Repressed (Deadly Secrets)
Yes. She wanted to tell Ethan about Seth, but the words still wouldn’t come. “Not tonight. I’m pretty tired.”
He nodded. “Details might come back to you as you process it all. If you want to talk more, just give me a call.”
Sam forced a smile she didn’t feel. “Thanks.”
He squeezed her arm once more, then let go and glanced toward Ethan near the doorway. “I should go tell your mother we’re done down here.”
“I’ll help you.”
Michael slung the strap of his bag over his shoulder. “Try to get some rest, Samantha.”
“I will. And thanks. I know this is probably more drama than you expected to deal with tonight.”
One corner of Michael’s lips tipped up. “This is nothing. In this family, we’re used to drama. You fit in well.”
A little of Sam’s anxiety eased. As awful as it could have been, she’d gotten through it, mostly because of Michael’s gentle nature, but also because she’d had Ethan by her side.
She glanced Ethan’s way as his father left, but instead of the gentle, warm eyes she expected to see, something hard hovered in their green depths. Something she didn’t know how to define.
“I’m going to see them out.” Ethan stepped toward the door. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
He turned without another word. And alone, Sam fingered the box of medication as she stared after him and tried to ignore the shiver rushing down her spine. He was just worried about her, that was all. She hadn’t shocked him. She couldn’t have. Because right now she needed his strength and comfort more than she ever had.
Samantha at ten years old. October. Full moon. Eighteen years in the past.
Ethan closed the front door as the thoughts swirled in his mind. His dad had caught it. Michael hadn’t even needed to say the words, but Ethan knew his father was currently thinking the same damn thing Ethan was.
If Samantha’s memory was correct, the night Sandra Hollings had disappeared was the same night Ethan had been arrested.
His chest drew tight as a drum. Turning away from the door, he moved through the hallway, trying to piece together shapes that didn’t want to fit. If Saunders and Margaret Wilcox had been at the cabin that night, that meant Branson and Kellogg had probably been there as well. But how had they gotten to the waterfall? And who had Samantha been talking with there at the end? Ethan didn’t want to believe it was Branson, but his gut thought otherwise. She considered Branson a friend. If she’d seen his face in that cabin or heard his voice, would she admit it? Whoever it was had seemed to show up to the party late. If she thought Branson wasn’t involved in what the others had done, would she protect him?
Ethan hoped not. Because he knew Branson was not innocent. Branson and Kellogg had both been in the water that night at the falls.
“I like your parents,” Samantha said from a stool near the island when Ethan stepped into the room.
He looked her way and blinked, working hard to separate past from present. “What?”
“Your parents. They were nice.”
She was talking about meeting his parents. She wasn’t flipping out like he expected her to do. Like he was doing.
“Ethan?” Her brow lowered as she pushed off the stool and crossed to him. “Are you okay?”
No, he wasn’t okay. He was as far from okay as a person could get. “I want you to stay away from Will Branson and Jeff Kellogg.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re dangerous.”
She frowned. “Why would you think that? Will saved my life today.”
Branson had. Not Ethan. Ethan hadn’t been there when she’d needed him most. She trusted Branson more than anyone in Hidden Falls. Maybe even more than she trusted the man currently warming her bed. “He and Kellogg were friends with Kenneth Saunders.”
“That doesn’t make a person dangerous. Lots of people were friends with Kenny.”
“I saw them together at the Kelloggs’ party. There’s a freakin’ picture of them on the same basketball team up at the high school.”
“So what?” Sam’s eyes grew wide. “David was on the same team with them. Are you saying that makes him dangerous too?”
He opened his mouth to tell her exactly what he knew about Branson but closed it when he caught the disbelief in her eyes. She wouldn’t believe him. The knowledge was like a sucker punch to the gut. She’d known Branson since she was a kid, but she’d only known Ethan for a couple of weeks. It didn’t matter that they were sleeping together. It didn’t even matter that he loved her. When push came to shove, she’d believe someone she’d known all her life over someone who’d just shown up in town.
