Many Blessings

  “And you had a seizure yesterday morning.” She handed the receipt and drawing back to him.

  “I don’t think that’s connected,” he said.

  “But it could be.”

  “But I don’t think it is.”

  “I can do this all day, Brad.”

  He sighed. “I will capitulate that the seizure might or might not be related.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But if it’s related, it’s only related in that I forgot to take my meds, which might be caused by whatever caused me to do this.” He held up the drawing and receipt.

  “Does Ellis know about those?”

  He snorted. “Hell, no.” He folded them and returned them to his pocket.

  “Have you had lunch yet?”

  “No.”

  “Let me walk Pers and then I’ll make us some sandwiches. And I can take you home.”

  “I’ll walk him for you.” He stood, Pers in one arm. He held out a hand to her and she took it, allowing him to help her up.

  He stood on the second-to-the-top step, while she stood on the top step. It put them eye to eye, lip to lip.

  She wanted to lean in and kiss him, but he smiled. “You have no idea how badly I’d love to put those condoms to use on you right now, but we can’t. I won’t.” He did lean in and kiss her on the tip of the nose. “And would it be okay to come back tonight for the full-moon gathering?”

  “How did…oh. That’s right. Julie.”

  He smiled.

  She let out a little laugh and scrubbed at her face with her hands. “Yes, I’ll come back and pick you up for that.”

  “I can walk.”

  “Stop with that. Please. We can spend more time together if you aren’t hoofing it back and forth. It only takes a few minutes to come get you. Only one thing.”

  “What?”

  Before he could back away, she grabbed the front of his shirt and brushed a kiss across his lips. “My fee.”

  His sweet brown eyes held her gaze. “You forgot your change.” He leaned in and kissed her, on the lips, a sweet, warm kiss that took her breath away. When he leaned back, he smiled. “I’m guessing that’s just for this afternoon’s ride and I’ll need to pay up again tonight?”

  She smiled. “Twice. It’s a per-trip fee.”

  * * * *

  Ellis didn’t know for sure where Brad went when he left that morning, although he suspected he could find him at the tree planting if he drove into town to look for him.

  That Brad wouldn’t even speak to him that morning spoke volumes about how badly he’d fucked things up. In the light of day, recalling the things he’d said to Mandaline, the horrible accusations, made him feel lower than dirt.

  He knew she’d be busy until after the tree planting. He didn’t want to add more stress to her morning than he probably already had by calling her.

  Not that he was sure she would even answer the phone if he did call.

  He suspected he wouldn’t be welcomed at the tree planting, either. He didn’t blame her in the least.

  He could text his apology and ask to talk to her in person, but considering what an asshole he’d been, that didn’t feel right, either.

  No, he needed to make amends, in person. As soon as possible. Even if he’d blown his chances out of the water with her, he still hoped he could salvage enough of a relationship with her that she’d still take a look at the house for Brad’s sake. There had to be a logical, scientific solution to what had happened. He refused to believe in metaphysical mumbo jumbo.

  But accusing her of trying to drug him was so far out of bounds it wasn’t even in the same universe. She deserved better treatment than that, especially after she’d gone out of her way to be nice and to accommodate them.

  Just because I’ve fucked up my chances with her doesn’t mean it should fuck Brad’s up. Obviously he’s the better man for her. I’m just an asshole. I deserve to be alone.

  * * * *

  After eating lunch, Mandaline went downstairs and pulled Sachi aside. “You could have warned me he was up there.”

  She grinned. “Why? It’s far more fun this way. Besides, he asked me not to. I couldn’t resist those sweet puppy dog eyes of his.”

  “He does have sweet eyes, doesn’t he?”

  “You should know how sweet. You’ve tasted him.” Sachi dodged her playful swat, cackling with glee as she went to help a customer.

  They had enough staff in the store that they didn’t need Mandaline there. At first hesitating, she grabbed the keys to the Element and her purse. I have to drive it sometime.

