Baby Be Mine

  I look across at Barney, making a mess of his cheese sandwich. We’re in the kitchen.

  I came home last night to find a note from Lena on the landing saying that she and Katya were sleeping in the green room and that I could go in and get the monitor. I crept into the bedroom, trying not to stare too much at the sleeping bodies snuggled up together under the covers, and retrieved the device. They joined me earlier for breakfast before Katya went home. The babysitting went well – Barney slept through – and I feel strangely free as a result. I really could do this more often.

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ I reply. ‘I’ve decided to check out some babysitters.’

  ‘Really? Good for you!’

  ‘Yeah.’ I look across at my son. ‘Last night I started to feel like my old self again.’

  Johnny and Dana went out last night. I gather they stayed at hers because Barney is having his afternoon nap and Johnny’s still not home. Lena is working in the office, but the place feels empty. The new cook can’t start soon enough. I go into the office.

  ‘When is Eddie starting?’ I ask Lena.

  ‘Monday!’ she replies with a wide smile. I’m guessing she misses the extra company as much as I do.

  ‘Brilliant. I can’t wait.’

  ‘Me neither.’

  ‘I wonder if he does cookies . . .’ I think out loud.

  She laughs. ‘He’d better.’

  ‘Hey,’ I have a sudden thought. ‘Can we check out the premiere pics from last night?’

  ‘Sure.’ She indicates the chair next to her. I sit down and stare at the computer with anticipation as she goes to a well-known picture-agency website. Images start to fill the screen. I peer closely, trying to hunt out Joseph.

  ‘Him,’ I say with a start. ‘Can you enlarge it?’

  She does, but it’s not Joseph.

  ‘No,’ I reply.

  ‘Are you looking for anyone in particular?’ she asks with curiosity.

  ‘Just a guy I met last night.’ I try to keep a straight face, but fail.

  ‘Ooh,’ she says with a smirk. ‘You kept this quiet this morning. Tell me all about it.’

  ‘It was nothing,’ I reply, before having a brainwave. ‘Check out the imdb!’

  The Internet Movie Database lists practically every movie, director and actor there is. We look up the name of the film and scroll down the cast list. A ‘Joseph’ appears near the bottom.

  ‘That one!’ I say excitedly. She clicks on his name and his page comes up.

  ‘Joseph Strike,’ she reads. ‘Sexy.’

  His cast shot is a snapshot of him on a nondescript red carpet. He looks very much like he did last night in a slim-fitting dark suit and a white shirt. Phwoar.

  ‘Did you get his number?’ Lena asks.

  ‘Yes. And he’s got mine.’

  ‘Are you going to call him?’

  ‘No!’ I reply, aghast. ‘He’ll call me if he wants to.’

  She shakes her head at me. ‘It doesn’t work like that anymore.’

  ‘How would you know?’ I ask teasingly.

  ‘I just do,’ she replies.

  ‘No. I’m waiting,’ I say firmly.

  ‘Waiting for what?’

  I jump out of my seat at the sound of Johnny’s voice.

  ‘Where did you come from?’ My heart is hammering.

  ‘Waiting for what?’ he asks again, ignoring my question.

  I ignore his. ‘You’re always appearing out of nowhere and scaring me.’ Two can play at that game.

  ‘No, I’m not,’ he scoffs, coming into the room. ‘Who’s the dude?’

  Lena answers for me.

  ‘Some guy Meg met last night,’ she says with a knowing look. ‘She was telling me all about it.’

  ‘Tell us both,’ Johnny says, sitting down on another chair and giving me a penetrating stare.

  ‘Like I told Lena, it was nothing.’

  ‘Yet here you are, checking him out on the internet.’ He leans in closer and reads the text. ‘Trained in martial arts. Nice,’ he adds sarcastically. ‘Did he show you any of his moves?’

  ‘Hopefully he will when we next meet,’ I reply sweetly, disliking his tone.

  ‘You’re going on a date?’ His eyes widen and he leans back in his chair.

  ‘Why is that so surprising?’

  ‘Didn’t figure you for such an easy lay.’

  ‘I am not an easy lay!’

  ‘Take it outside, guys,’ Lena interrupts.

  Johnny shrugs, then gets to his feet and walks out of the office.

  ‘Bastard!’ I spit.

  ‘He’s just jealous,’ Lena says casually.

  ‘No, he’s not,’ I reply. ‘He’s just a wanker.’

