Beneath This Man (This Man Trilogy)

  ‘Hey, how’s my buddy?’ Sam calls.

  I don’t look back for fear of what I might see. ‘Fine!’ I shout, slamming the door behind me. Kate’s short, curt response to my enquiries about The Manor is making my head spin. I don’t want to even think what I’m thinking.

  I drive myself to work. I would’ve just grabbed my files and jumped on the tube, but I plan on collecting my remaining belongings from Matt after work. That chore, I am not looking forward to. I’ve been putting it off all week in light of his telephone call to my parents. I’ve not spoke to him about it, and I don’t plan to either. What would be the point? I don’t want to get into a spitting match with him and in fact, I don’t ever want to see him again. Not after today, anyway.

  I arrive at the office on time to a huge bunch of calla lilies lay across my desk. I sigh. How does he arrange flowers so quickly?

  I find the card.

  You’re a savage and a tease.

  You drive me crazy,

  I love you.

  Jx

  I drive him crazy? The man is delusional. I fire a quick text to him;

  I know u do. Flowers r beautiful. Thank u for the ride…2 work. Ax

  I settle at my desk and bring up my email and list of things to do, but I’m quickly distracted from my work when I remember that I’ve not taken my pill. I grab my bag from the floor and rummage through.

  After a good few minutes of searching, I have my bag turned upside down on the desk and everything sprawled all over the place.

  ‘Shit shit shit!’ I curse. Please, not again.

  ‘Morning, flower.’ Patrick strolls into the office.

  ‘Morning,’ I don’t look up from my futile searching. I deserve a medal for being so bloody careless. ‘Did you have a good weekend?’ I ask, scrunching up a handful of loose receipts and chucking them in my wastepaper bin.

  Patrick grunts a few times. ‘No, I bloody didn’t. Look!’

  I drag my attention from the pile of handbag crap all over my desk to see what I’m supposed to be looking at. ‘What?’ I ask. He points to his head, so I get out of my chair and lean up on my tiptoes, but I can’t see anything. ‘Patrick, what?’

  ‘That, there, look!’ He bends slightly.

  ‘Patrick, what am I looking at?’

  ‘There, that ruddy great bald patch!’ he says, his voice annoyed.

  I scan his mop of thick silver hair looking for a bald patch, but I’m damned if I can see one. ‘Patrick, there is no bald patch.’ I appease him.

  ‘Damn well would be if I didn’t take my vitamins.’ he grumbles. ‘Nice flowers.’

  ‘Oh yes. My brother.’ I blurt out quickly. I need to have a word with Jesse about this.

  ‘How lovely.’ He smiles, making his way to his office.

  My phone starts dancing across my desk, alerting me of a text.

  YOU are beautiful and I know you know. Cheeky! I miss you. Jx

  He misses me. I melt all over my handbag contents. I miss him too, but I’m now dreading having to go back to Doctor Monroe for the third time. This is ridiculous.

  With my phone in my hand, I decide I may as well get the one call I really don’t want to make out of the way. I dial Matt, and it rings twice before he answers.

  ‘Ava?’ He sounds pleased to hear from me. I want to smash his face in immediately.

  ‘Hi, I could do with picking those bits up.’ I get straight to the point. If I didn’t need my things, I wouldn’t call him at all. Just thinking of him makes my skin crawl; talking to him has me physically itching. I was with him for four years. How did this happen?

  ‘Of course.’ He’s too eager and it doesn’t sit well.

  ‘Can I swing by after work? Say, six-ish?’ I ask.

  ‘Sure, I look forward to it.’ he replies cheerfully.

  I want to hiss down the phone at him, tell him exactly what I think of him, but I know he is probably expecting some sort of backlash from me. I’m not going to indulge him. What I do and who I do it with has nothing to do with him.

  Why did you ring my parents, you worm?

  ‘Great, see you then.’ Why did I say that for? It’s not great at all. He may be looking forward to it, but I’m certainly not. Once I have the rest of my things, I won’t ever be seeing him again.

  ‘Yeah, see you later.’ he sings. He sounds almost smug.

  I shudder and hang up. If I could, I would send Kate around to get my things, but I know that will just end in tears and possible police intervention. I’ll be in and out in ten minutes. I can resist the urge to pound on him for the short amount of time it’s going to take me to gather my stuff and retreat.

