At this, I let out a soft chuckle. “I think you’ve been spending too much time inside my body. You may be a little drunk on my spirit because there is nothing great about me.”
Her smile returns. This is only the second time I’ve ever seen Mara smile, but I’m struck by how she’s even more beautiful when her spirit is filled with hope.
“I really need to get going. You need your rest. But I’ll say one thing…. You do not know yourself very well, but I think you have many people who love you and are willing to show you what they see.” Her smile widens slightly. “You will figure it out someday.”
And with that cryptic smirk, she vanishes.
You’ll figure it out someday. Spoken as if figuring it out is so easy.
I lie back and stare at the ceiling as I think of Mara’s last words—my mother’s words. It doesn’t take long before my aching body becomes heavy with sleep. And, surprisingly, it doesn’t take long before I finally figure it out.
Chapter 58
Listen
When I open my eyes, Frankie is crouching next to my bed. The sunlight is blaring through the window behind me, illuminating the hesitant smile on his face.
“What are you doing here?” I say.
He holds out a mocha frappe with extra chocolate sauce. “I brought you something.”
I sit up in my bed, but I keep my legs under my blanket because I’m wearing my war pants. The plastic cup is sweating. I glance at the alarm clock to check the time: 11:32 AM.
“Wow… I guess I was tired.”
“You don’t have to get up,” Frankie says as he stands. “I just wanted to make it up to you for not stopping at Island’s yesterday.”
“I’m not going to break if I get out of bed,” I reply, tossing my blanket aside and standing up to prove that I’m fine despite the raging headache throbbing inside my skull and my sore muscles.
“You don’t have to prove anything to me. You should get your rest.”
I stride confidently to my dresser. “What?” I ask.
“You have a new hole,” he says, pointing at my butt. “Don’t you think it’s time to lay the war pants to rest?”
This isn’t funny to me. Not after what happened yesterday.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be? I thought you had a meeting this morning,” I say as I yank a pair of cutoff jean shorts out of the tangle of clothes in my drawer and turn around so Frankie can’t stare at the underwear peeking through the hole in my pants.
“The meeting was at nine o’clock. It’s over.”
“So… what happened?”
Frankie shrugs as if he’s not impressed with the way things went. “I’m getting sponsored by Swell. Half a mil.”
I don’t know what to feel. He’s being so blasé as if this is no big deal. “Why aren’t you jumping up and down? This is great!”
Frankie shakes his head. He can’t even muster a smile. “It’s not what I thought it would be.”
“I don’t get it. You were so stoked about getting sponsored. Think of all the money, the competitions… the girls.”
I sit on the edge of my bed because my knees feel a little weak. He sits next to me and stares at the floor as he heaves a deep sigh.
“B… I’m going on tour for eight weeks.”
I feel as if I’ve been punched in the throat. I try to swallow the painful lump, but it doesn’t budge. “When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow morning. I’ll be back August 14th.” He spits the words out quickly, as if this will make them less painful. “I have to go home and pack.”
“I’ll go with you. Wait downstairs. I have to get dressed.”
“I’ll wait here.”
“Get out of here,” I say, pushing him off my bed.
He grins as he opens the door to leave. As soon as I’m dressed, I bound down the steps two at a time, not wanting to waste any of the last few hours I have with Frankie. I burst into the living room and Frankie is sitting in the armchair staring at the fireplace. He doesn’t look up when I enter the living room and I get a sick feeling that this may be one of the last moments I have to be honest with Frankie.
I sit on the coffee table in front of him so our knees are inches apart and I reach forward to shake his knee. The corner of his mouth tugs upward into a weak half-smile. My heart is pounding painfully inside my chest as I attempt to find the words to explain how I feel. How do you even begin to express the way you feel about someone you’ve loved almost your entire life? I don’t want to send Frankie away on his surf tour feeling as if he left me behind with a broken heart. Even if this is true, Frankie doesn’t need those kinds of thoughts weighing him down.
“You saved my life,” I say, and I know he knows that I’m not just talking about yesterday. “What do I owe you?”
He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees as he takes my hand in his. “Promise me you’ll let me fly you out to a couple of competitions this summer.”
“I don’t have a passport.”
“We’ll get you one. I’ll bribe customs if I have to.”
I smile as I consider this. The thought of traveling the world with Frankie is tempting. He rubs the pad of his thumb over the top of my hand as he awaits my answer and my heartbeat slows.
This is it. I have to end this here.
“I can’t,” I say. “I can’t quit volunteering and I have to get settled in at the dorm in August. So do you. You’re still going to school, aren’t you?”
He hangs his head and I see the pink two-inch scar where the surgeons put his head back together. I reach up and grab the sides of his head to force him to look me in the eye.
“Tell me you’re still going.”
He lets out a soft sigh and I know the answer. “I’m sorry, but this is more important to me than a history degree. This is who I am.” I let go of his face and he grabs my hands before I can pull them back. “Hey, this isn’t the end of us. I’m going to do everything I can to visit you this summer and I’ll be here during the off-season.”
“That’s not the same.”
He squeezes my hands tighter as his gaze burns into me. “I’m not letting you go.”
I bite my lip as I try not to let myself cry. “You already did.”