  Brad settled comfortably in the passenger seat. “She’s glad you’re driving it,” he said as she cranked the engine.

  Mandaline’s hand faltered on the gear shift. “Really?”

  “Yes.” He stared out the windshield for a moment, his head cocked. “She doesn’t blame you in the least. She says if you’d been there with her, you might just as easily have been killed.” He swallowed hard and looked down at his hands lying in his lap. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

  She removed her hand from the gear shift and let the SUV sit there and idle, the air-conditioner quickly cooling the passenger compartment. “Why are you apologizing?” she softly asked.

  He shrugged.

  She sensed she was talking to the other Brad, the more ethereal of the two.

  She reached out and touched his arm. No vision, but he looked first at her hand, then his gaze traveled up until he met hers.

  “Please keep an open mind,” he said. “About Ellis. He’s hurting. Not like you are, obviously. But his wounds are all self-inflicted and really, really deep. I think you’re the person who could finally help him heal himself.”

  Her heart wanted to break, for Brad, for Ellis, for herself, and most of all for Julie. “Is that Julie telling you that, or you?”

  “That’s all me.” He cocked his head again, listening to a voice she couldn’t hear. “She says believe. She keeps saying that over and over again. She says it a lot.”

  “I’m doing my best,” she muttered as she shifted the vehicle into reverse, “but it’s hard to do sometimes.”

  She didn’t need any prompting to find her way back to Ellis and Brad’s house. Ellis’ car sat parked outside the side door. She parked alongside it and shut the engine off.

  Brad reached out and touched her arm again. “Can I buy you dinner tonight, or will we have time?”

  She stared into his brown eyes. The more “there” Brad was back. “I’d like that a lot. Seven?”

  He smiled. “Sounds good. Please, come in for a minute.”

  She wanted to say no, fuck it, that Ellis would have to come to her if he wanted to make amends.

  Mandaline realized how shallow and childish that sounded, even to her pained heart. Julie wouldn’t have turned tail and run like that. She’d never turned away from the hard stuff. She’d always faced things head-on.

  Maybe that’s been my problem all along, I’ve always tried to turn away from the hard work, the unpleasant decisions.

  She unfastened her seat belt and grabbed her cell phone and keys.

  * * * *

  Ellis had been working at his desk, currently shoved in a far corner of what would eventually be their dining room, when he heard the vehicle drive up. With his pulse racing, he hurried over to the living room and peeked out the blinds.

  Brad was leading Mandaline up to the house.

  A sudden war broke out within him. Be sitting at his desk, nonchalant and detached, or meet them in the kitchen and grovel like fuck?

  At the sound of the door opening his feet made the decision for him. He raced into the kitchen just as Brad came through the door, Mandaline behind him.

  He noticed how her lips tightened into a thin line when she saw him.

  He didn’t blame her.

  “Look,” Ellis said, “before you say anything, I’m sorry. I was way far out of line last night. I don’t know what the hell got into me, but I hope you w
ill give me a chance to make amends and accept my apology.”

  Brad actually smiled. She looked a little taken aback, but she studied him for a moment.

  “I mean,” he said, trying to fill the silence, “I don’t know what happened. Yes, something happened. I’m sure given enough time we’ll figure out what, but I never should have blamed you like that. I was scared and upset and really, really fucking stupid.”

  At that, she exchanged a glance with Brad before a cautious smile curled her lips. “Thank you, Ellis. I appreciate that. That’s very big of you. I’m sorry I called you an asshole.”

  “No, he deserved that,” Brad joked.

  Ellis smiled, relieved. “He’s right, I did deserve that.” He stepped closer. “Please don’t make Brad pay for me being an idiot.”

  Her brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

  “The house. Please, if you want me to clear out while you’re here, anything. I’ll go to a hotel for a few days if you want so you don’t have to look at me. Anything.”

