Nobody Said It’d be Easy

  “Daddy, I’ve been thinking about my birthday,” Kimberly began. “I want to do something really special because I’m becoming a teenager. I’m growing up.”

  She saw the flinch Gabriel did his best to quell while smearing petroleum jelly around his fingertips. The cup in her hand trembled and she spilled a drop or two of coffee on her hand, the sting of it hardly a blip compared to the pain she was doing her best to keep hidden.

  “What’d you have in mind?”

  “Can we do something? Just you and me, I mean.”

  His forehead puckered. “But what about your sisters?”

  “They can stay home with Uncle Mike. Or Mrs. Morgan. Or Lia.”

  “What would we do?”

  “We could get dressed up and go out to dinner that’s not at the pizza place? Or we could go get real manicures. Like at a salon with the fancy chairs you dip your feet in.”

  Kimberly leaned so low over Mike’s fingernails, it was hard to hear her, especially with Maddie chattering about how pretty Gabriel’s hands looked. But somehow, Gabriel heard every thing his daughter had said.

  And everything she hadn’t.

  Don’t say no, don’t say no, Lia silently begged. Little girls adore their daddies. They look up to them, admire them, and respect them. And when little girls become young women, they need the man—the first man they’ve ever loved—to model the kind of man those young women could trust with their hearts. She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could offer her suggestions, her ideas, because yes! Yes, Lia completely understood what Kimberly wanted.

  She’d wanted it, too.

  Gabriel cleared his throat. “I think that’s a fine idea. In fact, we should make it a new tradition.”

  Lia’s eyes snapped to his when she heard the husky note in his voice, but he was smiling softly at his oldest daughter.

  It just about undid her. She practically dropped her mug into the sink. “I’m sorry, everybody, but I need to leave. Thanks for dinner. Mike, it was lovely to meet you. Good night.” With emotion choking her, she bolted across the courtyard to her own unit and made it all the way to the living room before the tears overflowed their locks.

  *

  Mike jerked his thumb at the door as it shut behind Lia. “Go after her.”

  Gabe made a sound of frustration. “I will. In a minute.” Guilt swam inside him. He shifted, sighed, blew on the fingernails Maddie painted. Then his eyes lifted, settling on the photograph stuck to the refrigerator door.

  “Girls,” he began. “Do you remember what I said about Lia, about not knowing her? If that changed, we’d talk?”

  Olivia’s head came up from the swirl she was painting across one blue nail. Gabe watched her carefully but his smart, serious little girl gave nothing away.

  Maddie was the first one to ask the big question. She gasped loudly. “Daddy! Do you want to kiss Lia?”

  Gabe’s face burned but he nodded. “Um. Yeah. I really do.” God, he loved kissing Lia.

  “Yay! Lia’s gonna be your girlfriend?”

  “Well, that depends. Here’s the thing. I like Lia. A lot.” Gabe tried not to roll his eyes because like was such a half-assed word. He was crazy about Lia. “And I need to know what you think about that.”

  “Are you gonna get married?” Maddie clapped. “Oh! Can I be flower girl? I want to wear a tiara!”

  “Slow down there, Maddie. Your dad’s not sure he’s ready to date yet until he knows it’s okay with you.” Mike put a hand on Maddie’s head.

  “Daddy,” Kimberly cut in. “I think Lia’s pretty awesome. I’m totally okay with you guys dating.”

  Gabe smiled at his oldest daughter. Her blue eyes were earnest and her smile wasn’t forced. Nodding, he said, “I think she’s pretty awesome, too.” Then he turned to Olivia.

  “Liv. What do you think?”

  Olivia had returned to her nails, drawing the brush slowly over the same nail. He waited, dread pooling in his gut. If Kimberly was his mini-me, Olivia was surely Janey’s.

  “What about Mommy?”

  She may as well have shot him.

  Speechless, he gaped at her, his heart deflating like a punctured old bicycle tire. He squeezed his eyes shut. Guess he had his answer.

  “You know, I was there the first time your dad saw your mom,” Mike began.

  Olivia’s eyes shifted to Mike’s. “You were?”

