Obsessive Compulsion

  Her words disappear as I raise up to kiss her. I kiss her, over and over, and not because I’m counting or trying to perfect the way our lips come together. I kiss her over and over because it is perfect, every single time.

  Her lips follow mine as I lay my head back against the mattress, my tongue suggestively darting into the warmth of her mouth. My brain has switched off, and I’m taking every second of this freedom I can to show her how much I want her. How much I need her. How much I love her.

  The mattress creaks with shifting weight. A pressure straddles my hips. My hand twitches under her binding grasp, but I keep breathing her kisses in, demanding more.

  Suddenly, she’s pulling away and I’m groaning at the loss as she struggles to regain the air I was taking. My jaw tightens, but I force it to stop. “It’s okay, Charlie. I’m okay.”

  She shakes her head, fiery waves reflecting the moonlight. “I don’t want to push you too fast.”

  “Remember our word,” I remind her. “Please, Charlie. I need you to keep pushing.” I don’t want to give my brain time to turn back on. My heart is overriding everything right now, and I have to follow it. “I need you.”

  Her eyes widen and I know she’s read the real meaning behind the words I just spoke. A hint of fear flashes into her blue oceans, but she pushes it away. God, this woman is so brave.

  “Alright. Focus on me,” she agrees, sending my heart into submission.

  “Always,” I whisper as she leans back down to me. We kiss with eyes open, every feathered touch shooting fireworks into my synapses. I hold it back. I hold on. I…

  Fuck, this is intense. Must have more of her. Need more of my Charlotte.

  My wrist slips free and both my hands latch onto her hips, grinding her down as I push up between her thighs. She gasps, our lips part and I groan in pleasured agony as it starts to become too much.

  “Focus, Ian,” Charlie commands and my eyes snap back to hers. She takes my wrists and raises both arms above my head, never breaking eye contact. “Keep them there.”

  “Yes, Char…lie,” I exhale the tension, almost slipping up on her name. I want more than anything to simply hear Charlotte whisper past my lips.

  Her hair tickles my chest as she places a kiss above my heart. My arms twitch in a want to run through her hair, grab onto her body and drag her down against my groin again. I want her so desperately - to be inside her, to understand what that connection with her would feel like. The shaky movement draws her gaze up to my hands then she looks back at me with a quiet, chiding tsk.

  “I don’t think you’re going to behave.” She taps one finger against the spot she just kissed. “What should we do about that?”

  “Please…” Please don’t stop.

  Her fingers trail down my stomach, stopping at my belt. After a brief pause, she unbuckles it without losing my focus on her eyes. Sliding the belt free, she hands it to me. “Loop it through the headboard railing and hold on to each end. The second you let go, I will stop everything and we spend the rest of tonight talking. Understood?”

  Incredible. She’s giving me complete control while at the same time helping me to bind my tendencies. “I think you’ve been reading a lot, and not just about OCD.”

  As I follow her instructions, she rewards me with a sultry smile while leaning down to hover above my lips. “You’d be very surprised what you can find in the university’s library.”

  Before I can think more on that, she leaves the bed. I want to protest, but then she unzips the side of her skirt and it falls to the floor. Her corset is not long in following. The moonlight, mixed with the dim ember glow from the sconces, highlights every curve in a warm caress as she stands in my room wearing nothing but a pair of black lacey panties and the latex shirt. “You’re so very beautiful, Charlie.”

  “I often think the same thing about you,” she admits, running one gloved finger up the center of my chest. “I keep telling myself that I have to kidnap you and get you into my studio.”

  That idea, that she thinks I’m beautiful despite all my issues, nearly implodes my heart. I love you, Charlie.

  Swallowing back the words I know she isn’t ready to hear, I shrug lightly. “I wouldn’t mind letting you draw me, though I’m not sure how long I can sit still.”

  She opens one side of my vest and rubs my nipple, causing my back to arch into her touch. “I want to draw on you, Ian.” Her finger leaves my nipple, then the wetness of her tongue takes over. My hands fist the leather belt as I hold on to the sensation. “With paint,” she whispers against the wet skin and my whole body convulses.