  ‘So,’ she says, smiling at me expectantly. ‘You’re going on a date, are you?’

  ‘Bloody well better be now,’ I mutter.

  ‘You should call him,’ she reiterates.

  ‘Damn you!’ I exclaim, brandishing my finger in her direction. She smirks. I snatch up my phone from the desk and give her a look, then go upstairs to my bedroom.

  I stare down at his number. Should I? Light-bulb moment: I could text him!

  No. Coward’s way out and then I could be waiting forever for him to reply. Bugger it. I press dial and wait for it to start ringing. I’ve been through much worse than this. If he isn’t interested in the cold light of day, who cares?

  He answers almost immediately.

  ‘Meg.’ I can tell he’s smiling. ‘You called me.’

  ‘You gave me your number,’ I reply flippantly.

  ‘How are your feet?’

  ‘My feet?’ My brow furrows, then it clicks. ‘Oh! They’re not too bad. They thank you for being concerned for their welfare.’

  ‘Tell them they’re very welcome.’

  ‘I’ll pass that on.’

  He chuckles. ‘So, are you free this afternoon?’

  ‘This afternoon?’ I ask in shock. ‘I only saw you last night!’

  ‘Why wait?’

  ‘So keen? You weren’t even the one who called me.’

  ‘Would you believe me if I told you I had my phone in my hand and was about to press dial?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Guess I have to earn your trust.’

  I hesitate, then tell him straight because I can’t be bothered to play games: ‘I can’t meet you this afternoon. I have to look after my son.’

  ‘Bring him.’

  ‘Bring him?’

  ‘That’s what I said.’

  I sigh. Surely it’s too soon to be introducing the family. Could I ask Johnny to look after him? Erm . . .

  ‘I’ll sort something out,’ I tell him. ‘Where and when?’

  ‘Santa Monica beach? We could take your son on the Ferris Wheel?’

  I pull a face which he can’t see. ‘I’m not sure I’ll bring Barney,’ I reply.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Don’t you think it’s a bit soon to be meeting my offspring?’

  ‘Meg!’ He laughs. ‘We’re not talking marriage, here. I need to spend some time with a fellow Brit. And the more the merrier, quite frankly. Do you want me to come and pick you up?’

  ‘No!’ I say quickly. ‘I’ll meet you there. Car seats,’ I add lamely.

  ‘By the pier in a couple of hours?’ he suggests.

  ‘Perfect.’ I look at the time on my phone. ‘See you at three.’

  We end the call and I stare ahead, thoughtfully. Santa Monica beach is where Christian took me once when we went out for the day in Johnny’s Bugatti Veyron. I don’t really want to be faced with those memories, but I couldn’t come up with another plan on the spot. I’m sure it will be okay. Barney will like the fairground – I’ll do it for him.

  My earlier nonchalance turns to nerves by the time we’re walking along the boardwalk past the ever-present palm trees towards the pier. I whip Barney to one side as a rollerblader whizzes by us. It’s 18 degrees today, but it’s cooler down at the beach so I
’m glad I packed an extra jumper for Barney. I’m just about warm enough in my black leggings and red maxi cardie.

  In the distance I can see Joseph waiting by the pier. As we get closer he spots us too and starts to walk in our direction. My pulse quickens as he flashes a smile at us. He is so gorgeous.

  ‘Hey,’ he says warmly, his eyes twinkling.

  ‘Hi,’ I reply. ‘This is Barney.’

  ‘Hello.’ He smiles down at him. Barney hides behind my leg.

  ‘He’s not usually shy,’ I say.

  I couldn’t be sure of his height yesterday because he was sitting down, but now I’m thrilled to see that he’s quite a bit taller than me – probably about Johnny’s height.

  ‘Shall we go to the pier?’ he asks.

  ‘Sure.’ I pick up Barney. ‘Look!’ I point. ‘Ferris Wheel!’ He follows the direction of my extended finger. ‘Can you say Ferris Wheel?’

  ‘Pess will,’ he tries and I hug him to me with adoration and kiss his little forehead. Joseph glances away and I suddenly feel awkward about my open display of affection. Maybe I was right about this being too much too soon.

  I put my son down on the sand and we start our slow walk towards the pier. Slow because Barney keeps stopping to play in the sand.

  ‘Come on, honey,’ I urge, taking his hand. ‘We’re going to go on the big wheel.’

