Destined to Play

  I squirm.

  He stops.

  I lie still.

  He recommences feather warfare. I am frantic for his touch while attempting to maintain this position for him.

  He is relentless, disciplined and patient.

  I am not.

  When I’m saturated with frustration and desire, his body suddenly slams on top of me, spearing his throbbing penis into my vagina so completely I cannot withhold the scream that escapes my lungs. My legs are spread far and wide as he penetrates deeper layers, sparing no force as he pins my arms above my head. He thrusts and thrusts, it is hard and it is fast and it is exactly what I need. My back arches at the force of him, flinging back my head. I feel winded without the dreadful pain. My lubricated vagina hungrily absorbs his entry as he explodes inside me.

  Apparently his patience had finally reached its limit. Thank heavens!

  He collapses on top of me, his weight smothering me into the mattress. We are speechless as we both pant for more oxygen. My tingles below return, deep longing in the base of my belly.

  This sensation began in the bath and will no doubt stay with me for some time. He snuggles into my neck.

  ‘That was unbelievable. I’ve never woken up like that in my life.’

  ‘Likewise,’ he agrees, kissing, almost eating, my neck.

  ‘Please don’t make me wait that long again. You almost sent me over the edge.’

  He continues devouring my neck hungrily with his lips and tongue before admitting a dire truth. ‘I’m certainly never going to promise you that, sweetheart.’

  I groan. Again.

  ‘You must be starving. Let’s eat!’

  I can honestly say my body has never felt more alive. I have not been this sexed up since my early twenties but this is so much more than it ever was then. How we still have it in us, I don’t know. My lips above want to smile. My lips below are buzzing with greed and anticipation. I can feel sexual energy pulsing through my veins, in my blood. It is the weirdest sensation, sated yet hungry for more. What is happening to me? Can it really be the lack of visual stimulation enabling me to feel so much more than usual, or is it the result of the emotional roller-coaster Jeremy has carefully crafted since my arrival? It’s as if he is awakening sexual cravings that have been lying dormant within me for years, just waiting to be ignited. I can only conclude it must be the combination of all the above as my ability to conduct further analysis at this stage is without a doubt, defunct. I can’t help but ruminate on the irony that my attempts to connect with my analytical mind for research purposes are being constantly annihilated by wave after wave of Jeremy-created sensation.

  Jeremy orders almost everything he can think of from the room service menu. We chat and we laugh and we caress and it doesn’t seem so weird that I’m wearing a blindfold. His voice is so reassuring and familiar that I almost feel totally at ease. The food arrives and we finally eat. I am ravenous.

  ‘Are you still hungry?’ he inquires as he places another strawberry in my mouth.

  ‘I honestly can’t get enough of these, they’re addictive. There is something about fresh strawberries and five-star hotels. It’s like they are designer made, perfect …’

  ‘Well there is only one left. Here, you have it.’ He places it in my mouth and then suddenly withdraws it.

  ‘On second thoughts, you have probably had your share. I might keep this one for myself.’

  He loosens my robe and I feel the strawberry circle my nipples. It travels past my bellybutton before teasing my opening. I feel the juicy fruit enticing my vulva.

  ‘I think this one would like to play hide and seek.’

  I whimper as his tongue commences seeking.

  Part IV

  ‘Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.’

  — Anonymous

  ‘Now, let’s get you dressed. We have a big day ahead of us.’

  ‘A big day? Aren’t we just going to hang around here all day and play?’ I don’t envisage getting out of my bathrobe for quite a few hours so I don’t take him the least bit seriously.

  ‘Another question,’ he responds flatly.

  Not the question thing again, I think to myself. His tone makes me apprehensive. I don’t understand what it is about. What is he expecting? A mute? Of course I have questions, what woman on the face of the earth wouldn’t, even under normal circumstances, let alone in this situation? I wish he could just relax and chill a little more about the whole question thing.

  Rather than saying any of these thoughts out loud however, inwardly congratulating myself from the lesson of last night, or whenever it was, I attempt a different tack.

