged as if unconcerned. “It doesn’t need to.”

  At her urging, he tried it out on the doodle pad attached to the shelf in front of him.

  “Nice. Smooth ballpoint writing action. Black ink. Medium point. Slim for delicate fingers. Just the way you like your pens.” He tossed it in the basket.

  She was touched by how much he remembered about her and how considerate he was being. Until she saw the price. “Ouch! I’ve never spent that much on a pen in my life.”

  He grinned. “Never owned a Waterman?”

  “Shut up!” she said. He knew very well she hadn’t. She was a disposable-pen type of girl. “I’ll feel self-conscious carrying that around.”

  “Just because of its price?” His eyes glittered with amusement.

  “What if someone wants to borrow it?”

  “Don’t let them.”

  “Easier said than done,” she said with no small amount of exasperation in her voice.

  “Not if you’re tough.” He grinned. “Oh, look at this! An AC wall adapter camera. We have to have this!”

  She frowned at h
im.

  “What?” he said. “It’ll do your work for you. Motion-triggered. High-res. And it runs off wall power so it doesn’t need a battery.”

  “Yeah, and it’s going to record everyone at ankle height. I thought you said I needed portable?”

  He frowned. She had him!

  “You have a portable camera in the basket. This is for backup when you’re not at your desk.” He read the box. “This is the stealthiest camera on the market.” He winked at her. “We can adjust the viewfinder.”

  She grabbed the bear. “You big liar! If I can have a stationary camera, I want the bear.”

  “The Attitude people will check the bear. They’ll never suspect a wall adapter.” He tossed it in the basket.

  She tossed the bear in.

  He raced to the next row. “What kind of phone does Sam have?”

  “An iPhone, why?” She trailed after him.

  He picked up the iPhone recovery spy stick. “This little baby will let us see who he’s been calling. It’ll even recover deleted texts. No software to install. Convenient.”

  Staci grabbed the box from him and read it. “And it’s completely legal.” She couldn’t help herself. She started laughing. Nothing Drew did was completely legal. He operated in the gray ether on the outskirts of the law.

  Next, Drew picked up the Chat Stick. “To see who the old man’s been chatting with online.”

  And the Porn Stick.

  “The Porn Stick—eeuw!” Staci said, too loudly. She glanced around to make sure no one else had heard her and lowered her voice. “Put that back. That’s not going to help us.”

  Drew raised a brow. “Your mom might feel viewing porn is the same as infidelity. Sam might be addicted, which would explain why he goes off on his own.”

  “And if we find porn and it turns out they use it as a way to get off?” Staci grimaced.

  Drew laughed. “Then you’re stuck with a mental image you’ll never be able to get out of your head.”

  She gave him a gentle shove and smiled. “You’re awful.”

  He threw a few more items into the basket—a keystroke recorder, a DNA kit, and a black light.

  “A black light? Why do we need that?” Staci asked. “Are we going to be writing each other notes in invisible ink now?” Black light illuminated invisible ink.

  “Nah, I thought we’d use pee,” he said.

  She smiled at him. Bathroom humor, you had to love it. Although urine did make good invisible ink. It was one of the few spy facts Staci remembered from her trip with Drew to the Spy Museum in DC.

  They were having so much fun, Staci almost didn’t notice the woman who walked into the store.

  Almost.

  The flash of a red sweater out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. When she looked up at the face above the sweater, she went cold.

  Lucy Wells. The Attitude office busybody and sometime Bunco partner of her mother!

  Staci ducked her head just as Lucy turned to look in their direction.

  “What?” Drew looked confused.

  “Lucy Wells just came in,” Staci whispered.

  Drew frowned.

  Staci was in a panic. If Lucy saw her with Drew, she’d fire off a text to her mother before Staci could even say hello. But she couldn’t tell Drew that.

  Lies of omission, Stace.

  “Don’t look!” Staci grabbed his arm and lowered her voice to a whisper. “You met her at Mom’s. She works with Sam. She’s Attitude’s receptionist. If she sees us, she’ll blab about seeing us here.” She glanced at Lucy again.

  “The last thing I need is her telling Sam she saw me in a spy store. He’s bound to wonder what I’m up to.

  “And I really don’t want the powers-that-be at my new job to hear about my spying proclivities. We don’t want anyone to have any idea I’m spying on anything. We have to get out of here.”

  Drew leaned into her. “Or become invisible.” He glanced back at Lucy. “I’m not leaving here without our goodies. Follow my lead. Do what I do.” He turned around until he had his back to Lucy.

  Staci did the same. “Should I put my collars up? Spies always put their collars.”

  He grinned and shook his head. “Whatever you do, don’t look at her. No matter how much she tries to catch your eye, you have to act as if you have no idea who she is, that you’re a complete stranger.

