Let Me Love You

  “Did I hurt your arm?” Kyle had never felt so stupid in his entire life. Of all the ways he thought he could screw this up, hurting her wasn’t one of them.

  “No” She still wasn’t making eye contact with him, but knowing that he hadn’t hurt her was more than enough to make him feel less like the scum of the earth.

  “I didn’t want you to walk away thinking Stella told me anything about your past, but I shouldn’t have tried to stop you like that. I really am sorry, I should have known better.” Lindsay pulled her chair back to the table and sat down once again. Kyle did the same, but moved his further back this time. She still seemed shaken up, so he explained more of what had happened.

  “When she came back to her place last night, I asked her to tell me what was going on, but she refused. Both Stella and Vicki said it was your story to tell. The only thing they told me was that my suspicions were true.” She finally looked up and he could see the pain and sadness in her eyes.

  “What suspicions?”

  “That you were abused by someone in the past.” Lindsay looked a cross between ashamed and embarrassed as she stared at him.

  “Well I guess it’s my turn to apologize, I shouldn’t have yelled at you before I knew the truth. When you said Stella talked about last night I just assumed she told you all the other stuff, and you were here because you felt sorry for me.”

  “I feel a lot of things for you Lindsay, but sorry isn’t one of them.” The look of surprise on her face was almost comical, but this was not the time for laughing. “I like you very much and would love nothing more than to have a date with you; a date that you weren’t tricked into.”

  “So this is your idea of a date?” He had never been more relieved to see Lindsay smile.

  “No sweetheart, but I wanted to test the waters first and see if you could be alone with me, and not want to run screaming. I don’t know what happened last night, but none of that changes what I said to you while we were dancing.” Lindsay was worrying her bottom lip as she stared at the water bottle in her hand.

  “I don’t know… what happened last night could very easily happen again and that’s not fair to you. You should be with someone that doesn’t have all these issues.”

  “I suspected you had some issues before last night and it didn’t stop me from wanting you. All I’m asking for is a chance; a chance to make you happy. You don’t have to tell me more than you want about your past; although, saying your ex almost killed you makes a million questions run through my mind.”

  Kyle wanted to find the bastard and make him pay for what he did to Lindsay; whatever that was. No longer able to stand the distance between them, Kyle stood up and moved his chair next to hers. He knew it was a bad idea, but he reached out and took one of her hands in his.

  Her eyes fixed on their joined hands as she said “Okay.”

  That one word bounced around inside his head before he finally understood. “Okay, as in okay you want to try this?”

  Her lips twitched up into a half smile “Yes.”

  Kyle jumped out of his chair and pulled Lindsay up with him. She was laughing at his excitement, until he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her so tight she was gasping for air. He placed her back on her feet and apologized.

  “I’m fine, you just shocked me and I lost my breath for a second when you hugged me.”

  “I’ll work on not letting my emotions run wild, but I tend to lose my head when I’m around you.” The cutest blush crept up her cheeks as he told her what she does to him. “So…when would you like to go out? I start a twenty-four hour shift today at three, but then I will be off for forty-eight after that.”

  Lindsay started fiddling with her fingers and looking at the floor. “Ugh, I don’t know, this was kind of a spur of the moment decision. Can I get back to you?”

  All the joy Kyle had felt a minute ago fled his body. Not wanting Lindsay to see his distress, Kyle just shrugged. “Sure, you have my number; call or text me whenever you want to do something.” He glanced at his watch and then back to her, “I better get going so I can pick up a few things before work.”

  He started to head for the exit, when a touch on his arm stopped him in his tracks. Kyle looked down to see Lindsay’s small hand resting on his forearm. When he moved his gaze to her face, those pale blue eyes seemed to be staring straight into his soul.

  “Thank you again for lunch.” Lindsay pushed up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. For once, Lindsay was the one to surprise him. When she pulled away, he could still feel the imprint of her lips on his skin. As if on its own, his hand went to cover the spot; like he wanted to trap it there forever. Realizing he still hadn’t said anything, Kyle broke out of his daze.

  “You’re welcome. I’ll get out of your hair and let you get back to work.” They both said their goodbyes and Kyle left feeling a mixture of emotions. She had agreed to go on a date, but never said when.

  His shift didn’t start for another two hours, but Kyle needed something to do to keep his mind occupied. He headed home and as he packed his bag for the station, Kyle dialed the one person that would give him perspective on the whole situation.

  “Well since you’re calling me, I’m guessing it didn’t go all that great.”

  “Don’t sound so amused, and for your information it went just fine.” Alex chuckled on the other end of the line.

  “So why do you sound like someone kicked your dog right now?”

  “She agreed to a date, but said she would let me know at a later time. I’ve been checking my phone every five minutes for a text or call; it’s about to drive me crazy.” Kyle was still regretting his moronic mistake when he grabbed her arm, and hoped she didn’t hold that against him.

  “How long ago did you leave?”

  “Like an hour or so.”

  “You’re an idiot.” So much for Alex being helpful.

  “Why exactly am I an idiot?”

