Toxic (Addiction #1)

  “I knew it!” Quinn screamed. “You’re fucking popping a tent for the entire nation of cub scouts!”

  Willow looked down and had to agree with Quinn. Grey had a huge boner.

  Completely beyond her threshold of uncomfortable and bordering insane, Willow grabbed a shirt and threw it over herself as she tried to rein in her emotions.

  Christ, she was turned on by Quinn, she almost kissed Grey, would they have had a threesome? Would she have gone for it? Hell yeah she would have.

  The thought startled her, she knew she was a little loose, but not that loose. She never thought she would be one to share, but then again, she would take Grey any way she could get him.

  “Fuck,” Grey said, while running both his hands through his hair. “Quinn, what the hell do you expect from me? I’m not a damn priest. If I see my hot girlfriend feel up another girl, I’m going to pop wood. This has nothing to do with Willow and everything to do with you running your small hands up another woman’s body. I’m human, damn it. Any man would have had a boner over that.”

  “You love her, don’t you?”

  Willow grabbed a pair of shorts and shoes and said, “I think I’m just going to…”

  “No,” Quinn said. “I’ll leave you two alone. It’s what you want.” Quinn took off and slammed the door shut, leaving Grey and Willow by themselves. Willow looked at Grey and still noticed he was sporting a chub and swallowed hard, she still wanted him and wanted him bad.

  ***

  Grey leaned against the wall as he tried to figure out what the hell just happened. He almost kissed Willow, while his girlfriend felt her up. He should have known Quinn was going to nail him. He had no clue where she was going with the whole titty mind-fuck. But he should have known it was too good to be true.

  What was wrong with her? What was wrong with him?

  Was Quinn really so crazy that she almost made Grey have sex with Willow to prove a point? What was her point anyway? That she could strip Willow down, turn her on and force them to kiss and then who knew what else? Well, it was well-played by Quinn if that was what she was going for because Jesus, Grey was still hard from the thought of Willow’s breast in his hand and being so close to her.

  Yes, Grey was turned on by seeing Quinn touch Willow all over, but if Quinn hadn’t been there, Grey still would have had the same reaction to Willow because he couldn’t get enough of her. He thought about her every day and was tortured whenever she was around. Life wasn’t fair, by any means.

  He looked over at Willow who had a cropped top on that still showed off her aroused nipples and a pair of leather shorts while shoes dangled from her hands. She was looking at the ground, avoiding any sort of eye contact with Grey. She looked deflated and Grey’s heart reached out to her, this wasn’t her problem. She was just the innocent victim in all of this.

  “Hey.” Willow looked up at him. “I’m so sorry about what happened. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t,” Willow responded. “Don’t say anything. Just go to her.”

  Grey nodded his head as he walked out the door in search of Quinn. Willow was right, there really was nothing they could say to each other that would make the situation better, so he went after Quinn to try to bandage up whatever had just happened between them. He checked everywhere and didn’t find her. He checked every spot he could think of except one place.

  He stood hesitantly outside of the women’s bathroom, debating whether or not he should enter. He didn’t want to walk in on something from their past, he didn’t want to face the truth, but it was time. It was time to clean up the mess of their relationship, so Grey charged forward and entered the bathroom.

  The room was deathly silent except for whimpers that were coming from the far stall. Grey looked under the stall and saw Quinn hunched over the toilet. He crawled under the opening, since she had locked the door and slid up against the wall while pulling her into his chest. She was too weak, thankfully, so she didn’t put up a fight.

  He placed a kiss on her head while she cried into his shoulder. He sat on the floor and held Quinn until her sobs turned into sniffles. The remnants of what was in her stomach earlier lay in the toilet, making Grey’s stomach twist from confirming his suspicions. Quinn was back to her old ways.

  He started thinking about how they were going to have to get her help again when she interrupted his thoughts.

  “I don’t love you anymore.”

