The Endless Trials of Tabitha Baird

  I was definitely NOT cross with him any more. I immediately realised that he’d been all casual and ‘got to run off now’ back then on purpose, so I wouldn’t cotton on to what he was planning. That was soooooo sweet. But I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to have time with Sam talking about it and thanking him but not in my house and not in front of my gran.

  I managed to say, ‘Thanks very much,’ and smiled at him.

  And then, thank god, Sam said he had to go (but not in a ‘who cares’ way at all this time) and Gran said, ‘Thank you so much. Please tell your mother how grateful I am and how much it means to me.’

  And then she handed something over to him. At first I couldn’t see what it was, but as Sam looked at them I could see it was the tiniest little pair of knitted baby booties and a baby’s bonnet.

  ‘Thinking I was going to get the puppies a while back I knitted these for them, so that’s a set for the puppy you and your mother have kept,’ Gran explained to Sam, who was looking at them like he couldn’t work out what they were and that whatever they were they were way extra.

  I thought they were adorable, even if they were for a dog. But I must admit if you’re not used to your granny knitting endless amounts of wacky outfits for your dog then it might seem a bit crazy.

  Then Gran looked over at me and said, ‘Tabitha, please see Sam out,’ which was fantastic because it gave me an excuse to take him to the front door and not be with him in front of Gran, which I was finding more and more embarrassing, especially seeing as he was now holding miniature booties and a bonnet like they were bags of stinky poo! He obviously did not want to be seen carrying them home!

  Gran asking me to see him out meant I didn’t have to look like it was my idea to take him to the door because I was sooo keen. This way I was taking him to the front door because my gran had told me to, super-caj. Just as he walked down the path away from our house Sam turned round and said, ‘Oh yes, can I get your number again, you know, because I lost my phone?’

  I managed to keep my cool and gave it to him but as soon as I closed the door I just could not help it: I broke into a sort of mad crazy dance around the hall shouting, ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’ and waving my arms around in the air. I was soooooo incredibly pleased he’d asked for it again because that must mean he really, actually wants my number now because he can’t even say it’s about arranging for Gran to see the puppies or anything like that. There is no excuse for him to have it except that he wants it. Sam wants my phone number! Oh yes! He has asked for my number officially and that is definite. FANTASTIC.

  What a great day! The only bad thing was that I was still doing my little dance of happiness when Luke walked in through the front door. He gave me a really long look, raised his eyebrows and said super sarky, ‘Smooth moves,’ but I didn’t care. I was floating on air and I did not, do not and never will care what that little squirt thinks of me or my dancing! And then I had a brainwave. I knew this was my chance at last. I kept dancing and said to him, ‘One does not care what you, you little squirt, thinks of one.’

  Oh man, you should have seen his face! Luke was amazed. I outwitted him for probably the first time in my life. Well, with swotty language stuff, that is. He could not believe it. This might end up being the best day of my life!

  I could not wait to get to school today. I couldn’t wait to tell my gang about Sam and the puppies and him asking for my number again and the whole coming over with the basket surprise … everything. It was all soooooo exciting.

  And the puppies are just the sweeeeeetest things in the entire world. Even Mum went all gooey when she saw them. She seemed to completely forget about her total meltdown when she said we couldn’t cope with two more dogs. When she came in the puppies were curled up asleep together in the basket Sam had brought them over in like tiny commas.

  Mum had peered in and broken into a huge smile. ‘Are these the famous grandchildren, then, Mum?’ she asked Gran. I instantly knew that if she was calling them that she was letting Gran know she wasn’t going to kick up a fuss about them living with us.

  Gran had nodded back and said, ‘Full house, eh?’ to Mum and then they’d had a little hug and both had tears in their eyes. What is it with grown-ups and crying? Mum and Gran tear up at practically everything and usually it’s not even sad stuff. Extra and random or what?!