  “You asked out a girl that has been traumatized at some point in her life, hasn’t been on a date in years and you expect her to call you an hour after you leave to set up a date.” Kyle started to reply, but Alex wasn’t finished. “Not to mention you kind of ambushed her today with an impromptu lunch.”

  “Can I talk now?”

  “If you must” Kyle was starting to regret making this phone call.

  “First of all, I didn’t ambush her. She could have asked me to leave, but we actually had a nice lunch together. Second of all, I know she has some issues, but I thought her agreeing to go out with me would make things better. Instead I’m more of a wreck now thinking she is going to back out.”

  Up to this point in his life Kyle had never been the forever kind of guy, but every time he was around Lindsay all of that changed. She made him forget all of his reservations about a significant other, and what he could leave behind if he lost his life on the job like he had seen happen so many times.

  “I’m going to remind you of this conversation the next time you accuse me of being a love sick puppy. Just go to work and stopping being such a pussy, and let me get back to work too. Lindsay said she will get ahold of you and she will.”

  “Nice pep talk douche bag. Get back to the world of geeks and nerds; I’ll talk to you later.” Both men knew the other one didn’t mean anything by their insults; it was what made their friendship so great.

  “Call me all the names you want, at least I know I have a woman coming home to warm my bed tonight.” Kyle could picture the satisfied smirk on Alex’s face as he said the jab.

  “You’re a dick” He heard Alex laugh as he hung up on his friend. Kyle picked up his duffle bag from the bed and headed for his truck. He would get to the station early and watch some TV or something; anything to keep his mind off of Lindsay.

  He knew it was pointless, but he checked his phone one more time before putting the truck in drive. There were no missed calls or messages, and he tossed the phone on the seat beside him. If he kept torturing himself like this, it was going
to be a very long shift.

  ****

  Chapter 8

  “From now on Frank is taking pictures for Catholic weddings. Honestly, how many times do people need to stand up and sit down; it’s exhausting just watching it.”

  “It’s nice to see you too.” Lindsay moved aside to let Stella in. She had only been home for about an hour when Stella knocked on the door and started her usual ranting.

  “Alex is in the middle of some huge website design fiasco so I can’t complain to him and Vicki isn’t answering. So you win the listen to Stella bitch lottery, congratulations.” Walking to the refrigerator, Lindsay came back with two cans of soda and handed one to Stella.

  “Thanks, so how was the rest of the day?” The smirk on her face told Lindsay she wanted details about lunch with Kyle. But seeing as Stella helped set her up, Lindsay was going to make her work for them.

  “A few people came in wanting to make appointments, so I gave them packets and a business card. I told them to call when they were ready to set something up, but other than that it was pretty quiet.”

  “I think you are forgetting one minor detail.” Lindsay nonchalantly sat down and grabbed the remote; mindlessly flipping through the channels as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

  “No I think that covered it.” Stella picked up a pillow and threw it at her. She dodged the pillow, but still didn’t tell her anything.

  “I know for a fact you had lunch with a certain hunky firefighter today, so start spilling; I want to know everything.” Thinking back to this afternoon, Lindsay didn’t know whether to smile or frown. She still wasn’t sure what made her agree to a date with him so easily.

  “Oh that. Well he brought me my favorite food from Daisy’s and we ate lunch together; it was nice.”

  “That’s it?” The scene after they ate ran through Lindsay’s mind and she sighed.

  “Not exactly, I may have bitten his head off for no reason.”

  “And why would you do that?”

  “We were joking around and he said you and I were both scaring him today. I asked him what he meant and when he said you talked to him about last night, somewhere in my neurotic brain I thought he was just being nice because you told him about Mitch.”

  Stella interrupted. “I didn’t tell him anything, I swear. He asked and I said I couldn’t.” Holding up her hand to shutdown Stella’s defense, Lindsay went on.

  “He explained all that after I flipped out on him. We talked a little bit more and he asked me to go on a date with him… I said yes.”

  “That’s great news” The look on Lindsay’s face must have said something entirely different because Stella’s excitement deflated “Or not?”

  “I said yes, but it was one of those heat of the moment things. Now that I’ve had time to think more about it, I don’t know. I told him I would let him know soon, but what if I have another panic attack while we’re out?” She would be even more mortified than she was last night.

  “Then don’t go out, invite him over here to watch movies. That way you’re somewhere you feel safe, and Alex and I will be home just in case something happens.” Lindsay leaned back into the couch further and thought about it. It would make her feel more at ease to be safely at home, but how would Kyle take that gesture?

  “I guess that could work, but doesn’t that send him the wrong message if I ask him to come over here; like I want more to happen than just watching movies.” Stella seemed taken aback by that statement.

  “I’m pretty sure Kyle knows you well enough to know that isn’t going to happen.” For some reason, not sleeping with Kyle was a very disappointing thought, “Unless you want it to.”

  Lindsay snapped her head to the side. “What?”

  “You started pouting when I said you wouldn’t be having sex with Kyle.” She cursed under her breath; damn her and her expressive face. She couldn’t deny the attraction she felt for Kyle, but this was all already so overwhelming. Lindsay could barely control her emotions on a good day. She didn’t want to think about the reaction that could come when sex was brought into the equation.

