Kadence (Rockstar Book 7)

  I nod, swallowing hard, knowing what "the rest" signifies.

  "Reel it in. For now," Cage says.

  I look at him through the screen and nod.

  "She's ready," the nurse from earlier announces from Syd's doorway.

  "Time to get hitched," Sera tells me.

  "Yeah. I just wish it would have been seven years earlier so I'd have more than just a couple hours with her," I whisper, as I head toward the room.

  Sydney looks up and smiles. I can see the pain and I hate it. I would take all of it on myself for a year to give her one minute of relief.

  Son of a bitch.

  "You look beautiful," I tell her, taking in the lace veil, the pretty blanket covering the bed, Sydney's pretty peach pajamas.

  "I wish I could have worn a dress," she says.

  "This is sexier," I tease, fingering her peach pajamas. I lean over her and kiss her forehead, and she snickers.

  "You're still a pervert."

  "You aren't kidding," Sera shouts from the phone in my hand.

  Sydney jumps. "Who…?"

  I chuckle. "It's Sera, sweetness. You remember Serafina?"

  Her eyes go wide and the half smile now spreads across her entire face, lighting her up completely. I turn the phone so they can see one another.

  "Serafina Manzini!" Sydney exclaims with a laugh.

  "Sydney!" Sera replies. "It's Nichols now. This is my husband, Cage."

  I don't look or interrupt. I let them have this moment.

  "Oh my," Syd says, blushing, her hand flying to her chest. I lift a brow.

  Sera laughs. "Yeah, he gets that a lot."

  "I just bet," Sydney responds.

  "Nice to meet you, Sydney," Cage greets.

  "You as well." She looks at me. "This is so lovely, Jace."

  "We need witnesses, right?" I urge.

  She nods. "We do. Where's Lucy?"

  Sera laughs. "She's wrangling her hoard of Kingstons. She had the four babies and now she spends every waking minute with them. She's the best mother."

  "I imagine she is. She was always the one who took care of everyone," Sydney answers.

  "She's still the same way," I tell her.

  "And her husband? He's good to her?" she asks Sera. "I saw there were some problems when you were out on tour."

  She's been keeping tabs on us. Her gaze meets mine and I tilt my head with a smile. Has she been doing that the whole time we've been apart? Sydney smiles back and gives a subtle nod. That's a yes. Damn it. So much wasted time.

  "He's so good to her. He worships her. Sometimes it's almost sickening how in love and lust they are," Sera tells us.

  "That's the truth. Before she had those babies and we were on tour," I say, shaking my head and laughing. "Like rabbits."

  Sydney blushes again. "Oh, that's good. She deserves this happiness so much. So do you, Serafina. You've been through so much. I'm so happy you are happy and have a good man who loves you."

  "He does. He makes me happy," Sera tells her, and it's the truth. What she's leaving out is how she and Cage are working through the Manzinis one by one until they find the ones who killed her parents. The killers may already be dead, but they're going to keep fighting until they know for sure.

  "A better match I've never seen," I admit aloud. "They're stronger together."

  Sydney nods. "I can see it. They feed off each other's strength and love."

  "You always saw everything," Sera says to Sydney.

  "It's a gift."

  I raise a brow and she shrugs.

  I wonder what she sees in me that I don't want her to. Probably a whole hell of a lot.

  "Where did you find a priest, Jackie?" Sydney asks the nurse, who walks in with the man in black—minus the white collar.

  "I have my ways," is all the petite mocha-skinned nurse says.

  "In all things," Sydney says, then puts her oxygen mask on, inhaling deep, closing her eyes, her brows furrowed as she suffers through the pain. I clench my fist at my side. She shouldn't have to hurt. Ever.

  "I'm Father Thomas," he announces, then shakes my hand, and holds Sydney's gently between his, lingering and saying a soft prayer.

  I swallow hard again. Son of a bitch! Sera gasps when she hears the prayer that sounds horrifically similar to last rites, and I turn the phone toward me. I just wait until Sera's ready, watching as she fights back the emotions threatening to overwhelm her.

  I know exactly how she feels.