  ‘You want a coffee, Ava?’

  I look up and see Sally fiddling with her ponytail. There’s something different about her. ‘Please. Did you have a good weekend, Sal?’ I ask. Why does she look different? She shuffles on the spot and blushes ten shades of crimson, and then I notice that her high necked blouses have been replaced with a scoop neck top. Wow! Sal has great tits! Who would have thought?

  ‘I did. Thank you for asking, Ava.’ She scuttles off to the kitchen.

  I grin to myself. Our dull, dreary Sal may have had some male action at the weekend. I put my phone down and start working through my files, ready for my appointment with Mr Van Der Haus on Wednesday.

  As ten thirty approaches, I gather my things to go on a few site visits. ‘Sal, tell Patrick I’ve gone to check on a few sites. I’ll be back about four thirty.’

  ‘Will do.’ she sings enthusiastically, while filing some invoices. Yep, she’s definitely had some male interest. Do men really have that impact on us women?

  I pass Victoria and Tom at the door.

  ‘Darling, how was your weekend?’ Tom croons.

  ‘Great,’ I say, accepting his air kiss. ‘I’ve got to dash. I’ll be back about four thirty.’

  ‘Excuse me.’ Victoria barges past me.

  ‘What’s up with her?’ I ask Tom.

  Tom rolls his eyes. ‘Oh, bugger me if I know. She rang on Saturday declaring she was in love, then I meet her this morning and she has a face like a slapped arse!’

  ‘Drew?’ I ask. What’s gone wrong?

  Tom shrugs. ‘She doesn’t want to talk about it. Not a good sign. I’ll see if I can pump any info out of her. Speak to you later.’

  I make my way to the tube and stop off at the chemist to replace my depleted gloss. I’m drawn to the vitamins, remembering reading about deficiency when I was doing my research on the internet about alcoholics. Standing and reading the backs of a million pots, I decide to speak to the pharmacist.

  After a vague chat, he recommends a few things, but strongly advised seeking medical help if I’m worried. Am I worried? Jesse insists he’s not an alcoholic and he certainly doesn’t scramble for the hard stuff when he sees it. I buy the vitamins, anyway. They can’t hurt.

  When I’m walking up Kensington High Street, I hear Bill Withers singing Ain’t no Sunshine from my bag. Oh, I bet he thinks he’s clever. I don’t think twice about answering it. I don’t need him flying into panic over a few missed calls and bombarding me during my client visits. I need to keep him stable and if that means a quick telephone conversation, then so be it.

  ‘Hey.’ I greet.

  He sighs. ‘God, I miss you.’ He sounds so forlorn. It’s only been four hours since he had me spread on the kitchen worktop.

  ‘Why did you send John to pick me up?’ I ask.

  ‘You didn’t have your car.’ he says it like I’m stupid for even asking.

  ‘Why didn’t you take me?’ My tone is accusing. I didn’t mean it to be.

  ‘Would you have preferred that?’

  ‘Of course, but it’s not necessary.’ I’m approaching my destination. I need to wrap this conversation up. ‘Where are you?’ I ask.

  ‘At The Manor. Everything is under control. I’m not needed here. Do you need me?’

  I can’t see him, but I know he’s pouting. ‘Always.’ I
know that’s what he wants to hear.

  ‘Now?’ he asks hopefully.

  ‘Jesse, I’m at work.’ I try not to sound tired, but I have a ridiculously busy day ahead of me and I could do without providing him with the reassurance he needs to get through his. I wonder if he’s taken his running kit to work with him.

  ‘I know.’ he grumbles dejectedly. ‘What are you doing at this precise moment?’

  Why this precise moment? ‘I’m on my way to a client and I’ve just got here, so I’ll have to sign off.’ I prompt. He might not be needed, but I have a diary to keep.

  ‘Oh, okay.’ He sounds so miserable, and I feel guilty for brushing him off.

  I stop outside my destination and look up to the heavens. ‘I’ll stay at yours tonight.’ I say, hoping this will placate him.

  He scoffs down the phone. ‘I would hope so, you live there!’

  I roll my eyes. Of course I do. ‘I’ll see you later.’

  ‘You will. What time?’ he presses.

