Nobody Said It’d be Easy

  She shook her head. “I’m not.”

  “I’ll do this better next time. I promise. I’ll make this right.”

  He flashed a grin, that grin that tugged on her heart, and he was gone, leaving her still quivering from his touch.

  Chapter Eleven

  Lia was losing her mind.

  It had been over a week since the first time she and Gabriel…fooled around.

  Since then, she’d been unable to think about anything else. She had dreams—daydreams all the time. She couldn’t work. She couldn’t concentrate. Worse, whenever she saw Gabriel, all she wanted to do was grab him and take a bite out of him.

  She’d done just that.

  She’d taken her trash down to the building’s cellar, saw him pulling on thick work gloves. She dropped her bag, lunged for him, and they were kissing right there. In a trash room.

  She should be ashamed of herself.

  Ashamed of how much she liked the taste of his lips, the feel of his tongue sliding against hers, the strength in his arms when he’d banded them around her, the scent of his shampoo when he’d lowered his head to hers, and ashamed that their first kiss had happened the day when he was emotionally vulnerable.

  But she wasn’t. Not one bit.

  She gave herself a mental slap. What on earth was wrong with her? It was like she was back in school, unable to concentrate on her classes because her mind was full of daydreams. If she wasn’t careful, she might start doodling his name all over her notebook.

  When Lia found herself searching for babysitters just so they could… Well. It was clear they needed to do something about this. They needed to feed this need that obviously burned through them both before it killed them.

  They talked. They texted.

  But they couldn’t figure out how to pull this off.

  Instead, she watched him. Her apartment overlooked the courtyard. She could see his front door. She knew when he made his apartment rounds, when there was an oil delivery, a meter read, a city inspection. She knew when he took the girls to school and when he picked them up. She knew that Friday nights were typically pizza take-out followed by manicure parties. She watched him rake leaves, loving the way his muscles moved. She was upstairs in her bedroom when he stopped his own work to repair a flat bicycle tire for one of the tenants and then refused any money for the work. Gabriel Ivers was just like her—a man compelled to help. Every morning, after he dropped off his girls, Gabriel and Emmy left little things on Mrs. Morgan’s doorstep—a magazine, a treat, or a plant. She saw Mrs. Morgan’s delight with each one of them and felt something deep inside her purr.

  On Sunday morning, she knocked on the Ivers’ door with a bag of warm bagels from Ben’s. Maddie lost her mind when she discovered two were for her—one cinnamon raisin and one rainbow. Maddie and Emmy were happy to see her. If they’d been puppies, Lia would have found herself surrounded by wagging tails and exuberant licks. Kim and Liv—not so much. Kimberly was okay with her presence but Olivia ate her bagel with a rigid tension, spearing Lia with searching looks that seemed to see right through that thin excuse she’d given about paying Gabriel back for some favor he’d done for her.

  And Gabriel? He couldn’t stop smiling. It was a good look on him, Lia decided.

  With Gabriel helping Emmy in the bathroom and the other girls scattered around the apartment, Lia made herself useful wiping crumbs from the kitchen table and sweeping the floor.

  “I know, you know.”

  Olivia’s quiet voice, not to mention her stealthy approach, had Lia jolting in panic. “What’s that, sweetheart?”

  “You. My dad. I know you guys like each other,” she said with a sneer of disgust.

  Lia began to shake her head. “Olivia, I think you’re—”

  “No,” the child said. “I’m not stupid. I saw you. Kissing. It won’t work. He’ll never forget my mom.”

  Lia’s heart shriveled. A child Olivia’s age wasn’t supposed to know about sex, let alone that her father was doing it with the neighbor—well, trying to, anyway. Lia despised herself for putting both thoughts into her head. But as Lia stared into Olivia’s dark eyes, she saw something beneath the accusation, beneath that layer of disgust. Something that looked way too familiar to Lia—grief.

  “Oh, Olivia,” she said, bending down so they were eye level. “I don’t want him to ever forget your mom. I’m not trying to replace her—or make anybody forget her. What I am doing is trying my best to make your dad happy.”