  Now she seemed amused. “It’s okay. I forgive you.” She reached out and poked his arm. “This time.”

  He let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

  “Can he come tonight, too?” Brad asked.

  “Come where?” Ellis asked.

  “I asked Mandaline out to dinner before the full-moon gathering. To which I’m going,” Brad added.

  She considered him. “I’m willing to give him another chance. And yes, you’re welcomed to join us tonight at the gathering.”

  He felt his face heat, but he didn’t want to lose the ground he’d apparently regained. “I’d love dinner. But I’m not sure I’d fit in at…the other thing.”

  “Do you like to talk to people and make friends?” she asked.

  “Yes?”

  She grinned. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

  He laughed. “Yes.”

  She shrugged. “Sachi dubbed it the coffeeshop coven group, but we have all sorts of people who come out and we really don’t ‘do’ much. We do more talking and snacking than anything. But yes, we form a ring at the end of the night and someone usually says something. But it’s not like in the movies where people go dancing around skyclad and howling at the moon. I’m sure you’ll be suitably unimpressed.” Sadness drifted across her features. “I’m sure tonight we’ll all be talking about Julie.”

  He needed to nut up and make amends. The least he could do would be to stay open-minded. “Okay. Yes. If you don’t mind me being there, sure. I’d be happy to come.”

  Brad grinned. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  Chapter Twelve

  When Mandaline left, Brad went upstairs to work but left the attic door open. A few minutes later, Ellis followed him upstairs. He found Brad sitting in front of an easel with a large sketch pad open on it. He held a sketch pencil in his hand and looked deep in thought.

  Ellis turned around to go back downstairs but Brad spoke. “It’s okay. That’s why I left the door open.”

  Ellis cleared his throat as he stepped into the doorway. “Look, I’m sorry about last night.”

  Brad nodded, but he had a faraway look on his face. The pristine paper seemed to hold his interest, but whatever he saw was still locked inside his brain and hadn’t made it through his fingers to the page yet.

  “I don’t know if I even want to know what those visions or whatever they are…are,” Ellis said.

  “Just believe.” Brad reached out and drew a few lines, quickly, with short, confident flicks of his wrist. “That’s all you have to do.”

  “I’m not like that. You know how I am.”

  Brad slowly nodded. It was almost like he was caught in a dream state between two worlds. “I know. You’d rather have evidence than faith.”

  “It’s not that, it’s just…” He didn’t know what it was. “I need a rational explanation for things. I need proof.”

  “Like with what I’m seeing and feeling.” He finally focused his gaze on Ellis. “You need proof there’s nothing in this house causing my symptoms so you can force me back to the VA.”

  Brad’s tone sounded gentle, but the words bit through Ellis’ heart. “Buddy, please. You know I’m worried about you.”

  “But I’m not worried about me right now. That’s my point.” He returned his attention to the sketch pad, where he added a few more lines. “You do more worrying than you need to.”

  “I just want to take care of you.”

  “I know, and I appreciate it. But you have to take care of Ellis, too.”

  “I do take care of myself.”

  “You use me as an excuse to avoid the truth.” He looked at Ellis again. “Believe. That’s all you have to do. Trust me, trust Mandaline, and believe.”

  He stared at Brad for a few moments. “What do you want from me?”

  Brad set the pencil down. Then he stood and walked over to Ellis and leaned against the other side of the doorway, his thumbs hooked in the front belt loops on his jeans. “I want you to open your mind and your heart. I want you to see that the only thing missing in our lives is right there for the taking. I want you to believe and have faith and trust in me, in her. In yourself, even if you don’t have answers. Answers are irrelevant.”

  He tried to keep his voice steady. “It’s not that easy for me, buddy.”

  “Are you afraid you can’t share her with me? Are you jealous of me?”

  “I…no.” He frowned as the realization hit him. His gaze dropped to the floor. “No,” he mumbled.

