Wish You Were Here

  She turned to me. “I’m glad, too.” She smiled. “I love you, Charlie.”

  “I love you, too.” My eyes started to water.

  The speaker crackled to life, announcing that Seth was up to bat. There were runners on first and third and one out. He hit a blooper to right center field that was caught pretty easily.

  “Bummer,” I said.

  “No, it’s good,” Helen said. “It was a sacrifice fly. The runner on third tagged up and scored.”

  “Oh. Wow, Helen, I’m impressed. I was wondering why he high-fived the first-base coach before running back to the dugout.”

  “See, I’m learning. I really like it!” she said.

  “I’m glad.” I squeezed her hand.

  Seth had another great game, and afterward we went to the same bar we had gone to before. Helen pointed out to me two Storm Chasers sitting at the bar. One was way too old to be a baseball groupie. She had to have been well over forty, with a soccer mom bob. Her cut-off jean shorts were rolled up her artificially tanned legs and she had a ton of Storm buttons pinned to her shirt. She was sitting with a smaller, dark-haired girl who could have been her daughter but was apparently old enough to be at the bar. They were glaring at us. Roddy and Seth tried to ignore them.

  “They smell it,” Roddy said.

  “Smell what?” I said.

  “Seth’s move up.” He arched his eyebrows like I should know.

  Seth looked away shyly. “What does he mean?” I asked Seth.

  “There’s talk that I might get bumped up to the majors soon.”

  Helen clapped excitedly. “Oh, that’s so great, Seth!” She was rapidly becoming a Storm cheerleader.

  He smiled, embarrassed. “I don’t know if it’ll really happen.”

  “Don’t be so humble,” I said, though I actually really liked that about him. “You’ve done amazingly well. I wondered why you weren’t in the majors the first time I saw you play.”

  “He was,” Roddy answered. “He was with the Royals. You didn’t hear the story?”

  “All right, let’s get this over with,” Seth said, shooting Roddy a mock glare. “I played one season with them. In a crucial game, I made an error on a routine fly ball, which allowed the other team to score three runs in the top of the ninth. Then I struck out with bases loaded and two outs in the bottom of the ninth. We lost the game and our chance to go to the playoffs that year. So that’s my fucking legacy.” He seemed more amused than pissed.

  “But you might have a chance to redeem yourself,” I said.

  “Maybe,” he said, looking away absently.

  I didn’t know what to say, but Helen broke the moment of awkward silence. “What do the Storm Chasers have to do with him getting bumped up?”

  “They follow our team and try to get in with the players who might make it onto the Padres,” Roddy answered. “I’d bet that woman is trying to find a husband for her daughter.”

  We all laughed. “That’s pathetic,” Helen said. “And she doesn’t have to glare at us.”

  “We should invite them over for a drink,” I said.

  “No!” Seth shouted.

  “Come on,” I pleaded. “I just want to know what their deal is.”

  “No, I really don’t want you to,” he said.

  I turned to him and in a quiet voice said, “Did you already date that girl? Is that why?”

  He nodded.

  Roddy jumped up from the table. “Another round, ladies?”

  “Sure,” Helen and I both said quickly.

  Helen, sensing that Seth and I needed a moment, followed Roddy to the bar.

  “I know you’ve dated other people, Seth, and after last night, you know I have, too. I didn’t assume you were a monk. Let’s not make this into a big deal.”

  He smiled. “I appreciate you saying that, Charlotte. But I didn’t want to invite her over here because she has an annoying voice. It’s grating—seriously.”

  “How long did you guys date?”

  “I took her out once. We didn’t even kiss.”

  The girl seemed to sense that we were talking about her because, a second later, she was approaching us.

  “Seth,” she said, drawing his name out in a long whine.

  “Hey, Marley,” Seth said. I took a sip of beer and tried not to make eye contact with her. “This is my girlfriend, Charlotte.”

  I coughed and felt beer shoot up my nose. Trying to catch my breath, I reached my hand out toward her. “Nice to meet you,” I said between throat clearings.