  “Fuck!” The explosive curse makes her snap away from me, but I steady my reaction with a deep inhale and a tighter grip on the belt. “I’m okay. That felt good… and I’d like to try the paint someday.”

  Her smile reappears. “Small steps, and I think we’ll get there, eventually.”

  Small steps. If these steps involve more of what she just did to my nipple, I’m all for it. That little tease rippled through my body in both directions, erupting in pleasure once I came down from the overstimulation.

  The tip of her tongue circles my nipple slowly this time, sending waves of sensation with each round. After three, she stops, and that starts to edge my focus away from her. Three. Prime. Must… “Once more, please.”

  Without questioning why, she circles it once more then playfully nips the hard nub. I convulse, pulling the belt hard against the metal railing, then I come down into bliss. “Thank you, Charlie.”

  “Explain.”

  Her command reorients my focus. “Primes don’t make sense in my head.” I stop there, but she doesn’t move. She wants more from me before she’s going to give me more of this. “I prefer evens. Multiples of four and six are my stops.”

  “Thank you.” She moves up the bedside and leans over my face, her hair spilling around me like a molten curtain. It captivates my attention before my gaze centers on her irises, their intense empathy becoming my safe haven.

  Four, slow, open-eyed kisses are the reward for my honesty, and each is a glimpse at perfection. Stepping away from me again, she crouches down and digs through her bag in a much more random fashion that my earlier, orderly search. Watching her makes me smirk in affection. Our differences highlight our similarities.

  The smirk stumbles from my lips as she approaches the bed again and sets a wrapped condom on the mattress next to my hip. She watches my entire reaction, crossing her arms behind her back and letting the idea sink in. It’s sunk in, and the possible outcomes both frighten and exhilarate me.

  “Would you like to play, Ian?”

  The last time I was with a girl and it got to the stage of a condom being put into play, we were all in college. It had gone so horribly wrong that I had damn near taken a vow of celibacy. I had also walked into a three-week rehab after Victoria talked me off the ledge of the science building. That was almost seven years ago.

  I think I’m ready to try again, because seven years ago it was a girl I liked, but not a girl I loved. Seven years ago, the girl tried but couldn’t understand. Seven years ago, the girl wasn’t Charlotte.

  I wrap the ends of the belt once around each hand then give one, unwavering word. “Yes.”

  Charlotte

  Yes.

  Ian’s voice is the most confident I’ve ever heard it, and that one, powerful word hangs in the room, ringing through the silence that settles between us. It’s a significant step forward, and I’m gonna do my best to ensure this goes well for him. Ignoring the condom for now, I slip my panties off, basking in Ian’s hungry, yet beautifully blushing stare.

  “The game is very simple, Ian.” I touch his leather-clad leg just above the knee. “You’ll hold onto the belt for as long as you can. The moment you let go, or if you speak our special word, I’ll stop. I promise that it won’t hurt my feelings, no matter what we might be in the middle of, but you gotta promise you’ll stop me if you need to. Okay?”

  “I promise, Charl
ie,” he speaks with the same confidence, and it bolsters my own.

  A small voice is saying that maybe I should get Victoria to Assist, but everything else is loudly telling me that this is right. It’s gotta be about me and Ian. We gotta face our demons together, trusting each other to be honest. That tiny voice in my head brings up my own lack of honesty.

  No more, runnin’ Charlotte.

  I squeeze his leg gently. “You can call me Charlotte, if you still want to.”

  Those hazel eyes go wide as his arm muscles flex against the belt’s restraint. “I’d like that very much, Charlotte.”

  Waiting for the initial backlash from my heart at hearing that name, I’m surprised when it doesn’t happen. Instead, my heart skips before increasing its pace, leaving me trying to figure out what all that means. Maybe it doesn’t have to mean anything, even though I think it does. Ian didn’t want to label this thing between us, so I won’t start labeling my heart’s behavior, either.