  Brad reached out and touched his upper arm, not letting go until Ellis finally looked up and met his gaze. “Remember when we were kids? We used to say we’d marry the same girl so we could always be together?”

  Ellis dropped his gaze again, his face heating. Yes, he did remember that. He also remembered how his parents shutting that innocent childhood fantasy down made him shut it down in his heart as well. “Yeah.”

  “We’re adults,” Brad said. “We don’t need parental approval to have a relationship that we define. She’s in a lot of pain, too. So much that I don’t know if one man could handle it, or her, alone. It’d be a hell of a lot to deal with. Let’s be fricking honest with each other. Do you seriously think we’ll ever find two women who could tolerate the relationship you and I have? Who wouldn’t resent the other? Who would be able to accept us and the other man’s woman? Really?

  “You and I are already like an old married couple. We bicker, we love each other, and we never have sex. One woman, yes. A second woman? She’d be the ultimate fifth wheel even if there were only four of us.”

  Ellis nodded as he toed at the floor. “Probably wouldn’t,” he mumbled.

  Brad didn’t speak for a long moment. Ellis finally looked up again. “Believe,” Brad said. “That’s all I’m asking. Just…believe.”

  “She probably hates me now.”

  “No, she doesn’t hate you. She’s angry and upset over what happened, yes. But you heard it for yourself. She forgives you. She might not forgive you doing it again. You need to stop fighting this and let it happen and see where it leads. Can you do that? If not for yourself, for me and her.”

  “But I don’t believe in all that witchy stuff—”

  “Do you believe in me?” he calmly asked.

  Ellis studied his friend’s face. In all their years together, he’d never sensed Brad be so…serious or determined about anything in his life.

  “Yes. I believe in you.”

  “Then that’s all you have to believe. Just believe in me. Ignore or discount everything else if you want, but believe in me and let me show you how good this could be. I’m tired of sleeping alone every night. Aren’t you?”

  He nodded.

  He pulled Ellis in for a hug. “I know we’re straight. But I love you. You’re my brother. I can easily see myself spending the rest of my life with you and her, together. Julie was like a sister to Mandaline. Think of how much pain she must be in. Think
of what you’d feel like if I’d died. Just imagine how much love and joy we could bring back to her life. She’s willing to be open-minded. But you’re going to have to earn her trust back before we can move forward.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “That’s all I ask.”

  * * * *

  Brad waited to shut the attic door until Ellis returned downstairs. He needed time alone. He’d felt pretty good all morning and afternoon until coming up here. Now his head already felt fuzzy, musty, clouded.

  He left the sketch pad where it was and turned on the TV. Then he stretched out on the sofa. He didn’t feel like doing any work on the house today, and based on the things beginning to rumble around in his brain, he really didn’t want to do any more sketching.

  He wasn’t sure he wanted to see the images trying to birth themselves from his subconscious.

  Julie had also gone quiet again.

  He just wanted to close his eyes and wish the bad away and relive the feel of Mandaline’s mouth on his cock right there on that very couch.

  That brought a smile to his face.

  Well, that memory made him smile, in addition to knowing that maybe tonight he might be able to make Ellis finally see the light regarding what was going on with Mandaline.

  If he doesn’t screw it up. Again.

  They would meet Mandaline at the store and pick her up there and do the driving. He couldn’t wait to see her again.

  Since work was out of the question, he headed down to the bathroom for a shower. Just that seemed to help clear his head. He felt a lot better after getting out. He heard Ellis moving around downstairs. “Hey, I’m going to take a nap. Wake me up if I’m not up by five, please?”

  “Will do.”

  Wasn’t the only thing he had in mind. He closed the bedroom door and stretched out in bed, naked, to rub one out, with Mandaline on his mind.

  * * * *

  Mandaline drove back to the shop with her mind and heart in turmoil. Giving Ellis another chance seemed like a good idea at the time with Brad’s sweet eyes boring holes through her defenses.