Fauxmance

  He pushed me back onto the bed, pulled up my dress and yanked down my knickers. I was already wet when he flicked a switch and it started to buzz.

  Well.

  My throat went dry.

  I squirmed when he settled between my legs and planted kisses along the inside of my thigh. I felt him press something into my hand and realised it was the dildo. He guided it to my sex; the vibration sparked through my nerve endings.

  “Oh, my…God,” I breathed, undulating at the new sensation.

  Julian took the blindfold and tied it around my head to cover my eyes. Everything went black, somehow heightening the feel of the dildo. He stripped me bare, kissing the tops of my breasts, my nipples, and my stomach. I felt his weight leave the bed, the swish of fabric as he undressed.

  I continued to hold the dildo in place, but I didn’t feel confident enough to move it. Even though I couldn’t see him, Julian’s gaze seared my skin. I knew he was watching me, drinking me in.

  “Slide it inside,” he gave a husky command.

  My throat bobbed as I lowered the toy. I was so aroused it slipped right into me, and Julian emitted a raspy growl.

  “You look incredible right now.”

  I moaned, instinctively moving it slowly in and out. Julian’s weight returned to the bed. Softly, he pushed my hand away and took charge, pushing it in deeper, harder. My sighs filled the room as my head fell back. All I could hear were his masculine sounds of approval, all I could feel was him skilfully fucking me with the sex toy.

  What new world was this?

  It didn’t even feel wrong to do this in my childhood bedroom. Everything with Julian felt right, so right it scared me. Emotions threatened to push to the surface when he pulled off the blindfold.

  “This was a bad idea. I need to see your eyes,” he said, taking my mouth in a passionate, hungry kiss. The dildo fell away when Julian pushed inside me. His hips moved in a hypnotic rhythm, hands moving between our bodies to rub my clit. I came quickly, harshly, and while he was still inside me.

  My sex clenched around him and Julian spanked my thigh. His face was a picture of male need, as he pushed in and out, seeking his own release. “That’s my girl.”

  The possession in his eyes hit me like a sledgehammer. It was only when he came that I realised he hadn’t been wearing a condom. I gasped as the hot, silky feel of him filled me up. His body fell on mine, totally spent. Several moments of silence passed between us before he swore under his breath. He’d clearly come to the same realisation as I did.

  I rubbed his back soothingly. “It’s okay.”

  “I’m so fucking sorry, Ellen. I don’t know what came over me.”

  My voice was gentle. “It’s okay, I promise. I’m not on any contraception, but I can get the morning-after pill. It’s not a big deal.”

  He moved away from me to sit on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, internally berating himself.

  “It’s not okay. It was reckless.”

  “Julian, nobody died. It was both our faults.” I reached out to touch him, but he shook me off.

  “Ellen, I’m a sex worker, do you understand what that means?”

  All of a sudden, my gut dropped. I peered at him questioningly. “Surely, you get tested?”

  “Yes, I do, and I’m clean, but you don’t know that. You need to be more careful.”

  “Julian, you’re not just some man I picked up off the street. I know you and I trust you.”

  “You shouldn’t be so trusting.”

  “Why not? You’re clean. I’m clean. There’s nothing else to worry about.”

  He stood now, looking down at me with such conflict and contrition. “I never do that,” he said shamefully. “When it comes to protection, I don’t ever let my guard down.”

  I stood too and came to wrap my arms around his neck. “Well, we’ve been growing closer, more comfortable with one another. It’s only natural that our guards would slip.”

  He sank into my hug and buried his face in my hair. I pulled him over to the bed, where we crawled under the covers. This time, he wrapped his arms around me, but he was quiet.

  His silence gave me a bad feeling, but I tried not to dwell on it, and after a while, I fell asleep.

  The next morning, I woke up and my bed was empty. For a moment I had a dreadful suspicion that Julian had gone, decided this arrangement was too much for him and left.

  But then I heard the front door open and shut, and feet pad up the stairs. Julian was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, his hair still damp from a shower.

