The God Eaters

  "Nahia aberu inamat."

  "Good. Means 'well water please.' See how she's got a jug by the door? Here." He pressed a bank note into Ash's hand and gave him a little shove. "I'll be right behind you."

  "Uh -- okay --" Ash's feeling of floating intensified with everything Kieran did, and he was beginning to wonder if he'd ever wake up. The pregnant girl and the two kids watched him approach. They didn't move. He smiled at the children as he passed them, but they didn't smile back. He stopped in front of the girl and cleared his throat. Now he could see that the skin of her face was flaking off in pink, shiny patches, some disease of the river. "Ah -- um. Nahisa -- I mean -- nahia aberu ina, inam --"

  The girl's mouth opened and closed once. Then she burst out laughing.

  Ash felt his ears getting red. He turned to see if Kieran was right behind, as he'd said he would be, but he was too far away to help. Taking his time strolling up to the shack. Smiling sheepishly, Ash tried again. "Nahia aberu inamat." He pointed at the jug. "Inamat."

  This only made the girl laugh harder. Now the children were joining in, and a couple neighbors were wandering over to see what was so funny. Ash sent Kieran a pleading look. "Kieran, help! I think I said it wrong!"

  "No, no." That was the pregnant girl talking. Her accent was strong, but her Eskaran was understandable. "You say right. But that --" she pointed to the jug -- "is wizgi. You see? You ask water. Point to wizgi."

  "Oh." Ash chuckled a little. "Sorry. Yeah, that's funny."

  "I give water, okay. You tell me, kinatta, what you want with talk Iavai'ai. You white."

  He pointed at Kieran. "He's teaching me."

  "Why?"

  Ash shrugged. "Because he feels like it? I was just doing what he told me."

  The girl narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but there was an amused glint in them. "So who is he, eh, get a white man do what he say?"

  It was Kieran who answered, with a rapid-fire string of Iavaian that made all the gathered natives burst out laughing. Then he grinned at Ash. "You should see yourself, Ashes. You're bright red."

  "That's not fair! What did you say?"

  "I just said not all whites are too dumb to take good advice."

  Ash turned to the girl. "Is that all he said?"

  "Oh, he say so all right." She giggled. "You want water? Pay for bottle."

  "Right. Here." He pushed the bank note at her.

  She examined it, eyes widening. "Too much!"

  "Really? How much is it?"

  "Too much." She made it disappear anyway. "Rich man, eh?"

  Kieran said something else in Iavaian and made them laugh again. The girl ignored Ash's queries this time, ducking into the shack to emerge with a green glass jug mostly full. She thrust it into his arms.

  "Thank you, miss. Um -- Kieran?"

  "Inai ou kii an'na," Kieran prompted.

  "Oh ki anna," Ash repeated dutifully. He wasn't much surprised when they burst into laughter again.

  Grinning broadly, the pregnant girl, babbling in her own language, gave Ash a series of short shoves until he moved away, back to Kieran's side. Kieran gave him an unreadable smile, taking him briefly by the back of the neck and giving him a little shake before leading him away again.

  Ash looked back once, to see that most of the shantytown neighbors were clustered round the girl who'd given him the water, but the little ones were smiling at him. One waved her muddy stick.

  He waggled his fingers at her.

  "Here." Ash offered Kieran the jug. Kieran took it, still smiling, and drank a little, then gave it back. Ash drank as well. It was clean water, with only a slight mineral taste. "So what was all that about?"

  "You did good."

  "I see. You were testing me."

  "Nope."

  "Yes, you were. You were seeing how I'd act with them."

  "Okay, I was a bit curious about that. But mostly we needed the jug. I gotta teach you more of the language -- the farther west we go, the less people are gonna speak Eskaran."

  "Sure, and speaking of languages, what was all that about? What did you say to make them laugh so much?"

  Kieran grinned. "Nothing."

  "Oh, come on. What did you tell them?"

  "Nothing."

  "I want to know!"

  "What I told you I said."

  "And when she said I was rich?"

  "I said you were just a rich man's friend."

  "And what did she say?"

  "She told you to get back to your husband."

  "What?" Ash gaped. "She did not."

  "That's what she said."

  "What the hell made her think -- Kieran, what did you really say?"

  "Well, we Iavaians have a lot of words for friend." He looked at Ash, and his grin turned into a laugh. "You look like a fish."

  "I -- uh -- well. I'm glad I could amuse you."

  "Oh, come on. It's funny."

  Ash tried for a little longer to be mad, but it was no use, he just couldn't be angry. He turned away to hide his smile. "When will it be your turn to be the source of humor?"

  "Never. That's your job."

  There wasn't anything to say, after that, but Ash didn't mind. Had Kieran really told those people that Ash was his boyfriend? His lover? It was undignified, a shade belittling, to have it made into a joke like that, and yet -- visions of the possible future filled his head, and despite the chill of impending night his face felt far too warm. Don't count on it, he told himself. He's changed his mind before. It's not safe to assume, with him. But that was part of Kieran's -- well, charm was a very wrong word. His draw, the truth of him, a component of the thing that made him the only possible destination. All right, I'm not expecting anything. But I'm not giving up, either.

