I Sacrifice Myself

  He swiftly encased me in his steel arms.

  He thought I meant to have him turn me, for us to run from here.

  “No, feed. Give me time to save you.”

  Dimitri paused. This was not something he preferred to do.

  “I have no time. They will stake me with the dawn. It’s now or I die.”

  I sighed. My heart was heavy with grief. I closed my eyes again and sagged against him.

  “Feed,” I demanded. I knew their thirst was ten times what mine was and my blood, if it did not poison them, would be like fine wine before a fireplace.

  No vampire could resist a free meal, and neither could he. My temptation, which stood so blatantly before him, would not be denied.

  Within seconds he had taken his fill.

  My heart slowed. My legs collapsed, and I struggled to remain upright and on my feet. After what felt like eternity, but was only a second, his vise-like grip was all that held me up. The others would think he was draining me I was sure.

  “Stop… stop Dimi…” My attempt was weak. With perfect hearing, he heard my whisper. The name I used often, in the past, with such affection had gained his attention. I was sure nothing else would have done so.

  He lapped the blood pouring from the two holes in my neck.

  I was woozy and needed him to keep me from falling flat on my face.

  Despite the fact I was probably about three to three and half quarts short of blood, I managed to remain not only awake, but aware.

  When I’d healed enough, he set me on his bed. I thought he’d go back to his dark corner but he joined me instead. He curled up behind me. Thoughts of his body floated freely through my mind, all intently headed straight for the gutter. I was doomed, and he knew it. It was only a matter of time before the whole base did.

  “I still want you Shade.”

  His voice was crisp and deadly, but haunting, and brought back memories of us in this very same position. His warm breath tickled my ear, as it had so many times before. His hand found its regular spot, like he was still my Dimi, not a blood sucking and demonic creature that sought to drain us all as soon as he was free.

  “I still love you too, Dimi.”

  My confession was of no surprise to either of us.

  After an hour had passed, I sat up slowly, careful not to anger the beast that lay ever so still behind me. He never restrained me or blocked me. He was strong enough, even as a newborn, to crush me instantly.

  He allowed me to leave. I yearned to turn and run back to him, to wrap myself around him, and to give into what we both wanted. Part of me knew, deep down, that his fantasy was the only one that ended up with us together.

  As I reached the main door, I heard them click their safeties on their guns off. The door unlocked and they let me out, peering in at Dimitri.

  I needed to finish something before my decision was made.

  With my head bowed, my steps heavy, and breathing ragged I made my way to the star-lit court yard. I was alone, and always would be, might as well get used to it. Dawn was three hours away and I knew he was right. They’d stake him, as the sun peeked from the horizon, as life wakened and continued without us. I was out of time.

  Tears pooled in my eyes and made a slow path down my face. A guard silently patrolled within ear shot of me, but never came close.

  I must have sat there on the cold, stone bench for some time, with my face wet and the soft breeze tickling it.

  Ash came to me and settled beside me. He offered me no comfort or demands for answers. He simply sat beside me and waited for me to speak.

  After some time I finally found the words I needed him to hear.

  “I loved you Ash, I really did. I was content…”

  “But not happy,” he finished.

  I didn’t deny this.

  “There was always something about him. Maybe his strength, his honor, and his hidden pain that drew me.”

  “I don’t want to hear how damned perfect and in love you were.”

  “Are,” I whispered.

  “Whatever,” he replied sadly.

  I could hear his voice breaking, hear how painful it was for him to sit here with me, to show support when everything screamed at him to put the monstrous demon nearby I loved so dearly down.

  I knew he was right, this was only hurting him more, the longer I delayed. Yet, he needed to hear it. I was cruel and not fit to be his friend.

  “We are the same, Dimitri and I. You and I are not, and we were frowned on. You know this. I need a mate who can match me, Ash, in everything.”

  “You were the same, you are no demon now. He can never be your mate Angelissa,” Ash replied so quietly, it was as if he never said it, but he did and I heard him.