“No, I didn’t. You let me go, and I’m not going to let you do it again,” he says and my heart stops when my mom walks in from the kitchen and sees us leaning toward each other, holding hands.
She smiles as she continues toward the stairs, so as not to disturb us, then the doorbell rings. Frankie glares at me and I glare right back, both of us unsatisfied with the way this conversation is going.
“I’m not letting you go this time,” he whispers as my mom heads for the door to answer it.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “But I can’t wait around for you forever.”
“Conor!” my mom exclaims cheerily as she swings the door open.
Frankie’s eyes narrow as I let go of his hands and make my way toward the door. When I reach the front door, I glance over my shoulder. Frankie’s gone.
When I turn around, Conor is standing on the porch looking pretty beat up. His face is still pale from being possessed by Darius for over a week, but the color has returned to his lips. At first, I wonder why he’s here after everything that happened yesterday. Then I remember. He’s leaving for San Francisco tomorrow.
“Got a minute?” he asks gently.
“Sure,” I say with a nod then I step out onto the porch, closing the door behind me. “Where’s your car?” I ask when I notice his BMW isn’t parked outside.
“It’s still impounded in the evidence yard,” he says as he steps down onto the concrete walkway. “I should get it back in a few days. I walked here.”
“You walked all the way here?” I stand on the step above Conor so I’m still a couple of inches taller than he is.
“Yeah, my parents were being jerks about bringing me, so I walked.”
“They blame me for what happened?”
&nb
sp; “I don’t care what or who they blame. I’m the only one who knows what happened to me. And I’m eighteen now. They can’t tell me who to see anymore.”
“What happened to you, Conor?”
He absentmindedly kicks the bottom step with the toe of his sneaker as he contemplates my question. He’s a different person. His eyes are rimmed with pink and the boyish grin that stole my breath away the day I met him has vanished. Still, though so much has changed, I don’t want him to go.
“I saw things up there that weren’t real. I know they weren’t real, but… they got me thinking,” he says, and he finally looks up at me. “If that’s where I’m going after I die, I want to make the most of everything here.” He grabs my hand and steps toward me. “I know everything got screwed up between us, and I know how you feel about… about Frankie, but I really want us to stay friends. I don’t want to lose touch with you this summer.”
The corners of his eyes turn down as he awaits my response and I’m reminded of the night of the bonfire. The confidence I felt that night from being completely free to love someone without worrying that I might ruin a thirteen-year friendship. That freedom is something I’ll never have with Frankie.
And now Frankie is leaving to places where hot girls in bikinis will be drooling over him. It would be stupid of me to think that Frankie could resist that kind of temptation. Who knows? He might actually fall in love without me around.
“I don’t want to lose touch with you either,” I reply. “Will you come visit me on the weekends?”
The boyish grin returns and I’ve never felt so relieved to see that smile. “I’ll come down every weekend. And you can send me videos of all the adventures you’re having while I’m gone.”
“You’re going to get bored with that pretty quick,” I say as I imagine sending him videos of me at the library, the women’s shelter, and the dog park. The same routine every week. Looks like I’m going to have to get more friendly with Krista if I plan to have any kind of social life this summer.
He leans forward and plants a quick kiss on my cheek. “You could send me a video of you sleeping and I wouldn’t be bored,” he says, his lips lingering next to my ear. “I just don’t want you to disappear.”
For more news on BOOK TWO in the Carrier Spirits series, sign up for Cassia Leo news updates.
Parallel Spirits Playlist
Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus
Reasons to Love You by Meiko
The Little Things by Colbie Caillat
Cosmic Love by Florence + the Machine
Oath by Cher Lloyd & Becky G
Into Dust by Mazzy Star
If It Kill Me (Casa Nova Sessions) by Jason Mraz
Riverside by Agnes Obel
Sort Of by Ingrid Michaelson
Shadows by Yo La Tengo
Seven Devils by Florence + the Machine
Never Let Me Go by Florence + the Machine
Eyes On Fire (Zeds Dead Remix) by Blue Foundation
Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye
Summertime Sadness (Remix) by Lana Del Rey & Cedric Gervais
Listen to the playlist on YouTube.
Listen to the playlist on Spotify.
Acknowledgements
Thank you to my wonderful beta readers: Jordana Rodriguez, Deborah Meissner, Jennifer Mirabelli, Jodie Stipetich, Shannon Ramsey, Kristin Shaw, Carrie Raasch, Sarah Schwartz, and Sarah Rabe.
Huge thank you to all the book bloggers who have supported me and shared my books with your friends, families, and readers.
And, last but not least, a huge thank you to my street team and all the readers who have shared my books and cheered me on this past year; especially Patty Euefueno. I will miss your late night pep talks, Patty.
Other books by Cassia Leo
Relentless (New Adult Romance)
Shattered Hearts #1
Pieces of You (New Adult Romance)
Shattered Hearts #2
Bring Me Home (New Adult Romance)
Shattered Hearts #3
Shattered Hearts Omnibus Edition
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About The Author
New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Cassia Leo loves her coffee, chocolate, and margaritas with salt. When she’s not writing, she spends way too much time watching old reruns of Friends and Sex and the City. When she’s not watching reruns, she’s usually enjoying the California sunshine or reading—sometimes both.
Cassia Leo, Parallel Spirits
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