  ‘Six-ish.’

  ‘Ish.’ he counters. ‘I love you, lady.’

  ‘I know you do.’ I hang up and make my way up the steps to the front door of Mr & Mrs Kent’s new home. I’m way too busy today to be sidetracked with my challenging man and his challenging ways.

  ***

  ‘Nice flowers.’

  I look up and see Victoria standing at my desk. She is less orange, but no less miserable than she was this morning. ‘Are you okay?’ I ask, wondering if Tom managed to extract any information.

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Do you want to elaborate?’ I prompt.

  She shrugs. ‘Not really.’

  I try not to look bored, but it’s bloody hard. This is a typical case of someone wanting desperately to elaborate, but also wanting the dramatic buildup of someone pleading with them for information. I’ve had the longest day in my twenty six year history. I haven’t the energy to tease information out of her. I get up and head for the kitchen to get some biscuits. I need a sugar hit.

  I find Sally washing up.

  ‘Hi, Ava.’ she says happily.

  Now, I really am prepared to push Sally for information. I’m dying to know what’s put a huge smile on her face and provoked the introduction of scoop neck tops. ‘What did you get up to at the weekend, Sal?’ I ask casually as I dunk the biscuit tin. I catch her blushing again. I’m definitely onto something here. If she says she’s done a cross-stitch and cleaned the windows, I’ll hang myself.

  ‘Oh, you know. I went for a drink.’ She’s trying to sound casual and failing miserably.

  I knew it! ‘Nice. Who with?’ I feign disinterest. It’s hard. I’m desperate to discover that our Sal – dull as dishwater, plaid skirt wearing, high necked bloused, office dogsbody – is a dominatrix or something.

  ‘I had a date.’ she says, maintaining her failing casual tone.

  ‘Really!’ I blurt. That came out so wrong. I didn’t mean to sound shocked, but I am.

  ‘Yes, Ava. I met him on the internet.’

  Internet dating? I’ve heard nothing but bad things about it. They look like an underwear model on their profile picture, but when they turn up they are more akin to a serial killer. Sal seems quite happy, though. ‘Did it go well?’ I ask, biting into a chocolate digestive.

  ‘Yes!’ she screams. I nearly choke on my biscuit. I’ve never seen her so animated. ‘He’s perfect, Ava. He’s taking me out again tomorrow.’

  ‘Ah, Sal, I’m really happy for you.’

  ‘So am I!’ she sings. ‘I’m off now. Do you need anything before I go?’

  ‘No, you get going. I’ll see you tomorrow.’ She dances out of the kitchen and I remain lent against the counter as I work my way through another three chocolate digestives. I should replace them with wine. I’ve had a mad day, and I’m not looking forward to stopping by Matt’s to collect the last of my stuff, but it will be a good job done and Jesse will never have to know. I’ve not forgotten his demand to not see Matt again.

  I pull up outside and the first thing I do is look for Matt’s car. It’s not there. He can’t have forgotten; I only called this morning, and I can’t wait around for him because Jesse will be on the phone soon wondering where I am. I pull my phone out of my bag and dial his number.

  ‘Ava?’ he answers swiftly.

  ‘Matt, I’m at yours.’ I say flatly and with clear annoyance.

  ‘Ava, I’m so sorry. I would have called, but I was in a meeting I couldn’t get out of. I’m going to be at least an hour.’

  I throw my head against my seat. I can’t wait for an hour. ‘Fine, tomorrow?’

  ‘I’m in Birmingham tomorrow and Wednesday. Can we do Thursday?’

  I inwardly groan. I wanted to get this out of the way. ‘Sure, same time on Thursday.’ I hang up and toss my phone on the passenger seat in disgust. Irritating prick.

  When I pull up outside Lusso, the gates open immediately. Jesse’s car isn’t here, which would explain why he’s not called to see why I’m not here yet.

  I enter the foyer, weighed down with flowers and bags, and see Clive clicking various buttons on his high-tech surveillance system. I might just sit in one of the comfortable leather sofas and wait. What else can I do?

  ‘Hi, Clive.’

  He looks up and smiles. ‘Ava, how are you?’