  “I went for a walk and got us breakfast. Come downstairs when you’re ready. I bought coffee and croissants. We’ll stop by the pharmacy after we eat and get you the morning-after pill.”

  I felt a little bashful when he spoke so casually, but then, there was no reason for embarrassment. We were both responsible adults, and we knew what had to be done. After breakfast and our trip to the pharmacy, I showered, did my hair and makeup and put on my pale pink chiffon dress. It was strapless with a sweetheart neckline and nipped in at the waist before fanning out into a swishy, A-line skirt. I loved it so much. It was neither an Elodie nor an Ellen outfit, but something new entirely. I’d bought it online only a week ago and was delighted when it arrived and fit perfectly.

  I left my hair down and clipped it to the side. Julian wore a suit, and as always, he looked good enough to eat. I fiddled with my necklace.

  “Here, let me,” he said, and came to stand behind me. He took the thin gold chain, his knuckles brushing my collarbone as he clipped it in place. “There you go. Perfect.”

  He stared at me then, just…taking me in. He was smiling, but there was something sad in his eyes.

  I reached up to stroke his jaw. “Are you all right?”

  He exhaled a somewhat shaky breath. “Yes, weddings make me emotional, that’s all.”

  I squeezed his shoulder. “Big softie.”

  In spite of Shayla’s red colour scheme, the wedding ceremony was beautiful. The hotel was once a stately manor, and the reception room let out into the most gorgeous landscaped gardens. Julian and I sat at a table with Nick and Cameron, Shayla’s niece, Katie, who was actually pretty cute, and Shayla’s sister and her husband. They kept arguing over whether or not to call the babysitter and check in on the kids. I thought it was nice how they worried.

  Dad and Shayla were at the head of the table, and I had to admit, they did seem pretty happy.

  “Your tits look fucking fantastic in that dress,” Julian whispered, and I shot him a warning glance. I didn’t want either of my brothers to hear, and certainly not my dad. Some guests approached to give their congratulations to the happy couple.

  “Well, I guess I owe you fifty pounds then,” Nick sighed to Cameron.

  For once, my grumpy brother looked pleased with himself. “Yes, you do. And I don’t take checks.”

  “Why do you owe him money?” I asked quizzically.

  Nick kept his voice low. “We made a bet on whether Shayla’s ex-husband would show up to the ceremony at the very last minute and object to the wedding.”

  I laughed. “Why would he do that?”

  “I don’t know. I just liked the idea of it. The drama.”

  “Her ex-husband is an accountant. Accountants don’t do drama,” Cam said.

  Julian and I shared a secret look. Accounting was my fake profession for Elodie, and she’d certainly not been the sort of woman to shy away from adventure or drama. “I don’t know, maybe he has a wild side,” I put in.

  “Well, it appears he doesn’t since he never showed up and now I’m out of pocket,” Nick griped.

  “It’s your own fault for being so fanciful,” said Cameron.

  There was an announcement that food was about to be served and the guests chatting with Dad and Shayla went to take their seats. We were served gazpacho for a starter, and then for the main course, we had roast pheasant.

  “Yay, tiny chickens,” Nick grinned, and I rolled my eye
s. He was such a big kid sometimes. I sensed someone’s attention and glanced up. Shayla was eyeing me strangely and I couldn’t tell why. Her gaze went to Julian, hardening somewhat, and a chill went through me.

  Why was she looking at him like that?

  Before I had time to analyse the thought, Shayla cleared her throat. “So, Julian, you never mentioned what you do for work.”

  I stiffened, growing defensive. “Why do you want to know?”

  My dad did a double take at my snappish tone. Up until this point, the conversation had been nothing but cordial. “Ellen, don’t talk to Shayla like that. She’s only making conversation.”

  She’s being a bitch, is what she’s doing, I thought to myself, quickly putting two and two together. She’d recognised Julian yesterday. Obviously, she must know him from somewhere, must’ve remembered him and figured out his profession. Maybe one of her friends told her about him or introduced them at one of those fancy parties he attends.

