Our Teacher is a Vampire and Other (Not) True Stories

  Yo Carly,

  I disagree with Kristin. Sell garlic shampoo and garlic sandwiches, too. We’ll all smell horrible. Ha-ha.

  Smell ya later big-time,

  WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON

  Greetings,

  I know Omar is going to get mad, so don’t pass this book to him. But there’s exciting news that cannot wait until free time or recess tomorrow. After we came back from lunch, Nick told me that he found more proof.

  “Go look in her cup!” he said.

  I went up to “get a tissue” and saw inside Mrs. Penrose’s white cup. It’s not filled with water. It’s filled with dark red liquid. Blood!

  Seriously yours,

  P.S. Pass it on or else toads and locusts will fall on your head like rain.

  Hey,

  I just went up and looked. It is blood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This will be a grate great part of the story.

  Later,

  Dear Alexander,

  I doubt it’s blood. I think we should come up with another story idea to write about. The vampire thing isn’t realistic. If Mrs. Penrose was were a vampire, she’d be sleeping in her coffin during the day. When sunlight touches vampires, they burst into flames. Remember when she took us outside to explore the creek during science last week? It was sunny. There’s the proof. You have to look at all the evidence.

  —

  P.S. The only thing different I notice about Mrs. Penrose is that she’s getting . . . well . . . let’s just say she has been sneaking an extra dessert or two at lunchtime, if you know what I mean.

  To the Whole Class:

  1.I am mad because we agreed no book during class. I’m only writing in this because I finished brainstorming my predictions for the leaf experiment.

  2.I predicted that the leaf that’s in the cup of water in the sunlight will stay green.

  3.I was going to ignore the book, but then I saw Carly’s entry as Kristin was passing the book back to Alexander. I had to correct Carly’s mistake. I found mistakes in Kristin’s writing, too.

  4.I’m informing everyone right now that I will be correcting any and all mistakes that people write in this book. It’s like when I practice the piano. My ears hurt if I make a mistake and don’t go back and correct it.

  Sincerely,

  Deer Omar,

  Rozes are red.

  Dirt is dirty.

  Here are sum misteaks

  To make your ears hurty.

  Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

  —

  Ha ha ha ha ha NOT.

  —

  Greetings, Class,

  Back to the real subject. Mrs. Penrose. My theory is that she’s a newly bitten vampire. Last week she was an ordinary human and could experience sunlight on her skin, but over the weekend she was turned. Now she’s trying to learn how to be a vampire. She’s still clinging to her human ways because she doesn’t want to stop being our teacher. Who would? She’s trying to stay awake during the day and stay out of the light. She’s lucky, because this week it has been gray and rainy.

  When we catch her in the act, we shall help her to live as a vampire teacher. We shall keep the shades down and let her sleep during the day. We shall find good blood for her to drink. Perhaps we can get it from the hospital. I think they have cupboards full of it.

  Suspensefully yours,

  P.S. I can’t wait to see Mrs. Penrose drink what’s in her cup. Pass it on!

  Hiya Boys and Ghouls,

  Why doesn’t she take a sip already? I agree with the big A-man. Mrs. Penrose is x-tra extra tired. Did you notice that she fell asleep at her desk this morning? It was hilarious. She was starting to drool. She was probably up all night sharpening her fangs.

  Peace out and pass the pancakes,

  Hey,

  Millyon Million dollar idea—along with this book, we could invent a fang sharpener and sell it to vampires. BTW, she just yawned. I think she’s gonna going to take a sip soon.

  Later,

  Dear Everybody,

  This is Isabella. Finally, I get a turn to write. I love this special book! But it is not blood in the cup! After lunch, I walk in and see Nick. He pours the water out of Mrs. Penrose’s cup and pours jus juice into it. The cup is white and the jus juice is red so it looks like blood!

  —

  She’s right! I walked in, too.

  “What are you doing, Nick?” I asked.