  “He is happy. He has us.” And she took off down the hall before Lia could even think of something to say in response.

  It was her own fault, really. She’d been entirely too selfish.

  Maybe it was time to step back, slow things down, instead of trying to carve out a few minutes here and there for juvenile make-out sessions. Gabriel had responsibilities. He had a life and that life had no room for her.

  That’s why she elected to work from the library on Monday. She didn’t say anything to Gabriel about Olivia, and when he texted her, she simply said she had appointments today.

  There’d be no temptation to stare out her window, to knock on his door, to be where she knew he’d be.

  Besides, she loved libraries. The internet was a great tool for some research but not even the mighty information superhighway could compete with the skills of a good librarian. She approached the reference desk, asked Dana, the librarian, for help on today’s to-do list.

  “Hi, Dana. I’ve got a detailed request that may take a while. Do you have time or would you prefer if I make an appointment to come back later?”

  The pretty brunette behind the counter looked up and tucked a pencil behind her ear. “Hey, Lia. How detailed?”

  “One of my clients is a mathematics professor on a mission to make math sexy. She wants me to find info on sexy math problems and gave me a list.” Lia handed it over.

  The woman read her list and looked up with a smirk. “This’ll be fun.” She put the list aside. “Okay, what’s next?”

  “Number two is a cookbook author looking for whatever we can find on the history of chocolate—specifically, how it became a decadent treat.”

  She rubbed her hands together. “I’m always up for chocolate research. Next?”

  “Oh, I saved the best for last. I’ve got a theoretical physics professor over at Queens College who wants me to find out everything I can about the potentiality of flying cars.”

  The librarian clapped her hands. “Congratulations! You just became my favorite patron ever. Give me about half an hour? I’ll find you when I’m ready.”

  “Deal,” Lia said and left Dana for an empty table. From her tote bag, she removed her laptop and journal, checked the rest of the day’s to-do list, and settled in to work. She logged onto the library’s Wi-Fi and checked her email. Next, she began a basic search on sexy math.

  Her client, Dr. Susan Abbott, had started off writing a serious paper, but the project had evolved, becoming less serious and much larger than a paper. Much, much larger, Lia thought with a smirk of her own. Dr. Abbott was now writing a book she planned to call Orgarithmetic. Inspired by a John Green book, Dr. Abbott decided to apply math equations, theories, and probabilities to finding her perfect sexual partner, represented by X.

  Because, math.

  Lia fanned her face. It was such a good thing she was a virtual assistant. There was no way she could possibly maintain professional decorum if she’d had to discuss this project face to face. She took a deep breath, found her center, and got to work. Dana proved to be a most excellent librarian, having located half a dozen sources of new content Lia probably never would have discovered through Google searches alone. She took notes, gave her cheeks a few light slaps when her inner child giggled, and sent Dr. Abbott a lengthy email complete with citations and conclusions which, she was forced to admit, were appropriate for nothing more than levity, at best.

  She worked for hours, worked past noon, stopping only when her stomach began a noisy
growl. She decided a lunch break was in order and collected her belongings. On her way to the exit, she spotted a familiar figure in the children’s section.

  Olivia.

  The girl was hunched over a table, alone, poring over a thick book. She seemed to sense Lia’s eyes on her and lifted her head, closing her book with a snap. Lia frowned. She’d expected to see that same accusatory expression on the little girl’s face now seared into Lia’s brain, but instead, Lia had seen guilt.

  She took out her cell phone and called Gabriel.

  “Ivers.” His tone was brusque.

  “Gabriel, it’s Lia. I—”

  “Not now, Lia.”

  “But I just saw—”

  “Please! I have a crisis here. I’ll call you later.”

  And the line went dead.

  Okay, she told herself as her temper spiked. Okay, he’s obviously in full panic mode. She could understand that. So she tapped out a quick text.

  Olivia is in the library by herself.

  She tapped Send. Saw the message was delivered. Waited. Waited some more. She wasn’t sure if she should insist Olivia come home with her or go get Gabriel.

  Her mind flashed back to the day Maddie had nearly been hit by a car because of her. Okay. She’d leave Olivia here, go get Gabriel.