  “She’s being nosy,” I clipped, dropping my cutlery to my plate.

  Julian’s hand found my knee and gave a gentle squeeze. When I looked at him, his eyes beseeched me not to make a scene. There was also a sadness, the same I’d seen in him earlier, only now it had multiplied.

  All of a sudden, I felt like I’d lost him.

  I couldn’t lose him.

  “I’m not being nosy at all. In fact, I only ask out of concern for you, Ellen. You’re my stepdaughter now, and I wouldn’t like to see you being taken advantage of.”

  “Is there something I’m missing here?” Dad asked, looking between the two of us.

  “Yeah, I second that,” Nick added. “What’s going on?” He placed a hand to the back of my chair as though taking my side, even though he didn’t know what was happening. I loved him so much for that.

  Shayla lifted a napkin and dabbed her mouth, keeping her voice low so that only those sitting at the table could hear. It was still far too many ears for my liking.

  She turned to Dad, settling a hand on his arm. “Greg, remember last night when I thought I knew Julian from somewhere?” Dad nodded. “Well, now I’ve remembered and I’m gravely concerned.”

  Dad’s brow furrowed, his hard stare resting on Julian. I stood from the table abruptly. “That’s it. We’re leaving. None of you can judge me, and certainly not you. You might know my dad, but you know nothing about me,” I said in defence, eyeing Shayla harshly.

  A fire lit in her gaze. “Ellen, this man is not your boyfriend. He’s a paid escort. I know because a colleague of mine in London used to hire such men. She was widowed and lonely, but she had money. Often, I’d see her at parties with handsome young men on her arm. Several times she attended with Julian.”

  Dad’s confusion turned to shock as his attention fell on me. “Ellen, is this true?”

  “Please don’t blame her, Greg. Your daughter is a very wealthy girl, and she lives all by herself in a big city. Personally, I’m surprised she hasn’t been taken advantage of before now.”

  “Oh, shit, Els,” Nick whispered, reaching out to squeeze my wrist.

  After remaining silent, Julian finally spoke. “Mrs. Grant, I have never and would never take advantage of anyone. Whoever hires me does so of their own free will and there is absolutely no shame in it. I have no idea what you are trying to do here, but if you were so concerned for your new stepdaughter, then you might’ve considered taking her aside and speaking privately, instead of humiliating her in front of her family.”

  Shayla’s eyes narrowed to slits. “Her family care about her. They have a right to know.”

  I blinked, tears suddenly filling my eyes. I couldn’t handle how my dad was looking at me, couldn’t handle the judgement. Julian was right, even if she thought she was doing the right thing, she’d humiliated me.

  I turned and fled the room, running out into the gardens. I found a private spot behind a row of hedges and flopped onto the grass. Tears streamed down my face and I sobbed.

  This was a new low for me.

  How could everything go to hell so quickly?

  “Ellen?” Julian called. “Ellen, where are you?”

  “I’m here,” I answered, a sob in my voice.

  He rounded the hedge and knelt before me, taking both my hands in his. “Oh, darling, don’t cry.”

  “I hate her. How could she do something so cruel?”

  “Because she doesn’t believe she’s being cruel. She believes she’s being righteous. She thinks I am a lowly cad out to exploit you.”

  “She couldn’t be further from the truth,” I sniffled. “You changed my life. I wasn’t living until you came along.”

  Those sad hazel eyes met mine. “It’s what I do. I try to help.”

  I blinked away my tears. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  He emitted a heavy breath and looked away a moment. When he looked back, his expression was full of remorse. “I’m very fond of you, Ellen.”

  I shook my head and let go of his hands. “Don’t do this.”

  He caught my chin, forcing my eyes to his. “We were never meant to be forever, and look at you now. Like you said, you’ve changed, and it’s beautiful to see.”

  A lump formed in my throat and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everything inside me rebelled. He couldn’t do this to me, not now. I wasn’t ready for this to end.

  “Please, Julian,” I begged, sobbing again. “I need you. I need you so much.”

