Xander_Part One

  "You guys want to hang out?" one of the girls asks.

  "Nah," Jesse tells her. "We've got stuff to do."

  She pouts. Like, sticks her bottom lip out pouts. Whoever told her that was cute, lied. She looks ridiculous.

  "Aww, Jesse. Not even for a little while?" she whines.

  I know what's coming next and I fight back the grin.

  "I already told you once. No. You trying to overstay your welcome, Darla?" he bites out.

  She huffs. "No. The only time I see you is when you're practicing and at school."

  He nods. "That's my life."

  "No time for girlfriends?" one of Darla's friends asks. I think her name is Luanne.

  "Hell no. I don't do girlfriends," Jesse answers, curling his lip. "Later, girls."

  With that, they scatter and we all burst out laughing.

  "Harsh, man, harsh," Ethan teases.

  "Fuck that. Those chicks are clingers and they don’t put out," Jesse replies.

  "That's the truth," Kennedy agrees. "Last week I was barely able to cop a fucking feel on Tori. She got all shy and covered up and took off right away. I almost wish she'd have stayed a few minutes more to watch me jerk off. I think she'd have been scandalized at the sight of my cum."

  I chuckle. "No doubt."

  Tera walks into the kitchen as we're filling our plates. Our housekeeper can seriously cook.

  "Where've you been?" Linc growls.

  Tera rolls her eyes. "Out."

  "You've been 'out' a lot lately. Care to fill me in on where?" he asks.

  "If you must know, I've been hanging out with Shea Dawkins," she answers, grabbing a plate.

  I sit down at the table and just watch and listen since Linc is asking all the questions I've been thinking.

  "The geek painter chick?" Linc adds.

  Tera spins, color flushing her cheeks. Oh boy. She's pissed.

  "She is not a geek. She just likes to paint, and it just so happens that I do too."

  "You paint?" Ben asks.

  "Yep, and it turns out I'm good at it."

  "Cool," Ben mused.

  Linc narrows his eyes and lifts his fork to point at Tera. "Doesn't Shea have a brother?"

  Tera sits down at the table. "Yep."

  There's a moment of silence. I want to know more about this and if Linc isn't going to ask—

  Linc takes a drink. "What's his name again?"

  "Shawn."

  "He's a wrestler, right?"

  "Mhmm," she answers between chews.

  "I know who that guy is," Jesse announces. "He's bad news."

  Tera rolls her eyes. "He's not. Besides, I hardly ever see him. He's usually at wrestling when we're painting."

  "Usually," Ethan points out.

  "Don't start," Tera snarls.

  Ethan chuckles because we all know it's started.

  "Yeah," Linc states. "What about the times when he's there? You interested in him?"

  This part I'm particularly interested in. I never took Tera for the relationship kind.

  "So what if I am?" she says, with a lift of her chin.

  I scoff. "Seriously? That guy? The one who wears tights?"

  She snarls. "He doesn't wear tights. He wears the required uniform."

  Kennedy grins. "A leotard."

  Tera whirls on him. "It's called a unitard, for your information."

  I laugh. "Whatever it is, it's made out of spandex and that shit's for chicks."

  "Ugh. You guys can kiss my ass," Tera declares.

  Linc pats her back. "I'm just trying to look out for you."

  "Yeah, well, I'm looking out for myself just fine. Worry about the girls who are trying to tie you all down. They've set their sights on you and they aren't going to give up," Tera informs us.

  "How do you know that?" Jesse asks.

  "You should hear the talk in the locker room." Tera rolls her eyes again. "They're pathetic. They think if they hang around you enough you're going to ask them out."

  "Meaning… steady girlfriend?" I inquire.

  "Yep. You should have known better than to mess with those prissy girls."

  I shrug. "I didn't mess with anyone."

  "Uh-huh," Tera replies, rinsing her plate in the sink. She turns around and the light in her eyes is gone. Something major's about to go down. "Look…"

  "What's going on?" Linc asks.

  "I stopped home to pick up my sketch pad. Mom was 'entertaining' again," Tera says softly, looking down.

  "What happened?" I ask. "Did someone hurt you?"

  Her head snaps up and she looks at me. "No."