A deep ache filled his chest, but it was quickly replaced by a nicotine craving that hit hard and fast, making his mouth dry and his fingers itch for a cigarette. “There are things you don’t know about him, Samantha.”
“Like what? Ethan, you’re jumping to conclusions. Will was not one of the voices I heard at that cabin. He wasn’t involved in whatever Kenny was doing. I would have known. Look, I get that you’re worried about me, but Will is the last person you have to be concerned about.” She stepped toward him, closed her fingers around his, and squeezed his hand. “Let this go.”
He wanted to, but he couldn’t. Because something in his gut screamed that Will Branson was involved in ways neither of them understood. And he couldn’t stand the thought that Samantha might turn to the man for help, now or in the future.
The nicotine craving intensified. He pulled his hand from hers, stepped back, and rested his hands on his hips. He needed to get out of here, needed to think, needed to try to come up with a way to make her see reason. Because if he stayed, they were just going to argue, and after everything she’d been through today, she didn’t need that.
He turned for the front of the house. “I have to go out for a bit.”
“What?” Panic filled her voice. “Ethan, where are you going?”
He grabbed his coat from the closet and pulled the door open. “I’ll be back later.”
“Wait. Why . . . ” Her feet drew to a stop. “Ethan, please. Talk to me.”
He couldn’t. Because his thoughts and memories were so jumbled from what he’d seen today and heard tonight, he didn’t know what to say . . . or what to do, for that matter. All he knew was that he was too close to all of this to think rationally.
And he had no idea what that meant for their relationship in the long term.
A soft click echoed as the front door opened and closed, rousing Sam from her spot on the couch. She’d been lying there for the last hour, thinking about Ethan, thinking about what she’d seen in that hypnosis session, thinking about her memories of finding Seth lifeless in the pool beneath the falls.
It had all happened the same night. She couldn’t deny that any longer. The two events were related. She’d seen two people dragging Seth out of that cabin. Knew that the boy who’d drowned him had to have been one of them. Realized that he must have been involved in what they’d all done to Sandra Hollings.
She still didn’t understand why she’d remembered finding Seth in the falls but had repressed what had happened to Sandra Hollings in that cabin. Maybe it was because she’d seen Sandra Hollings’s murder but had only heard Seth’s. Was that possible?
She wanted to ask Ethan but didn’t know if she should. And since he’d run out on her and had yet to come home, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to.
Grimly pushed up from his spot near the fire and rambled down the hall. Sam blinked several times and lifted her head.
“Hey, big guy,” Ethan said from the entry. “You waiting up for me?”
Nerves churned in Sam’s stomach as she slowly sat up and blinked. Her heart urged her to jump and meet him, but after the way he’d left, she wasn’t sure that was a smart idea.
She brushed the hair back from her face. Was it all too much for him? He knew she had major baggage now. Seeing the things she’d seen, living with them a
s long as she had . . . was he asking himself if he should cut and run?
Her throat grew thick. She wasn’t sure what she’d do if the answer to either of those questions were yes. He’d made her fall in love with him even though she’d tried not to, and tonight of all nights she needed his arms around her.
Footsteps sounded in the hall, then stilled. And even though the lights were off and the fire was nothing but deep-red embers, she swiped at the stupid wetness on her cheeks so he couldn’t see.
A long silence stretched over the room. She knew he’d seen her. Her stomach tightened with fear, and she held her breath, afraid to turn and look, afraid to move in case he was about to say it was time to call things quits.
His tennis shoes sounded across the floor, then quieted as he stepped onto the carpet. And when he stopped in front of her and looked down, she finally mustered up the courage to meet his eyes.
These eyes weren’t the same hard, cold eyes she’d seen before he’d left, though. These eyes were a soft mottled green, and they were filled with so much regret, everything inside her broke. “Ethan . . . ”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Sinking to the floor, he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned forward until his cheek pressed against her belly. “I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that.”