  Actually, I have to admit it was quite nice seeing them like that with each other for a change, because Gran does wind Mum up quite a lot, especially with all the Basil-is-my-son-and-therefore-your-brother-too stuff she insists on doing. But, you know what, I have to admit Mum has become a bit more chilled these days. Don’t know why, but she’s def a bit less stressy and she doesn’t do so much nagging about what I’m eating or how fat she thinks I’m getting, which is really great too. Thinking about it, she’s even stopped going on and on about how I don’t read and she def doesn’t know that I’m reading in secret … unless she’s been poking about in my room, which I sort of doubt, because annoying as Mum can most def be, she isn’t that kind of nosey. Anyway, I usually lock my room. I mean, there is no point in having the only room in the house with a door that locks if you don’t lock it, is there? You know what they say: use it or lose it.

  I’d taken a pic on my phone of the puppies to show everyone at school – well, actually I’d taken about a million – and I showed my lot during break. (Even I’m not daring enough to get my phone out in class. There’s this new rule that if a teacher catches you with your phone in class they can take it off you for a whole week. A whole week? How extra is that? No one can do without their phone for a whole week so it’s a good rule, I guess, if you’re a teacher.)

  Emz, A’isha and Grace squealed with delight over the photos. They were all trying to grab my phone so they could get a better look. Everyone was so desperate to see them in the end I invited them all back to mine after school. I know I don’t usually and I know I’ve said it’s a bit risky – Luke being weird, Gran talking for Basil, Mum being … well, Mum-ish, and Dumbledore Chops being, well, just there – but I so wanted them all to see the puppies in real life and anyway I can’t not have my bezzies round for the rest of my life just in case my weird family weirds them out, can I? Sometimes you’ve just got to get on with it, haven’t you? Anyway, I bet everyone in the world thinks their family is weirder than everyone else’s, don’t you think?

  On the way home I gave everyone all the details, about how Sam had chased me and then tricked me into thinking he only wanted my address for the note from his mum to Gran and him bringing the puppies round and asking for my phone number again and everything.

  ‘Oh man, that is way extra. It’s so romantic. You two are def going to get married,’ A’isha said.

  We all laughed except Grace who, after obviously thinking about it for a bit, said super seriously, ‘I think you’d have to know each other considerably longer before contemplating such a big step.’

  Honestly, Grace is weird sometimes. She can’t really have thought A’isha was serious.

  Everyone made faces at her and I replied, ‘Yes, one would do certainly have to do that,’ and everyone cracked up, even Grace. No one has ever let her forget that time she said ‘one’ instead of ‘you’. It was so extra. But it did give me that chance to use it against Luke and it totally aced him.

  ‘Even so, he must be super keen, Tab,’ Emz said after a bit, just before we got to mine.

  I didn’t know what to say. I hope he is. But I don’t want to be too keen back – not because I’m not interested but because I don’t really want to be thinking about him all the time and get all stressy about when and if he’s going to ring, and when we’ll meet and what we’d do if we did meet. You know, that couples stuff. I sort of want to know he likes me, def, but I’m not completely sure I want to start seriously dating or anything major like that. Don’t get me wrong, I do really like him but right now I more like knowing he’s asked for my number and that he’s sort of ‘there’, if that makes sense, you know?
br />   As soon as we all got in the door at my house everyone rushed towards the basket the puppies were in. It’s so cute. They go back in there as soon as they’ve finished having a little play with Basil or Gran. Actually Basil’s not really playing with them. He really is being like a dad (well, not my dad obvs, but a Regular Dad) – he’s watching them and sitting quietly near them, to protect them, I guess, and he’s not doing any of his normal jigging about near them either.

  Mum and Gran were in, but that was okay, and get this, as soon as we all plonked ourselves down on the floor to play with the puppies, Mum brought out a plate of biscuits – really nice ones, like the-kind-that-are-so-nice-I’ve-never-seen-them-in-our-house-before that’s how nice (what is up with Mum?!) – and gave them to us. Just like that. Like it’s the most normal thing in the world for Mum to be chilled about me eating biscuits!