  Ash hung his head and let out the breath he’d been holding. Now shame flashed through his eyes, and defeat.

  New tears fell but not for my Dimi. For the pain I could sense within my ex. I was the monster, free to wound all those around me, to tear them down.

  “What you never saw was that I was strong enough for you, Shade. I just wasn’t like him. He’s the reason we’re not together. The reason I can’t hold you and kiss you. He’ll take you with him if I don’t end him now.”

  I barely registered his words before he was up and stalking down the hall. At wrongly assumed he was just done with this conversation. Later I would find out differently.

  I jumped up and ran to get my sword and knives. I needed to release this mounting frustration before I killed myself. No one questioned my actions while a vampire was on base, and still alive, well undead.

  I jumped into my car, not the Hummer, and shot out of there faster than the guard could relay the office to inform Ian.

  I turned my stereo on, hit play not caring which CD I had put in it last, and watched the scenery fly by faster than the speedometer needle. I reached ninety before I was officially off base.

  Unconsciously I must have known all along I would head here. As I exited the car I heard the screams.

  Death was always near by. I could sense it better than a mortician.

  I jerked my blades free, donning only the sword and sheath, leaving my jacket behind. The sword swung precariously off my shoulder, ready to remove more heads.

  I headed towards what sounded like a newborn nest. The elder I had decapitated wasn’t here randomly, it had sired another. Two at least by my count, if you included the newborn that had attacked Ian.

  I stealthily made my way inside the two story building and upstairs. My eyes could barely comprehend the mayhem surrounding me. Rotting corpses, drained of blood, assaulted me and my nose. Innards were now spilled like sausages at my feet, ready to tangle me up and take me out.

  I could hear the rumors now, taken out by an intestine in battle. I fell on my own sword.

  I shook my head and worked my way carefully around the bloody mess, trying to block the macabre visual effects. Flies buzzed in swarms on the more decayed… bodies? Parts? I had an iron stomach but not if flies and maggots were involved.

  Sweat dripped off my brow into my eye, I refused to swipe it away and be distracted. More sweat made tiny salty rivulets down my spine, soaking the waistband of my leather pants.

  I felt my power tingle slightly as it warned me of the vampire crouching just beyond the corner I’d just come to. It was waiting for me to make a mistake, to lower my guard or even walk blindly into his trap.

  Not this hybrid. I may have had a death wish but not before I rolled a few heads. I let the sheath that held my sword drop to the floor as I pulled it free and prepared to swing.

  Just as I rounded the corner and came into sight I whipped my sword around and felt the impact as it sliced neatly through the newborns neck. A hiss escaped the crimson lips as the head toppled to the left and fell with a solid thud to the ground. The body seemed to slide down an invisible wall.

  Behind the carnage was what was left of its meal. A drained female about my own age, and disturbingly similar in appearance. r />
  I heard, smelled, death as it walked through the door to my right. A hand gripped my neck and lifted me clear of the floor.

  Memories of a birthday filled with horror skated through my head as I eyed the oldest vampire I had ever met.

  If I had not been dehydrated and a little thirsty I would have pissed myself. As it was I nearly threw up all over the giant blood sucker.

  He smiled wickedly, knowing I was but caged animal snared and moments from being gutted. I spit directly in his eye and laughed.

  “You will pay for that little one,” he said as he used his free, clawed, hand to wipe my exact thoughts of him off his face.

  “Really? I was thinking I might get a satisfying reward or free Bahamas cruise or something. Never crossed my mind I might have to actually earn something,” I choked out.

  I was stupid but call it Kamikaze all you want, I was going out with a bang.

  I took my right hand and pulled out a blade as my left dropped the sword and reached for another.

  “No, bad girl. You mustn’t play with sharp objects or someone could get hurt.”

  He swiftly swatted the blades from my hand, in a blink of an eye.