  Grey felt like he had to clean his ears out because he didn’t think he heard Quinn correctly. It almost sounded like she said she didn’t love him anymore. That didn’t seem right.

  “What?”

  She looked up at him. Her eyes were bloodshot and full of tears as she said, “I don’t love you anymore, Grey. I haven’t for a while.”

  All of the wind was sucked from Grey’s lungs. He knew they were on rocky terms and Willow was a big source as to why, but for her to say she didn’t love him anymore seemed almost extreme.

  “I don’t know what to say.” Truly, he was speechless.

  “I’m sorry. We’re just not right for each other. You’re free to do whatever you want…with whoever you want.” She said the last part so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.

  “If this is about Willow…”

  “It’s not. I’m not happy, Grey. I’m depressed. I’m back to my old self. I don’t want to be that person.”

  “I don’t want you to be that person either, but that doesn’t mean you need to leave me. Please, sweetheart. I can’t lose you. You’re my whole world. What can I do to make this better?”

  “You don’t want me, Grey. I know you don’t.”

  “That’s not true, Quinn, and you know it. I want you every damn night and every damn second I’m near you. You’re the one who refuses to let me near you. I’m making an attempt here, I’m trying. Please give me a break. Just don’t run away. Let’s work through this.”

  He could tell he broke through the wall she put up around him because reluctantly she said, “Okay.”

  The thought of losing Quinn was almost impossible to think about. She was his first, his only and he couldn’t imagine not having her in his life, even for one hot night with Willow. Quinn was way more important to him than that and he hated himself for not realizing it sooner.

  “I mean it with every fiber of my being. I love you so much and I only want you. I promise. I can’t be without you, sweetheart. Please give me a chance to make this up you. Please let me help you. We can get through this.”

  Quinn nodded her head, allowing the vise that was wrapped around his heart to loosen. Christ, he almost lost Quinn and for what? An attraction to someone he barely knew? Where the hell was his head at?

  He helped Quinn off the ground and kissed her forehead. “Let’s call Dr. Johnson and get you back on your depression medication and then we are going to get the biggest burger in your stomach.”

  “I’ve lost weight.”

  “I know, sweetheart and we’re going to change that. You’re gorgeous, always, but I want to make sure you’re healthy too. Okay?”

  She nodded and put her hand in his as they walked out of the bathroom together.

  It wasn’t going to be an easy road, but he knew fighting for Quinn was going to be worth it. Grey should have seen the signs earlier. Her crazy accusations, delusions and tendencies were all from her not eating enough and not taking her medication for depression. It was a terrible combination that just asked for trouble.

  He blamed himself because, if he wasn’t so distracted by Willow, then he would have seen the signs earlier. It didn’t matter now though because Grey was in it for the long run. It was just him and Quinn now, he was not going to lose her.

  They walked to his dressing room and passed Willow’s room. Her door was open and Grey peeked in. Willow looked straight at him and then saw Quinn leaning into him. Sorrow passed over her face as she took in the sight of them, then quickly replaced her look with a smile that barely reached her cheeks.

>   Grey didn’t look too far into Willow’s emotions because he needed to focus on his girl. He needed to take care of Quinn and make sure she still was very much in love with him.

  Chapter 17

  Life could not be better, Maisy thought as she sat on the bed in the back of her tour bus with Rook wrapped around her, lightly kissing her neck and singing close to her ear. He was wearing a pair of sweats, while she wore his shirt. His back was up against the headboard and her back was plastered against his chest. She was strumming her guitar as he controlled the cords on the neck. Surprisingly, they were able to play a simple Shattered Souls tune as they sat together. Maisy added her harmonization when needed, but mostly she listened to Rook’s deep baritone voice take over her body.

  She felt like she was floating on a cloud while his spare hand ran up and down her thigh. Rook refused to spend their nights separated which was fine by Maisy because she didn’t want to be separated from him, now that she had him. She felt like their relationship was a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode so she was going to try to soak up as much Rook Tyler as possible…while she had the chance.