  "Are we ready?" Father Thomas asks.

  "Yes," I say, looking into Sydney's eyes, wishing it was seven years earlier. At least she'll be mine now, for a little while.

  Sydney grins and nods, removing her oxygen mask. "I am so ready."

  I give her a wink and move next to her.

  2

  Sydney

  Is this real? Is this really happening? I want to pinch myself to check if I'm awake but, as Jace takes my hand in his, all my anxiety dissipates, breaking into pieces of what seem like foolishness—yet I know it's not.

  I'm going to die today, but I'm going to die married to the man I love—the man I know will keep our daughter happy and safe, the man I know will love her with everything he is.

  I didn't make the right decision seven years ago. I'm making the right decision today, though. Nothing has ever felt so completely right.

  A fresh wave of pain rolls through my body, stealing my breath, forcing me to close my eyes and swallow the scream filling the back of my throat. My whole body is one stabbing ache and I'm tired. I'm so tired. I can feel my body slowly shutting down and I know that today I can let go. I can stop fighting.

  Jace is here. The thought brings a smile to my lips in spite of the pain. I've missed him so much. My heart hurts thinking of all we've lost because of my foolish decision. Maybe it wasn't so foolish. I can't imagine Jace was ready for Kadence at seventeen and I certainly didn't want to trap him.

  Yet that's exactly what his parents had done to him—up until they formed Blush. The pride I felt when I saw him on that stage...

  "You okay, sweetheart?" Jace asks.

  I open my eyes and nod slowly. Even that hurts, but I won't let it show. I think he knows anyway. He always knows.

  Father Thomas stands at the end of the bed. Kadence is sitting next to me on the bed and Jace is sitting in a chair next to my bed. Not the ideal setting for a wedding, but when he asked… oh, when he asked. My heart. It nearly exploded in my chest. Hope and happiness that I haven't felt in such a long time filled me from head to toe, easing the pain in both my body and my heart.

  "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Jace and Sydney in holy matrimony…"

  The ceremony goes by in a blur. Kadence is bouncing on her toes next to the bed—she couldn't sit still for this. She said it's too special and she's excited. I'm relieved. I was so afraid she wouldn't accept Jace, but she has—albeit cautiously.

  "Do you have the ring?" Father Thomas asks.

  I gasp. "Oh. We don't…"

  Jace squeezes my hand softly. "Yes, we do, sweets."

  He magically pulls two platinum wedding bands out of his pocket.

  I gasp again, this time in surprise. "How did you…?"

  "Nurse Jackie helped a lot," Jace tells me.

  Jackie blushes and looks down. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for this lady. She's my favorite patient."

  Now the waterworks start. I'd been doing so well at holding them back, but that just broke the dam.

  "Don't cry, beautiful," Jace soothes.

  "I just didn't expect that," I admit.

  "They're okay, though, right?" he asks, uncertainty etched in his features.

  I pull his hand so he leans down and I kiss his lips. "More than okay. Thank you."

  "I would die for you, Sydney. If I could, right now I would take your place."

  "Jace," is all I can say, shaking my head.

  Multiple throats are cleared and Jace chuckles, standing up straight.

  We exch
ange rings and vows and I can see it in his eyes. He means every word he's saying to me. I really wish I could turn back time and right the wrong I did to him.

  "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," Father Thomas announces.

  When Jace leans in and kisses me, I feel it all the way to my soul. He's always been the one. My soul mate. I ignore the pain lancing through my abdomen, chest, and head, and enjoy the feel of his lips on mine. It's been so long.

  "I love you, Jace," I admit with a whisper.

  He rests his forehead against mine, a lone tear tracking down his cheek. "I love you, too, Syd. I always have and I always will."

  Sera whistles and makes a few lewd suggestions that has Father Thomas wide-eyed. I just laugh. In this moment I feel free. I feel content. I feel complete.

  I'm Jace's wife.

  "I present you, Mr. and Mrs. Jace Warner!" Father Thomas exclaims and everyone claps and cheers. People have gathered in the doorway and hall—strangers who've witnessed Jace make me his wife. I feel pride. Being his wife, it makes me proud.