  “Yep. We were just a few years older than Kimberly. It was in our second year of high school. Dad and I were shooting some hoops and your mom ran by in her gym clothes. She ran track. The ball hit your dad right in the head. Remember that, Gabe?”

  How could he forget? He never felt the ball hit him. All he felt was a jolt of awareness, followed by profound dizziness when he forgot to breathe.

  “Your mom had long dark hair, just like yours,” Mike continued.

  “And mine!” Maddie reminded him.

  Laughing, he acknowledged, “And yours. She ran right by us, never even noticed. It took me close to five solid minutes of calling his name to bring your dad back down to earth.”

  “Was it love at first sight, Daddy?” Maddie wanted to know.

  The question shocked Gabe out of his stupor. “Where did you learn that phrase?”

  “TV. Was it, Daddy?”

  “Not exactly. I didn’t have the guts to talk to your mom for a while.”

  “A while?” Mike snorted. “Try three years.”

  Olivia’s lips twitched.

  “Your old man didn’t make his move in high school and somebody else got to your mom first. She dated that loser for a couple of years.”

  “What did you do, Daddy?” Olivia asked.

  Mike answered for him. “He moped around, regretting his life choices.”

  Gabe wadded up a napkin and threw it Mike. “Hey, I dated.”

  “Yeah, yeah. You took Abbie Grimes to one dance, and went with Melanie Abrams to the prom. That is not dating.” Mike tossed the napkin back and continued his story. “He tried to forget your mom. He tried to go on without her. And you know what happened?”

  “What?” Maddie leaned forward, eyes round.

  “He was miserable. He got into some trouble—”

  Maddie gasped.

  Gabe put up both hands. “Uncle Mike is exaggerating. Right, Uncle Mike?” Gabe asked, pointedly. There was no way in hell he wanted the girls to know about the time he nearly got arrested for brawling, or the time he got so drunk after he saw Janey kiss that loser she was dating instead of him, he couldn’t stand up. Mike had to haul his ass home.

  Mike said, “Right.” Then he shook his head. “Anyway, in our first year of college, we happened to see your mom walking into a dorm. We didn’t even know she was at our school until that exact moment. Your dad froze right where he stood. It wasn’t until I gave him a shove and told him not to waste three more years that he made his move.”

  “And then what?” Olivia leaned forward.

  “Your mom said yes.” Mike paused, let that sink in. “He had this look on his face.” Mike arranged his own features into happy amazement, making the girls laugh. “Did you see it, Olivia?”

  “How could I? I wasn’t born yet.”

  “That’s true. But I was talking about tonight. Whenever he looked at Lia.”

  “What look? There was no look.” Mortified, Gabe stood, threw that balled-up napkin in the trash so he wouldn’t have to see Liv’s face crumble.

  “There was definitely a look. When Lia finally agreed to stay for dinner, you smiled at her the same way you smiled at Janey when she said she’d go out with you. It’s this look like…I don’t know. Like you just got a suitcase full of cash or something.”

  “You’re stretching things here, Mike,” Gabe said, shaking his head. “I hardly know Lia.”

  “But you want to.”

  “Okay. Yes. I do. I admit, I like her a lot. I think she’s beautiful and smart and…and good, you know? A truly good person.”

  “But?”


  Gabe sighed. “But my girls have to come first.”

  “You deserve to be happy again, Gabe. Kimberly and Maddie get that and I think Liv gets it, too. Right, Liv?”

  Olivia didn’t respond.

  Gabe sighed. Mike made it all sound so damn easy. Just knock on the door, draw Lia into his arms, and magically, life would be puppies and unicorns. There were children in the picture. Four beautiful daughters who deserved to keep whatever memories they had of their mom. And then, there were logistics like jobs and money and where they’d live and chores and stress and—

  With a start, Gabe shook himself out of that train of thought. Jeez, he was picturing life married to Lia. Where the hell had that come from? He glowered at his best friend, who merely grinned back, like he’d been able to read his thoughts.

  “Maddie, bedtime for you,” Gabe finally said.

  “Aw.” She moaned the word out into three long syllables.

  “Say good night.”

