We Were One_Looking Glass

  Just like after all the marathon make-out sessions we’d had and after every moment I’d spent around her since, I felt completely drained. “It’s okay, baby,” I heard myself saying without thought.

  “I turned my phone off,” she started to explain, and my heart thudded when I realized she was still sniffling even as she spoke in a lowered voice. “I couldn’t stand to think about it anymore. When I got home, I told Mama I wasn’t feeling well and was gonna take an aspirin and go to bed. But I took a Benadryl instead. I cried myself to sleep and just now woke up. I called you as soon as I read your text. It’s really not yours?”

  “It’s not.”

  “But you thought it might be?”

  Her tone wasn’t quite as feeble as it started off, as if that last part just sunk in. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pinched the rim of my nose with a wince. “I had no idea how far along she was. I couldn’t even remember when the last time was I saw her, so I didn’t know if she’d just found out or maybe she was eight or nine months along.”

  That last part was absolute bullshit. There was no way an unwed pregnancy would go unheard of for that long in a town like this, and I was pretty sure Madeline knew this too.

  “I wanna see you,” I added before she had a chance to think about what I just said. “Tonight. Can you get out?”

  She was quiet for too long until she finally spoke up. “It’ll be tricky. Mama thinks I’m not feeling well. Even made me soup.”

  “You can’t get out even for just a few minutes?”

  I knew I sounded desperate, but she’d said tricky not impossible, and after the day I’d had, I needed to see her. I needed to touch her, kiss her, reclaim her, and reassure my battered heart that this was really over. She hadn’t dumped my ass, and I wouldn’t have to deal with seeing her date anyone else anytime soon.

  “I’ll have to lie. She won’t buy I’m well enough for any of my usual Friday night hangouts.” She paused, and I was already heading inside to change, and then she added something that had me stopping dead in my tracks. “I need to talk to you, but I won’t do this over the phone.”

  “Do what?” I asked as my overworked heart started up again.

  “Have this conversation. After what happened today, it’s something I need to do.”

  “What are you talking about, Madeline? I told you it’s not my baby. You can’t hold that stupid rumor against me and just break things off—”

  “Break things off?” she retorted much louder than how she’d been speaking earlier. “Are you insane? I took drugs today to make the pain go away, Nico. Who does that? Even before I read your later texts, before I knew it wasn’t yours, I actually considered the possibility that we might still be able to work something out. Do you know how weak and pathetic that makes me feel? All I could do was lie there crying and praying for the numbness to kick in faster. But it’s why we need to talk.”

  I let what she said and the emotion with which she said it, simmer for a moment, taking a deep breath. Benadryl was hardly what I’d consider a drug, but I knew what she meant. I’d taken a few hits to calm my nerves while waiting so damn anxiously to hear back from her. At least I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling. “I went a little insane today waiting to hear back from you too,” I admitted. “Now I’m gonna go nuts until I see you and we have this talk. How long do you think it’ll take?”

  She explained she’d be telling her mom she and Maggie were going to hang out at Shelby’s and possibly spend the night. Then the waiting started up again. Shelby’s mom was out of town for the weekend, so Madeline said we could talk there, in Shelby’s backyard where we’d have the privacy we needed. She texted me Shelby’s address and said she’d text me to let me know when she got there. But I’d done enough waiting today. As soon as I changed, I pushed my way out the front door on a mission. If I had to wait, I’d do it at Shelby’s where I wouldn’t have to wait even a minute longer once she got there.

  I knew I’d agree to anything she asked of me as long as she didn’t say she couldn’t do this anymore. It only further confirmed what I’d suspected that very first night I ever spoke to her about a year ago. I’d never stood a chance of being able to stay away from this girl.