  "But?" Jesse prods.

  "But they wanted to. I managed to get out of the house before they could catch me."

  "What the fuck?" Linc shouts. "And Mom was going to let them?"

  Tera nods.

  I stand and walk over to her, pulling her to me. She's shaking.

  "It's all right, T. It'll be all right. You can stay here as long as you need to," I inform her. I know my dad won't have a problem with it, and even if I do have issues dealing with Tera being a hot chick, friendship comes first—and she's one of the best ones I've got.

  Linc looks at me. "I think it's time to talk to your dad when he gets home."

  I nod. "Yeah. It's time he knows what's going on—with all of you." I give Kennedy and Ethan pointed glares but they're looking at their plates. I've seen enough bruises on those two to know something bad is going down.

  Their moms are into drugs and whoring for their next fix. It's why they spend most of their time here. I think my dad already knows, but it's time they tell him straight out. I think I know what's going on over there, too, and if it's as bad as I think it is, something needs to be done fast.

  Chapter Two

  Tera

  I'm afraid to go home. Isn't that the most messed up thing ever? Home should be a place you go to feel safe. Home should conjure up warmth, happiness, safety, and love. My house is anything but.

  She wasn't always bad. When Dad was alive, she was good—things were good. Then he died in a work accident and she turned to drugs. She became someone I wish I'd never known.

  My mom is continually parading men through, screwing them for drugs and money. She hasn't even tried to stop them from trying to touch me—even when I was little. Not that I'm big now. I'm only twelve and I have men trying to grope me. There's something seriously wrong with that. Tonight my mom actually laughed and encouraged it, teasing that someone should feel me up now that I have boobs. I've never been so horrified and embarrassed at the same time. I'm not used to the changes in my body yet, and she points out those changes—all the time. I'm almost ashamed to have boobs from everything she says. Linc tells me she's just jealous because she's old and droopy. It still doesn't make what she's doing right.

  When the guy grabbed my arm tonight, I panicked. I did what Linc and the guys taught me to do—I punched him in the nose. His nose must have been weak or something because blood started pouring out of it—and I'm not strong at all. I think maybe that's something I need to change.

  Xander leads me downstairs when we hear the garage door open and close, signaling his dad's return home. I'm so nervous and afraid, I start to shake. I notice all the guys behind us and the shaking eases up. I know they're here to protect me, to try to help. I just don't want to have to tell the story in front of them.

  I turn into Xander when he wraps an arm around me. Linc rests a hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

  The minute Dr. Mackenzie comes through the door, he knows something is very wrong—and he's right. He just nods and says, "Let's sit."

  So, we do. Xander on one side, Linc on the other. Ethan at my feet and the other guys behind me.

  "First, are you okay?" Dr. Mac asks me.

  I swallow hard, fighting tears at the tenderness in his tone. I nod.

  He reaches out for my hand and I let him take it. Dr. Mac is a good man. I trust him.

  "Can you tell me what happened,
Tera?"

  I nod and lick my lips—a nervous habit. "I went home to get my sketch book—" I look around. I didn't want anyone to know about my drawing. I mean, now they know about my painting, but my sketches are mine alone.

  "Go on," Dr. Mac encourages.

  "I put it in my backpack with my box of pencils and stuff. I thought I could make it back out without them seeing me. If I had known they'd moved into the living room, I would have climbed out the window like I always do," I confess. "I know better. I don't know why…"

  "Stop," Jesse tells me. "You did nothing wrong."

  I turn to look at him, his stoic expression giving nothing away. It's only when he reaches forward and rests his hand on my shoulder that I see him soften.

  I nod.

  "What happened next?" Dr. Mac asks.

  "I saw them and was going to turn around but my mom saw me before I could hide. She called me into the room and I knew I had to go. She had that tone, you know? The one when she's using." I lick my lips again. "She introduced me to some guy named Eddie. He was all jacked up. I could see it in his eyes. His arms were all bruised with track marks and I knew he was bad news. Then Mom—" I break off, taking a deep breath. My body starts to shake again and Xander pulls me in closer.

  "It's okay, T," he encourages.