  Her temper faded under the pressing weight of his silence. She walked back to Reference. “Dana, could you email me anything else you find? I have an issue I need to address.”

  “You got it, Lia.”

  “One more thing. There’s a little girl in Children’s by herself. She’s skipping school. I need you to keep an eye on her while I go get her father. He’s not answering his phone and I know him well enough to know he’s probably called in the National Guard. Could you maybe watch her, try to keep her here until we get back?”

  “Oh. Oh, wow. I’ll do what I can.” Dana nodded.

  “She’s really into women in science,” Lia offered.

  On the walk home, she told herself it didn’t mean anything. He had to be out of his mind with worry. She knew how devoted he was to his daughters—it was the first thing that had attracted her to him.

  But this? Lia shoved her hands into her pockets and walked a little faster. This felt different…this felt…ominous. She knew that was ridiculous but the feeling wouldn’t leave her.

  *

  When Gabe woke up on Monday morning, the weather outside was chilly and so, apparently was Lia. He was doing his best to figure this all out. He wanted to be with her and miraculously, she wanted him the same way.

  So he’d thought.

  But she’d put him off today, fed him some line about work. But okay, he could take a hint. He backed off.

  The weather inside was marked by the thunderous clouds on his daughters’ faces. Kimberly was cranky. Madison didn’t want pancakes, she wanted French toast only to declare a hunger strike. Olivia stared daggers through Gabe. Only Emmy seemed happy, but she almost always was.

  He sang. He’d been singing a lot lately. He felt so damn good, he was bursting with it, so—yeah. He sang. Not well, but who cared? He began singing ‘Let It Snow’ until he felt the weight of three out of four girls glaring at him.

  Jeez, everybody’s a critic.

  “Kim, you’ll need to start going to bed earlier.”

  Olivia rolled her eyes and shot him a look of such disgust, he froze while stacking pancakes on her plate.

  “What?” he demanded, exasperated.

  “Nothing. Just wondering if Lia likes pancakes.”

  His eyes narrowed. “I don’t actually know but I’ll ask since it’s clearly important to you.”

  “It’s not. I don’t care what she likes.”

  He cut up Emmy’s pancake into bites and sighed in exasperation. “Then why did you bring it up?”

  “It doesn’t matter!” she screamed. “I hate Lia and I don’t want her here anymore.”

  Gabe sat down, sipped his coffee, tried damn hard not to show how distressed he was to hear this. “Any particular reason why you hate Lia, who just a few days ago, was the goddess who’d recorded that show you wanted to see?”

  She skewered him with another sideways look and Gabe had a feeling Olivia may not have been as sound asleep as he’d thought. His face burned and he looked away. He wasn’t ready to get into this and most especially, not with his nine-year-old.

  “I like Lia, Daddy. She’s pretty and nice and she smells really good and she says she’s my friend.”

  He smiled at Maddie. When you’re six years old, friendship is a really big deal. “I like her, too.”

  At that, Olivia flung down her fork, shoved away her plate, knocking over Kimberly’s juice glass, which spilled all over her.

  “Olivia! What did you do that for? Now I have to change my outfit.”

  Kim stomped down the hall to their bedroom, grumbling the whole time.

  “Dad-dee. Mess.”

  “Yes, Emmy. Liv made a mess and is going to clean it up.” He paused, waited for Olivia to move. “Now, Liv,” he snapped.

  Her face thunderous, she got up, grabbed some paper towels and started wiping the spilled juice from the table, the chair, and the floor.

  “Maddie. Hair?”

  She shrugged. “The yellow clips?”

  Fine by him. He grabbed the basket, tugged a brush through Maddie’s snarls until her dark hair gleamed smooth down her back. He twisted the front of her hair into two ropes and fastened each with one of the yellow clips. God bless YouTube’s endless cache of hairstyle videos. He’d watched a bunch after Maddie had informed him that Lia got the knots out of her hair.

  If she could do it, so could he.

  “Me, Dad-dee!” Emmy patted her head so Gabe took out another clip—a soft one this time—and lifted Emmy’s gold curls out of her eyes.