  “Oh!” She shook my hand quickly but with a weak grip. She looked at Seth. “Move on fast, don’t ya?”

  He stood from the table. “It was nice seeing you, Marley. Charlotte and I have to take off.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the front of the bar. We passed Helen and Roddy on the way out. “Bye, guys,” Seth said.

  “Where are you going?” Helen asked.

  “Home,” I said.

  “Bummer—I wanted to party!”

  “Me and you can party, sweetie,” Roddy said to her before leaning down and kissing her right below her eye. She giggled.

  “All right. See you later then. Charlotte, are you coming to the game tomorrow before they go on the road?”

  “Go on the road?” I asked.

  Seth squeezed my hand. “Yeah, we’ll be out of town for a couple of days.”

  I was the only one acting awkward about the whole situation and everyone else could tell. I wasn’t going to be Seth’s girlfriend for real or pretend to get a couple of Storm Chasers off his back. I didn’t like the feeling that I was being subtly manipulated into having a relationship with this dude because it would seem cute to go on a bunch of double dates with Helen and Roddy, and talk about how we’d be at home waiting while they were on the road. I hadn’t even gotten to know Seth yet, but suddenly my world was revolving around his, around his schedule, and what he wanted.

  “Oh well, you boys enjoy your time on the road. I won’t be able to come tomorrow. I’m sorry.” I was trying to be gracious and not lead Seth on, but I thought the three of them were being ridiculously pushy.

  “Why?” Helen said.

  “Because I have plans, Helen.” My smile was gone and so was Seth’s. He was squinting at me, trying to read my expression while he still gripped my hand.

  “What do you have to do on a Sunday, Charlie?” Helen raised her eyebrows.

  “It’s okay,” Seth said, shaking his head. “There’s no pressure. It’s a long trip to make two days in a row.”

  “Thank you.” I was sincere. I looked him in the eye. “I really appreciate that. My brother just moved in and we’re getting settled.”

  “What? Chuck the Fuck moved in?” Helen shouted.

  We were standing near the entry of the bar. We kept having to dance out of the way of passersby to talk to Helen and Roddy, who were now perched on barstools.

  “Well, I told you I can’t make the rent on my own. Plus, he’s changed. Kind of. I mean, he’s still Chucky, but he’s grown up a lot.”

  “Oh yeah, I could tell from that profile he wrote about you on Match.com,” she said.

  Seth and Roddy were quiet during my back-and-forth with Helen. “That was funny,” I said.

  “I didn’t think so.” Helen rolled her eyes and looked away.

  “I thought it was funny,” Seth added. “That’s why I contacted her. Sense of humor goes a long way.”

  “Well, you guys have fun tonight.” I detected a twinge of jealousy in Helen’s tone. She was probably hurt that I had found a roommate so quickly, never mind that it was my own brother.

  Seth pulled me out the door. “Bye,” he called out.

  He started heading toward his car, which was on the opposite side of the parking lot from mine. He was holding my hand and leading me along, like it was the most natural thing in the world. “My car is over here, Seth,” I said, gesturing toward my Civic.

  “Oh, you don’t want to go back to my place tonight? I
can bring you in the morning to get your car.”

  “No, thank you. I need to get home tonight. I’m fine to drive.”

  He turned and we walked in the other direction. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his chest heaving. When we got to my car, I unlocked the door and leaned against it to face him. “I’m sorry, Seth.”

  “It’s okay, Charlotte.” He sounded annoyed.

  “I’m not going to sleep with you after a couple of impromptu dates and ball games where you have to concentrate on playing and I’m sitting there watching you.”

  He squinted and I wondered if he was thinking about my one-night stand with Adam. “Do you even want me to call you anymore?” he asked.

  My stomach dropped. “Well, yeah, of course I do.”

  “I’m not convinced.”

  I shook my head. Now I was annoyed. “I’m not sure I’m your type, Seth. I mean, I’m not going to get into wearing Storm garb with my daisy dukes, like Marley.”