  He wiped away some of my tears. “You only think that because you’re frightened. But my job is done, Ellen. You don’t know it yet, but you’re going to live such a life.” His voice faltered a little at the end.

  Hastily, I stood and pushed him away. “So that’s all this was to you? A job?”

  “Ellen, you know things between us weren’t typical for me.”

  “Then why are you talking like they were?”

  He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Because if we continue any longer, I’ll only hold you back. I’ll only…” his words trailed off, his voice heavy with emotion. “I’ll only break your heart.”

  I sucked in a painful breath, staring at him as I whispered, “Too late for that.”

  I turned and strode away. He didn’t follow. I walked to the front of the hotel and climbed into a cab. I just wanted to go home, wrap myself up in my familiar childhood blankets, and wish the world away.

  Because I didn’t want to live in a world without Julian in it.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Julian

  I felt wretched. Utterly wretched.

  The look in Ellen’s eyes. The heartbreak written all over her face almost did me in.

  I knew what she thought. She thought she loved me, but she was misguided. I wasn’t a man to fall in love with. I was a man to be lusted after, and that was what she felt, mistaking it for something more.

  With how I was becoming so attached to her, so possessive and protective, now was definitely the time to end it, before things got even more complicated. I couldn’t risk hurting her worse further down the line. Because I felt so much for her, and I didn’t trust myself not o self-sabotage, taking her down with me.

  I walked all the way from the hotel into town. Finding a pub, I went inside, very tempted to order a drink. But I didn’t. I knew if I allowed myself to sink that low there might not be any crawling back.

  I was already torn in two.

  Shayla had done the hard work for me, and yet, I wanted to hate her for it. But I couldn’t. In her mind, she was doing the right thing, even though she went about it all the wrong way. I was growing too close to Ellen, closer than I’d ever grown to any client before. In my heart, I predicted this would happen, but I was foolish enough to dive in anyway.

  I sat at the bar for an hour, wallowing. When I left, I walked along the beach until I reached Ellen’s dad’s house. It was almost two in the morning. I didn’t want to wake her up, but I needed to get my things and leave. Hopefully there would be a train along soon
to take me back to London.

  As I neared the porch, I saw my suitcase, packed and waiting for me. On top of it was a white envelope. It was thin, and before I even opened it, I suspected what was inside. For a moment, it felt like my heart ceased beating.

  I felt sick.

  Then I got angry because there was a cheque for ten thousand pounds inside. Ellen was paying me for my services and I’d never felt so fucking pissed off and self-hating at the same time. I’d left behind the shame for my work a long time ago, but that wasn’t what I felt now. Now all I felt was empty, because I never should’ve agreed to sleep with her in the first place. And now I was standing with a check for ten grand in my hand and I didn’t want a single penny of it.

  Being with Ellen, getting to know her, none of it had been for financial gain. Every single second I spent with her was because I wanted to be there. Not because I was being paid. Not because it was a job. But because I was drawn to her in a way I’d never been drawn to anyone before.

  This money, it felt more like a slap across the face. A bucket of ice cold water emptied over my head.

  With a heavy heart, I left the envelope on the entry table, took my things and walked the short distance to the train station. I passed a group of women on their way home from the nightclubs.

  “Hey, gorgeous! Wanna come with us?” one of them called.

  I only shook my head. Not even the arms of another could soothe me now. I’d set Ellen free. Like one of her beloved birds, I’d trained her, and now she was ready for the wild. She didn’t know it yet, but it was for the best. She’d find someone and be happy. I’d only disappoint her in the end.

  When I reached the station, I had two hours to kill before the next departure to London. I found an empty bench and sat down. Like I always did when I needed to hear a friendly voice, I pulled out my phone and called Rose.

  When she answered, I realised I’d woken her up. She sounded drowsy. “Julian, is everything all right?”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  “Oh, honey, what happened?”

  I proceeded to recount the weekend’s events. When I was done, Rose’s voice was full of empathy. “Don’t go back to London. Get on a plane. Come here,” she said, and for the first time in a long time, some island solitude sounded like exactly what I needed.