She still wasn’t sure why he had, but she closed her arms around him and pulled him in close as tears—tears of relief this time—spilled over her lashes.
“It was just . . . I should have been there,” he said against her. “It should have been me. I should have been with you today, only I wasn’t. I was playing basketball with my stupid brother when you were . . . ” His arms tightened around her. “And then hearing everything you saw in that session tonight, it just . . . It scared me, Samantha. There were other people involved besides Kenny. Others at the cabin that night, and we don’t know who they were. And after everything that’s happened lately, I can’t think about you going back to that town without panicking. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. I can’t lose you like that.”
Her heart filled, and all those worries she’d stressed over after he’d walked out faded into the ether. As did every fear she’d ever had about opening her heart to someone else.
Cupping his face, she lifted so his gorgeous green eyes could meet hers. “Nothing’s going to happen to me, Ethan. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
“Samantha.” Pain etched his features, and his eyes slid closed. “There are things you don’t know. Things about me I haven’t told you. Things that—”
“They don’t matter.”
He looked up at her again and frowned. “You don’t—”
“Nothing matters except the way you make me feel, Ethan. I never would have agreed to that hypnosis without you. I couldn’t have gone through it alone and come out on the other side sane. And for the first time in a long time, that’s how I feel. Sane. Because of you. Just knowing you were there made me feel safe. You always make me feel safe. You’re the only one who ever has. I’ve been running from people since I was ten because of that night. Because I was too afraid to let them get close and see the real me. But with you, I don’t have to be afraid anymore. You’ve seen the real me, and you’re still here. And I love you for that, Ethan. I love you because you make me feel alive. I love you because—”
His mouth covered hers, so fast she barely saw him move. And then he drew her into a kiss that rocked the world right out from under her.
His tongue swept along hers, and even though all she wanted to do was get lost in him forever, she pushed back. “Have you been smoking?”
He exhaled and rested his forehead against hers. “Five months and twenty-six days without a cigarette. Down the drain.”
“Really? You never told me that.”
“My nicotine addiction is not something I go around advertising.” He lifted his head and looked at her. “Usually I can control it. Tonight, I lost the battle.”
“Oh, Ethan. I don’t want fighting with me to be your weakness. I’ll stay away from Will and Je—”
“Samantha.” He rubbed his thumb over her cheek, and shards of heat raced across her skin at the simple touch. “You are my weakness, and nothing you say or do can stop that. I knew you were my weakness the minute you danced with me on that football field, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I know I’m being irrational about Branson, but I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to you.”
Tears filled her eyes again. Tears and hope and a joy she’d always been too afraid to wish for.
“I’m not going to lose you, Samantha. Today scared the crap out of me. I can’t go through that again.”
She wasn’t going to lose him either. She lifted her mouth to his lips, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and drew him into her mouth, into her heart, even into her soul.
His tongue danced over hers, and she pulled him down with her to the couch cushions. His weight pressed against her, solid, warm, real. And then his hands were on her, streaking down to the hem of her sweatshirt, pushing it up her ribs and over her breasts, dragging it over her head as he broke the kiss and tossed the garment on the floor.
His gaze swept over her breasts, and the approval she saw in his eyes made her nipples pebble and her stomach cave in. “You’re gorgeous.”
He lowered his mouth to her breast, drew one nipple into his mouth, and suckled. Threading her fingers into his hair, Sam tipped her head back and groaned.
He moved to the other side, repeated the licking, sucking, and swirling with his tongue, then kissed his way down to her torso and flipped the button on her jeans. “I want these off.”
She lifted her hips as he tugged her jeans and panties down her legs. Didn’t try to hide herself as his gaze raked her most intimate flesh. Moaned long and deep when he lowered his mouth to her sex and licked right where she wanted him most.