  His eyes continue to follow mine as I join him on the bed again. Straddling his legs just above the knees, I advance in cautious, exploratory steps, each becoming more daring than the last. Long strokes up the outside of his thighs followed by light brushes over his groin. The stiff mound jutting against his leather pants sends aching want between my own thighs, my body urging me to take what it needs.

  This is as much about controlling my own tendencies as it is about Ian holding back his. I have no problem with being on top, setting the pace or finding my own pleasure. This time, Ian has to come first. I don’t think I’ll be able to find pleasure tonight unless he finds it with me.

  Leaning over his chest, I move his vest aside to expose the other nipple. The taught pectorals tremor in anticipation and I maintain eye contact while my lips surround his flesh. His jaw ticks, his hands tighten on the belt and he sucks in a hissing breath.

  Four. Five. Six. I raise up and wait, then mirror his smile once his body goes still beneath me.

  “Did you just count for me?” He sounds amazed. Such a simple thing can mean so much to the right person.

  “Whatever it takes, Ian,” I whisper against his wet nipple then bite it.

  His back arches. The moan he releases is so full of repressed need that it almost hurts me to hear it. When he comes back down from the sensation, the look of grateful admiration he gives me is worth however long this is going to take. I’ll count to four and then six a thousand times if it brings him that same release.

  With six kisses trailing from neck to belly button, our play ventures lower. I fist the comforter in anticipation. The air between us is heavy with it. We both want this, but the slow pace is building a coiling tension that binds us closer together with each second that passes.

  My mouth salivates as it hovers over his groin. The heat from each breath moistens the leather that stands between me and what I want. I know your average guy would have no complaints about me unzipping their pants with my teeth so I can lick their cock, or letting me have my fun with their body.

  Fuck, I want it. All my muscles tense, so close to the edge of losing control.

  “Charlotte?”

  The small worry in Ian’s voice reminds me once again to take back that control. Ian isn’t like all those faceless boys I’ve used to keep my bed warm and help me forget the parts of me I don’t like. He isn’t a boy. He’s a good man who deserves what I so desperately want to give him tonight.

  A small sense of normalcy that the majority of us take for granted.

  Raising my eyes from the heated leather, I offer him a mischievous grin. “I’m going to play down here for a while, sweetie. I promise to leave my gloves on, but my lips have a mind of their own. Sound fun?”

  “Yes,” he shudders. “Please.”

  The begging plea shivers down my spine, all the way to my pussy. Ian turns me on just by the way he looks and talks to me. A new thought darkens my smile as the arousal quivers. I want to show him what he does to me.

  But first… I unbutton his fly all the way down , pausing between each button to judge his reaction. I’m glad a zipper won’t be an issue for what I have planned. A pair of low-cut, dark red cotton briefs are exposed. My grin widens because I guessed right about that. Ian is definitely a briefs man.

  I bet he looks damn good in them and nothing else, too. Unable to resist temptation, I let my gloved fingers slide over the impossible to miss bulge of Ian’s cock. It’s impressive, and the sight of it pinned by the cotton only makes my pussy ache more.

  “Mmm fuck, Ian,” I can’t help the needy words that expel past my lips. “I want you so bad.”

  “I want you too, Charlotte,” he replies, but I hear the self-reproach in it. He doesn’t like being unable to give me what I want. I’m gonna show him that he can.

  Pulling the side-seam pocket open on his briefs, I ease his cock through, keeping as much skin as possible covered. The open-mouthed stare from Ian tells me he’s starting to understand what I’m planning. His cock weeps with a tempting bead of precum, begging my finger to touch it.

  I hold back, my finger twitching. My naughty tongue, however, darts out to flick against the head of his dick. I pull away sharply before my lips decide to misbehave, too.

  “Oh, f…” Ian isn’t able to finish as his entire body trembles.

  I inhale, waiting for our word to follow or for him to let go of the belt. The sound of my own whisper startles me. “One, two, three, four…” my heart counts, hoping he wants to continue this journey.