  “A little switcheroo,” he said. “Don’t tell anybody. Ha-ha.”

  Then Mrs. Penrose and all you guys walked in and class started and we didn’t know what to do. We tried to get this book and write down the truth. But you guys were hogging it.

  This is bad. We’ll get in big trouble because of Nick.

  —

  Nick, you rat! You got my hopes up and then dashed them. I wanted it to be blood.

  —

  Come on, dude! When you saw it, your eyes almost popped out of your head. That was hilarious. Ha ha ha ha.

  —

  It won’t be funny when Mrs. Penrose drinks it, Nick. Look at it this way. She’ll think we’re playing a trick on her, and that could hurt her feelings. Vampire or not, she’s our favorite teacher. Fess up now, before she takes a sip. We’re on the edges of our seats.

  —

  The True Story of What Happened Next

  by Alexander H. Gory, Jr.

  Soon the whole class knew the truth about Nick’s little trick, and the suspense was killing us. At first I was mad at Nick, but then I realized it was exciting. Putting punch in the cup of a teacher is one thing. Putting punch in the cup of a vampire is another. Would she get mad? Would anger make her fangs pop out?

  “So, how many of you have finished writing down your leaf-experiment predictions?” Mrs. Penrose asked. Then she picked up her cup.

  It was like slow motion. We were all holding our breath. While she was still looking at us, she brought the cup to her lips. She was about to take a sip when . . .

  Knock, knock!

  Surprised, we all turned toward the door.

  “Pardon the interruption,” Mr. Suarez said. “I was hoping I could borrow your ‘Pioneer Days’ book for this period, if you’re not using it.”

  “You betcha,” Mrs. Penrose said. She set her cup down, got the book and walked over to the door. She and Mr. Suarez stepped out, yack-yacking the way teachers always do.

  Then Jazmine surprised everybody. She jumped up and grabbed Mrs. Penrose’s cup, dumped the punch into the sink, put the cup back and sat down.

  The rest of us were speechless.

  Mrs. Penrose walked back in.

  “Now, where were we?” she asked, and sauntered to her desk. “Oh yes . . . the predictions . . .” She sat on the edge of her desk, picked up her cup and noticed it was empty. Her forehead wrinkled.

  Thump, thump.

  Thump, thump.

  That was the sound of our racing hearts.

  “I thought I had water in here,” she said.

  “Um . . . with all this time gone by perhaps it evaporated,” Omar said.

  “Or maybe you already drank it,” Jazmine said.

  “Or perhaps that ghost Alexander dreamed up last week drank it when you weren’t looking,” Kristin said.

  Mrs. Penrose smiled at that. And then she went on with our lesson as if nothing had happened. No anger. No fangs.

  The danger is over, and I must say that I’m disappointed.

  But there’s always tomorrow. The sun is supposed to come out. We shall try to lure Mrs. Penrose into the light and see if she panics.

  Farewell!

  Thursday, October 24

  The Moment of Truth

  by Kristin (during recess)

  First of all, let me say that there is nothing like having a secret book and possibly having a vampire for a teacher to make you want to come to school.

  This morning when my bus pulled in, Carly was by the front entrance handing out fliers she made.

  Garlick Necklaces for Sale

  Vampires ar
e lurking everywhere

  Order your garlick necklace at recess today

  See Carly

  Only $1.99

  Protection from Vampires guaranteed

  Garlick is spelled garlic, but that’s not the point.

  Jazmine, Tee and Isabella were there, too.

  “This is crazy,” Isabella whispered. “Everybody is talking about vampires now.”

  “It’s great,” Carly said. “I have five orders. I learned from my last mistake. I’m taking your advice this time, Kristin.”

  (That was nice to hear, because last month Carly got mad at me. She made all those cool friendship wristbands and tried to sell them for five bucks, and I told her to lower her price.)

