Happy-go-lucky

  II

  Mr. Percy Welwyn entered. He was a slender young man with aninsufficient chin and a small moustache. He looked like a shopassistant; and Dicky's last remark, still ringing through the hall,emphasised rather than suggested the comparison. His hair was brushedlow down upon his forehead, with an elaborate curl over his righteyebrow. His eyes were bulgy. He wore a tight-fitting cycling suit,splashed with mud, and carried in his hand a small tweed cap bearing ametal badge. Altogether an impartial observer might have been excusedfor not feeling greatly surprised that Dicky and Tilly had mislaid him.

  Mr. Welwyn advanced to the fire, with the easy grace of one who ishabitually a success in whatever grade of society he finds himself, andremarked: "Good-evenin', all!"

  For a moment there was a frozen silence. Then Dicky hurried forward.

  "My dear Percy," he exclaimed, wringing the newcomer by the hand, "hereyou are, after all! Dear old soul! Let me present the rest of myfamily."

  He linked his arm in that of the travel-stained cyclist, and led himtowards the petrified Lady Adela.

  "Mother," he announced, "this is my friend Percy Welwyn."

  "Mr. Percy Welwyn," said a gentle voice in his ear.

  "Sorry, old man!" said Dicky hastily.

  "No offence taken," Mr. Welwyn assured him, "where none intended. This,I presume,"--he waved his dripping tweed cap in the face of thespeechless matron before him,--"is your hostess."

  "Yes," said Dicky. "My mother, Lady Adela Mainwaring."

  Mr. Welwyn shook hands affably.

  "How de do, your ladyship?" he said. "Very pleased to make yourladyship's acquaintance, I'm sure."

  "And this," continued Dicky, swiftly wheeling his guest out of thedanger zone, "is my old Dad."

  "How do you do, Mr. Welwyn?" said Mr. Mainwaring, with a courteouslittle bow. "We make you welcome."

  "How de do, your lordship?" replied Mr. Welwyn, repeating hishand-shaking performance. "Very pleased to make your lordship'sacquaintance."

  "That's an error on your part, Percy," said Dicky smoothly. "Dad's onlya commoner. But we'll work it out afterwards. This is my little sisterSylvia."

  Mr. Welwyn greeted the statuesque Miss Mainwaring as he had greeted herparents, throwing in an ingratiating ogle which plainly intimated thathe intended to make an impression in this quarter.

  "Very pleased to make _your_ acquaintance, Miss," he said. "We shall becalling each other Perce and Sylvie in no time, I can see. And now," hecontinued, turning his back upon the quivering figure of his futureplaymate, "I should like to address a few observations to the happycouple. You're a nice pair of turtle-doves to come and play gooseberryto, I don't suppose! Here I give up a whole Saturday afternoon to comeand chaperon our Tilly and her young gentleman down to his ancestralhome; and the first thing I know is the pair of them give me the slip atWaterloo! Chronic, I call it!"

  "What else did you expect, Mr. Welwyn?" interposed Connie, comingcharacteristically to the rescue, the majority of the Mainwaring familybeing in no condition to cope with Percy. "Have n't you ever beenengaged yourself?"

  Her unsolicited intrusion into the conversation was plainly a shock toPercy's sense of decorum. He coughed reprovingly behind his hand, andturning to Dicky, remarked:--

  "Introdooce me!"

  Dicky, humble and apologetic, complied. Mr. Welwyn went through hisusual performance, and continued:--

  "Engaged, Mrs. Carmyle? Not me! Not that I might n't have bin, markyou, if I had n't been born careful. Be born careful, and you need n'tbe born lucky. The Proverbs of Perce--Number one!" he added, in ahumorous aside. "Well, to resume. Luckily I had the old push-bike withme, and I managed to find my way down here in a matter of an hour and ahalf or so. And then what happens? Just as I am doing a final spin upyour kerridge-drive, your ladyship--_bing! bang!_ and I get bowled overin the dark by a charging rhinoceros!"

  Mr. Welwyn concluded this dramatic narrative with a few appropriategestures, and paused to note its effect upon his auditors.

  "That was Maximilian, I fancy," explained Dicky cheerfully. "The littlefellow must have got loose. Did you notice which way he was going?"

  "I did," replied Percy with feeling. "He was going the opposite way tome."

  "In that case," replied Dicky reflectively, "he must be halfway back tomother by this time. Well, perhaps it is just as well. Did you happento observe whether he had the rain-gauge with him?"

  "All I remarked," replied Mr. Welwyn bitterly, "was about half amudguard. But that," he continued, with a winning smile to the ladies,"is neither here nor there, is it? Seeing as you are safe, Tilly, oldgirl, I think I may now resign the post of chaperon into her ladyship'shands. And perhaps," he added with a graceful bow, "I may be permittedto remark that in my humble opinion a more capable pair of hands couldnot be found for the job."

  Lady Adela had suffered severely that day, and her spirit for the timebeing was almost broken. She merely smiled weakly.

  Mr. Welwyn, now at the very top of his form, struck an attitude.

  "My trusty iron steed," he declaimed, "waits without thebattlements--all but a few spokes, that is, accounted for by theaforesaid rhinoceros--and I must hence, to ketch the seven-fifteen backto Londinium."

  "Does that mean he is going?" murmured Lady Adela to her daughter, witha flutter of hope upon her drawn features.

  Sylvia was nodding reassuringly, when the tactless Dicky broke in:--

  "Percy, old son, you really must stay for dinner, if not for the night."

  "We can't send you away empty in weather like this, Mr. Welwyn," addedMr. Mainwaring hospitably. "My dear--"

  He turned to his wife, but the words froze upon his lips, for Lady Adelapresented an appearance that can only be described as terrible. But theimpervious Percy noticed nothing.

  "By my halidom," he exclaimed, highly gratified, "that was well spoken!Yet it cannot be. I thank you, ladies and gentles all, for your courtlyhospitality; but, as the bard observes: 'I _must_ get home to-night!'"(Here he broke into song, and indulged in what are known in theatricalcircles as "a few steps.") "The club has an important run billed forto-morrow, and if little Percy is missing, there will be enquiries.Still, rather than disoblige, I'll split the difference. I will drain astirrup-cup of foaming Bass with ye ere I depart. Then, forward acrossthe drawbridge! Yoicks! Likewise Tally Ho! Which way, fair sir,"concluded this high-spirited youth, turning to his host, "to the SaloonBar?"

  "Percy," remarked Dicky hurriedly, "you are immense! You ought to go onthe Halls. Come along! This way!"

  "I have bin approached, mind you," began the comedian, taking Dicky'sarm, "but!"

  "Are you coming too, Tilly?" asked Dicky, looking back.

  Tilly, who had been apprehensively regarding the flinty countenances ofher future relatives-in-law, assented hurriedly and gratefully.

  "Yes, please," she said. "I will come and see Percy off."

  She took Dicky's free arm.

  "'T is meet and fitting," observed the ebullient Percy. "We will draina tankard jointly. Right away! Pip, pip! Good-morrow, knights andladies all!"

  The trio disappeared into the dining-room, leaving a most uncannysilence behind them!

  Mr. Mainwaring hastily picked up the evening paper and enshroudedhimself in its folds. Lady Adela feebly signalled to Sylvia for thesmelling-salts.

  "A perfectly _appalling_ young man!" she announced.

  "And a perfectly sweet little girl!" quoth loyal Connie.