  “Five, six…” he finishes with me then his focus returns to my eyes. “Again, please.”

  His voice wavers, but he wants me to push him. With his taste on my tongue, I’m happy to oblige the request. Gripping his shaft, I slid my tongue across the smooth skin at the tip, but this time I give it four slow licks before stopping.

  Again we count together, and again he begs for more. I increase to six licks, then eight, then four again. On the last pass, he doesn’t pause to count.

  “Please, Charlotte…”

  Easing my lips past the crown, I swallow Ian’s cock all the way down. Holding still for six measured seconds, I savor the hard, velvety warmth then pull away. The sucking pop precedes his loudest moan yet as the leather belt pulls taught against the rail.

  I hope it holds. I hope Ian holds on. When the tremor ends, he doesn’t move. “Sweetie?”

  A quaking laugh erupts from him as his whole face smiles. After catching his breath, his smile turns affectionate. “That was incredible, Charlotte. Thank you.”

  “No, Ian, thank you.” When my words bring confusion into his eyes, I move both hands to the black latex covering my breasts. It gets his attention as I raise up on my knees and circle my own hard nipples through the latex. “You do this, Ian. And this…”

  Gripping one breast, I ease my other hand between my parted thighs, watching his eyes as they follow the movement. Dipping two leathered fingers into the gathered silk, a pleasured whimper catches in my throat as I toy those fingers around my clit. “Without even touching me, you excite my body. Do you see it?”

  “Yes,” he whispers, his eyes fixated on my fingers as they continue to tease. The leather belt creaks and the buckle jingles as his shoulders tense. With an intensity that makes me weak, his eyes meet mine again. “I’m ready, Charlotte. Please.”

  Sliding the two moistened fingers up the underside of his cock leaves him gasping for breath. I lean down across his groin, letting his slick cock slip against the black latex between my breasts as I crawl up the mattress. My mound brushes against him and his body undulates in waves of tension under me. Despite what I want, it’s clear that the condom will be needed if Ian is going to get through this.

  I kiss the center of his chest before backing away, my hand searching his side for the condom. “I’m clean, protected and I want to feel you inside me without this, but I think you still need it tonight.”

  I pause, he nods, and I continue. “One day, Ian,” I hold his hazel gaze while unwra
pping the condom and sheathing it over his dick. “We’ll get past this barrier, just like all the others. I promise.”

  “One day,” he repeats.

  We both stop and stare, caught in the significance of that simple statement. I just made him a promise with long-term implications. It’s not an always, but I don’t do ‘always’ anymore. It’s a ‘one day’, and maybe that means even more. A concrete idea we can strive for. Despite all the combined issues we carry, it’s something we can work together to reach.

  Tucking my knees against his side with his leather vest between our skin, I plant one hand next to his chest while the other positions his covered shaft between my thighs. “Ready, sweetie?”

  His hands coil the leather taught, and he gives a single nod. “Yes.”

  Lubricant glides his cock into me with slick ease. With an exhale, I relax to take him all the way in, sitting against his leather pants and cotton briefs. The fabric rubs against my pussy, stimulating an unexpected, pleasurable sensation. My hips move forward, seeking more pleasure, but Ian’s swallowed moan brings everything back into focus.

  Forcing my body still, I command his attention. “Open your eyes, Ian.”

  “Charlotte, I… Fuck, I…”

  “Ian, look at me. You can do this.” I know my statement is just as much a plea as a command. I don’t want this to end yet. I believe that he’s stronger than his demons. “One,” I whisper.

  “Two,” he whispers back and opens his eyes as I move my hips up and back down.

  “Three,” we say together, another movement of my hips following. “Four,” becomes a mantra as the numbers count on voices yearning for release and trying so desperately to be heard above the background noise of our lives.

  Five thrusts leads into six, into seven and past eight. The cotton teases against my clit and nine becomes a choked cry. Ten and eleven pick up the pace, a slow, methodical rhythm building that lets every feeling linger. Twelve, and his eyes are wide open, jaded green and warm brown swirling within skies of bluest grey.