  Rubbish! I’ve had a ridiculously busy day, I want to shower, get into my sweats and have a glass of wine. I can do none of those things, and I’m pissed off that Jesse’s made a big fuss about me being here and he’s not even here himself. ‘Tired.’ I mumble, heading for a big sumptuous sofa. I might fall asleep.

  ‘Here, Mr Ward left this for you.’

  I look up and see Clive holding up a pink key. He left me a key? So he knew he wouldn’t be here and he didn’t even ring to tell me.

  I walk over to Clive and take the key. ‘When did he go?’ I ask.

  Clive continues clicking and switching while studying the monitors. ‘He dropped by at around five to leave you a key.’

  ‘Did he say when he would be back?’ I ask. Am I just expected to hang around and wait?

  ‘Not a word, Ava.’ Clive doesn’t bother looking up at me.

  ‘Did he ask you about the woman who stopped by?’

  ‘No, Ava.’ He almost sounds bored. No he didn’t, I know he didn’t because he bloody knows. And he’s going to tell me.

  I leave Clive playing with his equipment and make my way up to the penthouse, letting myself in with my pink key and heading straight to the kitchen. I go to the fridge and yank the door open, being immediately confronted with rows and rows of bottled water. Oh, what I would do for a glass of wine. I shut the fridge door with more force than it deserves – it’s not the fridge’s fault there’s no wine in it. Will I ever have a drink again?

  I sit myself on a barstool and gaze around the immense kitchen that I designed. I love it and never in a million years did I imagine I would have the opportunity to live here. Now I have, though, I’m really not sure about it. I love him, but I fear living with him will just encourage his controlling behaviour and challenging ways. Or would he be better? More reasonable?

  My stomach does a little flip and a growl, reminding me that I should really get something to eat. I’ve only picked on a few biscuits today. It’s no wonder I feel exhausted.

  I’m just about to convince myself to lift my tired arse from the stool when I hear the front door open, and a few moments later, Jesse walks into the kitchen looking as wiped out as I feel. He doesn’t say anything for the longest time. He just stands there and looks at me. I notice his hands shaking slightly and his brow looks damp. What should I do? My craving for a glass of wine diminishes instantly.

  ‘Are you okay?’ I ask.

  He slowly walks over to me and stands me up. Reaching down, he clasps the hem of my dress and pulls it up to my waist and then grabs me under my bum and lifts me up to straddle his waist. He buries his face in my hair and walks us out of the kitche
n. I can feel his heartbeat clattering against my chest as I hold onto him while he takes the stairs silently with me in his arms. I want to ask him what’s wrong. I’ve got lots of things to ask him, but he seems so despondent.

  He walks us to the bed and crawls on with me beneath him, settling on top of me with his weight spread all over my body. It’s soothing. Locking my arms around him, I breathe into his neck and soak up his fresh water smell. I sigh contentedly. He might be a significant contributing factor to my stress and tiredness, but he makes it disappear just as quickly as he triggers it.

  ‘Tell me how old you are.’ I break the comfortable silence after I’ve held him until his hammering heart has returned to its usual, steady speed.

  ‘Thirty two.’ he says into my neck.

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘Does it matter?’ he asks tiredly.

  It doesn’t matter, but I want to know. He might like this game, but I don’t and it’s not going to make any difference to how I feel. I just think I should know. It is mandatory information, like his favourite colour, food or track – all of which I don’t know. I know so little about him.

  ‘No, but I would like it if you told me. I know none of your basic information.’

  He nuzzles in my neck. ‘You know I love you.’

  I sigh. That’s not basic information. I start to think about my introduction of a truth fuck into our relationship. Something has got to wheedle this small, insignificant piece of information out of him. I know my persistently asking him is having no satisfactory results.

  ‘How was your day?’ he asks, his voice muffled in my hair.

  ‘Stupidly busy but very constructive.’ I’m quite pleased with what I managed to get done, considering I thought my day would be a bombardment of calls and texts. ‘And you need to stop sending flowers to my office.’

  His head lifts and I’m greeted with a disgusted look. ‘No. Have a bath with me.’

  I roll my eyes at his stubbornness, but I could think of nothing better than having a bath with him at the moment. ‘I’d love to.’

  He pulls himself up so I have to release his neck, and he drops his lips to mine. ‘You stay here, I’ll sort the bath.’ He jumps up and takes his jacket off as he goes to the bathroom.