  They climbed the bank in blue twilight, and found a gravel road at the top, running beside a set of railroad tracks. Kieran led the way parallel to the tracks, back toward the river, where Ash could make out a bridge. It looked like the bridge was just rails and ties over open water, with no road bed to walk on; Ash didn't look forward to crossing it in the dark. But when Kieran stepped onto the tracks, he caught Ash's arm and turned him the other way, away from the water, walking between the rails this time.

  Obscuring our trail. I get it. It was a deeper layer of thinking than Ash had expected from Kieran: knowing that Watch trackers would expect them to hide their trace in rail interference, Kieran was making the trail disappear in such a way that the trackers would think they'd crossed the river. Why can't I get used to how smart he is? I keep thinking he's not quite as intelligent as I am. Is it just the way he talks? In the present circumstances, he's effectively much smarter than I.

  The thought made him a little dizzy, a kind of awe. God, I'm really crazy about him, aren't' I?

  "Hey. Kieran."

  "Yep."

  "What you told those people, I mean, which of these many words for friend did you use?"

  "Tiv'haan."

  "What's it mean exactly?"

  "Kinda like 'little brother.' Guess that woman assumed I wouldn't call a white boy that unless I was getting some."

  "Oh." Disappointed, Ash was prepared to drop the subject.

  Kieran wasn't. "The word you're looking for is ediya'haan. Unless we're not a couple but we have sex for ritual purposes, and then it's kaitinan. Or if one of us was pretending to be female, then it would be chikeru, but that's an insult."

  "What was the first one again?"

  "Ediya'haan."

  "Which means, exactly?"

  "Dear friend. Beloved friend." Kieran shrugged, as if to make it sound less important.

  "Beloved friend."

  "Yeah."

  "Are we?"

  "Hell, you're my only friend, Ashes. Now you're trying to make me say pretty things again. You know I'm not gonna do that."

  "I'm just trying to figure out..." He trailed off, realizing he was digging a hole. Making Kieran uncomfortable and annoyed. "Sorry. I shouldn't push you."

  "Yeah. Look,
I know I'm jerking you around. Not doing it on purpose. I'm just not... good at this."

  "At what?" Ash asked softly.

  "At... at being... you know. I don't know. It's just. Whatever."

  Of all the possible responses, getting incoherent was the last thing Ash had expected Kieran to do. He dared to ask, "Is it because of Shan Dyer?"

  A sharp headshake. "I'm not being faithful to his memory or any maudlin shit like that, if that's what you're asking. We weren't like that. We were just good friends who screwed a lot."

  "But you liked him."

  "Is this going somewhere?"

  "I gather you haven't had a lot of people that you've cared about, and so far they've all died horribly."

  "Two for two," Kieran said with a nod. "Okay, you might have a point. You do have a point.

  Hope you don't think talking is gonna fix it."

  "Not talking, no." He slipped his hand into Kieran's, meaning it as a gesture of support, reassurance.

  Kieran jumped and jerked away as if it had been an attack. "Fucking empath. Leave my head alone."

  Ash stumbled on a rotted tie and stubbed his toe. "Ow. Shit." He was glad of the excuse to swear, because he couldn't quite bring himself to direct it at Kieran. Not yet. Any minute, though. At least he's being more honest with me. "So do you still think I'm deluded for -- for liking you?"

  "Yep. Just walk for a while, all right? I'm tired of talking."

  "Sorry."

  "And quit apologizing."

  "Oh -- fuck you."

  Kieran laughed. "There you go. You're getting it."

  "Getting what, for god's sake?"

  "Another week and I'll have you drinking corn liquor wizgi and smoking cheap cigars."

  "And then I'll be bad enough for you? Is that it?"

  "Shit, don't get so worked up. It was a joke."

  "Go to hell."

  "Working on it." He flashed Ash a smile, and all Ash's irritation melted into a little puddle of soppy longing.

  I'm such a sucker. He's playing me like an automatic piano. Just push the button and watch it spin. I bet he thinks it's funny. No, it is funny. I wonder where we're sleeping tonight. I hope it's somewhere cold, so he'll have to let me hold him.

  Soon, though, desire was drowned by exhaustion. The tracks seemed to go on forever. There was a pair of them, and once Kieran pulled Ash across to the other set to let a freight go by, making sure they didn't leave the railbed. Ash didn't like to think what would happen if two trains happened to come at once.

  Ash was plodding in a daze of weariness when Kieran finally called a halt. The city's lights had been left behind long ago. Now the stars were blocked on either side by walls of rippled stone.

  Ash could barely see, but Kieran seemed to have no trouble. He took Ash's hands to help him down a slope of loose gravel, but Ash lost his footing anyway and knocked them both down.

  Kieran didn't say anything; just helped him up again and led him away.