  He’s never even been on one so I doubt he understands the urgency.

  ‘Shall I give him a piggyback?’ Joseph asks me.

  ‘Um . . . You can try.’ I’m not sure how Barney will take to a stranger picking him up and throwing him onto his shoulders, but, to my delight, he starts to giggle as Joseph jogs across the sand away from me. I run after them, laughing.

  I’m out of breath by the time we reach the pier, in total contrast to Joseph. He glances at me and my face starts to burn. I look at the ocean, at the waves crashing against the sand. Hopefully he hasn’t noticed me blushing. It’s so strange, being on a date. I’m not used to it.

  ‘Did you have a good time last night?’ I ask him.

  ‘It was okay,’ he shrugs. ‘As these things go.’ He’s still carrying Barney. ‘Did you?’

  ‘Brilliant. Loved it. Already having withdrawal symptoms. I clearly need to get out more.’

  ‘You don’t go out much?’

  I laugh and nod meaningfully at Barney. ‘No.’

  ‘Who looked after him last night?’ he asks.

  ‘A friend.’

  ‘No family?’

  ‘My parents live in France.’

  ‘What about his father?’

  ‘Oh . . .’ I try to act casual. ‘Yes, he’s around, but he’s sort of a bit useless.’ I try to laugh it off. ‘Ooh, candy floss!’

  He follows my gaze.

  ‘Or cotton candy, as they call it here,’ I continue.

  ‘Aah. You want some?’

  ‘Hell, yeah!’

  He chuckles and deftly gets his wallet out of his pocket while holding onto Barney one-handed.

  A few minutes later, pink spun sugar is melting on my tongue. I sigh with delight and offer him the bag.

  ‘No, thanks. I’d never work again if I got into that stuff,’ he says with a grin. I glance at his biceps and suddenly it doesn’t seem quite so important that he shares my indulgence for calorie-laden sweeties.

  ‘So is that your thing?’ I ask. ‘Martial arts?’

  He shrugs. ‘I can act as well. Or so I’m told.’

  ‘That’s cool,’ I say. ‘Have you been in any other films?’

  ‘A couple. Nothing too exciting. I’ve got an audition on Monday, though.’

  ‘Oh, wow. What’s that for?’

  ‘A sci-fiflick. Adrian Reigler’s at the helm.’

  ‘Ooh.’ I try to sound impressed.

  ‘You don’t know who that is, do you?’

  I look sheepish. ‘No, sorry.’

  He grins. ‘He’s a new and upcoming director. Think the next James Cameron, but younger.’

  ‘He’s not going to paint you blue and dress you up like an Avatar alien, is he?’

  He laughs. ‘I hope not.’

  ‘Well, good luck with it. Is that what your agent wanted to talk to you about last night?’

  ‘It was, actually.’ I think he’s impressed that I remember. ‘He gave me a rap on the knuckles for not working the room more.’

  ‘How long had you been sitting there before we arrived?’

  ‘About half an hour,’ he admits.

  ‘And you didn’t even have the excuse of sore feet,’ I tut.

  ‘True.’ He glances down at my black ballet pumps.

  ‘Flats today,’ I tell him.

  ‘They suit you too,’ he says with a grin.

  The image returns of the two of us in bed together, although it’s quickly quashed when I look up at Barney on his shoulders. Next time, I think to myself, I’ll get a babysitter.

  We meet each other’s eyes and I wonder if he can read my mind. Right now, I don’t particularly care. Like Kitty says, it’s time to get back on the horse. And sooner rather than later would be really rather lovely, thank you very much.

  Chapter 35

  I’m still on a high when I get home at six o’clock that night, even though Barney has grizzled the entire way back because he’s tired and hungry. I fed him snacks in the car, but we’re an hour late for his dinner. Of course I feel guilty, but not that guilty. I feel kind of dazed – in a good way. I waft into the house and go straight to the kitchen to prepare him some beans on toast. I can’t wait for Eddie to start on Monday. We’ll eat proper food again! Hurray.

  Lena comes in a minute later.

  ‘Are you off home?’ I ask her.

  ‘No.’ She gives me a wary look. ‘Johnny wants to talk to you.’

  ‘What about?’ I ask, alarmed.

  ‘Today,’ she says meaningfully.

  I pull a face. ‘Joseph?’

  She nods. ‘I’ll feed Barney.’