  Gabe was grateful that Maddie cooperated through her bath and bedtime. He was wiped out—physically and emotionally wrecked. By the time he returned to the living room, he swore he could hear his muscles crying for bed. To his immense shock, Olivia decided to go to bed, and Kimberly went into Gabe’s room to read for an hour before bed.

  When it was only Mike and Gabe in the room, Mike folded his arms and cocked his head. “Go ahead. You know you want to say it.”

  Gabe made a sound of exasperation. “Fine. You were out of line tonight. I get what you were trying to do. But don’t press Olivia like that.”

  “Why not? You want to be with Lia. I don’t think it’s fair that you’re letting a nine-year-old decide who you get to date.”

  “Yeah, well, nobody ever said life was fair.”

  “Ivers, you are completely gone over that girl and she’s just as crazy about you. I watched you both tonight. You two have this…I don’t know…this gravitational pull. I get why you’re scared, but—”

  “I’m not scared, exactly.” Gabe cut him off. “Mike, losing Janey shredded me.” He stopped, pressed his lips together when his voice cracked. “I thought that part of me was gone for good, you know? The part who could trust someone enough to let all the walls down and know that even at your worst, you were loved absolutely? I thought it died with her. But from the day Lia moved in, I’ve been…aware, I guess. I feel like she brought me back to life.”

  “You slept with her.”

  It wasn’t a question. Gabe lifted a brow, and when he saw that Mike wasn’t accusing him of anything, just trying to collect the facts, he shrugged.

  “I want to. We’ve had some…logistics issues. Being with Lia is…it’s amazing. She’s amazing. Mike, I know you think this is lame but I never wanted anybody but Janey. I didn’t think I could do it with anybody else.”

  Gabe squirmed. It was hard to admit to somebody who’d slept with a dozen women that he’d been with only one. He wasn’t passing judgment—or trying not to, at least.

  “Okay,” Mike finally said. “I get that losing Janey turned you inside out. But, Gabe. You can’t keep yourself and those girls in…in some kind of emotional bubble wrap. The risk is the reward. You were the one who told me that, remember? The more you risk, the greater the value of the return. You risked it all with Janey and yeah, you lost a lot and it fucking hurts, but look at everything you gained, Gabe. Look at it and tell me it wasn’t worth it, that you wouldn’t do it all over again even if you knew the outcome.”

  Gabe couldn’t answer him because Mike was right. He would do it all over again. “Mike, it’s hard. It’s so damn hard.”

  “Yeah, well, nobody said it’d be easy, either. What if Lia is worth it? Gabe, I wasn’t bullshitting you—the way you looked at her? I think you’re already in love with her. I don’t know how you can walk away from that, even for Liv. I think you owe it to her, to all of them, and to yourself to see this through. You deserve to get a life.”

  Gabe’s mouth fell open.

  Mike stood up, headed for the hall. “I’m sleeping on your couch tonight so get off it.”

  Gabe sat on the sofa, staring at the front door, hoping Lia would walk through it. Then a movement in the hall caught his attention.

  “Daddy?”

  “Yeah, Liv. What’s wrong?”

  She was in her pajamas already and had obviously put herself to bed. He tried not to let that bother him. When she didn’t answer him, he just held out his arms. She ran into his hug, buried her face in his shoulder and his heart twisted. “If you’re nervous about school tomorrow, don’t be. I’ll come in with you when you meet Mrs. Salony. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

  “No, it’s not school.” She shook her head, pulling away so she could look up at him. “Daddy, did I break your heart?”

  He froze for a second, not entirely understanding the question. Then he cursed silently. She’d heard them. Damn it.

  “Liv, you don’t need to worry about my heart. You just focus on Liv things, like school and science—”

  “Daddy, Uncle Mike said you have a look. Is this it?”

  She held up a hand. Clutched inside it was a photo. He took it from her, not surprised to find it was one of him with Janey. It was taken back in college—probably by Mike. He laughed once because yeah, he looked like a goofball with a big dopey grin and adoration in his eyes. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

  She bit her lip, nodded, and took the picture back. “That’s what I thought.” She scrambled out of his arms and took his jacket from the hook near the front door. “Here.”

  “What’s this for?”