  “You were my light, you were the only thing I ever knew, I can’t sleep at night, I can’t believe I lost you.” Rook sang gently in her ear.

  The lyrics cut through Maisy as he rubbed her leg and kissed her in-between lyrics. A tightness in her throat started to form from the sorrow in his voice and the meaning of the words he was singing. She felt like he was trying to tell her how he felt when they weren’t together and it cut to her soul.

  Rook put on a front most of the time, but she was able to break down that wall and see Rook for who he really was. He was a hurting soul, walking around the world just trying to survive, never really living. He numbed the pain he felt through drugs and alcohol and never really believed in himself. Maisy was convinced the only reason Rook was still around in the world was because he didn’t want to let down his boys. They depended on him.

  Maisy stopped strumming the guitar and wiped a tear that slipped down her cheek.

  “What’s wrong, baby?” Rook said, as he pulled the guitar away from her and pulled her in close so she was completely wrapped up in his muscular embrace. The hard contours of his body engulfed her and made her feel safe. For one of the first times in her life, she actually felt loved.

  “You really missed me, didn’t you?”

  Rook placed his chin on her shoulder and gripped her tighter.

  “More than anything. I didn’t want to believe you were just using me because I wanted to be with you so damn much. The thought of you not caring for me, faking all the looks and sweet glances you gave me, cut right through my heart.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s done with now. We’re moving on.” Rook kissed her neck, sending chills down her entire body at the way his warm breath fanned over her skin.

  “Tell me about him,” she said.

  “Who?”

  “Your dad.”

  Rook instantly tensed up as his lips retreated from her neck. He started to pull away, but Maisy wouldn’t let him. She turned in his arms and straddled his lap so she could look him in the eyes. His arms instinctively wrapped around her waist and supported her back. She traced the sharp lines of his jaw with her hand, feeling the rough scruff that lined his perfectly symmetric face. He was gorgeous. His hair was always perfectly styled to look like a mess which was a hugely attractive contradiction. His bright blue eyes pierced through her heart as well as the sorrow that laced them. She wanted to know him better, she wanted to know what made him tick and why he found it necessary to bury his head in a bottle of alcohol.

  “Please, Rook, please tell me. I want to know.”

  “You’re too pretty to know about my childhood,” Rook said with a fake smile.

  “I’m not buying it. Please Rook.”

  He blew out a frustrated breath and placed his forehead against hers. She could tell he was struggling, so she rubbed his bare chest, trying to make him feel warm and safe. She lifted his face and kissed him lightly on the lips. He reciprocated the soft kiss, not taking it to another level. They both reveled in the comfort they were able to provide for each other.

  “I don’t like reliving it, boo.”

  “I know, babe.” She kissed him again. “I just want to understand you better. I’ll never ask you again. Please let me in.” She patted his chest, letting him know she wanted all the way into his heart, not just partially.

  He looked up at her and traced her cheek with his finger. His palm cupped her cheek, causing her to lean into his touch and kiss his palm. He was such a broken man, deflated most of the time and tired. She wanted to make him feel better; she wanted to take on some of the burden he had been living with for so long.

  “My dad wasn’t your typical working man who came home at night, stripped his pants off and sat in front of the TV while his wife slipped his slippers on and kissed him on the cheek. He never had a steady job and money was scarce, so food in the house was a luxury and wondering if I was actually going to eat was an everyday occurrence.”

  The thought of a little boy who looked like Rook, trying to find something to eat for the day made a tear slip past Maisy’s cheek. Her dad might have been an animal but she was always fed, she had the basic necessities to survive.

  “Rook…”

  “I told you, you don’t want to hear this.”

  Maisy swiped away a tear. “Please tell me. I’m sorry, I just can’t stand the thought of you as a little boy with no food.”

  “That wasn’t even the worst of it.”