  ‘No, you should go,’ I reply. ‘It’s the start of the weekend.’

  ‘No, I’ll feed Barney,’ she insists, and I know at that moment that I’m in for a hard time of it with Johnny.

  ‘Okay,’ I reply with a heavy heart, and I go to find him. As it turns out, he finds me.

  ‘Meg!’ He comes out of his room and jogs down the stairs. To my annoyance, Dana follows him, although with far less urgency.

  ‘Did you take Barney with you on a date?’ He’s angry and my hackles are immediately raised.

  ‘You know I did. What’s your problem?’

  ‘This guy could have been a serial killer!’ he exclaims.

  ‘Ooh, yes,’ I reply sarcastically. ‘A simple kick to the head with one of his karate moves should do it.’ Okay, so Joseph does kung fu, but really, what’s the difference?

  ‘You’re out of line!’ he shouts, gesticulating furiously. I hear Lena close the kitchen door in the background.

  ‘Why are you getting angry?’ Dana interrupts calmly from beside him. ‘What’s the big deal if Meg has a boyfriend?’

  What the—? I wasn’t expecting her to stick up for me.

  ‘I’m not angry,’ Johnny snaps back, kind of illustrating her point. He glares at me. I raise my eyebrows at him challengingly. He exhales loudly. ‘Look,’ he says, sounding slightly calmer, ‘I wouldn’t expect you to let me take Barney out with anyone you didn’t know.’

  ‘I wouldn’t want you to take Barney out with anyone I did know.’ I look pointedly at Dana.

  ‘Oh, I’ve got no interest in babysitting.’ She brushes me off. ‘Sorry,’ she adds flippantly.

  ‘Don’t be,’ I say through gritted teeth.

  She continues, unperturbed, ‘Johnny, can I borrow the silver car to go pick up Nina?’

  ‘Sure,’ he replies, still looking at me.

  She pecks him on the cheek, raises one eyebrow at me over her shoulder, and then walks out.

  Johnny is still staring angrily at me. ‘What I said st
ands,’ he reiterates firmly. ‘I don’t want anyone looking after Barney who I don’t know.’

  ‘Since when did you become a protective father?’

  ‘Don’t you DARE!’ he shouts at me. ‘I didn’t have a fucking choice, remember? You took that away from me!’

  I spin on my heels – well, flats – and head up the stairs. I’m not hearing this again.

  ‘Where are you going?’ he shouts after me.

  ‘Away from you,’ I reply.

  ‘I mean what I said!’ he continues.

  ‘Yeah, yeah.’

  ‘AND I WANT HIM TO CALL ME DADDY!’ he blares.

  I turn around and stare at him, then I can’t help it: I crack up laughing.

  ‘What?’ he asks crossly, his face flushed with rage.

  ‘You!’ I can barely get the word out.

  ‘What?’ he asks again, really annoyed now.

  ‘You!’ I’m almost crying with laughter. ‘Shouting “DADDY” after me.’

  His face softens. I collapse on the stairs and laugh so hard I have to clutch at my chest.

  ‘Fuck you,’ he says, but his face breaks into a grin. He walks up the stairs and sits down next to me, resting his elbows on his knees. Eventually my laughs subside. I look across at him, but he’s staring down at his fingernails. I look at them, too, then my eyes travel up his hands to his wrist and his latest tattoo. It’s black and twirly. I don’t know what it means, if it even has any meaning. I bet it hurt, though, I think distractedly.

  I realise Johnny is now looking at me so I meet his eyes. My heart skips a beat. He’s too close. I force myself to speak, hopefully without shaking.

  ‘Okay, you can meet him.’

  Something changes in his expression, I’m not sure what. It should be relief, but I don’t think so.

  ‘Good,’ he replies. He rests his chin on his forefingers and stares straight ahead.

  In the kitchen, Barney starts to cry.

  ‘I’ll go,’ I say, getting to my feet and going to him. Lena is just cleaning up. He’s tired. ‘Thanks,’ I say to Lena. ‘I can take it from here. You should go home.’

  ‘Cool,’ she replies. ‘I just have to finish up a few things in the office.’

  I get Barney out of his high chair and carry him back through to the living room.

  I notice with surprise that Johnny is still where I left him. On impulse I carry Barney up the stairs and sit back down next to Johnny. Barney shifts his head to my other shoulder and stares straight at his father. Johnny smiles and ruffles his hair. Warmness seeps through me.