  Chapter 7: Madly

  Thinking it through a little further, I decided to wait up the street, instead of at Shelby’s house. Shelby didn’t actually have a car. Her mom let her use her car the nights they went out and Shelby drove. But she got a ride home with Mrs. Hellman every day from school as she had today because they only had the one car and her mom needed it for work. If Shelby’s mom was out of town, then that meant Shelby likely didn’t have a car tonight, which meant Mrs. Hellman might be dropping them off.

  Fortunately, they drove up in Shelby’s mom’s car. Her mother must’ve gone out of town with someone else. I revved up my bike and drove into the driveway right behind them, forgetting how loud my bike was. I’d just gotten off my bike and started securing my helmet onto the handlebars when Madeline ran up to me and jumped in my arms.

  The girls giggled and waved politely as I watched them walk into the house, over Madeline’s shoulder. I squeezed Madeline so hard I backed down when she grunted with a laugh because I didn’t want to hurt her. We kissed passionately, frantically, madly, as we always had, but there was more to it, and I wasn’t sure if it should have excited me—or scared me.

  The moment I was able to gather my wits, I started toward the backyard with her still in my arms. We both knew firsthand how fast things could get around in this town. There’d be no denying we were far more than just friends who shared a few laughs every now and again if Shelby’s neighbors saw us. Mostly, this suddenly scared the hell out of me. We were both behaving like lovers who hadn’t seen each other in months: lovers who were insanely in love. It had barely been a day since the last time I’d had my lips on hers, and we weren’t even close to being lovers yet. But that wasn’t even what scared me most. This day had clearly been torture for both of us over a fucking rumor.

  All this after just a few weeks of making this official. It didn’t matter how much we danced around it now, how much we played it down, called it the way I’d described it to my family, “just having a little harmless fun.” What we had now was the real thing. I’d known it long before I’d laid a hand on her. Kissing her only sealed it. This was as official as it gets. I was hers and she was all mine. Nothing and no one could change that now. But that was just what made this so terrifying. How the hell would we handle a real crisis? A real fight? An actual breakup?

  I let her down when we reached the backyard but never let go of her hand. She walked us over to two chairs by the back porch, chairs I thought we’d both be using, but as soon as I sat down, she straddled me. Only as arousing as it was, her suddenly hardened expression unnerved me. “I wanna know when the last time was you were with Jenna?”

  As much as I’d been anticipating this conversation to be a tense one, I hadn’t expected to go from a greeting like the one I got straight to this. “How long ago, Nico?” she pressed before I could even think on it.

  I shook my head. “A while.”

  “Weeks? Months?” She snapped back as her legs tightened around me. “It sure as hell better have been way before my birthday.”

  “It was.” I ran my hand up her leg in an attempt to calm her because already I could tell she was getting worked up. “I’m telling you, babe, I couldn’t even remember when the last time was I’d seen her. My brother’s the one who told me about her being pregnant and how the word was out that I was the dad. I freaked out a little because, yeah, I’ve been with her.” Her legs tightened around me again, and I massaged the one my hand was on. “But it was a while back. She never meant anything to me even then. No one ever has until you, Maddie.”

  Because I could finally take her in calmly, I noticed what I hadn’t earlier because of our feral greeting. Her eyes were a little puffy and now flooding with emotion. I leaned my forehead against hers, hating that I’d caused her
any pain. Knowing full well, despite how crazed I felt around her, she couldn’t possibly have been buying that I’d never felt anything for anyone else, as insane as I knew it sounded, I blurted what I had no doubt I was feeling that very moment. “I love you, Madeline.”

  She pulled away, shaking her head, as the crinkle between her eyes went more severe. “You can’t say that to me. Not yet.”

  “Why?” I half laughed, half panicked.

  Of course it was too fucking soon. What the hell was my problem? I’d literally lost it.

  “Because.” She continued, shaking her head, staring at me like I really was as insane as I was beginning to feel. “It’s why I wanted us to talk tonight.”

  That wiped any trace of a smile off my face. She couldn’t still be thinking of dumping my ass, not after that reception she gave me. “Why?”