  Kieran seemed to know where he was going, as he hauled Ash through a twisting channel between the stone walls, sometimes so narrow that they had to flatten themselves sideways. It was so dark now that they were navigating by Talent sight alone. Ash just wanted to lean against the wall and rest. But Kieran pulled him onward. The channel widened out, and then they were climbing rounded steps of water-cut stone to a darker shadow in the cliff wall. When they reached the place, so dark Ash couldn't tell if it was a cave or just a dip, Kieran stopped him with a hand on his chest. Rooting in his pockets, Kieran snatched up something from the ground, then made a sudden sharp noise and a blinding light. Ash was so tired it took him a long moment to realize Kieran had struck a match.

  Wincing against the light, Ash watched while Kieran lit a handful of dry weeds and used this makeshift torch to explore what seemed to be a shallow cave or deep overhang, not quite high enough for him to stand upright. Kieran bent to peer into a crevice, waved his burning weeds at it, stomped and made a crunching sound. Scraped something off his boot and kicked the befouled sand into the crevice. Then he dropped the torch, which had burned down to his fingers, and stepped on it.

  Now doubly blinded, Ash flinched when Kieran's hand brushed his arm and crawled down to his hand. Relaxed and let himself be led. He groped in front of his face to avoid hitting his head on the overhang. When Kieran pulled him down, he folded.

  Kieran's voice was something between a rumble and a whisper, and ran over his skin like steam.

  "Don't bother taking your boots off. We won't sleep long."

  Unable to see even where Kieran's face was, Ash used the one hand he held as a reference.

  Explored up the arm, across the chest; found throat and jaw and mouth; holding his breath. Lips rough with dryness curved under his fingers, and a wave of weakness ran through him at the idea that his touch made Kieran smile. Then a large hand caught his and pushed it away.

  "I'm tired," Kieran said. He placed Ash's hand on his side, and both his own hands went around Ash's waist under the jacket. There was some awkward shifting and accidental shin-kicking until they lay pressed together, arms inside each other's coats. "Warm enough?" Kieran whispered.

  Ash tried to explain that he wasn't sleepy at all, it would be impossible to sleep with all the marvelous country of Kieran's body yet to be explored, but it came out as: "Mn." His last waking thought was that it wasn't fair that he should feel so safe, when he couldn't make Kieran feel safe in return.

  --==*==--

  Before the sun was up, they were moving again. They found a place to fill their water jug, a thin trickle sheening a rock face, but they had nothing to eat. They walked the tracks until midmorning, when Kieran chose a dry streambed and followed it to the river. Without explaining himself, he started stripping off his clothes. When he stood stark-naked, he turned to see Ash still clothed and staring, and he laughed.

  "We're going across," he said.

  "Oh." Ash shook himself, looking away. You've seen it all before in the bath, haven't you?

  You're acting like a child. "Right." Face flaming, he stripped as well, and rolled everything into a bundle. Holding their clothes atop their heads, they forged in. Ash expected the charged river to feel different, but it was just warmish slow-flowing water. He slipped a little, ducking himself, and got part of his bundle wet.

  On the other side, Kieran set his bundle down, then glanced back. He flashed a grin: "What the hell." He ran back toward the river, hopped up on a bit of flat stone, and took a flying leap. For a split second he was silhouetted against the sun, wet hair splayed behind, long legs curled up and arms outstretched, like some crazy bird. Then he hit the water with a gigantic splash.

  Ash had to do the same thing, of course. And of course he botched it, slipping on Kieran's wet footprints on the stone, hitting the water hands-first where it was only about a foot deep. He came up yelping, and popped a scraped finger into his mouth. Kieran, damn him, laughed. Then he turned thoughtful.

  "Hey Ash. Does a river count?"

  "What?"

  "Remember what you said once? How when we got out we should find a lake and swim around until we get pruney?"

  "Oh. Yeah, I guess this counts."

  Kieran gathered up his hair behind his head, stretching, twisting to look downstream. Rivulets ran glittering down his skin, spattered off him in showers of diamonds. Ash aborted his motion to get out of the shallows, and knew he was staring saucer-eyed. The rushing in his ears prevented him from hearing the words when Kieran's mouth moved, though he fully appreciated the glint of teeth behind finely shaped lips. Kieran glanced at him, arching an eyebrow.

  "Um. What?"

  "I said, we don't have time to make raisins of ourselves. Which means we don't have time for what you're thinking about, either."

  Ash gulped and tore his eyes away. "You're cruel."

  Kieran laughed. "I'm cruel? You're the one reclining with your ass half out of the water. Get in deeper, get cooled off, it'll revive you. Then we gotta go."


  Ash obeyed, hoping it would also cool the embarrassment, disappointment, relief, and blind searing horniness that were warring right beneath his skin. And that bastard Kieran was just laughing and splashing like it didn't matter. Infuriating, and lovable. He was really enjoying himself. Was this the real Kieran, this whirl of energy and sparkling eyes and flashing teeth? Had the dour killer he'd first known been as much a mask as his own meekness? Probably exactly like that, he decided. He had that meekness in him, could play the mouse when threatened because it was part of him; similarly, Kieran had made a wall of the cruelty that was already in his soul, but could play in the river like an overgrown otter when he didn't need to defend.