  "Wife," Jace whispers, then kisses me again.

  "Husband," I whisper back.

  "Yuck," Kadence says, sticking her tongue out and making a face.

  I just laugh and urge her closer for a hug.

  It's then that the pain overwhelms me and I moan. I can't stop it. The agony spreads and I can't catch my breath. It's almost time.

  I look heavenward and thank Him for giving me that small reprieve.

  "Damn it, she needs something for the pain," Jace shouts but Jackie's already there, syringe in hand.

  It takes seconds for the medication to reach me, but those are excruciating ones. I gulp in air, leaning back, resting my head on the pillow, eyes closed tight as I shut everyone and everything out and struggle to regain the control I had. This time, I can't. It's almost time.

  "I think we should let Syd get some rest. Thank you all for being here. Thanks, Sera, Cage," Jace says.

  "I think you're right," Sera replies. "We'll be there in… closer to two hours now. Sydney?"

  I blink and look at the phone screen.

  "You're loved. You've always been loved. You'll always be loved. If I'm—if we don't get there in time, please know that. Also know that we'll keep Kadence safe and help…" Sera's voice cracks and she shakes her head.

  "Thank you, Sera. I love you, too. Thank you," I whisper.

  She nods and cuts the connection.

  The room has cleared out quickly and I'm thankful. I don't want strangers looking at me. My head is itching from this cloth, so I reach up and pull it off, using my fingertips to alleviate the annoying sensation.

  Father Thomas is still here. I look up into his kind blue eyes and find sympathy and compassion, understanding and strength.

  "Father," I gasp out, "could you—" I break off as another wave of pain cuts off my air.

  "Last rights?" he asks and I nod.

  "Yes, of course, young lady. Take comfort in knowing you'll be with Him soon," Father Thomas calms.

  Jace stands next to me, tears streaming. He knows. He always knows.

  When last rights are finished, Father Thomas takes a seat in the corner, silently praying. It does give me some comfort. I'm not Catholic, but knowing he's talking to God for me relaxes me.

  I need to tell Jace the plans I've already made.

  If I wasn't already nearly dead, saying goodbye and telling the man I love what to do with my remains when I'm gone, would kill me.

  3

  Jace

  Sydney's exhausted and hurting. I can't stand to see her hurting this way. I wish… Yeah. I wish. I nuzzle my nose into the top of her head where her short blonde hair stands in disarray. She's so beautiful. There has never been a minute of the last six years I haven't loved her. God, how I wish I'd known.

  "Everything's in order as far as arrangements go. Please put the headstone and sprinkle the ashes wherever you and Kay Kay end up. I'd like to be close to her."

  "That goes without saying."

  Sydney's breathing gets more labored and the nurse brings Kadence over to us where she lies on the other side of the bed.

  "Kay Kay, remember how I told you I would be going to sleep for a long, long time so I could play with the angels?" Sydney begins and I nearly lose my shit. Christ. This is killing me. My heart's being ripped to shreds as I lose the only woman I've ever loved, and part of it's being healed by my daughter.

  "I 'member."

  "I'm going there soon," Syd tells her.

  "The angels are calling?" Kadence asks, and I bite my lip then kiss Sydney's forehead.

  Syd nods. "They are. They're ready for me."

  "No more owies?" Kadence asks.

  "No," Syd sobs, "no more owies."

  Kadence nods. "Good. I don't like when those bad cells give you hurts."

  "Remember how I said when the angels called, you'd have to go with your daddy?" Sydney asks our daughter.

  "I 'member," she whispers, eyeing me cautiously.

  "He's a good man and will be a great daddy to you, baby. I promise. You're going to have to go with him today," Sydney admits and I flinch.

  "Okay, Mama. I promise to be a good girl."

  Sydney sniffles and hugs Kadence. "I know you will be the best daughter for your daddy. You just be yourself and everything will be okay. You know you're my bestest girl and I love you more than anything."

  Kadence nods. "You're my bestest girl too, Mama. I love you gobs and gobs!" She smiles and wraps her tiny arms around Sydney's neck, both closing their eyes and holding on for more than a few minutes.