  ‘So, what will I be wearing then?’ I ask chirpily, stupidly.

  ‘You really can’t stop yourself, can you?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Asking questions!’ He sounds completely exasperated.

  ‘I didn’t!’ I say indignantly. ‘Oh, I did,’ as I remember my last words. ‘Slow learner, I guess?’ I try to make light of my error. I reach out to find him for a quick all-is-forgiven hug, but the space around me is decidedly empty.

  ‘You will learn, Alex,’ I hear from somewhere else in the room. ‘I’m just not sure that you will appreciate the lesson.’

  ‘What does that —?’ I hear the words leave my mouth before I can prevent them and immediately stop myself short. I don’t understand his cryptic comment but I am surely not going to be led into yet another question, just in case.

  ‘Alright then, let’s get dressed,’ I say as lightly and easily as possible.

  ‘Much better,’ he replies smoothly and kisses me on the lips. Happy again. All good.

  Although … I can’t help but think that I’m being trained for something, like a good puppy.

  ‘The girls should be here any moment to help get you dressed.’

  Even after these unexpected words, a knock on the door startles me more.

  ‘Girls. What girls?’ I say in a freakishly high voice. ‘Sorry, sorry,’ I say automatically before he does the ‘another question’ routine. I’m on edge all over again.

  ‘Just relax, I’ll get it.’ I’m really left with no choice. I hear female voices introduce themselves at the door to Jeremy, something like Cindy … Candy … He can’t be serious.

  ‘Hi, pleased you could make it. Come on in, she’s in here.’ My mind starts to spin as I urgently feel for the edge of the bed and accidentally roll off the corner, leaving me splattered on the floor. Jeremy comes rushing over asking if I’m okay. I feel like a complete idiot. I’m so embarrassed, I want to curl up in a small ball and disappear through the floor. How could he?

  My heart is beating so fast, I don’t know what to think, do or say. He always had this fantasy about two girls … He wouldn’t, he couldn’t! He helps me to my feet.

  ‘Are you sure you’re alright? You look pale.’ I feel green, so I can only imagine how ‘pale’

  I look. Words elude me.

  ‘The girls are here to help you dress for our big adventure,’ he exclaims, true blue excitement in his voice.

  ‘I don’t want or need any more adventures, Jeremy. I have now had enough for a lifetime,’ I say in a harsh whisper, as I don’t know how near or far ‘the girls’ are from where I am. He raises me to my feet and leads me to the bathroom. Oh god, is he insane?

  ‘Don’t worry, it’s not what you think. They are here to help, I promise.’ He extracts his arms from my grip and hands me over to them. I start to tremble. One of my hands is placed in each of theirs. I try to keep hold of him but his touch is withdrawn.

  ‘No, please don’t leave me. I don’t need their help. I’ll be fine on my own. Jeremy?’ I hear the door close and I am left alone in a panicked state with two female strangers and their call girl names, who are faceless to me, though I am not to them. I feel long fingernails on the hands gently removing my robe. I instinctively hold onto it, tightening its grip around my wai
st. The fingernails try again as other hands undo the waist tie simultaneously. I attempt to distract the touching fingernails by talking to them.

  ‘I’m honestly fine, I can handle this. It’s okay, really.’ They continue on their quest. I am surprised when they remove my blindfold. I am now fully naked. I am placed on the toilet. I cover myself with my arms. The shower is turned on and I am led into it. The water sizzles against my goosebumped skin. My hair is washed, conditioned and massaged so delicately and carefully that I find myself relaxing into it more than I imagined possible. The fingernails become allies as they smoothly lather me up beneath their expert touch. When four hands are skilfully conducting their business over your body, do you prevent them or willingly allow them to complete their mission? I accede to the latter.