  She kissed his lips and wrapped her body closer to him, trying to spread her warmth to him.

  “Tell me.”

  Running a hand through his hair, he continued. “My mom was never around because she spent most of her time on the street corner either scoring deals for my dad or taking men home so she could make some money to pay off my dad’s debts. If I think about it now, I guess my mom was trying to help out the family, but she could have done it in a different way. Instead of feeding my dad’s habit she could have taken me away from the situation.”

  “Anyway, doesn’t matter now.” Maisy kissed him again while rubbing his shoulders. “My dad loved his cocaine, crack and heroin. He really dabbled in everything when I was young. He sticks to coke these days. He said he had to slow down.” Rook let out a disdainful laugh. “What a fuckhead.”

  “He never overdosed?” Maisy asked.

  “Never enough to kill the sick bastard, unfortunately. He would come home from working the streets and lay his loot out on the coffee table. Then he’d call me over and teach me about the differences in the drugs, the kind of highs you would get from them and the different ways to use them.”

  Maisy’s mouth dropped open. “How old were you?”

  “I was only eight for my first educational drug lesson.”

  Maisy’s chest tightened. At eight, she was still living a pretty normal life. She had dolls to play with and was learning how to read, not what kind of drug would give her the best high.

  “My dad thought it was necessary for me to learn because he wanted me to go out on the streets for him when I got older. So, he would show me what good coke looked like, how to look for clean needles and how to tell if his pot was laced with anything that could be somewhat damageable.”

  “That’s terrible.”

  “That’s not even the half of it. My dad would come home, toss his loot on the table and call me into the living room. He would pick his drug of choice for the night and it was my job to prepare it for him. I would line up his coke for him, load his bong, prepare his needles or grab some alcohol for him to swallow whatever magical pill he had found that day. I got pretty good at preparing his drug consumption, the only thing I absolutely hated doing was shooting him up. I hated those nights.”

  “Wait, you actually shot him up with drugs?

  “Heroin to be exact. I hated needles and so did he, but he loved the fee
ling of it; it was actually his drug of choice for a while. Since he hated needles so much, he made me do it.” Rook laughed sardonically. “An eight year old should never be able to find his father’s vein and shoot him up with drugs. Most of the time, I had to shoot him up between his damn toes because his other veins were too fucked up. The shitty thing was, if I refused to do it, he would beat me until I blacked out; instead of going through that, I just shot him up and fed his habit.”

  Maisy couldn’t believe what Rook was telling her. He was in charge of getting his dad high every night and if he didn’t, he would get beaten. Maisy’s heart twisted. He was right, she didn’t want to hear about his past; it was too much for her to handle. She just kept picturing a younger version of Rook with those bright blue eyes, trying to understand why his dad was making him do such foul things to him.

  “How come you never did the same drugs as him?” Maisy wanted to ask because the only drugs she saw Rook use were shrooms, pot, and pills on occasion.

  “I did…once.”

  “When?”

  “When I was twelve, my dad scored a block of coke and was so damn excited that he made me line up five hits plus one to the side. He told me that one was for me. I didn’t want it and told him that, which wasn’t the best decision of my life. He punched me across the face and told me to snort it or I was never going to see the light of day again. So, I snorted his coke. That night I spent at the toilet, throwing up constantly and trying to gain my bearings. I blacked out a couple of times. Apparently it was shit coke because the next morning I walked out to find my dad surrounded by his own puke as well. That was the last time I ever tried any of his drugs.”

  “If you hate your dad so much, then why do you even drink and do drugs now…or, well, used to?”

  Rook shrugged. “It’s all I knew and I found that at least they were a temporary numbing agent for the pain that throbbed through my body every day. When I tell you that I owe my life to my boys, it’s true. They’re the reason why I’m still alive, Cruz especially. He took me in and gave me some security. I will forever be grateful to him, even though, at times, I want to knock his face off.”