  “Do that and she’ll go away assuming you’re someone who only kind of looked like the Staci she knows. People make that assumption all the time.” He shrugged. “We all have a twin. Isn’t that what they say?”

  He walked confidently down the aisle with Staci following him. “What if she walks right up to me and says hello?”

  “Then you still pretend you don’t know her.”

  “Even if she calls me by name?”

  “Even then. Just keep up the act with confidence and bravado.” He stopped as far away from Lucy as possible. “We needed some breathing room.” He glanced at the counter, which was exactly that—a long counter with cash registers along it.

  “There are two clerks working. She’s asking one of them for help. I’m going to approach the other one and check out. And I’m going to find out what our nice little Miss Lucy is doing in a spy store.”

  Staci had been in such a panic, she hadn’t even thought of that. “Good plan. As long as she doesn’t recognize you.”

  He shrugged. “She won’t. She’s only seen me once. And I’m out of context here. Besides, she’s clearly nervous about being here. She doesn’t want to be seen.”

  “How do you know?”

  He nodded toward Lucy, who stood in front of the register nearest the door. “Look at her posture and body language. She’s barely looking at the clerk, and you can tell she’s jumpy.” He tucked in his T-shirt and ruffled his hair.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Going incognito, trying to look as different from the way I usually do as possible.” He gave Staci the up-and-down. But it wasn’t the flattering I’m hot for your body kind. “I’m sure you have a comb and makeup in your purse. Do something to disguise yourself. When I’m at the counter and have her distracted, walk out of the store to the corner and wait for me in the bus shelter. I’ll reconnoiter with you there.”

  “Reconnoiter, how sexy sounding.” She winked at him. “I was thinking we’d just hook up.”

  He shook his head and sighed.

  Yeah, she was teasing him. They weren’t hooking up again.

  “Watch a pro in action.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze and walked off.

  Staci had to content herself with watching his reflection in an overhead mirror at the end of the aisle. Just how much surveillance were they under? You had to wonder at a spy store.

  As Drew approached the counter, she surreptitiously reached into her purse and pulled out two hair elastics. She pulled her hair into a pair of dog ears, a hairstyle she hadn’t worn since third grade.

  Then she pulled out a tissue and wiped the blush off her cheeks. Whipped out her makeup compact and applied a dash of plum eye shadow. Given her coloring, it made her look like she hadn’t gotten enough sleep in weeks. Weren’t prepackaged makeup compacts grand? Along with the good, you always got those totally hideous colors.

  She took a peek at herself in the compact mirror. Perfect! Why hadn’t she thought of going out incognito before?

  Drew walked up to the checkout counter farthest from the door. As he did, Lucy shot him a surreptitious look, obviously checking him out. As a potential threat. For an instant, Staci’s heart stopped.

  Drew, however, ignored the look and engaged the clerk, chatting it up about the stats on one of the cameras as the clerk rang up his purchases. He spoke in a voice that was just slightly higher than his own, though not so high that it sounded falsetto or faked and put on.

  Staci waited for her chance to dash out the door. But Lucy kept nervously glancing out it at something on the street every few seconds. How was Staci supposed t
o escape?

  She’s worried about being seen! Staci thought. Drew was right.

  She sidled down the aisle toward the door, waiting for her break. The audio-amplification devices were right in front of her. She pretended to be browsing and snapped on a sample listening ear just to look authentic. She pointed it in Lucy’s direction.

  Lucy was talking to a salesclerk in a near whisper. Those listening ears, however, were fantastic. They picked up her conversation at the register with complete clarity.

  “I need a GPS tracking device, either a computer keystroke monitoring device or software, maybe both, a black light, a DNA kit, and a Check Your Spouse testing kit.”

  From her vantage point, Staci could only see the clerk’s face.

  “Cheating spouse?” he said.

  She watched the back of Lucy’s head, imagining the grimace on her face at being asked such a question.

  “Something like that,” Lucy acknowledged.

  Staci tried to remember what Lucy’s husband looked like, but she drew a blank. Cheating spouses seemed to be in abundance among Attitude employees.

  At the counter next to her, Drew slapped his head. “The Check Your Spouse kit. I forgot. I’ll take one of those, too.” He ignored Lucy, but spoke to the clerk as he rang one up for Drew. “I’m a PI. I use them all the time.”

  “Yeah, the kit’s a good product,” his clerk said.

  Next to him, Lucy’s clerk was talking to her. “May I recommend a cell phone SIM card analyzer?” The clerk put one on the counter.

  Lucy nodded again. “Ring it up with the other supplies.” She shot another glance at the door.

  Staci was wondering if she should change the plan and just loiter in the store until Lucy left. That was until Lucy did a full-circle scan of the store and Staci dropped her head again just in time. Much more loitering and she’d be caught.

  Drew grabbed something out of a clear glass jar on the counter. “Fake fingers?” he said to the clerk.