  The products they are using smell divine and feel rich and luxurious against my skin, leaving me feeling velvety soft as I’m thoughtfully rinsed clean with the steaming water cascading down from above. No words are spoken as I am exited from the shower and thick plush towels dry every inch of my body. Smooth, silky, moisturised hands glide along my legs, arms and torso. They lift one foot at a time and massage between each and every toe sending reverberations to other less obvious parts of my body. Wow, I had no idea toes could have that effect. When their task is complete I am carefully re-robed and I breathe a sigh of relief that they went no further. I feel so soft, so ripe, so replenished and I smell like I’ve been ensconced in an exotic genie-bottle of Coco Mademoiselle. I would hug myself, if I were alone. My hair is blow dried, then tightly bound into a low French braid. I attempt to open my eyes but my lids are still so heavy it hurts to try, so my grey darkness continues, with or without a blindfold, into the next unknown.

  I hear a rustling sound as I am ushered out of the bathroom, into the walk-in robe. I am then zipped and buckled into a leather all-in-one suit with thick knee-high boots, and gloves that just so happen to fit perfectly. Surprise, surprise! Every part of my body is clad in the aroma and feel of leather. Large sunglasses complete the look as I lose all sense of light when they are wrapped around my eyes. Good old Jeremy hasn’t left anything to chance.

  In some respects, I am thankful I can’t see how ridiculous I look. I have no idea what I’m dressed for, except that Jeremy must have some full-on leather fantasy that I was completely unaware of. I jingle as I move because of the number of zips and studs strapping the outfit securely to the contours of my body. I envisage I look quite punk-like, imagining the leather is black but I have no idea. I would roast him if it were any other colour, come to think of it; imagine if it were some hideous hot pink! Although I feel hefty and resilient from the neck down, I am completely vulnerable from the chin up. I have no idea what I am doing in this heavyweight outfit and certainly hadn’t considered the prospect of leaving the hotel. But I guess, since I’ve been having such an extended run of incorrect assumptions, I should have expected as much.

  ‘Wow, you look fierce, Alexa, like a tough biker chick. If I didn’t know you I’d be scared shitless.’

  ‘And if I didn’t know you, Jeremy, I wouldn’t be dressed like this in the first place,’ I say, with my hands firmly planted on my hips.

  ‘Fair call,’ he says with a laugh. ‘Fair call.’

  Inwardly, I love the idea of looking ‘fierce’ and am happy to play the role, even if I am as blind as a bat.

  ‘Let’s go, biker babe! There’s not a moment to waste.’ He grabs a handful of my smooth, leather-clad butt and leads me out the door to the lift. Is this all just a funny charade? Either way, I can’t help but find it amusing, so I grab his butt in return and feel that he is in the same material as me.

  ‘Well, well … we must look quite a sight.’

  ‘Indeed we do,’ he agrees as the lift descends.

  We arrive and I sense, given the length of the time we are in the lift, that we must be at the lobby or parking area of the hotel. I nudge closer to him, knowing we are entering the ‘real world’, and my insecurities instantly come back to haunt me. He places me next to a wall.

  ‘Don’t move an inch, sweetheart. Just stay where you are and I’ll bring her around.’

  ‘Her?’ Insecurity rises to fear within the space of a millisecond. I clamber against the wall as he leaves me stranded. The roar of an engine coming to life makes me leap with fright as petrol fumes invade my nostrils. The sound and smell are close enough to touch as Jeremy grabs my hand and pulls me toward the monstrous noise.

  ‘Have you ever been on a bike before?’ he yells as he drags my hesitant leg over the throbbing beast.

  ‘Only a trail bike on a farm when I was growing up,’ I reply nervously.

  ‘Well, hold on tight, babe, ’cause you’re in for one hell of a ride.’ He sounds like a teenage kid who is driving his own car for the first time.

  ‘But I can’t see!’ I scream as he squeezes a helmet over my head and ensures my glasses are correctly positioned.

  ‘You don’t need to see, I do,’ he shouts back at me over the noise.

  The engine growls to life underneath me. He laces my fingers together around his waist.

  ‘You just need to hold on!’

  ‘Do you have a licence to ride this thing?’ I yell in his direction.

  ‘You don’t need to shout. I can hear you now you have your helmet on.’ I hear his voice penetrating the inside of my helmet, straight into my ear. He ignores my question. Uh oh, I realise I have just asked another, and hope he hasn’t noticed.