  “Because today scared the hell out of me.” She paused as I wiped the tears that rolled down her cheek away with my finger and kissed the corners of each of her eyes. “I’ve known all about you for years, Nico. I never imagined I’d ever be in this predicament—never dreamed you could possibly be interested in me—”

  “What are you talking about? You’re fucking beautiful.”

  “But you could have all the beautiful you want. It’s why I hadn’t brought this up before. I was afraid to scare you off. That I’d throw a wrench in whatever this is.” She almost went on but then seemed to catch herself and bit her lip.

  “What?” I asked, searching her beautiful but troubled eyes. “Just say it. I want this all out tonight.”

  She pondered for a moment, took a deep breath, then exhaled, as exasperated as I’d felt all day. “You see this is what you do to me. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I will because I’m helpless in my feelings when it comes to you. The day I said I didn’t do the hit-it-and-quit-it thing I thought for sure you’d see through my bluff.” My brows jumped, but her hand on my chest kept me from commenting. “I mean I don’t, but with you, I’ve known from the very first time you asked if I needed a ride, there was no way in hell I’d ever be able to say no to you. It’s why I’d forgone bringing this up before today.”

  As usual, I clung to her every word, but this confused me. “Bring what up?”

  “Other girls. That same day when you brought up Mama and her shotgun, I thought it was your way of letting me off easy. That for you those two glorious hours we spent in the theater were as much as you’d be willing to give me. You have no idea how terrified I was you’d call my bluff and just let me walk away. It’s why when you showed up at Pike’s Crest that night, with that amazing gift, I decided I wouldn’t bring up asking about the other girls in your life. Each time we were together after that I wanted so badly to ask then too, but each time I talked myself out of it. I’d begun to think ignorance was bliss. Maybe it was better if I didn’t know, right? Maybe I could just ignore all the hearsay I heard around town, and some of the stuff I’d seen for myself in the past. Then today happened . . .”

  Her brows pinched again as they had earlier, and she shook her head, looking away. That ache I’d felt earlier when I’d heard her cry on the phone was back, and I cursed the day I’d ever met Jenna.

  Turning her chin so she was facing me again, I kissed her softly. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  “I just can’t, Nico.” Her brows furrowed in pain again and snuffed the air out of my lungs. “As much as I’d love to do this and just ignore what you might be doing when I’m not around, after today, I know I’d never be able to deal with it. And this is before you saying things like you love me.”

  “First of all, I’m not just saying it. I mean it, damn it.” I said it with all the conviction I was feeling. “Second, you won’t have to deal with any of that because I sure as fuck won’t be dealing with you hanging out with any other guys. I’ve never considered the possibility of me dealing with that, not once even before your birthday, but sure as hell not after. It’s why—when I picked up on the fact that if I stayed away from other girls when I was around you, you’d return the favor—I was all over it.”

  Her brows narrowed again, only this time it was different, and it had me holding my breath because I already knew why. In my haste to get my point across, I’d said too much. “When you were around me?”

  Fuck.

  “I swore I wouldn’t ask because I preferred not to know,” she said, squirming as if she might get off my lap, but I held her down. “When’s the last time you were with someone else?”

  “I don’t remember. It’s been a while.”

  “Think.”

  Just like that, I’d lost the upper hand. She tried to get up again, but I held her by the waist, trying not to get distracted by what pushing her down onto my crotch did to me.

  “Don’t do this. We all have pasts. I’m not asking you about yours.”

  “Aside from you, I’ve only ever been kissed by two other guys,” she said without hesitation. “Roy Evans was my first kiss ever, two years ago, and then Aster Williams kissed me last year on the haunted hay ride.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, along with my hands on her waist, willing the visuals away. “You shouldn’t have told me that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’ll hate them both now. Just like I hate that fucker Shane.”

  When I opened my eyes to look at her, there was a hint of humor in her eyes and a twitch at the corners of her lips. “I’m just saying I have nothing to hide. I’m not asking about all the girls in your past. All I’m asking is who and when was your last, before me?”