  “Finally, the sun is shining!” Alexander shouted. He was the first off the 214 bus. He came running with the book. “This will be a moment of truth,” he whispered.

  Nick followed, looking all serious. Then he raised his eyebrows in this creepy way and smiled. He had fangs in his mouth! Isabella screamed, even though they were plastic.

  It was time to go in, so he had to put them away.

  In our classroom, golden rays of sunlight were streaming in the windows like an old friend coming back to say hello. Unfortunately, Mrs. Penrose was sitting at her desk, which is far from the windows.

  “Good morning, class,” she called out.

  “We have to get her to step into the light,” Alexander whispered while everybody said good morning.

  Just then Ms. Yang walked in. She was wearing a blue dress with a pretty blue and purple scarf tied around her neck.

  Alexander touched my shoulder. “Look,” he whispered. I could tell what he was thinking: She’s hiding her neck with a scarf because Mrs. Penrose bit her. Let’s lure them both over to the window and see if they burst into flames.

  “Good morning, class. Good morning, Mrs. Penrose. Here are the books you ordered. And I brought you a little gift. I hope it helps.” Ms. Yang gave Mrs. Penrose a stack of books and a box tied with a blue ribbon.

  “What a fun surprise,” Mrs. Penrose said, and opened the gift. “Oh, thank you so much, Nou. You’re a lifesaver.”

  Curiosity was zipping through our brains. We wanted to know what was in the box.

  They hugged, and Ms. Yang left. We had to do the usual lunch orders, pledge, morning meeting, etc. Alexander was jiggling so much his desk kept hitting the back of my chair.

  He tapped my shoulder and whispered, “What do you think is in it?”

  I shrugged.

  “Maybe vials of blood,” Alexander whispered. “Or a little pillow for her coffin.”

  Finally he couldn’t stand it anymore. He did this very big fake sneeze, and then he went up to get a tissue. He pretended that he wasn’t looking at Ms. Yang’s gift, but he did.

  His face had a strange expression when he sat down.

  I turned around and whispered, “What was in it?”

  “Foot lotion, bath oil and tea,” he whispered. “I don’t get it.”

  He pulled out this book to write, but then Nick tried to grab it and then Omar said, “Put it away,” in a voice that was louder than a whisper.

  Mrs. Penrose cleared her throat in that special way that means to hush, and we all got quiet.

  “Alexander, could you come up here for a chat and bring that book?” she asked.

  Like walking the plank, Alexander went to her desk.

  They whispered for a while, and then she sent him back without the book. His face was red.

  I was going to write what happened next, but Omar got the idea that it would be better if Mrs. Penrose wrote it down in this book so the truth would be in her own words.

  See the next page to find out what she writes!

  The Secret Book

  by Mrs. Penrose

  Something was in the air at Delite Elementary School. For the past several days, my students had seemed distracted and anxious. I thought perhaps it was due to the gloomy weather. Today, though, the sun came out, and yet when my students arrived they seemed more distracted than ever.

  After a quick visit from Ms. Yang, I noticed Alexander acting strangely. Then a fight with a book broke out. Curious, I called him up to my desk.

  “What is going on with the book, Alexander?” I asked.

  “What book?” Alexander asked.

  “The one you’re holding,” I said. “May I have permission to read it?”

  “It’s just an old thing,” he said. “Lots and lots of completely blank pages.”

  “It’s your birthday book, isn’t it? I remember when you got it and were wondering what to put in it. I noticed that you’ve been writing in it now, which is great, but I’m concerned that it’s causing a distraction. May I see it?”

  “You’re probably too busy to read it right now,” Alexander said.

  “Will I be unhappy to read it?” I asked.

  “That depends,” Alexander said.

  “On . . . ?”

  “On how you feel about being a creature of the dark,” he said.

  Now I was definitely curious. Alexander handed me the book, and I asked him to sit down. While my students sat in silence, I read page after page. Then I closed the book.