  It was soooo nice. I was so relieved. It was like I was being rewarded for finally bringing my mates back to ours. It was brilliant. I could tell all my bezzies were fine with being there, even when Luke came in and said something completely mankenstein about rescuing two snails he’d found on the pavement. Yuck, who cares? But no one seemed to notice how weird and pathetic he is, which is just great.

  After a while – it was ages, actually … Honestly you (or should that be one?) would play with those puppies all day long if you got the chance. It’s like the best thing in the whole wide world. Anyway, Gran invited everyone to stay for supper. Oh god. She hadn’t asked me first, so for a moment I wanted to die in case no one said yes, but it was fine because all three of them said they would! Result.

  I quickly checked that Gran wasn’t doing one of her throw-everything-in-a-pot suppers, which are okay, if you’re us, because we’re used to them, but for new people, especially my bezzies having supper at ours for the first time ever, would be a bit, well, I don’t want to be mean, but truthfully mankenstein. But, fantastic news, she was doing one of her best – lasagne – and I was fine with that, and so was everyone.

  And then, get this, you are not going to believe it, well, actually, I suppose you are, because maybe it has been a bit obvs, but I haven’t wanted to think about it, Mum said she was going out. I was like, ‘But it’s supper time, where are you going?’ and then Mum looked at Gran and Gran gave her a little ‘it’s all right’ face and then Mum looked at me and then at Luke and then at the floor for a second.

  Then she said, ‘I’m going out with Frank, erm, for supper …’

  And before I could even think it Luke blurted out, ‘What, like on a date?’

  Mum smiled and said, ‘Yes, a date. We are, I guess you’d say, dating.’

  Well, there is no way I was going to let this ruin having my bezzies over and it going well so far, and anyway I wasn’t even that interested so I just said, ‘Yeah, whatevs,’ to show that I didn’t want her to start talking about all that stuff in front of my mates. I saw Mum look at Gran and raise her eyebrows, but it’s fine. I am actually not that bothered, as long as they don’t start doing all yucky lovey-dovey stuff round at ours I don’t care. And if it means Mum’s more chilled and buys nice biscuits then great.

  After everyone had gone and I was in my room getting ready for bed, Luke put his head round the door.

  ‘I guess Mum and Dad will get a divorce then.’

  I knew he’d thought that the moment Mum had made her Big Dating Announcement, if that’s what it was.

  TBH I suppose I had thought that too but I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know what to say. I really don’t want to think about all that. It’s too epic and real.

  ‘I’m not going to stop calling him Dumbledore Chops, though, no matter what,’ Luke said as he left.

  ‘Yeah, me neither!’ I called after him.

  It was really, really great having all my mates round and supper had been properly nice and they all loved playing with the puppies. I just wish that was all I had to think about. Like a normal thirteen-year-old girl. I’ll bet normal girls get to think about their mates, boys, maybe a bit of school stuff and having fun and that’s it.

  I just wish I didn’t have this other news to think about too. Because of course I started thinking about what Dad was going to say when he found out. Not that he’s got much of a leg to stand on, but you know what I mean. And then what if he gets a girlfriend? And then about if things will be different if Mum and Dad are actually divorced. And, oh god, what if Mum marries Dumbledore Chops … And GB already wants me to go and live there, and what if Mum and Dumbledore Chops send me anyway? Oh man, sometimes there is way too much different stuff to have to think about, isn’t there?

  ‘I can’t believe she’s accepted my offer!’ Gran exclaimed.

  She was reading a letter that had just arrived in the post. And then she started laughing, ‘I cannot believe it. The woman is a one-off. Just incredible!’

  I didn’t know what she was talking about, obvs. TBH I wasn’t that interested either. I was actually trying to do some homework. Yeah, homework, me, would you believe?! I know, random or what? The thing is, and so far only Grace knows about this, I am actually finding the sociology bit of ESC really interesting – it’s all about how and why people behave in certain ways and how much outside stuff, like where they live and how poor or rich they are, makes them behave like that. Something in all that made me think about Dad and his drinking, and all that spoiling everything, even though to start with he had much more than lots and lots of people do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to turn into a major swot or head prefect or anything like that!