  “No jokes now I see,” he told me, as he eyed my reaction.

  I was deader than a door nail and I knew it. No saving Dimitri I guess…

  I felt my power licking at my insides. I would save that for the moment this old ass grandpa of a vampire struck.

  “Such a delectable morsel if I do say so myself,” he continued, sniffing me.

  I was seconds from being a rare steak kabob.

  “Shall we dine frisky one?”

  “Sure thing Dracula, but where are all the guests?”

  He narrowed his eyes at me and growled.

  “Any last requests my dear?” he asked, eyes full of desire and hunger.

  “Yeah, what blood type am I?”

  “O positive perhaps?” he asked, smiling once more.

  “Nope, why don’t you go ahead and find out you old bastard!”

  With a savage snarl his fangs ripped into me. I curbed my urge to scream and fight.

  After a millisecond I smiled.

  “I’m a new vintage, fucktard. I’m the new and improved batch, and since your drinking straight from the bottle, well, the hangover is a bitch!”

  The elder vamp choked, clearly confused, and in that moment as the mouthful he’d ingested hit his system he understood.

  His mouth sizzled like my blood was acid. His hold on me weakened and I dropped slightly less than gracefully to my bended knee, giving him a rueful smile.

  My throat, nearly crushed, hurt like hell. I was not breathing so well, but I still had to be a smart bitch and talk back.

  “I’m a little something I like to call a hybrid. My type is so rare that you won’t find it running amok here. In case your wondering though, I’m a type O negative.”

  A roar shook the whole building, threatening to crumble it around our ears. I stood up, wobbling just enough to lose a little face.

  I waited for him to attack, which he did.

  As he moved towards me, I allowed all the pent up emotions and baggage I was carrying to flood me, making me a battery conduit and like a nuclear explosion I hurled everything I had at the freak.

  Instantly inflamed, literarily not figuratively that is, his momentum caused him to crash into me and the blade I’d silently maneuvered into my grasp. I struck him in the eye as his weight collapsed on me. A writhing, screaming, putrid, blood sucking demon now crushed me to the floor as he burned.

  Fortunately my own flames were not as hazardous to me as they were to him. His deafening cries rocked me to my core, his claws shredding my arm and the side of my face, and his fangs merely an inch from my carotid artery.

  I pushed the charred body from my own as the last screams escaped him. Ashes coated my black leather outfit, giving away my battle with an elder.

  I coughed some of the soot from my lungs and pulled myself up, careful to avoid the puddles of blood surrounding me.

  “That was a blast of fun that I’m not so eager to endure anytime soon,” I whispered as I dusted what I could of Dracula off my clothes.

  I realized as suicidal as I may have become, I desperately wanted a shower and a hug. A shower was doable. The hug I’d just gotten, even if it was from Sir Count A Lot.

  I picked up my weapons, pulled one from a smoking eye socket, and limped my way back to my car.

  As I drifted into the base, I saw Commander Ian’s profile and winced.

  He was standing at the gate, arms crossed, clearly wearing a pissed off look.

  “Hi,” I offered, smiling innocently.

  “What the fuck is your issue?”

  “I needed to clear my head… my heart… and a few demons from Lincoln Ave?” I replied, each excuse getting more snarls.

  “Ash has went over my head and contacted the council and asked for permission to slay your boyfriend, against my direct orders, and I have been trying to maintain chaos and madness just to keep him alive long enough to stake him myself!”

  I cringed as his volume rose, and jumped on the last word.

  I stared in utter shock. Wait, what? Did he mean…

  Before I finished that blood-curdling thought I was out of my car and on my feet and running.

  I hit the front entrance before my car door could bounce back and close. Ian was just now realizing I was no longer there pleading for my life as he bit my head off.

  I hurtled down three hallways, down a flight of stairs, and across a courtyard as I saw Ash’s backside.

  He’d just gone through the main door. He’d get there before me, I was sure.

  I moved faster than I ever had. My whole being was just shy of flying.