  “That’s not my type—otherwise I’d be dating her. I just wonder if you’re hung up on that guy.”

  I shot him a look. You know I am.

  I didn’t say anything in response. Seth was almost a foot taller than me in flats. I had to look up at him and he had to drop his head for us to make eye contact. The parking lot light shone behind him, shadowing his face, making it hard for me to see his expression. I waited for him to say something else.

  “I think you’re beautiful. I know you have a sense of humor, yet I haven’t seen much of it in person, and I don’t know why. I can tell you’re smart and savvy and you know a lot of things about the world, but you have such a low opinion of yourself. It baffles me.”

  What the hell? “Thanks for those observations, Seth.”

  “Wait,” he answered immediately. “I’m just saying I find it odd. You don’t seem to understand how people see you. How men see you. I think that guy might’ve made you feel bad about yourself.”

  A lot of guys have made me feel bad about myself.

  “I don’t want to make you feel bad about yourself.” He stepped back into the light where I could finally see his face. His smile was tight but sincere, and I realized it was because he could see my face. And he knew I wasn’t having it tonight. “Okay. Drive safe, Charlotte.”

  As he turned to walk away, I reached for his hand. I stepped toward him. He was hesitant, waiting for me to make a move. “When will you be back?”

  “Thursday,” he said, his tone softening.

  “When is your next day off?”

  “Thursday.”

  “How are you going to school with such a schedule?”

  “I do online stuff during the season and then go to classes in the off-season.”

  “Where?”

  “UC Davis.”

  “Really? What are you studying?”

  “Veterinary medicine.”

  “Huh,” I looked into his gray-green eyes. “That’s sweet.”

  He laughed once. “Thanks.”

  I leaned up on my toes and touched my lips to his, but he was holding back; I could tell. He was only matching my own motions, too afraid to push for more. We kissed for just a moment and then I pulled away. I could feel him leaning into me as I pulled back. He didn’t want it to end but he was trying to have some self-control.

  “How about Thursday then?”

  He nodded. “I’d like that.”

  “I can meet Obi-Wan.”

  “He’d like that.”

  “Okay, then it’s a date.”

  “Okay, see you Thursday.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek.

  “Good luck on the road.”

  I opened my door. Seth waited until I got in and started the car. He took a step back and waved as I drove away.

  13. Things Change

  I didn’t hear from Helen all week. I felt like my heart was breaking, but thankfully Chucky was there for comic relief. We sat on the couch every night and watched TV. He even drank Champagne with me.

  “This is actually really fucking delicious. Let’s cook tonight and we’ll drink the rest of this bottle. Want to?”

  “Don’t you have a girlfriend, Chucky? Why do you want to sit here and hang out with me?”

  “I could say the same to you, Charlotte.” He used my full name and I instantly felt bad for calling him Chucky.

  He was standing at the bar, cutting tomatoes. I moved past him to look in the refrigerator. “Salad and salmon?”

  “Yep,” he said. He was trying to eat healthy for the triathlon. In the few days that he had been there, I was starting to feel healthier myself. It’s not fair to say that Helen and I were bad for each other, but it was true that we had fallen into a lot of bad habits. And we hadn’t been moving forward. She was right, it was time to put some space between us, otherwise we’d be perpetual twenty-one-year-olds, in dead-end relationships, goofing off in our pigsty apartment while the whole world was growing up around us.

  “I’m dating someone, you know. He’s out of town,” I said after several moments of companionable silence.

  “Helen told me.” He went to wash his hands at the sink. “But she said you weren’t serious about him. Not surprising. Have you ever been serious about anyone?”

  When the hell did Helen talk to Chucky? “Not really. My track record sucks. I’m not good at picking them.”

  “Helen thinks this dude is a good guy.”

  “When did you have such a deep, meaningful conversation with Helen?”

  “She came by when you were at work today.” There was a small box on the counter. “I forgot to give this to you.”