  Olivia was still wiping up juice. He got out some spray cleaner, spritzed the floor and the chair, waited while she wiped that, too.

  “Braid, Liv?”

  She did not answer him. Impatient, he repeated his question.

  “I don’t care about hair, Dad.”

  Fine. He was just about out of patience. “Maddie, get your jacket and your backpack.”

  He strode down the hall for his own jacket and Emmy’s. It took ten more minutes to get everybody out of the house and into the car. He wondered what Lia was up to today and glanced at her apartment as he buckled Emmy into her car seat.

  “Dad,” Liv snapped. “We’re gonna be a late.”

  Clamping down on his temper, he said nothing, just shut the door, climbed into the driver’s seat, and started the car. He dropped Kimberly off first, then headed for the elementary school. Olivia took off but at his shout, she came back, waited—not patiently—for Maddie. As they headed inside the school, he took a long slow breath.

  “Wow, Emmy. Gonna be a long day.”

  “Why, Dad-dee?”

  “Bad moods. You’re not in a bad mood, too, are you?” He glanced in the rearview mirror, laughed when she shook her head.

  “Good.”

  They drove back to the building and Gabe checked his list. A washing machine that wasn’t draining, a stuck doorknob on an interior door, and some lightbulbs to change around the building—nothing urgent or too difficult and after the morning he’d had—a hell of a nice gift. He grabbed his tools, Emmy grabbed her pink plastic toolbox, and off they went.

  As he worked, he found his thoughts skating in Lia’s direction more than once. Damn, she was amazing. But it wasn’t just the sheet-clutching, world-rocking sex he kept imagining, dreaming, dying to have with her. It was her. He genuinely enjoyed being with her, around her. She was smart, she was gorgeous, and she had endless wells of patience for his girls—and him. Maybe the only reason she blew him off today was because she needed to recharge. He could respect that.

  “Gabe, how’s it going? Wow, you always grin like that at doorknobs?” Jessica Vella asked as she joined them in the hallway on her second floor.


  Gabe shrugged and tried to wipe the grin off his face. “Just Emmy being cute,” he lied and forced himself to stop thinking about Lia. When his thoughts turned to Olivia’s behavior that morning, he began to worry. She had a serious objection to Lia that had started almost since Lia moved in.

  “Here, Emmy. Can you hold this for me?” He handed Emmy the new doorknob he was about to install in Jessica’s linen closet door.

  “No. I pway.”

  “It’s okay, Gabe,” Jessica said. “She can play with Mason. I’ll watch them downstairs.”

  “Great, thanks.” He grinned as Emmy took off to play Matchbox cars with Jessica’s three-year-old. He had the new doorknob in place in no time at all, jogged down the stairs and found Emmy and Mason making car sounds together.

  “Okay, all done. Time to go, Emmy.”

  “Thanks, Gabe,” Jessica said.

  “No problem.” He scooped up tools and baby and they went off to tackle the next item on the list.

  It was about eleven when the school called him. “Uh-oh.” The last time a school called, Kimberly was dealing with cramps. He braced himself and said, “Ivers.”

  “Mr. Ivers? This is the attendance office checking in on Olivia Ivers. How is she feeling?”

  A tiny ball of ice formed in his gut. “She was fine when I brought her to school this morning.”

  “Mr. Ivers, Olivia is not in school today. That’s why I’m calling.”

  The words were a kick to the nuts with steel-toed boots. “What do you mean, she’s not there?” Jesus, was that his voice? He heard the terror in it and that ball of ice froze everything inside him down to his marrow.

  “Mr. Ivers, are you sure she went in?”

  “Yes! I dropped off both of my daughters this morn—”

  Both of them. Prayers began to play in his head, while the terror turned to throat-choking panic. “What about Maddie? What about Madison Ivers? Is she there? Is she there!”

  Paper rustled, voices murmured. “Yes. Yes, Madison is in her class.”

  Thank you, God. “Pull her out. Ask her where her sister is. Call the police. I’m on my way.” He grabbed Emmy and his tools, put them in the car and took off.