  Grace made me laugh my head off when I told her about this. She said, ‘It’s because you’re engaged with the subject.’

  ‘Engaged with the subject’?? Yeah, like I love it so much I’m going to marry it! I think she means I find it interesting, which is true, I suppose.

  It’s nice having someone like Grace to tell things like that to because she is never ever sarky no matter what I tell her, and although I totes love Emz and A’isha of course, I’m pretty sure they’d have thought I was joking if I’d told them about suddenly being interested in the stuff we’re learning. They’d have been all, ‘Oh yeah, right, we get it. You’re pretending to be interested in this because you’re cooking up something hilarious. Can’t wait to see what it is,’ and then it would have been tricky trying to tell them I actually wasn’t.

  And then they might have been disappointed with me for not doing what I usually do. It’s weird because when I started at HAC I really, really, more than anything in the world, wanted to be the funniest, rudest, most popular girl in the class, and I still do, but sometimes when I don’t feel like making a super-big effort to keep it all going I have to do it anyway because I know everyone’s expecting me to. It’s kind of like I’ve started something that is easy for me most of the time, so that’s fine, but which I have to keep doing even when it’s not easy because that’s what everyone now expects. Does that make sense? But I don’t want to stop doing it only to find out no one likes me as much – way too risky. Anyway, I’m not planning on stopping being cheeky. I’m just saying it’s hard to do ALL the time! Oh man, that sounds so complicated, stress-y and way too think-y. I’ve got to chill out! But anyway, that is why I’m only telling Grace.

  I was doing this homework at the kitchen table, even though I’ve got a table in my room. I hate being on my own most of the time anyway, but especially doing homework and anyway Mum wasn’t in to nag me to do it upstairs. So, Gran was so excited by whatever was in that letter she picked Basil up and literally danced around the kitchen holding him with her arms outstretched like he was a proper dancing partner! I don’t think Basil loved it.

  Then Gran caught my eye and yelped, ‘Oh my word! What was I thinking of?! You should be the first to know! This –’ she waved the letter –‘is from your other granny, GB as you like to call her. She’s going to stop all that custody nonsense and take one of the pups instead of you! Isn’t that marvellous?!’

  I star
ed at Gran for a bit trying to understand what she was saying. Gran was going to give away one of her adored ‘grandchildren’, Basil’s puppies, just to keep me? GB would rather have a dog than me and Gran would rather have me than a dog? I burst into tears. It was all so weird and random and … I didn’t understand anything.

  Gran came rushing over, sat down in the chair next to mine and pulled me onto her lap. It would have been funny if I hadn’t been crying. I’m taller than Gran is now!

  ‘You can’t give up one of your pups,’ I sobbed. ‘You wanted them so much! You adore them!’

  Gran hugged and shushed me. ‘I do adore them but nothing like as much as I adore you. Oh, stop crying, my darling,’ she went on very gently and nicely. ‘If GB is silly enough to accept a puppy over you then I think I’ve got a very good deal,’ which did make me smile. Then Gran dropped her voice to a whisper and said, ‘Don’t tell him, but I’d even give Basil away before I ever agreed to give you away.’

  Basil happened to squeak at that same exact moment, which of course was a coincidence, but Gran winked at me, turned to him and said, ‘Don’t worry, darling, I was talking about another Basil!’ which made me laugh out loud and really cheered me up.

  Gran made me some hot chocolate and told me everything. I’d known about that first letter GB had written suggesting I live with her and go back to Greyfriars obvs, but after telling my bezzies and having a laugh about it I hadn’t thought about it much since, because even if Mum and Gran had thought it was a good idea, which I already knew they didn’t, there was no way I was going to go or anyone was going to make me go.