  I opened the box and inside it was one of those best-friends trinkets. One half of a broken heart. Helen and I didn’t have them when we were kids because we thought we were too cool. There was a small note inside.

  Charlie. I don’t expect you to wear this kid shit but it conveys a sentiment I want to get across to you. We’re forever, you and me. Okay? Let’s fucking go shopping soon and not act like strangers just because we don’t live together. I get you and you get me more than anyone, BFF. Love you. Helen.

  I started getting misty-eyed but Chucky slapped me on the back. “She’s sweet. And hot. I wished I would’ve tapped that when I had the chance.”

  “Chuck, you never had a chance with her.”

  “Are you kidding? Helen was infatuated with me. She snuck into my room one night and tried to kiss me when I was thirteen.”

  I was shocked. “What a slut! I can’t believe that. She never told me.”

  Chucky and I laughed. Helen was always boy-crazy in general. I don’t think she had actually been into him, but I’m glad he didn’t let her kiss him. Imagine living with that your whole life. Gross.

  After dinner on the couch, I paused Game of Thrones right as Jon Snow was filling the screen. “Perfect view.” I turned to Chucky. “Can I tell you something?” I couldn’t believe I was confiding in Golden Boy.

  “Go for it.”

  “A few months ago, I met this guy on the street a couple of blocks from here. I went to his loft and slept with him.”

  “Shocker.”

  “Shut up, Chuck. I liked him. He was spontaneous, kind of wild. He changed his whole life around in a year and spent every day doing exactly what he wanted to do: painting.”

  “Oh, another shocker,” Chucky said. “Like Curtis and his video games? You sure know how to pick ’em.”

  “I know, I know. Just listen. Here’s the thing. I fell for him . . . hard. We were acting like this couple who had been together for years. We acted like we were in love and it felt like we were. Then, the next day, he practically kicked me out.”

  “Was he a drug addict?”

  “No. I told you, I went to his loft. It was nice. He was a corporate lawyer but quit his job to become a painter.”

  “Like a house painter?”

  “No, like an artist.”

  “This is the weirdest one yet, Charlotte. Who pretends to be in love after one n
ight?”

  I shook my head. “That part is hard to explain, but it made sense in the moment. The point is, I really fell for him but I didn’t think he was into me—especially after the next morning. But then I saw this new mural a few blocks away, painted on the side of a building. And it’s of me. I can’t get him out of my head now.”

  “And that’s what’s making it so hard for you to date the baseball player? Seriously?”

  “I think so,” I said.

  “I don’t. I think any normal, suitable guy is off limits to you because you think you’re not worth it, so you have to obsess over crazies like this painter.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

  He grabbed my hand, which was weird.

  “What are you doing, Chucky?” I scowled.

  “Charlotte, listen to me. I was a shitty brother. I think I ruined your self-esteem or something. But you’re gorgeous, okay? And you deserve better than some bipolar hipster artist guy.”

  I yanked my hand away. “Ew, Chucky.”

  “Oh, grow up, Charlotte. I just wanted you to know I don’t think you’re fat or dumb. Not really, anyway. My standards for women are high because I had an awesome mom and an awesome sister who showed me how smart and beautiful a woman could be. Inside and out.”

  “I’m actually going to start crying if you don’t stop.”

  He laughed once and looked away. “I just wanted you to know, okay?”

  I grabbed his hand back and squeezed it. “I think you’re pretty awesome, too. I’m really proud of you for making it through dental school.” At that point I really did start to cry, and Chuck’s eyes welled up, too.

  “Thanks, sis. Now can we go back to being assholes to each other? Just for fun?”

  “Totally.”

  * * *

  ON MONDAY, I did everything I could to find out more information about Adam. I learned that there was a man in the Los Angeles planning department fighting to protect the murals in the Arts District, and to restore some of the old murals that had been covered up in and around LA. I couldn’t imagine someone coming along and covering up our frolicking wolves or the winged man . . . or the new mural of my alternate-universe romance with Adam.