  I close my eyes to keep the tears at bay, but I fail. One slips free and I hate it. I hate showing weakness, vulnerability, in front of these guys who are strong and tough. I want so much to be like them, but I'm not.

  I don't wipe the tear, and let the rest fall. I can't hide them anymore.

  "Mom started teasing me again because I've got boobs now," I tell them. "She said to Eddie that maybe he should be the first to feel me up, that I was becoming a woman and a real man should be the one to touch me and show me… things." I'm not telling them the things she mentioned.

  Dr. Mac nods and rubs his thumbs over my hands. I watch the motion. His softness compared to the hardness of my mom helps me relax.

  "He grabbed at me," I confess and Jesse's hand tightens on my shoulder, as does Linc's. "He wanted me to sit on his lap, but I knew if he got me there it was going to be bad. So, so bad," I whisper.

  "What did you do?" Dr. Mac asks.

  I look up and meet his gaze, that same icy blue gaze as Xander's. It can be cold as ice or warm as the sun—right now it's soft and kind with a touch of worry. For me.

  "I punched him in the nose. Blood started pouring out of his nose. Mom started screaming and he called me a little fucking bitch. I managed to get out of the house when Mom started fussing over him and I ran. I ran fast and I didn't stop until I got here. No one was here except for Mrs. Martinez and she helped clean me up. I had his blood on my hand and arms. After awhile, I went over to Shea's and painted. I just painted and painted until my arms were tired and my vision blurred. I cleaned up and came here and the boys were home," I tell them, my vision a blur recalling all the facts. Losing myself to my art is what keeps me sane. I just paint everything I need to say.

  "Tera. Did he touch you inappropriately?" Dr. Mac asks.

  I nod, tears sliding down my cheeks. "Yes. H-he grabbed me—my breasts. He hurt me."

  "Motherfucker," Linc shouts.

  "Calm down, Lincoln," Dr. Mackenzie states. "I know you don't want to do this over again, but we need to, Tera. I have to call the police. I'd also like to examine you if you'll consent to that. I'll have Sandy, my nurse, come to the house and we can go to the exam room I have here at the house for emergencies.”

  Panic sets in and now I really shake. "D-do we have to? Call the police, I mean? Why can't we just do the exam and—" I let out a sob. Xander pulls my face into his neck.

  "Dad," Xander pleads.

  "We have to, Xan. If we don't and it happens again or, God forbid, something worse, we'll be one step behind," Dr. Mac informs him—us.

  "I'll do it," I whisper in Xander's neck. "I don't want to have to go back there if I don't have to." I turn and look at Dr. Mackenzie. "Ca-can I stay here? Just until we know what happens next?"

  He smiles softly. "Tera, you and Linc are welcome to stay here as long as you need to. There's never a need to ask. You're my family, too."

  "Thank you," I whisper. "I don't… I can't go back."

  As if on cue, the phone rings. I already know it's her without looking at the caller ID. I just know.

  "Breathe," Xander soothes as his dad walks to the phone.

  "Mackenzie residence."

  We can hear her yelling while Dr. Mac remains calm. He doesn't tell her we're here. I think he wants to wait for the police first. If he tells, Mom will run—with Eddie. Dr. Mac is so smart. So kind. I'll never understand why Xan's mom left him. I want to marry a man like him one day.

  Dr. Mac calls nurse Sandy and then the police and that sets everything in motion. It's a long night. I'm embarrassed to have Dr. Mackenzie look at my bare breasts, but he remains detached, like doctors do. The police woman comes in and takes a few photos. She allows me to put an arm across my breasts so long as I don't hide any of the bruising.

  "Social services will be in contact," the policeman tells Dr. Mackenzie. This isn't the first time one of us has been in this situation. Usually, it's Ethan or Kennedy. Ethan settled back in between my knees after the exam and still hasn't moved. His arms draped over my thighs, his large hands rubbing my lower legs. I know he won't be able to make eye contact when this is over. Not for a few days, at least. He needs to process the situation and his feelings first. Ethan's been through way worse things than this. I'm not supposed to know that, but I do. I was here one time when he came in bleeding, barely able to walk, and Dr. Mackenzie took care of him. Kennedy too. I know what happened to them but we'll never talk about it. I won't ever let them know I know. I hope one day they'll talk to me about stuff like I do with them. Maybe after this…

  "Why don't you all head on up to bed?" Dr. Mac suggests. "Tera, you should take this so you can get some rest and some pain relief for the bruising and swelling."