  ‘Hold on, sweetheart, and try to calm your breathing just a little.’ He could obviously hear my anxiety through the helmet’s microphone.

  ‘Easier said than done!’ As the beast lurches forward, I’m almost left behind. I have no option but to hold on to him as tightly as possible as we swerve around a sharp corner. The wild ride of this weekend is clearly still in full octane swing.

  We stop and start quite a bit for a while and it takes my balance a while to adjust to the unanticipated manoeuvres. Jeremy isn’t talking so I presume he is concentrating on city traffic, which is at least a little comforting. Now that I am on a motorbike, I don’t feel quite so conspicuous in my outfit. And at least I’m not wearing a blindfold. We pick up speed and the ride eventually becomes smooth, making it considerably more comfortable than the jerkiness of before, where I was continually bracing myself for the next move.

  ‘Are you alright back there?’

  As I feel Jeremy readjust his position on the seat, I realise I am squeezing him so tight, he must be having difficulty breathing.

  ‘AB?’

  My grip is so strong; I’m not game to loosen it in case I fall off. My legs anchor me to the bike while my arms brace his waist. My upper body is slamming against his back so there is not a millimetre of space between us. Just as I tell myself to loosen my grip and tell Jeremy I’m fine, the bike swerves to the right and back to the left rapidly. Great, now he is overtaking someone.

  ‘Alexa, can you hear me?’ His voice pounds into my helmet again.

  ‘Yes, yes, I can. I’m okay. Just concentrating on, well, on holding on, really.’ I stammer out the words as we gather more speed. ‘Staying alive’ would have been more appropriate, I muse.

  ‘Are you scared?’ His questions continue to filter through to my headspace.

  ‘What do you think? I never knew you could ride.’

  ‘I’ve been riding for years. It’s great to be finally taking you out for a spin.’

  ‘Well, I’d rather be experiencing the ride with vision.’ I can’t help but point this out.

  ‘Please be careful, Jeremy. I really need to come out of this alive. I’m in your hands.’

  ‘Indeed you are, Alexa. Finally you are beginning to understand. Settle back and relax into the ride; we are on the open road now.’

  ‘And I don’t suppose you will enlighten me as to which open road that might be?’

  ‘You know that would spoil the fun.’

  At that, he goes full throttle and
lets ‘her’ embrace the road at high speed, which does take my breath away.

  Who would have thought I’d be riding on a boisterous beast such as this, in pitch black conditions? Not me in a million years. Once I let myself relax a little, not too much though, I have to admit it is a great feeling. Thankfully Jeremy’s position in front ensures my insulation from the harshness of the wind, which allows me to appreciate the exhilaration and openness of the bike. Imagine if the kids could see me now! They wouldn’t recognise me. Jordan would hardly believe it, but would think I was the coolest mum ever. He’d want to take a photo to prove it to his friends and teacher in Show and Tell, although he’d be more impressed if I was riding on my own. Elizabeth would probably be more concerned for my safety and would ask me if I was scared. I can’t help reflecting on whether male and female gender roles and values are that predictable from birth when assessing risk. I’ve never been able to resolve the whole nature versus nurture debate though it always makes for interesting discussion. I wonder how they are going out there in the wilderness and I hope they are having fun.

  I don’t know where we are going, or whether the ride is itself the destination. No doubt Jeremy has it all sorted out in his plans for our forty-eight hours of togetherness. He is certainly being true to his word when he said he wouldn’t waste a minute of it. So I calm myself down, snuggle into his back and rest my head against his shoulders. The engine’s rhythm between my legs provides a consistent, pleasant, low-level vibration. My other senses are completely soaking up and absorbing the whole experience. It feels fantastic and I am really, honestly enjoying the ride. I hug him a little from my position behind him.

  ‘Jeremy, this is really amazing. I would never have dreamt of doing this and I’m loving it.’

  His hand gently pats mine as if to acknowledge my words. I immediately freeze.