  “Class,” I said, “we have some important things to discuss. First of all, it seems that Alexander read my private journal without my permission and then shared what he read with you. He shouldn’t have done that.”

  “That’s what I told him,” Omar said.

  “I’m sorry,” Alexander said quickly.

  “He has a hard time controlling himself,” Carly added.

  “I accept your apology, Alexander,” I said. “Second of all, it is not wise to read a vampire’s private journal, because when vampires get mad, they bite.”

  Isabella almost fainted.

  “Just kidding,” I said quickly. “I’m not a vampire.”

  Nick laughed. “Good one, Mrs. Penrose.”

  “I should prove it, though,” I said. I pushed up my long sleeves and said, “Drumroll, please.”

  My students all made a drumroll on their desks.

  Slowly, I walked toward the windows. I stepped into the sunlight and . . . I burst into flame!

  Just kidding. Nothing happened.

  “See?” I said. “I’m not a vampire.”

  “But what about everything you wrote in your journal?” Alexander asked.

  “I do have a secret,” I said. “And it’s time that I reveal it.”

  All eyes were on me.

  “Actually, it will be more fun if I make you guess.” I pulled the foot lotion out of the gift box that Ms. Yang gave me and handed it to Alexander. “Can you please read the brand name of this lotion?”

  “Mommy-to-Be Foot Lotion.”

  I smiled. I turned to the side and put my hands on my belly.

  Omar’s eyes were the first to light up. “You’re going to have a baby!”

  I nodded. Jazmine jumped up and hugged me. Tee followed, and everyone clapped.

  “When is it coming?” Kristin asked.

  “Not until March,” I said. “The craving I was writing about in my journal was for burgers, not ‘the blood of humans’ as Alexander wrote.”

  “But you’re a vegetarian,” Tee said.

  “I know! That’s why it’s been a challenge.”

  “My mom craved steak when she had me,” Kristin said.

  “What about Ms. Yang?” Omar asked. “Why did you write ‘Poor Nou’?”

  I smiled. “You all know that she’s my friend as well as our librarian. Did you know that she’s also a vegetarian and we eat lunch together? She knows about the pregnancy and also knows I’ve been craving burgers. She jokingly said that she’d be lonely if I started eating meat, so that’s why I wrote ‘Poor Nou.’”

  “And you’re tired a lot because it takes a lot of energy to make a baby,” Kristin said.

  “That’s true,” I said. “Now, about this book.”

  The class grew quiet.

/>   “As you know, I love writing,” I went on. “But passing around the book during class is not cool. Many of you have been paying more attention to it than to my lessons.”

  “That’s what I told everybody,” Omar said.

  “We’re sorry,” Tee said.

  “Please don’t be mad,” Isabella begged.

  “You know that I want you to become better writers this year,” I said. “And you all seem eager to write in this book. So I’ll let you keep the project going—”

  The class erupted in applause.

  I held up my hand. “As long as you only write in it during free time—that’s free time before school starts, after you finish your work, at recess or lunch, or at the end of the day. Agreed?”

  Everyone agreed.

  “Also please ask classmates if they would like to write in it, even if it seems they would prefer to do something else, such as . . . read, for example.”

  Everyone agreed.

  Happy writing!

  FRIDAY, OCTOBER 25

  To the Whole Class:

  1.Mrs. Penrose is human!

  2.Mrs. Penrose is having a baby!

  3.We get to keep writing in this book!

  4.I have an idea for what to write next. Please add your letter of congratulations to Mrs. Penrose below. I have done the first one as an example. Please everybody do it.

  Dear Mrs. Penrose,

  Thank you for not being mad at us for thinking you might be a vampire. I know you will have a smart, good baby.

  Sincerely,

  Hey Mrs. Penrose,

  I’m sorry youre you’re not a vampire because we coulda could have made some money off you. But I got hooked on the idea of us writing a big story and selling it, so we need to do it in here. AND I’m excited you’re gonna going to have a baby.