  I nod, taking the pills and water from him. Kennedy watches me as I swallow the pills, his eyes filling with unshed tears. I stand up, stepping around Ethan and walking over to Kennedy, hugging him softly. At first he tenses up, going completely rigid, but after a few seconds he relaxes and hugs me back, burying his face in my hair.

  "I'm sorry this happened to you," he whispers.

  I nod. "I'll be okay."

  He pulls back and looks down at me. "I know you will. You're stronger than you think you are."

  I don't know about that. I go to sit back down.

  "We need to teach her how to defend herself," Ethan announces.

  They all start talking about it and the pills Dr. Mac gave me start to work. I'm so sleepy. I rest my head on Xan's shoulder and fall asleep.

  The dream seems so real. I'm reliving what happened in my dream—only I don't get away. In this dream I'm caught.

  "You think you can get away from me?" Eddie seethes. "Stupid little bitch." This time he does the hitting. A really hard slap right across my face.

  I cry out in pain, then cover my cheek with my hand, backing away from him.

  "You think you're too good for me? You're nothing but trash. I'll teach you how to fuck. Then you can go whore around like your old lady does." He licks his bottom lip. "But you'll be so much better. You'll be tight and brand new."

  I dry heave on the floor. Bile erupts from my mouth and onto the floor.

  Eddie curls his lip in disgust. "There'll be no kissing after that. You'll just get it like I normally give it."

  He walks over to me, where I'm crab-crawling backwards to get away. I bump into the living room table. I'm not fast enough to get around it and away. He's on me in a heartbeat.

  He trails a dirty finger up between my breasts after he pins me down with his body. Panic infuses me. I struggle. I fight. I kick and scream. He just laughs.

  "You want to play rough? I like it rough," he whispers in my ear with a chuckle. My mom
laughs in the background. Eddie rips my shirt up the middle, exposing me to him. My cotton bra covers my breasts and he leans in to lick between them.

  I scream. "No! Mom! Stop him! Stop!"

  "Tera! Wake up!" Someone shakes me. "Tera! Baby, please wake up!"

  I fight. "No, get off of me! Stop!"

  "Tera, it's me. It's Xan," he soothes.

  I struggle, then slow. "Xan?"

  "Yeah, you were having a nightmare," he tells me, his face pale.

  I push my hair out of my sweat-covered face. "I'm so sorry."

  How humiliating.

  "No. You have nothing to be sorry for."

  "Xan?"

  "Yeah, T."

  "I know you don't like to, but can I cuddle with you. Just this once?" I plead. I need to feel him around me. We might sleep in the same bed, but for the past six months we sleep on opposite sides—his doing, not mine. I think it's because I'm changing. We're both changing. It just makes me want to cling to him more, to what we are—were. But he wants to pull back.

  "Yeah. C'mere," he tells me after settling back on the pillows.

  I lay down next to him, my head on his shoulder, his arm holding me close. I rest my hand over his heart.

  "I fucking hate this," he bites out.

  I immediately recoil, moving away. I knew he didn't want to be close, but I didn't think I was repulsive. Then again, I'm tainted now. I'm trash just like Eddie said.

  "I didn't mean it like that, Tera. Stay," he beckons.

  "You sure?" I ask. "I don't want to impose."

  "Shut up and come here." He tugs my hand and I fall into him. "I meant I hate that this happened."

  "Oh." I'm not sure what to say. I hate it too. I hate being a victim.

  "If you have to go to that house, you take us with you," he commands.

  I don't say anything. All I keep hearing in my head is victim. Trash. Victim. Trash. I don't want to be either.

  "I mean it, T. No matter what we're doing. You take us with you. You don't go there alone anymore," Xan bites out.

  I sigh. "All right."

  We lay in silence for a few minutes and I begin to relax.

  "Will you teach me to defend myself? To fight back?" I ask softly.