  “Go tell Lia it’s okay, Daddy. Uncle Mike’s here in case Emmy wakes up.”

  A whole storm of emotions swamped him but mortification won out. “Um, Liv, it’s okay. I’ll talk to Lia tomorrow, as long as you’re sure.”

  She shrugged. “I’m almost sure.”

  Uh-oh. “Almost?”

  “Lia’s nice.”

  Right. “But?”

  “She’s not Mommy.”

  “No. She’s not,” he was forced to agree.

  “Mom’s dead. She’s always gonna be dead.”

  The breath left Gabe’s body with the force of a groin-kick, but he nodded.

  “I don’t want you to be sad ’cause of me. If you want to kiss Lia or, you know, marry her or whatever, I guess it’s okay.”

  Pride tangled with love to form a lump in his throat. He couldn’t speak for a minute or two, so he scooped Olivia up into his arms and held her to his heart.

  *

  A knock sounded on the rear door. Lia sighed and unbolted it, knowing who was there without bothering to look.

  “Lia. Can I come in?”

  The punch to her core almost doubled her in half. Gabriel looked like he’d been dragged through hell. There were purple circles under his eyes, his hair was a mess, and his face was way too pale.

  So why the hell did her pulse race at the sight of him?

  “Um. Well, I was just on my way out.” That wasn’t a lie. She needed Roseann.

  Gabriel’s eyes went wide and then narrowed as he took in her overnight bag. He opened his mouth, shut it, shook his head. “Lia, can I just tell you I’m sorry before you leave? I’m sorry for Olivia, what she said. I know it hurt you. And I’m sorry I’m too tired to do much more than ramble right now so just let me get it all out and I’ll say good night, okay?”

  She stood aside, let him in.

  Waited.

  He looked ready to fall over. She pulled out a chair, guided him into it, but remained standing herself. If he was going to tell her good-bye, she wanted to be ready with her exit strategy.

  “The day Maddie took off after you, I grounded Liv, too. She mouthed off to me and it pissed me off. She said something about you.”

  “Me?” That snagged her attention.

  “Yeah. She uh…she doesn’t want a stepmom.”

  His hands shot up when Lia’s eyes bulged. “I told her she was way out of line. If and when
I ever fell in love with somebody, we’d talk about it then, so we had that conversation tonight, after you left, because…well, because that time is now.”

  Oh, God. A strange buzzing began to fill her ears. But he…they…that meant… Lia shook her head, unable to grasp what he was trying to say. “So you’re not breaking up with me?”

  Gabriel stood then, took her in his arms. “No!” And then he held her away from him. “Wait. Is that what you want?”

  She shook her head. “No. God, no.”

  “Good. Okay. This is good.” He managed a sweet and awkward grin.

  She couldn’t find her voice. Couldn’t think. She pulled him in, laid her head over his heart. Silently, she told Janey she’d take care of him, take care of all of them. When she felt him kiss the top of her head, she felt peace fill her.

  Lia lifted her head, pulled his down and kissed him. She’d lost track of how many kisses they’d shared, stolen, or snuck. At some point, she’d stopped counting and wasn’t that too bad? She’d always believed a first kiss was the most magical, most hopeful thing there was in this world. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t the first kiss, but the next kiss.

  “Lia,” he whispered, sliding his fingertips through her hair. “Lia. Mike is staying tonight. That means…”

  Oh. God.

  Anticipation built in her so fast, it made her knees buckle.

  “Can I stay?”

  She didn’t hesitate, didn’t think, didn’t worry, didn’t obsess. She nodded and led him upstairs.

  Chapter Fourteen

  They hurried, laughing and whispering, to her bedroom.

  He couldn’t wait to get his hands on Lia again. But as soon as they entered her bedroom, he lost his nerve. He dropped his hands, stuffed them into the pockets of his jeans, uncomfortable with even bringing up the subject but it had to be done. “Uh, I need to apologize to you, Lia. I didn’t knock on your door for this.”

  Her smile froze and then faded. She nodded once and stepped back and Gabriel understood he’d hurt her.

  “No! That doesn’t mean I don’t want you.” He snapped up both hands. “I wanted to talk, to thank you for everything you did today.”