  “You don’t know her. She’s not from Huntsville.”

  That was partially true. America wasn’t from Huntsville, and technically, Madeline didn’t know her. But America did say she’d frequented and enjoyed her time at the Smoke Wagon. With her living just an hour away, the possibility of her coming into town again was just too great. I wouldn’t take the chance of having to deal with that kind of awkwardness if she ever did. But I would give Madeline the truth about it. “It was months ago.”

  “You slept with her?” Grinding my teeth, I nodded as I stared into her eyes. “You still talk to her?”

  “I hear from her occasionally but haven’t in a while.”

  “Heard.”

  Furrowing my eyes in question, I peered at her, not sure what that meant.

  “You heard from her occasionally. Even knowing you stay in touch with someone you slept with, I can’t—” She stopped then lifted her chin. “I won’t deal with it.”

  “Fair enough,” I retorted, glad for the opportunity to throw it out there because, as unreasonable as it sounded, I wasn’t lying when I said I hated Roy and Aster now. “I don’t wanna hear that you keep in touch with either Roy or Aster. As a matter of fact, why don’t we just get this straight now. I hate this damn phone anyway.” I tapped my holster. “I’ve been saying I’m gonna upgrade and get a new one. I’ll change my number while I’m at it. Any girl who has my number now won’t anymore. That good enough for you? Because I don’t wanna have to ever go through the hell I went through today worrying about you dumping my ass.”

  Madeline scoffed but smiled big and genuinely the way I was so used to seeing her do. “Like I could ever dump you. But I would,” she added quickly, nudging my chest playfully, “if I ever had to really deal with what I did today.”

  We stopped talking as our lips came together for a while, and my new challenge arose. We’d done this plenty of times now. But with the exception of the day at the theater, we’d usually been standing against a tree, cliff, or car, maybe even rolling around in grass. While I was sure that time in the photo booth wasn’t the only time she’d been aware of my erection, it had never been pressed against her crotch like it was now.

  Doing the opposite of what I might’ve expected from any other seventeen-year-old virgin, since she just admitted to having only been kissed twice, Madeline ground against it, moaning and driving me fucking insane.

  B
etween frantic kisses, we discussed other stipulations and ground rules to our new relationship. Basically, for me, unless it was one of my brothers and absolutely necessary, I never wanted to see or even hear about her getting on any other bikes or into any other guys’ cars.

  I wasn’t big on social media, but I did have a Facebook profile I occasionally checked and posted on. She’d already mentioned Facebook and other sites she was on often. She and her sister and friends were constantly taking pictures, and I’d heard them happily discuss tagging each other with said photos.

  “I’m not on any of those sites nearly as much as you are, but Nolan is. I won’t be stalking your stuff or anything, but fair warning, from what you said you felt today, just don’t post anything you think would piss you off if I did.”

  “Got it,” she said, leaning in and sucking my tongue.

  We’d pretty much covered it all, and I was beyond pleased with how this terrifying-as-fuck talk went. I decided to just drop the talking and concentrate on enjoying her mouth and my hands all over her.

  She began swaying her hips and grinding my cock over my pants. It was torture enough, and I was already rock hard, but then her entire body began to tremble just so with each sway.

  From her position, I was sure my cock was right on the perfect spot, especially when she started moaning in my mouth and the trembling intensified. Pulling my mouth away from hers, I tried catching my breath, but she just moved her mouth to my neck and continued grinding. The feel of her tongue to my neck had me arching my back. Feeling her quiver again nearly had me messing my pants.

  Her grinding became more precise and rhythmic. “Oh my God,” she gasped, pulling away from my neck as she continued with even more zeal.

  Unable to hold back now because I loved the feel of her against my cock, I moved with her. “You gonna come, baby?”

  “Yes!” she said, grinding me even faster.

  “Do it,” I said, sucking her neck just as she moaned and arched her back.