  "Even though you won't be able to see me, I'll be close. You can talk to me anytime you want to, and whenever you need me, I'll be there," Syd promises.

  "I know," Kadence says around a yawn and then snuggles into her mom, unknowing of the fact that Sydney is struggling for her last breaths. But Syd, being Syd, hangs on until Kadence is asleep before she turns to me.

  "I have to go now, Jace. You're the love of my life. You always have been. I wish I'd done things differently, but I can't turn back the clock. Thank you for making me your wife. I love you more than words. Love our girl and be good to her. She was made with love and she'll give you the love I no longer can," she tells me.

  "I haven't even had a full day with you and it's like no time has passed between us at all. Now I have to actually say goodbye… I can't. We don't do goodbyes, babe," I tell her, breathing in the lavender that is Sydney, tears falling into her hair.

  "I know and I'm sorry. I tried to reach you months ago but the letters got put in fan mail. This was the only way I could think of to get a message to you. I was afraid you wouldn't make it," she admits.

  "I came as soon as I got notice."

  "I know." Sydney groans and gasps, the pain eating her alive.

  "I'll love you until the day I die, Sydney. Baby, don't fight anymore. I'm here and I'll take care of our girl. Let go and stop hurting, please. You don't need to hurt anymore," I tell her, silencing the sob that bursts free.

  I kiss her softly and she breathes her last breath into me.

  She's gone. Gone. Sydney—the girl I've loved for what feels like forever. The first girl I kissed—I mean, really kissed. The first girl I had sex with. The first and only girl I've ever loved.

  I watched as the pain lines etched in her forehead eased; as the pain lifted, and she drifted away. It was one of the hardest fucking things I've ever had to be a part of, yet there's nowhere else I'd rather have been. I'm so glad I was here for her. I wish I'd been here sooner.

  Fuck.

  The nurses are coming in now and they woke up Kadence. She rubs her eyes sleepily. I reach over, holding my arms out to her, and she doesn't even hesitate to reach hers out to me too. I lift her up to my chest. She immediately wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. It steals my breath—this feeling. The feeling of my daughter in my arms for the first time. She's tiny and beautiful like he
r mother and she smells like apples.

  "Is Mommy sleeping with the angels now?" Kadence asks, and it's all I can do not to fall to my knees and weep. I'm not normally one to cry, but god damn. This is so fucking hard.

  "Yeah, baby. She's sleeping with the angels," I answer, swallowing hard.

  Kadence nods and rests her head on my shoulder. "That's good. She's always so sleepy."

  Kadence lets out a yawn of her own.

  My beautiful little girl falls asleep with her head on my shoulder, showing me just how much she trusts me. I owe Sydney for that. There's no doubt she's the reason Kadence knew who I was before I even walked in or the reason she's so comfortable with me already.

  God. What I wouldn't give for a week, a month, a year! with my two girls.

  They cover Sydney with the white sheet and my stomach sinks.

  Reality reminds me of all the things I'll never have.

  Reality is a bitch.

  A few tears slip out before I can stop them—but I do, eventually, stop them. If I don't, I'll break. Kadence needs me to be strong. I'll fall apart in private.

  "Mr. Warner?" a woman in scrubs asks.

  I look up, not really even seeing her.

  "There are a few forms we need you to sign."

  I nod, ignoring the pity in her eyes. She doesn't get to pity me. She doesn't know me. None of them do.

  I take the clipboard and step out into the hallway and take a seat on one of the soft sofas against the wall.

  I sit slowly so as to not wake up Kadence, setting the clipboard on the cushion next to me. I hold my daughter close.

  Christ. I have a daughter. I have no idea how to be a father. This day has been the longest of my life and it's still not over.

  I found out I'm a father, got married, and became a widower, all in the same day. Kadence is the brightness in my misery. It's her sweetness and light that are holding me together—I can only hope I will do the same for her.

  "Jace?" a female voice calls out quietly.

  I look up, squinting my tired eyes. "Karen?"

  Tears are running down her cheeks unchecked, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She sits down next to me.