  When, what seemed like an eternity passed, I reached the main room into Dimitri’s cell just as Ash was opening the cell door.

  Dimitri looked up as he noticed Ash and what was obvious in his hands. Ash had a sharpened stake and he was on Dimitri now, who was not fighting back. He was not fighting back!

  I knew deep down that Dimitri could snap Ash’s neck before I could get to him.

  I would lose them both.

  Dimitri looked at me with haunted eyes assuming I had chosen this, a moment before Ash struck the fatal blow, standing over him like the ferocious and feral hunter he was. Dimitri must have guessed or known my answer. He closed his eyes, and then he looked at me one last time before he bared his chest to Ash.

  He was letting me go! He wasn’t going to fight!

  With the last of my strength I hurled myself in front of Dimitri, covering him, just as Ash’s stake arced down. I had moved faster than Ash could see and in doing so had sealed my fate along with Dimitri’s.

  The sharp and deadly stake pierced my back with disconcerting ease, sinking all the way through my heart to the other side and out again, passing conveniently between my ribs. I only felt the first flash of pain. The stake was the final act that caused my already shattered heart to break into a billion unrecognizable pieces.

  Ash was my demise it seemed. My failure had caused all this… pain and death.

  I let out a nearly silent and strangled cry, as my body collided with Dimitri’s. The stake had been lined up perfectly with his chest. As the tip exited my chest it slid in his. He never moved, never stopped it. I had moved fast, but he’d had just the barest moment to stop it from entering him. My body had slowed the descent just enough to give him that doorway of time.

  We looked into each other’s eyes and saw nothing but eternal love, which not even death could stop or deny. His arms wrapped around mine and crushed me to him so the stake was driven deeper into his own chest and into his own heart. His lips found mine as the air left my body.

  I left this cruel and miserable world, in the lap of my dying lover, with my ex standing only a few feet behind me screaming my name as he realized what had happened.

  Ash had meant to save me. Instead he had been death’s ha
nd. He’d given me what I could not give myself, the only way out of this for all of us.

  Dimitri’s tears were the last thing I saw. He’d finally cried for me, beautiful crystal-clear and all for me. I saw my face, eyes large, black and haunting, staring up at him.

  The stake was still pinning us together and he was not removing it. We were finally connected to one another.

  As darkness and shadows claimed me I heard the door being ripped off its hinges and Ian screaming for me. He could not save me, nor could anyone else. Only I could have, before the fated moment when I chose all of this. The one moment before I had broken my promise to my lover brought him back here, to save him, and into this cell. I chose the way we parted this world, together, and in one another’s arms.

  I was leaving behind so many people that still needed me. I could no longer protect them. Ian needed a hero for his people and she was nothing but a memory now. A memory that with age, and time, would be fleeting and forgotten along with so many others who had fallen before, either by my own mistake or another. Another hero would come along, possibly, and save them… or none would and the human race would perish. Love could save us, but love had doomed us.

  I never expected this. I never expected the end to come like this.

  I never asked myself if God was real. His acceptance of this fucked up world clashed with everything I’d been taught.

  Would I be admitted to heaven or hell?

  There was no heaven or hell after death. I knew this just like I knew all of this was my own damned fault and I would suffer eternally for being one of the reasons that mankind was snuffed out.

  Heaven and hell were on earth. I was leaving that behind and my soul, if I ever had one, would cease to exist. Maybe I would be reincarnated as a little kitten, if there was such a thing as reincarnation.

  My life flashed before my eyes. My short but hard life had been a useful one and all my childhood, teenage, and adult memories rolled before my eyes. I had sacrificed everything for those I loved, including my life in the end.

  Epilogue

  Shaeden Angelissa died in the arms of her lover, at the hands of her ex.

  In the instant that she had sacrificed herself, for the man she loved more than her own life, and the stake had been driven through her heart into Dimitri’s, a miracle occurred.