  “I’m not sure about a date, how can I be thinking about sex? And believe me, I think about it a lot when he’s around.”

  “Because your human, Lindsay. It’s been what four years, and Kyle’s not exactly ugly. I’m happily engaged and the man can still turn my head.”

  “Can we stop talking about sex; it’s not helping my nerves at all.” The urge to run her hands over Kyle’s tight muscled body was stronger than ever and it had been a very long time. There was only so much a vibrator could take care of before it just wasn’t enough anymore. It couldn’t stimulate every part of your body at once, or use warm lips to caress the most intimate of places. Lindsay was lost in her daydream when Stella snapped her fingers in front of her face.

  “Earth to Lindsay”

  “Sorry what did you say?”

  “I said I’ll stop if you call Kyle and set up a date.” Stella grabbed Lindsay’s cell phone and tossed it in her lap. “Go on, put Kyle out of his misery”

  “He’s at work; I don’t want to bother him. I’ll just do it tomorrow.” Lindsay didn’t want to call, sending a text would be so much easier. That way she wouldn’t run the risk of turning into a stuttering idiot, which normally happened when she was talking to him.

  “If they aren’t on a call, he will answer. If he doesn’t, just leave a voicemail. So stop stalling and do it.”

  “You really are a pain sometimes you know.” Stella grinned and nodded her head. Reluctantly, Lindsay picked up the phone and found Kyle’s number. She really hoped he was on a call or not around his phone.

  After four rings Lindsay thought her prayers had been answered. She started to take the phone away from her ear when a gruff voice came through the ear piece. “Hello?”

  Damn, so much for leaving a voicemail. “Uh… hi”

  “Lindsay?” The sound of sheets rustling and his disoriented voice made her feel awful. Kyle had been sleeping and she woke him up. “Are you still there?”

  “Yes, sorry I woke you up. Go back to bed; I can talk to you later.” She was starting to picture him with messy sleep tussled hair and half lidded eyes, and it was an intoxicating visual; one she wanted to see in her own bed one of these mornings.

  “Don’t worry about it; I was just taking a quick nap. We never know how many calls we will have a night, so we all try to nap when we can. What’s up?” She didn’t know what to say exactly, but with an encouraging nod from Stella, Lindsay decided to bite the bullet.

  “I was wondering if you wanted to come over to watch a movie or two one night this week; maybe order some takeout.” His quick response made her chuckle inside.

  “I would love to, how does Monday night sound?” Soon, that’s how it sounded. But she had already taken this leap and couldn’t back down now.

  “That works for me.” A very loud alarm screeched through the phone and Lindsay had to move it away a little.

  “We are getting called out. I’ll call you tomorrow to get details, bye.” The line went dead and she threw the phone on the cushion beside her. She covered her face with both hands and groaned; she was going to have two days to obsess about this small, but crucial step in her life.

  “Tell me again why I’m doing this.” Stella scooted closer and put an arm around Lindsay’s shoulders.

  “You’re doing this because it’s time to get your life back. It is dinner, movies, and maybe a little making out if you’re lucky. It’s not like you agreed to marry the guy.”

  She could do this. It was just a date with someone she’s been around plenty of times. The word date bounced around in her head and suddenly Lindsay felt like the ugliest woman in the world. She began frantically searching for her phone behind Stella, but couldn’t find it.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to find my phone, I need to call Vicki.” Stella started wiggling her butt and making weird faces, and then stood up. S
he had been sitting on Lindsay’s phone the whole time. Snatching it from the cushion, Lindsay hit the speed dial she set for Vicki.

  “Why do you need to call Vicki?” She had just started to answer Stella’s question when Victoria answered.

  “Dad, I’m so glad you finally called me back. I’ve been so worried about you.” Dad, what the hell?

  “What? It’s Lindsay, I need to talk to you.” Vicki whispered to someone an emergency phone call, and then there was a few seconds of silence before she was back on the line.

  “Hey girl, what’s up?” Vicki was making Lindsay’s head spin.

  “Why are you pretending I’m your dad?”

  “I was hired as a stylist, well more so as an image consultant, for a pain in the ass client and he’s driving me insane. Lying was the only way I was going to get away for a few minutes.”

  “You have had difficult clients before and not let them bother you. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever heard you so annoyed. Is this one attractive in some way?” The disbelieving gasp and stuttering coming through the phone told Lindsay she hit the nail on the head.

  “No! He just…I just…” Vicki sounded offended and outraged and even growled, “Never mind, I don’t want to talk about him.” If she didn’t have problems of her own, Lindsay would have poked at Vicki some more.

  “Fine, be that way. I actually needed to know if you are busy tomorrow?” She could always grill Vicki about her difficult client while she was at the salon.

  “Not unless the superstar here decides to be an even bigger douche bag. What do you need?”

  “I need your services; I uh… have a date.” The scream that came over the phone almost blew out Lindsay’s ear drum. Once the ringing stopped, she realized Vicki was talking again.

  “…he actually grew a pair. When did he ask you?”

  “I only caught part of that because of the temporary hearing loss.” Vicki muttered an apology and then repeated the same question.