The horror of the day drifted to the back of her mind. All she could focus on was him. On this. On them. She slid her hand into his hair as she lifted to his mouth, loving each and every stroke of his sinful tongue and the way he could make her forget everything but him.
Her orgasm built, growing in strength and intensity, teasing the edges of her control. Her hips flexed. She tightened her fingers in his hair.
“Oh yes, Ethan . . . ” He licked faster, drove her harder to the edge. Sex with Ethan was like nothing she’d ever known. It wasn’t just physical. It touched every part of her. It made her crave so much more. It left her spinning in a way that wasn’t just satisfying but made her feel absolutely complete. “Right there. Just . . . there.”
The wave crested, and she cried out as pleasure streaked along every nerve ending. And as it faded, she felt his lips kissing a soft, wicked path up her torso, around each breast, then higher until he reached her throat and suckled.
Desire rebuilt, hot and needy. She needed to show him, needed to be close to him. Framing his face with her hands, she pulled his mouth back to hers and kissed him until she was breathless.
“I want you, Ethan,” she mouthed against him. “Just you. Now. Right now.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ethan’s heart swelled. He wanted her too. Just her. An hour ago, he hadn’t known what to do. Now, the only thing that mattered was this, her, them.
He pushed up on his hand, reached back and fisted his cotton shirt. Her fingers tickled his bare chest as he pulled the garment off and tossed it on the floor, warming his torso and pecs, sending tingles all across his skin. She trailed her hands lower, unhooked the button on his jeans, and slid her hands inside his waistband. Lowering his head, he kissed her, desperate to taste her, to feel her, to be close to her. Her hands shifted inside his jeans and cupped his ass, pulling him into her heat just as she flexed her hips and lifted.
Blood pulsed in his veins and gathered in his groin, leaving him hard and hot and desperate. He kissed her deeper, toed off his shoes, then pulled away from her mouth so he could reach ba
ck for his wallet and find a condom. Breathing heavy, she helped him shove his jeans and boxers off while he fumbled with the condom, then wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him back down to her. “Come here.”
Her legs opened, and she lifted to his kiss, drawing him into her mouth and her body at the same time. He groaned at the tight, slick pressure, at her sweet, wet tongue tangling with his. And as their bodies moved in a rhythmic dance that was familiar, desperate, and new all at the same time, he knew everything that had happened in his past—even the most horrible things—had been worth it. Because they’d brought him to this moment. To being here, with her. To finding a love he’d never thought he deserved.
Every slip and glide and pulse and throb pushed him closer to his release, but he didn’t want to crest without her. Levering up on one hand, he brushed the silky hair back from her face and whispered, “Open your eyes, Samantha.”
Her body trembled. Perspiration dotted her skin and melded with his. Blinking several times, she looked up with warm, glossy chocolate eyes he was almost sure he could see forever in.
“That’s it.” He thrust deeper, moved faster. “Don’t look away. Stay with me.”
“Ethan . . . ” Her fingertips dug into his shoulders, but she didn’t look away. And then her whole body shook, and his name faded on a groan.
Her orgasm triggered his. Pleasure raced down his spine and exploded in his hips until there was nothing left but a shimmer of sensation that radiated outward and echoed through every cell.
He collapsed against her, his body slick with sweat, her chest rising and falling against him while she sucked back air. Trembling through the aftershocks, he pressed a kiss against her shoulder and rolled to his side on the couch so he didn’t crush her. His arms closed around her as she laid her head against his chest. And as he ran his hands up and down her damp spine, he knew this was right. He knew they could make this work.
“You’re the one, Samantha. The only one for me.”
She sighed, pressed her lips against his throat, and held on tighter. His heart swelled even more, and he told himself . . . soon. Soon he’d find a way to tell her about his past. But not tonight. Tonight he just wanted to go on holding and loving her. Because tonight he didn’t want her to have to worry about anything in their past or future. Tonight he only wanted her to focus on him.